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| UPDATE:
Taking a break from the site for awhile. Need some R & R.
Thanks to all that Have written, I don't have time to respond to all, so If you didn't get a message back from me, my sincerest apologies. 
Sensuous, erotic, loving, nurturing.....just a few adjectives to describe me.
I am more of a question and answer kind of person when it comes to description and the like, so honestly, if you want to know something, just ask......i will answer.
and one more thing before i go, if you send me a one word or one line email, don't count on me answering back.......the email here takes so long to load that it is silly to try to have a conversation via email.
Good luck and blessed wishes to O/one and A/all in their search for the life T/they seek.
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JUST A NOTE TO ALL OF YOU THAT THINK I AM INTERESTED IN "GETTING TO KNOW" YOU....IF YOU HAD READ MY PROFILE YOU WOULD KNOW THAT I AM NOT LOOKING RIGHT NOW......JUST BECAUSE I AM ON THE SITE DOESN'T MEAN I HAVE CHANGED MY MIND. SO QUIT ASKING ME IF I WOULD LIKE TO CHAT WITH YOU SO THAT YOU CAN MASTER AND CONTROL ME....THE ANSWER WILL BE NO. |
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Just a quick note......if you add me to your favorites list, could you be so kind as to send an introduction email, clarifying who you are and why you are watching my profile.
Thanks
Toodles |
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I have come to a stand still in my life where i don't know which course to choose. It is nice that we always have an option at life, yet sometimes, being able to have a choice, makes life more difficult than it could be. I am glad I have this journal to try to work things out in my head. Not that I am confused by any means, just unsure of what is real and what isn't. Because, really, what IS REAL? Some times people make themselves sound almost too good to be true, and you know the old cliche...if it seems too good to be true it probably is. HMMMMMMM.....it just makes me wonder........ |
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Well, after a long and trying month with the computer in the shop, I finally have it back along with my access to the world!!! I hope I have not missed much in my time away! To all of those that thought I dropped of the face of the earth, as you can see, I haven't, and I am back!!!! I missed you all sooooooo much!!!!! Hope to hear from you all soon! |
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I simply can not say this enough, it seems. If you choose to send me a one word or one sentence message please expect to be going to my next "block" party. If you took the time to read my profile you would know that I do not have time to waste with one word/line messages. |
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being happy doesn’t mean everything is perfect
it means you’ve decided to look beyond imperfections |
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"only when the last tree is dead, the last river is dammed, and the last field paved over will we realize we can't eat money." |
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Some people really need a dictionary next to their computer so they can look up words they don't know how to spell.
MY PET PEEVE OF THE DAY |
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My My My. I have had some very thoughtful emails lately full of wonderful advice and words of encouragement, and to those of you who have taken the time to write and send best wishes, i must say Thank You. To those of you that have been rude and not so understanding, boo to you. Whether anyone chooses to believe it or not, this lifestyle is about unconditional love and anything beyond that is just a bonus. I still don't understand how someone can think that one person can just bow down graciously before you without even knowing who you are. Let's jump back into reality people!!!!! ANY relationship, be it vanilla, friendship , or a Dom/me/sub relationship, takes time and trust. For those of you who approach me with the "do as I say, pig" attitude, truly have no concept of life at all. I can't begin to say it enough, i have no desire to be a slave. Yes, i am submissive, but i do have a brain and am able to think for myself. Why some people automatically assume that sub and slave are the same thing, is beyond me. If you are for some reason unaware of the differences, please scroll down and read the definitions of slave and submissive, because you obviously don't know the difference and need help in that area. One thing about the internet.......you can definetly see that there are people out there that truly have no sense, and that it all just isn't computer geeks and internet nerds. But on a more cheerful note, have a happy easter everyone and enjoy your time with your families and loved ones! |
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well here we are in the depths of April......oh my where has the last week gone? So, i was planning on taking a break from the site and from the people that i have met on here, merely due to the fact that i have been deeply hurt by someone i thought was the one to make me happy. We talked for days and days getting to know each other and it was all a false promise, something not meant to be i suppose. Just one day, he stopped writing, and has made no contact since, and this was well over 3 weeks ago. But, oh well, guess i will start all over. The wall keeps getting higher and thicker, so if you want to talk to me, please understand that i am on full guard awareness and my eyes are as keen as an eagle's. i will not walk so blindly again, but if you are truly sincere, you will really have to show me so. i am not going to let one person ruin my ideals, and i must forge on, for this is the only life i have. |
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Well, i thought i would write one more time before march ends......
i have been quite lonely lately, seems what i thought was something , was really nothing at all........amazing how one can be blinded when swayed so easily into believing. I thought i had found him, but now he is lost. she was by my side but now she is gone. is it ever really real or just a fantasy that will never be fulfilled by anything but a dream. |
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a quick note......i highly recommend reading the journal of ASMODEUS....he puts alot into perspective......  i applaud you in your writings......keep on keeping it real! |
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well, lately i have gone off subject of what i had intended this journal's use to be, allowing one and all to forge into the kink side of my mind, or at least a tiny peek.....tehe......this is my place and my time.....i can be what i truly am in this journal....instead of the forced facade i have to play everyday....but, oh well, i know once the sun comes out and the house is once again quiet, that i can be me.
I have had many pleasant emails lately, male and female both (ty ty) and have made several new friends to date. That is my main reason for being on this site, to make friends, because for me, i can not just jump into a Dom/Domme / sub relationship and expect everything to be cool. i can not just meet someone and call them by whatever title they have chosen for themselves......after i get to talk to you and get to know you and learn about YOU then i will see if you are worth being called by a title.....and i don't mean that defiantly or disrespectfully to those of you who have truly earned the title you carry......this mainly goes to the people who haven't the slightest idea about the true nature of such a relationship....and you know who you are! You know you play the game!! As much as i love people, i will not be treated like trash or used as a doormat, so to those of you who INSIST on emailing me with your sick little fantasies of sexual fullfilment, here is a quick note to you........IGNORE.....that is what i do with you after i read your email, so why waste my time and yours? Your won't be getting a reply from me to jack off or finger your cunt to. you know.....perhaps i should start a site of my own.......lol.....that is where all the fakes could go so the real people can keep it real...
OK........wheewwww.....i feel better now.....lol...had to get the rant and rave out of me....which is also not what i wanted this journal to be used for.....lol....oh well....more to come.....xoxoxoxo ~m~ |
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have a bended knee? may i lay across it for a moment or two? such a naughty, dirty whore that dreams of pleasing with her mouth...(i am throbbing inside)...have time to spank me and watch me cry in the corner? |
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tis rainy tonight as i sit here alone......oddly enough, my thoughts wander to the touch of a woman........the silkiness of her skin against my hand......the succulent scent of her.........to taste, oh to touch, and feel........sensous and demanding woman.......i am yours tonight. |
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ok it has come to my attention that many of you do not know the difference between SUBMISSIVE and SLAVE....so i am going to be so kind as to give you definitions. because i am SUBMISSIVE not a SLAVE
sub·mis·sive adj. Inclined or willing to submit. See Synonyms at obedient.
slave n. 1. One bound in servitude as the property of a person or household. 2. One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence: "I was still the slave of education and prejudice" (Edward Gibbon). |
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"only when the last tree is dead, the last river is dammed, and the last field paved over will we realize we can't eat money." |
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my thoughts for the day
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It is better to be hated for what you are, than to be loved for what you are not.
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Admit nothing,
As i question your thoughts.
The sense of immortality
Lies in my hands.
can I bring you to me?
Is your soul pure enough
To handle my disease?
Can I plea for your life
As you beg me to breathe?
Will you pray that I stop
Before the darkness claims you?
Will your pain be uncontrollable
As my adrenaline grows?
Dare to stop me
Try if you will
Another i have received
my cup runneth over.
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It is a wise person who knows the difference between free speech and cheap talk.
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here i sit ....all alone...........solitude is overwhelming to me. blinded by silence, deafened by sight. Poets, are we, the ones who choose to use this journal for our self expression. here, where we allow complete strangers to read our darkest and deepest thoughts before they even see our face. If anything i have learned in my short time here, is the cosmic connection people can have with merely a wave and a hello. the one person who emails you and you can instantly see them in your mind.........its in that first instant, the feeling that flows thru oneself, the intensity............the mystique......and then the game...the voice in the back of your head makes you rethink and wonder if it is real at all or only another dream that swiftly blows thru your mind.....but that one instant.......the first.......what an emotion!!!! 'Tis the emotion that drives me......that makes me need as i do.......but how do i get past the fear that it will again be only a dream? |
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PLease One and All, forgive me if i haven't replied to You. I am so overcome with messages It would literally take me days to reply to them all in one sitting. i am going thru and replying to those that have aroused my interest. i realize i have been vague in my search, but that is only because it is helping me to find the true Master. The One that reads my brief words and feels an inexplicable connection to me. For He will be the One who can own my soul. And when He finds me, life will finally become real instead of a dream. For i truly know, in time, the One i seek, will seek out me. |
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I am overcome with numerous replies in my mailbox, and i am in shock over the way some people have approached me. I should realize that there are many people out there that think that just because you have a title that someone should automatically respect and honor you. I thought a true Dom/sub relationship was based upon trust ( which can ONLY be attained after getting to know someone). I can see my journey into this world is going to be a long, hard road. Harder than first thought, merely because I refuse to have someone talk to me for the 1st time and order me to my knees. I do not know you , nor do You know me, and I belong to no one as of yet, so therefore I will be treated with respectful authority. Anyone that can not treat me as such, please don't bother to repsond to me. I am looking for the real deal not some wannabe who thinks he/she is god's gift. And if this may seem rude of me or out of line, then so be it. I am certain there is someone out there that can show me the true way. And to all that have responded, my deepest appreciation. But also know that if you have come off in anyway that I feel is unacceptable, please don't expect a response. This is not a game to me and shouldn't be treated as such by you. Thank you all for listening. :) |
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