|
|
|  | |  | |  | |  | |  | | |  | |  | |  | |  | |
|
|
|
dragons351
|
|
|
|
allylee
|
|
|
|
coy
|
|
|
|
ExpressiveDom
|
|
|
|
IntotheFlames
|
|
|
|
wolfpac113
|
|
|
|
passion81
|
|
|
|
Dragons
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I am private. I've decided to un-hide my profile for a little bit. We'll see what happens.
I spend more time on some other web site that shall remain nameless. If I don't respond to your email here, look me up there (same profile name). One person sent me an email and I didn't get it until several weeks later.
|
|
|
|
|
I'm moving this writing (with some minor edits) over from that other web site that shall remain nameless. I decided that this profile needed some work.
Several years ago, I was exchanging emails with a gent. He seemed pleasant enough. Respectful and such. We eventually moved to private chat. This was the result.
sylee
You said you had questions for me?
Kevin
And you said you have questions so ask, if we choose to move forward it could be your only chance
sylee
I was going to base my questions on your questions. I might have copied some of your questions, but I could also have been inspired. Okay, I just thought of one. How long have you been doing this?
Kevin
Off and on 8 years
sylee
With how many people?
Kevin
2
sylee
Your turn.
Kevin
How often do you masturbate
sylee
Not terribly often.
Kevin
What does that mean to Me!
sylee
Left to my own devices, I can go weeks at a time without it. Reaching orgasm is difficult for me. I am obedient. If we moved forward, that would mean to you that I would masturbate as often as you told me to.
(long pause)
You're disappointed.
Kevin
We shall see, how old are you
sylee
43 - You said this might be my only chance to ask questions?
Kevin
Key word might
sylee
That doesn't work for me, Sir.
Kevin
What does not work for you
sylee
That the possibility exists that this might be my only chance to ask questions.
Words are important to me.
Kevin
This is good too know!
sylee
So, I can ask questions later?
Kevin
If I allow it
sylee
What situations would you not allow it? Is this an all around "I might not allow you to ask questions" or is it during a scene or something in particular?
Kevin
There will be no scene, I will use your mind and body for My pleasure, you will be given two safe words
sylee
That is what I want, after a time - but that takes a long time to get to. I'm still stuck on the question business. If we can't resolve this, then we can stop now.
Kevin
Explain!
sylee
You have said that this may be the only chance that I have to ask you questions. I have told you that doesn't work for me and that words were important to me. I then asked again for clarification if I could ask questions later. You said only if you allowed it. I asked you to clarify your position and your only answer was that you would use me for your pleasure and that I would be given safe words.
The parameters that you describe are not acceptable to me for a dynamic.
I am ultimately looking for a relationship, not just sex. Someone I can trust. Someone I can question.
I'm not looking to come away from this conversation with that.
But I'm not going to continue moving forward with this conversation if there is such a glaring incompatibility right there in the first five minutes, either.
Kevin
And yet I am already in your head, I never said you would not be allowed too ask, I merely said if I allowed it
sylee
Yes. And that is enough to warn me off - the possibility that you won't.
The fact that, if I move forward with you, I am acceding to that declaration - and I don't.
Kevin
That is the beauty part...you don't know and the best part of this! It would be simple to tie you up and make you do what I want, too Me that is know fun, too crawl around in your mind is!
sylee
It is beautiful after trust has been built. I'm not going to let you tie me up because you won't establish trust with me first. I've tried three times now.
Be well. I hope you find what you're looking for.
Kevin
OK I must say I am confused!
sylee
I tried to explain. You said that it was possible that you might not allow me to ask questions in the future.
Kevin
That is the mind fuck!
sylee
You can't do that to someone you haven't established trust with. I don't belong to you. I haven't consented to do anything with you! What makes you think that it is acceptable to try to do that to me????
I was having a conversation. I wasn't trying to get you off. Before, I thought you were clueless.
Now, I'm just angry. Don't bother contacting me again.
Kevin
You have no clue
I was not trying to get off at all, I was merely laying ground work
sylee
Without open communication. The groundwork is lousy.
I told you more than once it wasn't working for me. What did you think I was trying to say?
Kevin
Why were you released from service
sylee
Good bye.
Kevin
Are you bi
And that was the end of that.
|
|
|
|
|
Form Letters
Form letters are fairly common on dating web sites and honestly I can see why folks give in to the temptation to write them:
* We want to make a connection with someone that "Hi, I think you're hot" can't possibly foster.
* Composing completely new letters to different people when we want to convey the same basic message is difficult.
The problem with form letters on dating sites is the same as the problem with form letters from advertisers - the recipient can tell that the letter hasn't been written to them; it has been written to everyone. All the writer has succeeded in doing is making "Hi, I think you're hot" longer and full of different adjectives. I was going to say that they had been more creative, but the word creative can't really count anymore.
Another problem with form letters is that the sender can forget who they've sent the letter to. I've received the exact same letter from an individual three times before I finally blocked him.
A third issue that folks may not be aware of is that several of us know each other and talk about the letters we get.
I've got more to say about this, but I've got other things to do right now.
|
|
|
|
|
This whole business of being in a relationship with a man who is polyamorous is very strange. At the moment, I am the only one in his life, so I'm handling it okay. I don't know how things will work out in the long run, though. I know that I am not going to be able to fulfill his needs all by myself and I failed sharing in kindergarten.
Because he is polyamorous, it is all right with him if I meet someone else and develop a relationship with them. I don't know if I can do that either. I've never been able to even date more than one person at a time.
Okay, this has been a very serious post, so I've got to liven it up a little bit.
I bought a scooter. In case I never made it clear, I ADORE rope! I had planned to attend Shibaricon in Chicago last weekend. I even registered months ago; and for the Queen of ADD that is a genuine accomplishment. Anyway, when the time for Shibaricon came along and I needed to pay for the hotel and food and plane tickets, I decided that motorcycle gear was more important. Sometimes being responsible isn't much fun in the short run.
On that note, yesterday I stopped at a red light and a man on a Harley stopped next to me. I looked over at him and the only protection he was wearing was ear plugs. There I am, next to him on my comparatively itty bitty scooter wearing my helmet, armored jacket, boots and armored gloves. Quite the contrast!
I named my scooter "Flame". I got the name from a Jim Stafford song, "Cow Patty". I'd quote some of it, but I'd mess it up. Search for the song on You-Tube. I told my scooter "mentor" the name and she said, "Do you think that *you* can pull off a name like that for your scooter?" I replied, "Of course not! That's the whole point." I thought about naming my helmet "Shibari" but decided that was going overboard. |
|
|
|
|
I got two lovely emails today from some folks here at Collarme. I'm pasting them in here (anonymously, of course) because I shamelessly want to brag. I promise that I didn't make these up! I'm also including my response to one of them.
*************************************************************************************************************************** sylee,
I hope you won't mind me sending along this brief message. I simply wanted to take the time to compliment you on your profile. In my short time on the Collarme site I have been beset by disappointment. Is it too much to hope for morals and intelligence? Someone of an articulate nature and wisdom about them? There are times when I question that maybe I value too much. But profiles such as yours, which speak from the heart and state that nothing less will be settled for, give me reason to believe that good natured people are out there who will always strive for something more.
anonymous submissive
**************************************************************************************************************************** anonymous submissive,
Thank you for all the compliments and warm fuzzies. Morals are definitely precariously balanced on a slippery slope in this "lifestyle". In a way, I was better off without the scene because it was easier to stay true to myself. That isn't necessarily a good thing, of course. Unless your ideas are challenged and/or new ideas are introduced, people tend to stagnate. Conversely, it isn't necessarily a good thing either. You can easily turn away from where you want to be, degree by degree until. [By this, I am assuming that where you want to be when you started turning is where you need to be, not just where you happen to end up.]
See what you get? You compliment me, and all of the sudden I'm "preaching" at you. I thank you for it, though, because this helped me pull together some vague thoughts and feelings I've been having lately.
I wish you peace and good luck on your journey.
sylee
*****************************************************************************************************************************Sometimes it takes patience. Your profile is clear and to the point. Whomever you find will be amongst the most blessed on this site. The bdsm side of you will find your way to a master who will train you and nurture your true needs and desires. He will hopefully allow you to grow and feel those innate parts of you that are missing at the moment.
May you always be safe and please take care,
Anonymous Dominant
*****************************************************************************************************************************
And there you have it folks! Many thanks to my anonymous contributers! Your checks are in the mail.
|
|
|
|
|
I went to the monthly meeting of Austin Rope this afternoon, and a few interesting things happened.
First, I was recognized as Girl Friday by someone that I was meeting for the first time. She said, "Oh, YOU'RE Girl Friday!" She had read about me in The Devious Two's blog, so she already knew who I was. I'm famous and didn't know it.
Second, I know a lot of people in "The Scene." I hugged and smiled and knew about half the people there today. Quite a change from October when I followed someone through the front door kind of hoping that no one would even notice I was there.
Third, I'm not as desperate to get rope on my body as I used to be. It probably did help that I had been tied up just the night before, but still, I was perfectly content to just watch people do their thing.
Fourth, no surprise to me, (just further evidence) - I have almost NO tact whatsoever.
Fifth, while I may be a sub in most respects, when it comes to the health of others, I am the top. Maracuya hasn't been feeling all that well lately and I have been telling her what to do. I even gave her a list of instructions to do tonight. I don't know if she'll follow them or not. I'm not going to worry about whether or not she followed them because if she didn't, she'll just feel like crap for a longer time.
Natural consequences don't'cha know?
|
|
|
|
|
An odd thing has been happening recently. I've been invited to join folks' Circle of Friends by people I've never heard of! I think that is odd. I'm not going to say that I'm friends with someone I have never had any contact with before.
Even I'm not that desperate.
Just kidding, sometimes I am that desperate, it is just that no strangers ever want to be my friend when I am. |
|
|
|
|
I've been getting a lot of emails, most of them from people that I am not compatible with for one reason or another. So here is a down and dirty list of minimums for me to be interested in exchanging emails and perhaps more.
* He shall be single - completely single. To clarify - if you are married, separated, in the process of getting a divorce, have a girlfriend or in a poly relationship - this means that you are not the one for me.
* He shall be local to me. This pretty much means the immediate area surrounding Austin. To the people who argue that Waco and San Antonio aren't that far away, please understand, north Austin is sometimes too far away, depending on traffic.
* He can, and does, write out words like "you" and "are." He shall write sentences that look like he has more education than a 6th grader.
I am honestly not as harsh as this sounds, I have just gotten frustrated with the dozen or so emails I've received over the last three days from locales as far away as Manitoba asking if I would like to get to know each other better.
|
|
|
|
|
These are the journal entries that I made when I still had the silleemee account.
11/1/2007 6:05:56 PM This is not a particularly well thought out entry, but I wanted to make it anyway. I have been spending a lot of time in one of the chat rooms here at CollarMe, and I enjoy the time I spend here. I was asked recently why I did this, and I replied that I learned many things here, including some life lessons. This particular conversation was between me and a Dom at the chat room. He thought I was bananas. The chat room is a place where I can see life pass by at an accelerated pace. I learn about the way other people think and feel. I learn from my own thoughts and feelings. I encounter situations that would never happen in real life, and I learn about myself by the way I respond to them. The Cyber World exists in my imagination, but my imagination is a very strong thing; ironically, it is real to me.
10/11/2007 5:53:52 PM I will not even consider creating a relationship of any kind with a married man. I don't know why it took so long for me to realize that there is no way to tell if someone is married or not unless they say so in their profile. Twice now, in the last month, I have exchanged emails with men who did not immediately tell me they were married. Please do not consider contacting me if you are married, or even separated. If you are not divorced, do not waste my time.
9/23/2007 1:07:16 PM I have two very distinctive goals for myself with regard to my submissiveness. What I long for and what I need. Unless these two goals are in alignment, then I will not give myself to a Master. I long to obey and kneel at the feet of my Master. I desperately want a Master that is strong enough, physically and mentally, to MAKE me behave the way he wants me to. I will test my Master from time to time. I wish I could say that I wouldn't, but I know myself better than that. I would make myself a liar eventually. I know that I would not be testing him out of disrespect, but in order to feel secure.
I want to feel precious, wanted and safe. Sometimes I want these things so badly that I get carried away and want to jump in without looking. It is like I get onto the diving board, run to the edge and start bouncing for added height. However, what I NEED will stop me before I actually dive headlong into the water. I need to be safe for real. I need an experienced Master who will move slowly with me, in spite of myself. Sometimes, my Master will need to call to me from the edge of the pool and tell me to stop before I end up landing in a graceless and painful belly flop.
My Master will be interested in what I think and feel about our relationship and about the world in general. He will not require that I lose myself into him. He and I will discuss, in detail, limits with each other. At the beginning of our relationship, and perhaps occasionally as our relationship progresses, we will use one of the comprehensive check lists that are out there. These are the basic things that I want and need. It is a broad overview. I believe that anything else I might say about this will just add unnecessary "decoration". I may end up unowned, but I believe that I am worthy and precious. It would be sad, but, if I cannot find a Master that can provide all these for me, then I am better off belonging to myself.
9/20/2007 9:13:43 PM Something happened to me for the first time today. A man (at least he is supposed to be male) I had been exchanging emails with told me that his profile picture was not him and the age he listed was wrong too. He said that he "did not feel free to post his real face." I am sympathetic to that. That is why my picture is not up here. I replied that he should not have posted a picture then and that I would not continue to exchange emails with him. Then I deleted all of his emails. Everyone knows that one of the dangers of 'meeting' people on the internet is that anyone can claim to be anything, and you'll never know unless you meet them face to face. I was still amazed at his gall. Everyone should always be careful. You can't get to "sane and consensual" unless you go to "safe" first.
9/20/2007 3:21:35 PM I have been reading books about BDSM lately. Consensual Sadomasochism, Slave Craft, and Erotic Submission. A common theme in these books is the "spiritual" nature of indulging in your submissiveness. I realized at work today, that if I need to be doing something on the floor, that I kneel rather than sit or squat down. My submissiveness seems to be unconscious sometimes. (sometimes)
Slave Craft is extreme. I've learned from that book that I am not a slave. I could not subsume myself that completely to a Master. For example, the writer talked about enjoying whatever task his Master set for him, regardless of how unpleasant it happened to be. The author felt genuine joy and liked his task simply by performing the service. I cannot do that. I may tolerate whatever task I am given, but I cannot enjoy something unenjoyable. I would perform it because it is required and also because I want to please my Master. There is a difference. Erotic Submissiveness describes me better, I think, but I haven't finished it yet. Consensual Sadomasochism is more about the practical aspects involved and does not deal with the psychological side of BDSM as much as the other two books. It has very good information in it, particularly for people that are beginning their journey. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
| Age: 26 |
| Italia |
|
|
|
| | |
