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Update:
After a year away I've come back only to learn and understand by talking to others, reading the boards, getting to know people. I'm not on the market for anything other than friendship. I'd rather put that out there now. The below is pretty much the same and I could delete it but I think of this as a map of where I was to where I am now and I don't want to lose some of the ground that's been covered. Might sound strange but makes sense to me.
Seriously, I don't know what I could possibly say to get what I am through to passersby. People seem to get the impression I'm intelligent and have something to say but I'm not sure if the rest is getting across. I'd have to guess I'm one of those "real" people I keep reading about on some Doms profiles. Behind these words is a real person with a brain. I care about people (even when I probably shouldn't), I'm loyal and I'm sweet but I'm also sarcastic. I've heard people in my everyday life call me ballsy and I've been called outspoken as well. Lately I've become a bit more shy particularly when contacting people for the first time. I know that whole "There's nothing to lose and there's nothing they can say other than 'No, thanks' or nothing at all" thing but it's still not the easiest thing in the world for me. I may be shy but I still have a mind with opinions that I voice openly. My ideal Dom would be someone who would fill my mind, stimulate me in more ways than physically and I want to do the same for him. I can be tied up, teased, made to beg or whatever else by anyone but a Dom (in my opinion and the type I want) is SO much more than that. Also if you're attached please don't expect anything more than conversation or friendship with me. I'm not judging but I wouldn't expect a dom to allow me to give myself halfway so why would I accept half of him?
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I find profiles kind of cold and impersonal. I much perfer to get to know someone through email conversation. Anyone can type anything they'd like in a profile but as you talk to someone more and more, little bits of their personality slip through, even if the person doesn't mean to.
I have long auburn hair, green eyes, pale skin with freckles. I love movies of most kinds and I love music of almost all kinds. I like talking to people about pretty much anything. I can send good sized emails to the right person and I very much enjoy receiving them. I'm not one who would trade endless emails but I know if I'm going to submit to anyone, I want a full relationship. I would much rather submit to someone I had a deeper connection with. I believe being together in any way would be more intense because of that connection. Also, I don't understand how I can form the trust necessary for submission with someone I just met and knew nothing about. Those are my preferences and I appreciate not everyone else shares them.
I know that was vague but I'm pretty open and if you'd like to learn more, feel free to email me.
Please do not send me an email introducing yourself (or maybe not even bothering to introduce yourself) and immediately launch into questions like "do u want a spanking?" "want 2 b my whore" or "wan 2 cum fuk me". I was hoping it was obvious but I'd rather get to know someone first. A mental connection can deepen any other kind, in my opinion.
Also if you are a person who can't be honest with someone, I don't think we would mesh well. If I say or do something that you have a problem with, just tell me. We're adults. We should be able to handle conflict and be honest.
I am much more than what you think or see.
"You think that it's not magic that keeps you alive? Just 'cause you understand the mechanics of how something works, doesn't make it any less of a miracle, which is just another word for magic. We're all kept alive by magic..."
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As I mentioned I'm not looking to start a relationship at this time but I will say if I was, someone twice my age is just too far outside the scope of what I'm usually attracted to. I'd rather put that out there now than waste anyone's time. Some Doms only want 18-20 year olds and that's their preference. This is mine.
Thank you |
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My thoughts on a "popular" book--don't read too far down if you haven't read the one you think I'm referring to.
I don't like to spoil things for others and that includes all kinds of things whether they have a certain mindset and I don't want to burst their bubble (this one is tough if I care for them and I wonder if they're setting themselves up for a fall) or trivial things like books and movies. I feel really bad sometimes if I say something and realize the person hasn't gotten that far in the movie or book and I gave something away. I try really hard to dance around their questions and be extremely vague in what I say and my expressions.
I keep coming back to this horribly frustrating book I read recently and part of me wants to warn people about it. "False advertising, horrible writing, the submissive is sickeningly annoying, the Dominant should have punished her more, should have taught her to be a real sub or gotten out of the relationship!" It's really hard to keep these opInions to myself because many of the issues I have with these books is because I'm looking at it from a submissive's point of view. Vanillas probably won't agree with me so no book clubs for me and I don't know many people who have read the book(s) and are in this life.
I think the books bother me so much because I was hopeful and maybe a little excited that here was a nice opportunity for perhaps a little understanding from the rest of the world. Yes, this is a relationship just like any other but with a few extras. It's not too scary, we're not deviants (or not the kind to be worried about for the most part), this is a very profound and deep connection and there's so much more to it than Jane Fonda's ex-husband finding her boss strung up in his bedroom and her saying "Yeah I'm into M&Ms and all sorts of things!" (side note: I know someone in real life who refers to this as "M&Ms" and that scene from 9 to 5 is all she knows about it)
It could have been a great opportunity but what did I read about instead? A whiny, over dramatic, manipulative, bratty, hopelessly vanilla woman who wanted to change a admittedly troubled Dom that she claimed to love completely into a sappy vanilla male with a kinky side. He ended up submitting to HER. I don't think that's right or fair but I guess that was the Dom's choice so...
Still frustrating to have an opportunity squandered. |
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the person that I thought I was
Is something I don't think is coming true
and the same things that surround me now
are the same things that I seem to see right through
Definitely, most definitely, the last part. |
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I'm not interested in getting involved with anyone right now. This may change but right now, as I write this, it's the way it is.
If you would genuinely like a meeting of minds or experiences, please feel free to contact me.
I'm not sure I believe in magic anymore like in my quote either. |
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When someone is so big and has so many things going for them it makes you feel like you're on different planets--actually, different solar systems--what can you offer them to make them come down to Earth where you are? |
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For those skeptics who say I'm not a natural redhead, take a look. Please trust me when I say that no dye will look like that in the sun (and this is one angle in a picture--think of what it's like in real life). |
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Sometimes dreams just taunt you. If I could choose what I dream, I'd never dream about the things I can't have ever again. Some say dreams are the best ways to enjoy what you can't have but to me, it just exaggerates what you lack in real life and that's just depressing. I love them during but when I wake up, these dreams just make me sad. Part of me wishes I would stop having them completely.
Maybe it's just the moon. Maybe I just need to get something out of my system and then I can focus again.
In other news, I wonder if what makes Sundays special and responsibility free is the fact most people have responsibilities Monday. Maybe that's what make Sundays sweet. |
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Lust is "Stumble and Pain" by Joseph Arthur or "The Wolf" by Fever Ray or "Howl" or "The Drumming Song" by Florence + the Machine while love is "Animals" by Neon Trees. Use a tornado or whirlwind to blend. Bake for 6-8 weeks and serve hot. |
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Against my better judgment, I've added a picture. The content of the picture is probably going to give people the wrong idea The great part--I can always take it down. |
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I want to lay down my sword at his feet and take comfort in him and his strength. Sometimes I get so tired of "fighting," I feel like I'll topple right over. It's not that I want someone to run my life, but I would like to just stop for even an hour or two and not have it all on me. I would be more than willing to do the same for him or anyone else (and I do, for my friends and family). I want to give just as much as I would get, if not give more. I want him to confide in me and let me take care of him and his worries and find just as much comfort in me. |
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I'd like to brighten someone's day. |
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I read somewhere that there used to be a superstition saying the first person of the opposite sex you'd see on Valentine's Day was meant to be your valentine. People would have their same-sex friends blindfold them and lead them to their sweetheart on Valentine's Day to avoid falling for someone else. Bet you wish you'd known that before you stepped out this morning, huh? Happy Valentine's Day and I hope each and every one of you are able to share your day with someone or something you love. And if you're not, go for it. When everything is temporary and nothing is guaranteed, why not go after the person or thing you love? Why wait any longer? |
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I'm not expecting to find anything, not even friendship, here but I'd like to. |
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| Age: 25 |
| Silver spring,
Maryland |
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