I started out approaching my romantic relationships from the sensitive, tortured artist kind of point of view, this is me on many levels and it’s what I thought women wanted. But time showed that the women that liked that didn’t like me, and the women that liked me were turned off by the Andy Worhol thing I was doing. My turning point was a relationship with a much older woman, a veteran sub, who helped me realize that I was there not to dazzle with soup cans, but that John Wayne in McClintock! is really sizzling hot. That’s me and I don’t have to feel like I’m ever acting. So first I had to figure out who I was.
For better or worse, I have a very powerful personality. I’ll inadvertently crush any personality not on equal terms with mine. I need someone as smart and capable as I am, yet submissive enough to not need to endlessly compete and deprive me of the peaceful center to the hurricane of life. I’m an extraordinarily quick decision maker, long term planner, and very much the “jump off cliffs and build your wings on the way down” type, so she needs to take me on faith an awful lot. I’m very Daddy Dom, so she has to like that on top of my being exceptionally clear and focused on goals and methodologies. She has to get off on playing Chief of Staff to my Inspired Commander.
I avoided the BDSM community for a long time because aside from a love for “Me Tarzan you jane” kind of rough sex and wanting the option of physical discipline on the table, I couldn’t care if I ever laid an unkind hand on my girl; my sadism is pretty mild even though as time goes on I’m getting more comfortable with the value of pain for those that wish to go there. I’m all about submission through mental bondage. The WIITWD dom types I knew were more of the “Lord High Floppynoodle” variety and I didn’t want to be associated. I instinctively understood that even in M/s it’s still a give and take romantic relationship. I was starting to despair of ever finding anyone that I wanted to be there every morning for the rest of my life when I started to read the blogs on Alt, which led here, informed me of the much broader possibilities that are available in our way of life. I now know that I need a girl that’s starting with me on more or less the “Mold and train me to be your perfect sub” level, and I’m definitely sick and tired of patiently leading essentially vanilla women toward D/s to get to “I never wanted this”, or worse, “I hate myself for loving this, and I hate you for opening this door.”
In short, for me it was a process of self knowledge of the path I need to be on, and the recognition that I don’t want to travel with anyone not joining me with eyes wide open. The process of evolution continues.
My favorite rant:
It amazes me how many supposed “Doms” complain about the miserable attitudes of their “subs” but don’t seem to grasp their part of the equation. If your feminine ideal is June Cleaver, who keeps a perfect house, has the kids scrubbed and dinner hot on the table when you get home, her hair always done the way you like it north and south, and endlessly thrilled to make your every kinky desire come true on demand, you’d better take a good look at Ward.
He paid all the bills. Being the ideal housewife and fucktoy is a very full time job. Yes, these days there are a lot of women that want to keep a job, or circumstances may temporarily require her to work outside the home. If so, additional compromises will be necessary. He listened and let her have her way when she was right, or just because he respected her judgment in her areas of responsibility. If he ever had an “On your knees, bitch!” kind of attitude, it was in the bedroom where it was appropriate. He was generally easy to get along with and wielded his total authority with grace and dignity for all concerned. He set the example in maturity and deportment. In short, he did his part so she could always feel good and secure about taking his orders and following his judgment. A wise girl will not kneel before anyone less … and I sympathize with the difficulties in finding such a man.
You were never so beautiful, as perfect while in that moment; mouth on her breast, ass in the air, stroking your pussy to stay on edge … bubbling up as you waited your turn at the cock and permission for thunderous release.
Basic rules for girls:
1) This is our love, not the world’s. We’re not having a kinky affair to fit somebody’s idea of a “true” ideology, we’re building a life together that we both are excited to live for the long haul. Let us exemplify the philosophy of “one Soul in two bodies”. Let me focus our power to create the beautiful and spectacular!
2) Trust. Everything I do in every moment of my life is designed to make us happy and to confirm your excellent judgment in becoming my property. You please me and confirm my excellent judgment in taking you as a slave through your intelligently thoughtful, sattvic obedience. We are each human and have our failings, but I will display my devotion breath by breath in showing you the best example, the finest leadership, and most abundant provision I’m capable of. Even when I’m away at work, I’m serving you. I endlessly work to improve to be worthy of you, as you do for me. You display your devotion breath by breath in loving obedience, unquestionable support, and the finest dedication to the duties and direction I decide upon. You will fail, as will I; but we give it our all as our mutual love and devotion will tolerate nothing less.
3) Communicate. You are provided with a journal to record your thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, aspirations, doodles, anything of significance to you. I will read this on a regular basis. My love for your eternal Spirit is such that I will never pass judgment or think less of you for anything you think or do. As your primary mentor and life coach, I need the most complete, honest information possible to make the best decisions for you. As your owner, I reserve the right to behold your awesome nakedness mentally and spiritually as well as physically. Once a week, or more often as needed by my judgment and/or your request, we will take time out of all protocol to have open, non-judgmental discussions of anything … just two people hashing it out. You won’t always get your way, but I guarantee you a full, openminded hearing and a decision. As protocol is restored we will have a focus session to return to normal life. You may not always agree, but you’ll always know my why.
4) Obey. The “Bnevolent” part, (more commonly spelled as “benevolent” means that we have a love affair first and my goal is to give you the happiest life in the big picture as I can, and you’ll have ample latitude so long as you’re coloring within my lines. Those lines will be made abundantly clear as we negotiate them, but step outside your boundaries and sure as the sunrise “Despot” – ism comes shining through. I’ll do everything in my power to make it fair, consistent, and understandable … but I’m not in this to be defied, and you’re not in this because you want weak boundaries. You want to be property? Fine, act like it.
5) Ask. You’re never “topping from the bottom” by asking for something. If I say yes, it means I’ve thought the matter through and will enjoy indulging you. Cute as you are, I don’t mind saying no to you. If you keep asking, my answer will become less pleasant.
6) Punishment. Of course it’s whatever I say it is. It could involve corporal punishment, but more likely I’ll make it fit the crime. I know what you like and don’t like, and what you really hate. I’m just sadistic enough to enjoy putting you through the ringer sometimes. Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time. On the other hand, once you pay, it’s over.
7) Use your safeword if you need to. This is not a failure on your part. I may not be the guy that will beat you raw, but I will mindfuck you in surprising ways. I will find creative ways to tie you in knots with no rope involved. If it’s too much, say your full name, middle included, and it stops.
8) Relax. Crack a joke,share a laugh, Master’s not a sacred cow. Neither are you. I know your manifest higher virtues, and they are not inconsistent with letting you inner slut run wild for me. Enjoy all your dimensions … I do. If you get confused, I’ll read you Andrea Dworkin as I give you a nice, brutal facefucking. That should clear things up for you.
9) When in doubt, obey. Don’t overthink.
10) When we’re out in the world, crusade with me. If I’m upset and sulking, leave me alone and let me have the first word, I’ll be fine. Keep my belly full, my balls empty, and my home my castle, and I’ll find endless ways to make you glad you did.
As it says above, I like sharing ideas with everybody ... including those I have absolutely no interest in seeing naked. But I really don't care that you're "planning" on a divorce; if you're still married, I'm still not interested. Thanks!
Just so you know, everyone on these sites is a poser one way or another until proven otherwise, yet at the same time a potential soulmate. You take the good with the bad.
Happy Thanksgiving, by the way …
Continuing to set the tone, one more post for today before I'm off to do things that may be your job eventually. You know, like the housework and errands. Then I'm getting my good cardio workout that you can't do for me. You could help, now that I think about it. Yet I digress. My boilerplate dating advice that I try to live up to:
By all means, continue being picky! 99%+ of the so called "Dom" types, especially online, are posers that can't run their own lives, much less yours as well. Never forget that you don't want a fulfilling relationship with so-and-so, you just want a fulfilling relationship. It's a sorting process, and you have to sort through at least hundreds of frogs before you find your prince. Most you’d be wise not even to kiss. It usually takes awhile, but that's ok. You and your perfect Dom need to grow separately before you get to the point of being able to grow together. Believe it or not, there are greater, wiser forces than the two (or more) of you guiding this process.
Life is a process, not a destination! Never forget that! Yes, you need to submit, but keep your wits about you and realize that "submission" emphatically does not mean sacrificing your needs to fulfill someone else's. It does mean that you want to follow, he wants (and is demonstrably willing and able) to lead, and each of you is fulfilled by giving to the other.
As a very wise friend of mine puts it, free advice and worth every penny. It is my philosophy.
A charming young lady begins her blog here with a music video, a song from my youth, that was quite striking to me ... it set a tone. In that spirit:
I think the video is good enough to merit your full attention, as are the lyrics:
The ponies run, the girls are young, The odds are there to beat. You win a while, and then it’s done – Your little winning streak. And summoned now to deal With your invincible defeat, You live your life as if it’s real, A Thousand Kisses Deep.
I’m turning tricks, I’m getting fixed, I’m back on Boogie Street. You lose your grip, and then you slip Into the Masterpiece. And maybe I had miles to drive, And promises to keep: You ditch it all to stay alive, A Thousand Kisses Deep.
And sometimes when the night is slow, The wretched and the meek, We gather up our hearts and go, A Thousand Kisses Deep.
Confined to sex, we pressed against The limits of the sea
I saw there were no oceans left For scavengers like me. I made it to the forward deck. I blessed our remnant fleet – And then consented to be wrecked, A Thousand Kisses Deep.
I’m turning tricks, I’m getting fixed, I’m back on Boogie Street. I guess they won’t exchange the gifts That you were meant to keep. And quiet is the thought of you, The file on you complete, Except what we forgot to do, A Thousand Kisses Deep.
And sometimes when the night is slow, The wretched and the meek, We gather up our hearts and go, A Thousand Kisses Deep.
The ponies run, the girls are young, The odds are there to beat . . .
I haven't seen the film, and interpreting someone like Cohen is best approached with fear and trembling ... but this strikes me as very good art. Comments?
I'm constantly writing something, corresponding with someone. For those tantalized by my profile, already too much information to achieve the usual purposes on this site, here's more. I know nary a subbie that's not endlessly frustrated by the endless supply of supposed Doms hiding behind their proclamation of being something like "Lord High Floppynoodle, the Ultimate Bitchmaster!" when the truth is that they're scared little kids unable to run their own lives that effectively want company for their misery. I’ve decided to go the opposite direction and reveal the thoughts that make me who I am, the "beautiful (sometimes not) soul" that you're supposed to fall in love with. Here are some lyrics, some stories perhaps, thoughts and questions about the Lifestyle. A few things that I didn’t write, but find fascinating ... points of conversation. I’m looking for a girl who not only wants to be the clay from which I form the ideal instrument of my Will, but one that’s smart and self actualized enough to understand that she’d better have a damn good idea of who it is she’s giving that kind of power to …
