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| I'm just me... an open-minded slave. I belong to my Master (Stocsnbnds) and no other. I enjoy learning new things and experiencing new sensations. I am owned by a wonderful master who has the patience and understanding to teach me and the endurance to give me what I need for as long as I need it. I'm blonde, but not dumb. I am challenging and need to be challenged. I crave the "mindfuck" as well as the physical. I need the discipline and the sensuality... I guess I am just very needy.
A bit more about me... I love to smile, play and laugh. I'm very conscientious of others, totally turned off by crudeness and disrespectful people. I'm a bit of a neat freak with organizational issues. I'm a bit of a germ-aphobe and get very conflicted regarding my "dirtiness."
If you really want to know more you'll have to ask me, I don't bite... wait, yes I do and hard sometimes (I have references)... or you could ask my Master.
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Have you ever felt the rush of endorphins as the scream leaves your lips and the sensitive flesh of your nipples is penetrated? I did... twice. Well, what do you expect? I do have 2 nipples...lol (and they are not very big). Symmetry is everything.
I would like to set up this scene for you... and, yes, it was a scene. We were in private, but there could have been a hundred people there and i wouldn't have known (or cared). He had the candles lit in his dungeon and the scent of incense was thick in the air. I undressed slowly for him. I knew I would be experiencing new sensations and was terrified because he had warned me we would be playing very edgy that night (fire, needles/play piercing). We started out with the fire play. That turned out to be awesome!!! The feeling of the flame on my body was making me very relaxed... how odd. I went from petrified to a puddle of wetness in, ohhh, about 3 minutes. we moved on to a special bondage chair he had built just for me. I thought he was gonna torture me with the play-piercing now because he had threatened to create a corset on my body with ribbon. He attached my cuffed (in leather) ankles to the eye-bolts on the feet of the chair leaving my legs spread and my body bare and exposed. He left my hands free (still cuffed) for the time and opened the dungeon door... it was raining and thundering. I was feeling very comfortable from the incense, candles, rain, thunder and the recent explorations of fire across my body. He turned on music to get into my head. He knows how easily I get panicked over sharp instruments around the sensitive areas of my body. He realized I was starting to pay more attention to what he was doing and wasn't in my own little world anymore. I was ordered to close my eyes and keep them closed... to concentrate on my breathing (I have asthma... panic= asthma attack). He cleaned me, marked me, re-marked me, then attached my wrists behind me to the back of the chair. He told me later that I was the first sub he'd ever restrained to pierce and had initially planned on using the blindfold and the ballgag. The only reason he didn't was that he feared it might push me over the edge. He is very careful with me... he takes great pains to see that my limits are pushed extremely, but that my head is never left anywhere negative.
As the clamp tightened and the sharp tool prepared to enter my innocent nipple I began to panic. I tried very hard to breathe deeply like he wanted, but I knew what was about to happen... I knew the scream would come no matter what. I did scream, thunder boomed, the rain poured down and the music played (Within Temptation- The Truth Behind the Rose). One nipple done... pierced... endorphins causing a buzz in my head, feeling light-headed and fuzzy. I wanted to wait... get my wits, regain what I could of my fragmented mind. He said NO... I can't stop... I have to take it... use the fuzziness shrouding my counsciousness to endure the next one. He was right. He's always right... Dammit! The second wasn't near as painful (at least I didn't perceive it as being as painful) as the first.
Now, I have 2 beautifully pierced nipples with 14 gauge barbells... Thank you. |
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I did it!!! I got one of the OTHER piercings. I got a VCH (vertical clit hood) and OMG what an experience!!! He said it would mean more if I felt every ounce of pain. No numbing, no ice... nothing but a 12 gauge piercing tool through me... me screaming and almost climbing up the wall. You ever seen the cartoon kittycats hanging from the ceiling by their claws? yep, that was me. I will say it was an almost spiritual experience and I feel like I now know every part of my body. Would I do it again? Absolutely!!! I felt so liberated and a step closer to being myself. I'm getting my nipples done next week!!! |
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Ok... i did something i've been wanting to do, but was scared. I bit the bullet and got my nose pierced. Not one of those rings or big jewelry, but a petite tiny diamond stud. It's actually quite cute...lol, and I've been told it increases my "hottie" factor by at least 1 point... LMFAO!!! It has me wondering though... how many points will i get when i do the OTHER piercings? |
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My take on head games: We all know there are good head games and bad head games. The good ones, well, let's just say I REALLY enjoy an awesome "mindfuck". The bad ones are the ones I want to address right now. There are many people who know how to worm their way into your brain by various means. I am very susceptible to this and I realize it. It's the people who hurt you, then reconcile (to a point) and then stab you again out of the blue when your guard is down that need to have it done to them so they understand the pain they cause. "Et tu, Brute'?" I am no where near perfect and never have claimed to be, but i do consider others feelings before my own. I guess what I'm rambling on about is that head games can be painful and slamming doors on someone's brain can put them mentally in a very bad place. It's the people who do this who help create subs/slaves with mental, trust and loyalty issues and cause barriers to be thrown up to protect ourselves which ultimately results in a wall the new prospective Dom/me or Master must work even harder to get through. Think people... |
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*stands up straight and says in my big girl voice*
Ok, i have a few things on my mind. Not gonna share everything at one time though. If i say i'm not interested in anything more than friends why do people do the "wolf in sheep's clothing" thingy and agree only to immediately start asking my limits and if I shave or even if I swallow? That is not a place where just friends would go. I'm not gonna ask you how big your cock is and frankly don't care. Point being... if you're talking to me under a false pretense of being a friend and have other intentions then please move on. Think before you act... or type.
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Why is it that when you feel emotions so strong and powerful you must question it? Is why i fear i will always be alone. I don't question the feeling or the emotion... i question the fact that I'm lucky enough to be actually feeling it. I seek the reassurance that what i'm experiencing is real... not like i don't believe in the situation or doubt the other person's integrity or sincerity. i doubt myself and the fact that something good could actually be happening to me. i guess by doubting myself i really am setting myself up for failure. hmmm... failure... been blamed for many other things in my life.
i believe it is probably better for me to be alone than to cause pain to anyone over stupidity and thoughtlessness. After all, my dreams are just that... dreams. |
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