9/17/2009 4:21:27 AM

Hello my Ffriends, It has been a long while since I have written here. I have moved from Maine to Hawaii and it has taken a lot of settling in. My life seems to be swirling around me and I can't find the stop button. I feel lost and without a place. I hope to start sharing again soon and releasing some of my pent up thoughts. So many of you have een wonderful sounding boards. I need to make some new moves in my life. I also hope to reconnect with a special One but again feel at a loss. Time will tell. Much warmth and hugs, tana

11/3/2008 2:57:19 AM

I have been scanning profiles again. I get worried about all the men and maybe some of the women though don't really look at their profiles, who wish to to use and abuse. I have a real issue with the word abuse. It doesn't seem that abuse's even the use of the word is really proper in BDSM. It would mean going past limits and set lines. Now maybe some girls want to be "abused" but if they do is that really BDSM either. Is abuse part of safe, sane, and consenaul. I don't think so there is nothing safe of sane in abuse. I see a lot of profiles of men who want complete slaves to do as they wish to, again I am not really sure of this. Is this so safe and sane if the girl is so mindless that she would allow anything and everything done to her. We all have to have limits somewhere. True they can greatly vary from one sub to another but there has to be some sort of line.

10/28/2008 9:14:28 PM

Well just me and my ramblings again. I have to ask a question, why do so many of the "gentlemen" out here put up photo's that make em look like serial killers. You might take a second look at your photo before putting it up. 1. Smile 2. Clean Up a lil 3. Smile. I have actually blocked people because their photo's are so disturbing. I am not talking the cock shots either. Those are bad but this is a sexual oriented site and I am sure there are some women and men who get off on em. Me I personally think looking like yourself is much better. Would you be so quick to show me your cock, tits, or anything else so personal if we had just met. Keeps on smilingggggggg :D

10/21/2008 4:42:54 PM

I am finally breathing again. It is happening slowly and with some wonderful advice of friends I am doing so much better. Life doesn't seem to be swirling as fast and I taking time if only a lil for me. There is something for me about Autumn that brings calm. I love the change of color, the crispness of the air. It makes you want to breath in deeply and just hold on...Thank you for all of the wonderful reply's soon I will be back with those thought provoking questions...LOL...

10/14/2008 8:37:30 PM

Here I am back and lost. I have been home about two weeks now. I have been trying to get my thoughts and feelings back on track with no luck. I feel extremely lost in my emotions and my pain. I don't even know what I want or need anymore. I know that with all the emotional tailspins it has left me wondering why. Why do I bother. Why is it just because I am a strong, emotional, spiritual, intelligent woman that people say I can't be submissive. Would someone explain that one to me. Tell me what am I than. I find so many seem to know me better than me. Maybe you do, maybe you see something in my musing and feel you have a better handle on what I am.

9/30/2008 5:57:41 AM

Please forgive me for not responding to emails as of late. I have had very short periods to pop online and check things. I tend to be multi-tasking. I hope everyone is well and as soon as I am back in Maine will be getting back to my friends. Hope everyone is doing well and enjoying Autumn. Keep smiling.....

9/14/2008 8:46:37 PM

Time to take a real mental health break. First thank you to so many who have been a great source of knowledge to me over the past few months. You have given me so much to think about. You have been wonderful in helping me with questions and thoughts I have had on so many topics. You have given me compassion with the passing of my Dad and been wonderful to lean on. I am off to California for a week with my sister. I need some quiet adult alone time. We are just going to have a good old fashion relax and take in the beautiful southern california vacation. I am than heading to Florida for a 10 day trip of motoring in the Mini. Gonna do Disney with the kids and again just try and decompress. Than I am home and don't wanna go anywhere till after Christmas. Hopefully I will get that wish. I think down time is very important. I know this is a time when I really need that time. I won't be back until after the first of October so feel free to leave messages but know I am not ignoring you. I am just not taking my computer with me. I plan to be gadget free for at least two and half weeks. See ya all when I am back from sunny florida...Ya never know though might just pop in and peek once or twice...Lets hope not though I do need this break... hugsssssssssss tana

9/10/2008 9:58:08 PM

I know I have asked this before but this is for the females who check out my journal and are sub/slaves. Do any of you now or have had much younger Doms/Master. When I say much younger I am talking 10 or more years. I am so curious about this. I have a lot of Dom's approach me who are 10-15 yrs younger who would like to mentor me. I know that I might be being shallow but it seems to me that a man in his 20's has no idea what a submissive woman who is now 40 might need. I am sure yet again there are excpections to this rule but I am wondering how this has worked for others in the lifestyle. Smiles and hope you are all having a fabulous week.

9/8/2008 8:59:31 PM

Well I made it thru my birthday. It was pretty good I must say and another year over. The only sad part was how much I wish my father could have been with me. Now onto other things. I am amazed at the amount of profiles I read from Dom's who say that girls just delete their emails unread. Let me ask why are you on this site, even if it is just to chat with like minded folk and not read your emails. I know I get a bunch and honestly I only don't answer once I have answered some noodle head who can't seem to get thru his mind I am not here for cyber. Why is it so hard for people to realise you are not going to cyber with them after all you have done is say hello. Does saying hello or responding back to someone mean Yes Yes Yes I want you to Dominate me. I want to be your lil this, that, and the other thing. No it means I am polite, I wouldn't mind talking. It doesn't mean come here baby and tell me to do this and that. OK got that off my chest. Hope everyone has a wonderful week.

9/2/2008 7:53:22 PM

Only a few days left until I turn 40. I am pretty excited about my Birthday but the big decision is weather to get a nice tattoo which I have been wanting for about five years or to get my nipples pierced. I am just not sure as I am worried the nipples are gonna hurt real bad. Mind you I am into breast bondage but not into needles or extreme pain. The question is has anyone had them done and if yes is it a quick pain, and does it fade pretty quickly. How long do your nipples stay tender afterwards. I know the tattoo will be sore for about a week but that is more sore than pain. I also have big nipples and I am wondering if that will make them harder to pierce. Any suggestions...

8/26/2008 9:13:52 AM

Just curious this is mostly for submissives. Has there ever been a period where you just felt you didn't know what you wanted after knowing for so long who you are. You hit a roadblock and you become completely confused as to where you should head. Just wondering.

8/22/2008 8:31:33 PM

Made it thru the week. It isn't easy but it wasn't hard. The best part is knowing I can be strong when I have to. I won't let anyone treat me poorly ever again. I know that is not being submissive but just being stupid. I know there are good people out here and there are people who are about themselves and I don't and won't deal with selfish SOB's who can only think of their needs. That isn't about being Dominate that is about being selfish needy and a child. I am past that point in my life. Life should be about growing not about taking steps back. We should live life, like we are dancing our last dance and knowing we are enjoying it. Takes a deep breath in and is going to enjoy the last few weeks of summer. Plus only two weeks till the big 40 so planning a end of summer lobstah bake for the big day. mmmm this is gonna be my first fun all summer. hugss and thanks for all the wonderful words of encouragement from you all. tana

8/21/2008 8:17:32 PM

OK this is making me nuts. There are to many pictures out here of people using their cellphones in mirrors. Ask someone to take your picture. It isn't the end of the world just that all these cellphone photos look so odd.

8/19/2008 8:25:49 PM

I woke up this morning and decided this was the start of a new chapter in my life. One that I wasn't expecting so soon but has come upon me. I can either sit and stew which is ok for a moment but not something that make me happy or I can seize this new time and change. I decided that though I might still have my moments and I know I will that I would seize the moment. Though I am submissive and all that yadda yadda bs that so many put on here, I am also an educated and no box around me sort of woman. Now is the time for me to go with that and learn more about me and not about what other's need and want. Maybe that is wrong but sometimes to give you have to step back say enough and take care of yourself.

8/18/2008 12:45:31 PM

Just when you think you can breath again for a moment someone rips at your heart. I am tired of it all. I know who and what I am and one thing I am not is someone who kicks another while they are down. I don't know if I should cry, scream, or laugh. I know I want peace in my life and in my heart. Truly I never thought I could feel worse than I already did but I do.

8/16/2008 5:17:06 PM

It has been a long few weeks. The lose of my father has been very hard. I am tired and emotional. That is not always a good combination. I am looking forward to a lil time alone this week with no family or friends around. I think I need the time to decompress and focus. It doesn't mean I won't be busy as the movers come tomorrow to take all of my father's things and than just to do the last minute cleaning and such. It is hard to fathom that my life in NY is really over and there won't be much reason to come back to NY again. Life is about moving on and this is going to be a hard one. I do want to thank MV for being so good to me and helping me a lot. I know it has been as hard for you since we lost our Dad's the same day. I also want to say thanks to so many of the other's who have been just amazing. Thanks for all the kind words it does mean a lot. Love, peace, and happiness... tana

8/6/2008 11:19:40 PM

I have lost my self. I don't know who or what I want anymore. I thought I knew now I am more confused than ever. I have a wonderful Mentor but not sure what I can give to anyone including me. How can I share or give something when I feel so lost and alone. Why is it even when you know who and what you are it only takes one thing to feel like your back at ground zero. I don't even have the energy to be a brat. That is really not a good thing. I think my self doubt and confusion comes from I love the Daddy Dom aspect of D/s. I love that way of thinking and being. I am not looking to call someone Daddy in a sense but the way one feels when they have that sort of relationship. Where they can let their inner lil girl go again. The problem is I lost my real Daddy this past weekend and now I feel it is wrong to have these feelings. I want my real daddy back, i want him so badly and I feel like a stupid baby for wanting him this much. It hurts my heart. It also leaves me feeling empty. I don't want have my Daddy Dom just be a replacement for what I had with my real Daddy. I hope as time goes by and feelings soften I will be able to enjoy that Daddy Dom relationship again. MV thanks for being so supportive. We are in the same sorts of boats right now but I feel like mine is sinking.

7/31/2008 7:23:36 PM

Thanks for all the good thoughts while I am going thru such a rough time. Hope to be back causing trouble soon. Will try to post though to keep y'all thinking... You have taught me much.. tana

7/30/2008 5:57:14 AM

I received a lot of interesting response's on my Dom and age question. I am not doubting anyone's Dominance or submission. I think that being a Dom or offering yourself to one on those levels take a huge amount of responsibility. You shouldn't enter it so lightly like seem to be willing to do. I don't think though this only is about the 20 yrs old, I think this is about anyone coming to terms with and learning their roles. You need to be careful become you just jump into these roles. There are life long emotions that go with this. I am not talking about all you players either. You don't have a clue and you don't really care about anyone but yourself and your own needs.

7/27/2008 9:57:19 PM

40 Day till my 40th Birthday. I have been thinking alot about this lately. I know everyone says they don't feel their age. I don't on that mental level, I still feel like I am growing and learning in the same ways I did 20 yrs ago but just learning new things. Do I think 40 will change me, am I afraid of it no. I am ready for it My mind and spirit are alive and well. My body doesn't always follow but I have learned to adapt, when you lose one thing you gain another strength. My submission was within me 20 yrs ago I just didn't realize it. Now I know who I am, what I want, and why I need it. My Daddy will always protect me and keep me safe. He will allow that lil girl to be his but make me the woman I need to be. Wow turning 40 just gets better.

7/27/2008 9:52:18 PM

My life flows thru. Only you can put up the barriers that prevent that I flow freely and willing into you I need your warm banks to surround me and protect me I need to feel the wild flowers brushing against my still water in the summer breeze You drink from me I nourish you I feel you when you run your finger along the top of me Let me surround you Join with me Surrender and I surrender to your banks Let us become one...

7/24/2008 8:43:50 PM

I have a problem. I get a lot of emails from younger men. They are in their late teens 18-19 to early 20's and say they want to mentor me and be my Dom. First even if I was 20 yrs younger I do not think a guy that young is ready to be a Dom to a woman. I know this might sound wrong and I have read about all the "natural born Dom's" but really this is for the older Dom's, do you think you were ready at that age to take such control of another's life. I think when you are that young you are still learning about yourself and who you are. Do they realize the responsibility in in being a Dom and what D/s is about. I am just curious because as a woman of almost 40 it took me most of my 20's and into my 30's to truly understand and become aware of what it all was about. Most of the good Dom's I know and have become friends with have told me they always had the tendencies but they weren't ready for that sort of commitment as they were still learning themselves. Also how is a 20 yr old going to be a Dom to me. I am just not getting it.

7/22/2008 4:36:59 PM

I am back again with my thoughts. I keep reading all of these profiles and the one thing that sticks out on most is they are "firm but fair". What does that mean? I would really like someone to explain to me firm but fair as I think it can be taken so many different ways.

7/22/2008 4:35:54 PM

7/20/2008 8:55:45 PM

I was reading a journal tonight and it said there are two types of strength, the strength to lead and the strength to follow. I was compelled by it to sit and think. I believe I have both of these in me. I am a leader every day in my community, in my family life, with my children, even with friends. I also love to follow because it can lead to great relief and amazing moments. It is like being a small child and having someone take you by the hand and you feel comfort in knowing they are there. You sometimes feel a need to pull away but they tend to hold tight. We should never let go of either of these strength. We should just know when to bow to either one and let the other take its proper place at that time.

7/20/2008 10:51:37 AM

Just me and my musings again. I had a heated conversation today with some people about collar and leashes. It wasn't really just about that but that became the center of conversation. Earlier this year I went to a Fetish Event. They had requested that people not do anything in the public area's. Well a lot of people ignored that request and did as they wanted. Well one of the girls we were talking to about this stated it was their right to do such things. If she has to explain to her children why two men are holding hands what is the big deal about her walking around with a collar and leash on. Mind you I love collar and leashes but do not think this is something I need to do in public spaces. My thoughts are there is a time and place for everything and I do not want to nor should I be put in a situation to explain why that lady is like that. I am just wondering the thoughts others might have on this issues.

7/18/2008 1:54:48 PM

What is the purpose in lying when you talk to other's online. I do not understand this. I think wheather you are here for D/s or pure kink you should be honest. I think both the Dom's and sub's are equally guilty in this department. They tell the other one things they think need to be said instead of just saying what it the truth. My favorite one was a "Dom" whom I was talking to and he kept going I would never do anything to hurt you, I would never do what other Dom's do to the girls on here. I am different. Yeah different for about 30 seconds until he decided how things where going to be. I think that collarme or similar sites can be a great way to exchange idea's thoughts and share with others who understand some of the paths you may have walked. The minute a Dom does this as far as I am concerned they have no clue what this lifestyle is about and they are just another kinky person. They don't belong on collar me and if they chose this site be honest don't claim to be a Dom. The same can be said for all the magical subs who disappear like pixie dust at sunset. Stop using these Doms for your own lil play toys. Be real and you might be amazed what you find here.

7/17/2008 7:14:40 PM

My mind never seems to stop thinking about where the desire lies within this lifestyle. I love that you keep learning about others but more importantly about yourself. That even as much as I think this or that about myself and how many emotions and thoughts on myself have changed so much over the past few yrs. I find myself looking back to where I once was and where I desire to go. I put out my hand to you, take me, show me, continue to open my eyes is what i think. Is this one person I talk of no but so many who have showed me thru action or talks. hugss

7/16/2008 5:02:53 PM

Here is a new question of the moment. I ask these question as a way to learn and think and find out more. If there is a line when a submissive can say it is abusive can a slave do the same. This came up while talking to another. I am curious to see how many might answer. Seeing that a slave gives up all or do they. Than if do say no are they really a slave. tana

7/15/2008 10:06:24 PM

Here is a question, when does BDSM become abusive. How does a girl know what to do when she has enter into a power exchange with her Dom.

7/14/2008 6:57:40 PM

Though I won't be around much to my friends please feel free to leave notes and when I get the chance will write ya back. I hope everyone understands that my time will be limited and when I do have that time I need to share it properly. Hugs to most and thanks for all the wonderful chats, may your journey's be wonderful.

7/14/2008 5:00:09 AM

I am not going to be around much. I am off for a summer of whatever it brings. I am also not looking for anyone. Those who have become friendly with me I hope we can continue to talk but I want to make it clear I am not looking. I know what I need and I have what I need. Hugss

7/10/2008 4:26:15 PM

How do we listen. Do we listen with our ears, our hearts, or do not really listen and start talking before others are finished. We need to first stop and just listen. Hear what others say, not what we think they are saying or what we want them to say. Let people express their needs and desires than respond. Than you can respond with your heart or your head. Today I didn't listen, I just started talking and that can lead to miscommunication and trouble. It is also part of learning. How many times as a child did your parents or teacher tell one to be quiet and just listen. Repeat back what they wanted or needed. This isn't a bad thing to do as an adult. To be quiet and even if we don't do it out loud to repeat to ourselves what the other said and than respond. Takes a DEEEEEP Breathe and listens...smiles...

7/9/2008 6:29:35 PM

I see so many Doms out here complain about the girls and how they run and hide. Refuses emails after a bit, do nasty lil things but what about the Dom's. They do just as much shit. Most are here to get off. They have no clue what D/s is about. The only thing they know is they have a penis in their pants and they want to get off. I get tired of some of the stupid requests. i am not here to be your chat fuck. I believe D/s RT or OL needs to be respected. You build trust in the relationship. You are honest. You work thru difference. You communicate. Communication seems to be hard on both side for many. I know once I feel hurt I have a hard time communicating because unlike a lot of the bimbo's out here I am honest and don't wanna play games. I want to learn. I want to explore D/s to what ever limit it might be. We only limit ourselves.

7/4/2008 6:53:09 PM

Here it is an amazing day. I sit here thinking of what is and it makes me smile. I realize that the best way to find what you need is to not look or want. It is much easier in the end. There have been a few amazing people I have chatted with here but why is it the one you need the most tends to be the one you can have the least. There can be lot of reason for not getting what you think you need. Than you sit back and think wow I am really getting what I need just not the way I THINK. Well yeah of course not the way I think. That is the amazing part of the Power Exchange. One can be learning patience on both sides. Happy 4th of July all.

6/24/2008 8:56:30 PM

I see so many out here demanding things...That isn't what D/s is about. It is about and exchange. If you demand, push a girl against the wall there is no power exchange it is you using what brute force you have to take something. Why would any girl go for that. Why would she want a man who couldn't or wouldn't want to respect something as simple as the power exchange.

6/23/2008 7:49:34 AM

Life is sweet and bitter sometimes. The bitterness though fades if you allow it and the sweetness can overtake... It is a hard journey D/s but in time can be the right place for one's soul to rest.

6/16/2008 5:50:44 AM

Sometimes when life is just going in all directions you come to a point where it can only go forward...Do you stop, do you try to go back or do you take all you learned from every twisted turning moment and proceed. It is times to proceed...

6/15/2008 6:26:00 PM

To many out here looking for nothing. When I say nothing it is because they are nothing. They do not have a clue as to what BDSM or D/s is. They just know what a hard cock or wet pussy is and what to roll with that feeling. That isn't even close.

6/14/2008 6:56:36 PM

Taking things one step at a time. Intense emotions are involved and as in anything you need to breathe some times...

6/10/2008 1:17:14 PM

You never know what might happen till you peek out from under your blankies. I have been doing some peeking and wow. Goes back under and takes it all in.