Wishing everyone all a joyful Samhain / Modraniht / Winter Solstice / Saturnalia / Feast of Isis / Jul / Christmas or whatever you think, follow, worship or believe in!!

Will be offline until into the new year now, but will answer all messages in short time.

Good health and Long life to you all! 

x

todays musing. without actually seeking a response, but an open question none the less;

how far, and to what degree, do our thoughts views and even preconceptions about others alter and define our opinions and actions?

my case in point:

I was recently speaking with a friend (also a Dom) when the subject of personality types came up and we had, what we have agreed to disagree on calling, the 'mind over matter' arguement.

In that, he has a regular relationship with a couple of submissive girls (separately and together, if it of any consequence) which he views as bordering on the solely physical. he maintains that he has very little if any emotion (either on the surface or underneath) other than the physical gratification during their sessions. He even went so far as to suggest that his predilection for young girls/women/subs/slaves is based, not only on his preference for the younger body, but also on the fact that he has come across more young women (say under 25) than older (say over 25) who seem to enjoy bdsm and the actual act of physical sex as much as he does.

I countered this with the arguement that without the emotional and mental side to domination he was basically in a relationship with a 'fuck-buddy' who might have enjoyed a bit of rough sex and was not, in the sense of the word I understand, a 'proper' Dom (this pissed him off a bit by the way!) as he was either neglectful, or totally oblivious, of a facet of the relationship which I believe makes up over half of the relationship itself.

He said I was only arguing this because I have a predilection for older women over younger girls and believed my views were superior to his. The point I made was that the mental aspect of Domination, including humiliation (which he happily uses without thinking its does anything but add to the physical) is probably the more powerful tool in any relationship (long term or short term), and it is the use of love, fear, humiliation, anxiety, desire, gratitude and sorrow, and any forms of mental manipulation, that combine with the physical acts that make up BDSM. Without this we are just having 'kinky sex'.

In short anyway, he believes I prefer women older than myself solely for sexual kinks as I basically 'fancy' women older than I, whereas I tried to explain that, in my general experience, women younger than myself tend to be more focused on the physical 'kinky sex' acts and it is women older than I that seem to have an understanding and appreciation of the apsects of mental bondage and domination that appears lost on others, usually younger, the type of girl that I believe he basically 'fancies' as she might have 'perky tits' or a 'tight ass',  though less depth and emotional content.

(I know this is probably a sweeping generalisation so please don't bother to reply that this offends you as I understand it may offend some, it is not however my intention to do so, only to try to explain our difference of opinion and help me come to a better understanding of myself, what BDSM actually means, and life in general).

The crux of the issue was how do we percieve others, in what way do we 'judge a book by the cover' and how far do our perceptions and most notably preconceptions about others (based on stereotypes, sweeping generalisations and other forms of definiton) have an effect on our lives and indeed everyday actions.

It seems that he would not give a second thought or glance to a sub who did not conform to his physical ideal, regardless of her intellectual or emotional capacity.

This sounds shallow, but he is an amiable, open and friendly person and does not think of himself as shallow at all, but rather genuine, sincere and above all honest.

answers on a postcard as usual, although this is just me penning thoughts in an attempt to better understand them.

Having almost got used to Collar Me I find it is harder meeting someone than I first thought.

It seems that women on the site (if they really are women firstly!) have split views on the subject of submission (like that is unheard of, womans prerogative I guess?!).

Whilst looking for a submissive I seem to have come across women who both do and don't want an emotional or mental aspect to their domination (including during sex, as opposed to a level of BDSM to gratify physical tastes and senses alone).

Personally, I believe that domination is much more of a mental act and gesture than a physical one, therefore I assume it to be the same with submission (am only guessing here as I am not, nor have ever been, submissive however)

In my mind, the act of submission from a woman (or slave if she so chooses to be) is rooted in the mind and not the body. It is so much more of an emotional and mental act than a physical one.

I am looking for a woman (age race size looks irrelevant if I'm honest) who will learn to care for, trust and respect me, so she is able to fully offer herself wholly and completely to me, in mind body and soul.

She should not hesitate when asked to do something, should look forward to pleasing me in any way possible whenever asked, and should revel in the feeling she gets knowing how much she has satisfied me.

I understand that this level of trust will only come after a period of time in which trust is gained, affection is shared, care is given and a mutual respect is established.

My problem being, how to approach the subject of a relationship like this without first having the level of care, trust, love, respect and affection already in place.

answers on the back of a postcard please...?