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what an absolutely wonderful weekend.......i managed to go to a rope group meeting and a munch, both were great and had an awesome time...........old friends and new, learned a little something new, looking forward to the renn faire at muskegon county fairgrounds in a couple weeks..........hopefully some of you in the west michigan area can make it..........
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i am so happy, to have re-connected with some old friends, and possibly discovered some new ones.........spring is a time of re-birth, and of hope and promise. i hope all are enjoying this beautiful weekend. i browse profiles and journals when i have time, and i see so many who have grown discouraged with this site and others like it......all i can say is there are roses amongst all the weeds, trust your instincts, and your heart.
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almost April!!!!!!! i am missing the rope group, and going to the munches.......i let someone's remarks and opinions hurt me too much, and have withdrawn from alot of things i was active in.........i guess what hurt most is that it wasn't comments from some random stranger, but from someone i considered a friend and mentor of sorts, that i have known for a long time..........maybe that's why we become so afraid to let people so close----it gives them the ability to hurt you where no stranger ever could.
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March at last........can spring be far away???? i surely hope not, it has been a long and harsh winter and i think we are all sooooooo ready for the spring..........i have been thinking alot lately about how the smallest comment, or observation, can cause one to begin to question and wonder about so many things........i suppose that can be a good thing, to wonder and perhaps even change one's outlook or opinion....after all, change is growth, and it is never good to allow yourself to become so rigid and narrow-minded that you cannot entertain the ideas of others as having any merit. .........."go then, there are other worlds than these" extra points if you recognize the quote lol.
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well i am glad to have found some old friends here still hangin in there..........it is nice to hear that some of you have found someone special, or at least are still hopeful enough to try. and for those of us who havent (and arent even sure its possible) it is still so nice to hear that most of you are happy, and healthy.
it is one thing to know what you want, and quite another to know what to do to get it.......
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well, another year has begun.......i can't believe i havent been on this site in so long.....there was a time i was here every day. but life happens, people move on, interests change, for better or for worse. i, for one, am glad to be done with 2007. and hoping for better things in 2008.
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The best proof of love is trust...........spending alot of time in the poetry corner these days : )
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I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman. anais nin
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Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings. anais nin
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well it appears spring has sprung, and it seems a "lighter" photo was in order......and just a thought that has been on my mind.....it is so hard sometimes, to allow yourself to love, to trust, to believe in someone else. the emotional "scar-tissue" and walls we build around our hearts can be daunting to overcome..........and as hard as that task can be, it can prove to be even more difficult to allow yourself to BE loved; to believe you are deserving and worthy of that gift from another's heart.
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you may not agree or even like what i have to say, or my photos, or whatever......there are thousands of profiles here, it is easy to move on to the next one. to waste your time and mine by dashing off some rude one-line (sometimes one word!) comment serves no purpose other than to make yourself look rude, petty, and childish......not exactly endearing qualities in anyone, but moreso in someone that claims to be a dominant.
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this site is a never-ending source of wonder and amusement for me.....some encounters are like a warm breeze blowing over me, others are like being nearly run over by a freight train.......and everything imaginable in between.
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please don't send me random chat invites---that function does not work for me on CM. and it is unlikely i would accept even if it did if i don't know who you are.
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sometimes you have to walk away from something, and make the sacrifice, because you know it is the right thing to do, even if it breaks your heart to do so.
but then you see the end result, the happiness they found, and tho it hurts to realize you could not be the source of that happiness, that little part of you that still cares for them rejoices in the knowledge that they are happy, because that was what you wished for them all along.
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Three days of actually seeing the SUN!!!!! has restored a good part of my spirits.............at least i think it was the sun, i almost forgot what it looked like. Now if we can just get past the arctic temps.........
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Waking up to realize life has slowly passed me by.
While i was so busy doing "important" things, it cried out softly, in some dark corner of my mind.
Memories half-hidden in mists of regret.....a voice, a touch, a promise, a sigh......all faded now and merging into shades of gray.
And hope dies in little tiny pieces, casting barely a shadow as it disappears.
Somehow i thought it would make a louder noise, or send off some great spark like a rocket.
To make me pay attention before it was too late.
I can't help thinking i barely scratched the surface of who i could have been.
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i am again reminded of how fine the line is between confidence and arrogance.
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alot of time spent with introspection, reading, chats with friends old and new.......giving up is relative, and doesn't mean that you can't leave one thing behind and explore new avenues.
focus changes, priorities realign themselves, gray areas come into clearer vision........
life's path has many twists and turns, rarely does it take the straightest route, and then not for very long.
and while i may mourn what might have been, i can't allow regret to blind me to new ideas and to the hope that somehow i still have something to offer.
thank you, friends, for being there. you know who you are.
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ditto.....what the last entry said......oh.....and the age is 47..........
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well. life is nothing if not a learning experience........sometimes you find what seems to be the perfect person, only to find that distance, family, finances, (all that fun "life" stuff) keep it from ever being more than a dream......other times, everything seems right about the situation, but the person themselves is not what you are ultimately looking for, and if there isn't that "spark" then even if everything else falls into place, it just doesnt feel right. and maybe i am just being unrealistic (and a little bit selfish lol) but i want both. at what age does a person just sigh and say "well it wouldve been nice" then give up and start collecting cats?
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sometimes, a song just speaks to me, and somehow captures exactly how i am feeling at a particular point in my life......
I'm looking at you through the glass,
I don't know how much time has passed,
All I know is that it feels like forever.
And no one ever tells you
that forever feels like home, Sitting all alone inside your head.
"through glass" by stonesour
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