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Hetero Female Submissive, 51,  CentralArkansas, Arkansas
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sweetestmarie

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Nobody really knows what to say on here as what catches one persons eye may not catch the next.



We are all here looking for something, some for sex, some for online, some for companionship and some looking for that special one.



Ive been on and off of here for a few years. Im just here and if somebody captures my mind, the rest will follow. Im not new to the bdsm scene, semi active in the community, however been on hiatus even locally for a few months.



Trying to find myself and find that special person who is not only Dominant but caring, kind, compassionate, with a sense of humor, fun, and maybe have a little creativity, who can be spontaneous, loyal, supportive.



Yes Im submissive, but even submissive can be bratty at times. I know the look and also know when not to push the limits. But even pushing a Doms limits can be fun. Im adding to this 11/27/2021. I was released by my Master in October 2021 after a 2 plus year realtime relationship. Ihave also come to the realization that being a slave is painful when one is released. Having to go back to figuring out how to take care of Yourself is hard. Not to depend solely on Your owner is hard and to learn how to live Your life without Him is hard . I think for now I'm changing my direction from slave to babygirl. Not age play, but looking for that one who will love and cherish what I have to offer and love and cherish me in return.



Dont be afraid to message me. I wont bite back too hard, I promise, well unless your just plain nasty.



Thank you for looking.



Marie..aka -fiore- on f.l.
***********

3 New photos added, 10192018






Username:

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Joined:

 sweetestmarie

 Submissive Female

 CentralArkansas 

 Arkansas

 Willing to Relocate

 5' 3"

 51

 Hetero

 Caucasian

 09/10/15

 

Actively Seeking:

Dominant male

 Lives For:

 Amusement Parks (Expert)

 Blindfolds

 Bondage

 Collars (Expert)

 Corsetry (Expert)

 Local BDSM Community (Expert)

 Munches (Expert)

 Spanking

 Vibrators (Expert)

 Horror Movies

 Lifestyle BDSM (Expert)

 Country Music

 Eighties Music

 Swimming (Expert)

 Loves:

 Travel

 Eye Contact Restrictions

 Hair Pulling (Beginner)

 Leashes (Beginner)

 Rituals

 Wax Play

 Romance Novels (Expert)

 Likes:

 Fine Dining

 Fishing

 Movies

 Camping

 Hiking

 Horseback Riding

 Rafting (Beginner)

 Yachting

 Begging (Beginner)

 Breast Play

 Canes and Crops

 Chastity (Beginner)

 Enemas (Beginner)

 Being Massaged (Beginner)

 Erotic Hypnosis (Beginner)

 Fire Play

 Medical fetish play (Beginner)

 Obedience Training (Beginner)

 Orgasm Control (Beginner)

 Plastic Wrap Bondage (Beginner)

 Public Play

 Vacuum Stimulation (Beginner)

 Board Games

 Card Games

 Cartoons

 Comedy Shows

 Tattoos

 Gor (Beginner)

 Classical Music

 Hip Hop Music

 Pop Music

 Rock Music

 Bowling

 Darts

 Ice Hockey (Beginner)

 Tolerates:

 Antique Shows

 Dancing

 Cages (Beginner)

 Corner Time (Beginner)

 Diapers (Beginner)

 Gags (Beginner)

 Humiliation (Beginner)

 Massage (Giving) (Beginner)

 Objectification (Beginner)

 Clothing Selection (Beginner)

 Pantyhose (Beginner)

 Pony/Puppy Roleplay (Beginner)

 Role Playing

 Sensory Play (Beginner)

 Stockings (Beginner)

 Tickling (Beginner)

 Whips

 Online Chatrooms

 Online RPGs (Beginner)

 Puzzle Games (Beginner)

 Sitcoms (Beginner)

 TV News (Beginner)

 TV Sports

 Web Surfing (Beginner)

 Blue Grass

 Blues

 Heavy Metal Music

 Jazz

 Nineties Music

 Oldies

 R&B

 Rap

 Reggae

 Seventies Music

 Show Tunes

 Catholicism (Expert)

 Auto Racing (Beginner)

 Baseball (Beginner)

 Basketball (Beginner)

 BMX (Beginner)

 Football (Beginner)

 Curious About:

 Art Galleries

 Going to the Opera

 Musical Theater

 Renaissance Faires

 SCA

 Hunting (Beginner)

 Scuba Diving (Beginner)

 Wind Surfing

 Body Worship (Beginner)

 G-spot Stimulation (Beginner)

 Rear End Play (Beginner)

 Erotic touch (Beginner)

 Foot Worship (Beginner)

 Hoods (Beginner)

 Masks (Wearing) (Beginner)

 Sensation Play (Beginner)

 Outdoor Bondage (Beginner)

 Speech Restrictions (Beginner)

 Watersports (Beginner)

 Chess (Beginner)

 MMORPGs (Beginner)

 Role Playing Games (Beginner)

 Simulation Games (Beginner)

 Astronomy (Beginner)

 Paranormal Phenomena (Beginner)

 1950s Lifestyle (Beginner)

 Old Guard (Beginner)

 Vampirism (Beginner)

 Victorian Lifestyle (Beginner)

 Wicca (Beginner)

 Horse Racing (Beginner)

 Paintball (Beginner)

 Sky Diving (Beginner)

 Dislikes:

 Bar Hopping

 Bird Watching

 Clubbing

 Coffee Shops

 Gambling

 Raves

 Shopping

 Electrical Play (Beginner)

 Mental Bondage (Beginner)

 Maid / Butler Service

 Shibari (Beginner)

 Strap-Ons (Beginner)

 Suspension Bondage (Beginner)

 Cybering (Beginner)

 Newspapers (Beginner)

 Polyamory (Beginner)

 Swinging (Beginner)

 Golf

 Hates:

 Genital Punishment

 Housework Service (Expert)

 Modern Primitivism

 Female Sovereignty (Beginner)

 Skills:

 Accounting Professional

 Administrative Professional

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Journal Entries:
4/12/2018 9:57:12 PM
My limit list -fiore-: THE FOLLOWING LIST IS NOT ALL COMPREHENSIVE. MOST IS NOT SOMETHING I HAVE TO HAVE..NOT INTERESTED MAY NOT NECESSARY BE A HARD LIMIT. AS EVERYTHING IS NEGOTIABLE. I have put notes by items too, please look over tell me your thoughts, things you have done, or would like to try. X Not interested XX INTERESTED BUT NOT DONE IT OR SAMPLED IT ONCE XXX INTERESTED AND HAVE TRIED IT XXXX LIKES IT WOULD DO IT AGAIN XXXXX LOVES IT.. WANTS IT 24/7 Abrasion XX Age play X Anal sex XX –never had anal sex. Anal plugs (small) XXXX Anal plugs (large) XX Anal plug (public, under clothes) XXX Animal Roles X Arm & leg sleeves (arm binders) X Aromas X hyxiation X Ass eating X Auctioned for Charity XX -if it was for a good cause, example raise money for cancer.. Bathroom use control XX BDSM COMMUNITY AND MUNCHES XXXX Beating (soft) X Beating (Hard)X Beastiality X Bisexuality X Blindfolds XXXX BLOOD X Being serviced (sexual) XXX Being bitten XX Breast bondage XXX Breath control XXX Branding XX Boot worship X Bondage (light) XXXX Bondage (heavy) XXX Bondage (multi-day) XXX Bondage (public, under clothing)XXX Breast whipping XXX Brown Showers X Cages (locked inside of) XXX Caning X Catheterization XX Cells/Closets (locked inside of) XX Chains XXX Chastity belts XXX Chauffeuring X Choking XXX Chores (domestic service) XXX Clothespins XXX Cock worship XXXX Collars (worn in private) XXXXX Collars (worn in public) XXXXX Competitions with other subs X Contracts XX Corsets (wearing) XXX Corset training(waist reduction) XX – very interested in this. Crawling – XX It’s hard as I have a torn ACL. CROPS XXXX Cuffs (leather) XXX Cuffs (metal) XX Cutting X Dilation X Dildoes XXX Double penetration XXX DUNGEONS XXXX Drugs and Alcohol during play X Drugs anytime X im DD free Alcohol – very light drinker… hardly drink Electricity X ELECTRICAL PLAY XX Enforced chastity XXX Enema’s XX Erotic dance (public) X Examinations (physical) XXXX Exercise (forced/required) XX Exhibitionism (friends) XXXX Exhibitionism (strangers) XX Eye contact restrictions XXX Face slapping X Fantasy abandonment X Fantasy Rape XX Fantasy Gang Raped X Fear (being scared) X FIRE CUPPING XXXX FIRE MOUSSE XXXX FIRE WANDS XXXX Fire Drumming XX Fisting (anal) X Fisting (vaginal) XX FLOGGERS XXXXX Following orders XXXX Foot worship X Forced bedwetting X Forced Crossdressing X Forced homosexuality X Forced masturbation XXX Forced nudity (private) XXXX Forced nudity (around others) XXX Forced servitude XXXX Full head hoods XX Furs/feathers XX Gags (cloth) XX Gags (rubber) XXX Gags (tape) XX Gags(phallic) XX Gags(inflated) XX Garters/stockings XXX Gas masks X Gates of Hell (Male)X Genital sex XXXX Given away to Domme Dom (temp) X Given away to Domme Dom (Perm) X Golden showers XX Group sex X Hairbrush spankings XX Hair pulling XXX Hand jobs (giving) XXXX Hand jobs (receiving) N/A Harems (serving w/other subs) X Harnessing (leather) XX Harnessing (rope) XX Having food chosen for you XXX Having clothing chosen for you XXX Head (giving fellatio) XXX High heel worship X High heel wearing(forced) X Homage with tongue (non-sexual) NO CLUE WHAT THIS IS… Hoods XX Hot oils (on genitals) XXX Hot waxing XXX HOUSE PARTIES XXXX Housework (doing) XXXX Human Puppy Dog X Humiliation (private) XXX Humiliation (public) XX Hypnotism XX Ice cubes XXX Immobilization XX Impact Play XXXX Infantilism X Initiation rites X Injections X Interrogations X Japanese rope bondage X Kidnapping XX Kneeling – BAD KNEES. I NORMALLY SIT AT SOMEBODY’S FEET. KNIFE PLAY XXXX Leash/leader XXX Leather clothing XX Leather restraints XXX Lectures for misbehavior XX Licking (non-sexual) XXX Lingerie (wearing) XXX Manacles & Irons XX Manicures (giving) XX Massage (giving) XXX Massage (receiving) XXXX Medical scenes XX Modeling for erotic photos X Mouth bits XX Mummification XX NEEDLES X Nipple clamps XXX Nipple weights XXX NOTHING ILLEGAL.X HARD LIMIT Oral/anal play (rimming) XX Over-the-knee spanking XXX Orgasm denial XXXX Orgasm control XXXX Outdoor scenes XXX Outdoor sex XXX PADDLES XXXX Pain (severe) XX Pain (mild) XXXX Personal training XX Phone sex (serving Dom) XXX Phone sex (serving Dom"s friends) X Phone sex (commercial) X Piercing (temporary) XX Piercing (permanent) XX Plastic surgery X Pony Play X Prison scenes X Prostitution(public pretend) X Public exposure XXX Punishment Scene XXX Pussy Cock whipping XXX Pussy worship X Riding crops XXXX Riding the horse (crotch tort.) XX Rituals XXXX Religious scenes X Restrictive rules on behavior XXX Rubber/latex clothing XX Rope body harness XXX Saran wrapping XXX SCAT X School girl XX Scratching - getting XXX Scratching - giving XXX Sensory deprivation XX Serving XXXX Serving as art XX Serving as an Ashtray X Serving as furniture X Serving as a maid XX Serving as toilet (urine) X Serving as waitress XXX Serving orally (sexual) XXX Serving others (supervised) XX Serving others (unsupervised) X Sexual deprivation (short term) XX Sexual deprivation (long term) X Shaving (body hair) XX Shaving (head hair) X SHOCK COLLARS XX Skinny dipping XXX Sleep Deprvation XX Sleep sacks XX Slutty clothing (private) XXXX Slutty clothing (public) XXX Spanking XXXX Spandex clothing XXXX Speech restrictions XX Speculums (Anal) XX Speculums (vaginal) XX Spreader bars XX Standing in corner XXX Stocks XX Straight jackets XX Strap-on-dildos (sucking on) XX Strap-on-dildos (penetrated by) XX Strap-on-dildos (wearing) X Strapping Full Body Beating X Suspension (upright) X – PANIC ATTACS BEING TIED AND SUSPENDED… TRYING TO OVERCOME THIS FEAR. Suspension (inverted) X Suspension (horizontal) X Supplying partners for Dom X Swallowing semen XXX Swallowing urine X Swapping (one other couple) X Swinging (multiple couples) X Tattooing XX Teasing XXX TENS UNIT XXX Threesome XX Tickling XX Topless Beaches XX Triple penetration XX Uniforms XX Including others XX Vaginal dildo XXXX Verbal humiliation XX Vibrator on genitals XXX Voyeurism (watching others) XXX Voyeurism (your Dom w/others) XX Video (watching others) XXX Video (recordings of you) X Voice training XX WATER BOARDING X WATERSPORTS XX Water Torture X Waxing (hair removal) XX WAX PLAY XXXX Wearing symbolic jewelry XXXX WHIPS XX Wrestling X Wooden paddles XXX

9/6/2017 7:14:05 PM
Written 9/6/17. MESSAGE Just 1 name across the screen My heart leaps. The pounding of drums start to beat a slow steady pace My blood begins to boil sending an inferno fire within me Butterflies flap 1000 of flutters through uncharted territories within Goosebumps raise the little tiny theads of hair across my skin Toffee iris's shimmer in the lights of the room I hold my breath as I read his message, imagining His voice as I read his writing. Trembling waiting for His next reply.

8/15/2017 7:16:27 PM
Fake Dom's and sub frenzy I read on face book today all the red flags for a fake Dom..but yet there are no rules for a fake sub from what I could find. Everyone told me a fake Dom wants to collar you right away. But nobody says a fake sub wants to be collared.right away He Will ask you for a meeting to prove sex But could be same for a submissive as the girls are just as bad as the guys in making fake profiles, not wanting to talk via skype, kik text, either or could be married... He Is more concerned with his wants and needs then hers Everyone has wants and needs or we would not be here. We subs have posted what we were looking for in a Dom what we want what we need. He Doesn't respect your boundaries and pushes you to do things that are hard limits How do limits change then if not pushed or tried. Is that what safe words are for, trust and communication. Hard limits will remain hard limits and soft will remain soft unless they are pushed. You have to trust that the person has your best interest at heart. Want to be called Sir or Master upon first meeting Yet there are girls out there who want and need that and want to be called kitten or slave or slut upon first meeting He Doesn't want to be around you other then to have sex. There are girls who don't want a relationship and is only looking for kinky fuckery Will try to Dom you before the relationship even starts Girls want to submit before the relationship starts. So think long and hard. Why is it sub frenzy for girls and fake Dom's for guys. Why the double standards Yes there are guys out there who are just horny but why label them as fake. Some may be new to the life style and going through "Dom Frenzy" Why the double standards. We were all new at one point and time. I now hate the term fake Dom's Maybe uneducated is a better term. Or maybe there are fake Dom's as much as there are fake subs.

7/2/2017 8:15:13 AM
7/2/2017

im not a maid, but i can clean.
im not a chef, but i can cook.
im not a musician, but i like music
im not a princess, but likes to be cared for. 
im not a dare devil, but love adventure. 
im not emotional, but i have feelings. 
im not a goddess, but love my curves.
im not a pain slut, but love to shed tears. 
im not selfish, but i dont share what is mine. 
im not perfect, but i am perfect for ONE!

im strong, im happy, im me, im free. 



5/23/2017 8:43:54 AM
Is there anybody real on these sites. I hear the same thing from men as I do from the ladies... bdsm is not all about sex, and it seems like most men are here either looking for a quick hook up or cyber. That's not me, that's not who I am... I am the girl I want my Mam to be prout of when we are out in public, holding hands, I know what I am to him at home in the bedroom. I want to be the one he takes home to meet his family. What I see though is a lot of boys and children on these sites, not just here but alt.com, POF, meetme, match .com. and the list goes on and on. How is a woman to look up to a Man and give Him respect when it's not earned. If He can't control is actions, and be respectable at first how can He Dominate or take control of another person's life. For those of you who are on here looking for a romp in the hay why list yourself as Dominant? You should list yourself as Primal as that is not what D/s is about. That's my rant. Looking for somebody real, real feelings and emotions, caring, considerate, but has His life together, knows what He wants and what Ds, really is. And not be afraid to take a chance on something that just might be great

1/9/2017 5:07:45 PM

About Your Personality Type

You believe life is abundant, love is plentiful, and creativity is always within your grasp. If God combined the bouncing energy of a cocker spaniel with the enthusiasm of a couple on their honeymoon, God would still be only halfway to duplicating your insatiable zest for life.

ENFP when in love

“Puppy love” is a good term for describing your take on romance: fun, frisky, playful, cuddly, and young at heart. No matter what your age or how many times your heart has been broken, you are an eternal optimist when it comes to love. You are not someone who proceeds cautiously when you meet someone you find attractive. You are likely to fall passionately in love - or at least lust - quickly, spontaneously, and with total abandon. Holding something back for later is a concept you can’t quite grasp, especially when it comes to the joy of creating a new and exciting relationship. Yes, COMMITMENT can scare you. That one word may explain why you are still single at thirty, forty, fifty, or beyond. But you love, absolutely love, the concept of intimacy, sharing, and relationships. If only you could find that special one, you would be set for life.

ENFP where to meet

Where can you meet a Social Philosopher? Social Philosophers enjoy stimulating conversation and interesting people, and, like the Idealistic Philosopher and Mystic Writer, favor activities that revolve around psychology, philosophy, the arts, and helping others. Unlike Idealistic Philosophers and Mystic Writers, Social Philosophers seize every opportunity for social contact. They love the spotlight and are known to be excellent teachers and public speakers. Social Philosophers also routinely attend art gallery openings, wine tastings, fund-raisers, concerts, lectures, and plays. They may also be members of The Single Gourmet - a dining club for singles with sophisticated tastes.


11/23/2016 10:54:21 PM

Being submissive comes from within, and when a girl feels it true to her heart and soul, it illuminates outward. It does not make her weak, nor does it make her equal. to submit and give up complete control is the ultimate gift a submissive can give to another.

It means to let go and trust that the person she is giving that power to and will have her best interest at heart. to guide and nurture her and not to destroy her, but to lift her up. to serve one, is not a selfish act. she puts others before her own needs. she does not think of herself first, but Him. she wants to please him in every aspect. she thinks of His own needs before her own. It is a part of who she is.


They give up all aspects of their life, not just a part of it which includes all of a Masters decisions. she does this willingly, without any thought to it because she has faith in that the person she relinquishes this to and that person will always have her best interest at heart.


this is not a game or a joke, she lives it 24/7, more subtle in public, but always a slave to her Master. it does not matter if they are eating, sleeping, watching tv. It is not a case where she feels like it one day, but not the next. she is a natural, she does not have to try to be a slave. the way she talks, and acts, will shine through if she is "at heart" a slave.


She gives up all her limits to her Master. Trusting again and having faith knowing He will push her limits, but will not abuse her limits. Helping her grow as a slave.

 

She always puts her Master before her, His needs, and desires. Her only goal is to please Him and Make Him Happy and comfortable, to care for Him. By pleasing Him and seeing to His comfort, she also pleases herself.

she entrusts in Him her mind, soul, body, heart, actions as He sees fit, not to hinder her, but to make her a better person, to bring happiness to His household.

Being told what to do and doing what she is told is an over powering feeling and respect she has to her Master. to bend to His will is what she craves the most. What she needs. it is not about kneeling on the floor or how she speaks, but it is about what her Master requires her to do and what He expects out of her and how she conforms to His commands.

He Commands and she obeys. There are no 2 ways about it. she does not question His authority. she does not see Him as an equal. she just does it, and the warmth inside as she serves Him shines outward on her face and in her eyes.


8/21/2016 9:24:20 PM
she steps into the bathroom, slipping the robe that kept her covered down her arms as it pools to her feet.  naked like a baby she stands there. she reaches up and tugs the pony tail cloth band from her hair as  her hair cascades down her back.  she shivers as the cool air brushes her skin causing goose bumps.   her nipples harden and she wishes only for the warmth of her Master's hands on her body, craving his touch.  she bends over and  raising the knob to the tub as the water streams outward. swallowing in the hot steam around her.  

she steps into the tub one foot at a time and and closes the purple shower curtain.  closing her eyes she goes under the water as the warmth runs over her tender skin.  she savors in the hot steamy shower as her fingers glide over her breast, kneading them over and over.  she thinks it is her Masters hands on her breast she slides her right hand down to her nub and rolls it between her thumb and index finger as her left hand continues to work on her breast massaging it gently  as moans come from her mouth. whimpering the words Master. over and over. 


her star tender from earlier the water makes it feel so good over the sensitive spot.  the waterfall caresses her face as she wiggles a finger into her tight pussy sliding it in and out in and out her walls clamp around her finger her anal puckers from what is missing.. the jeweled plug she had in earlier. wishing it was still there but knowing she had to take it out to give her little star hole a break and be cleaned.   her fingers grasp her own as as her fingers work in and out in and out  she puts a foot on the edge of the tub as the momentum builds. her body quivering under the flow of water.  wanting to feel more and more crying out oh yes yes  as the burning in her stomach rises.  her toes curl into tight little balls  her stomach feels like a giant knot her lips dry as she licks them and the shower splaters over her mouth  gasping oh god yes Master .  please please she begs wanting more and more  wanting relief from the intense pressure of the steamy shower.

   not wanting to cum yet she slows down and washes her hair rinsing it throughly  and puts conditioner in it while she soaps up a loofa and runs it over her body.. imaging it is her Masters hands washing her.  slowly she caresses her body her breasts teasin her nipples as she moans and whimpers taking extra care of her folds of her pussy and ass  then her legs running it over slowly feeling the tingles build, oh please Master she cries out Make your slut cum...
 
as the soap rinses from her she again kneeds her breast focusing on her nipples  the more she pinches and pulls at them the more her pussy aches to be used and abused her clit burns with a fire to be tortured  her flingers slide to her clit and pussy  she massages her clit fiercely and enters her fingers back into her pussy  grinding them against her walls.  she dry humps her hand as the pressure builds and builds  her body trembles  she feels as if her legs will collapse as she falls into the wall in a  earth mind boggling orgasam she creams her hand with her juices as the flow down her leg in a earthquaking valcanic rupture.    she screams out Master Master oh god Master  im cumming for you...   oh yessss oh yeessssss  oh god yess wanting and needing more and more as wave after wave of liquid spews from her body until she crumbles to her knees in the tub unable to stand she cries not of pain but from her body exploding.. for her Master 

9/28/2015 12:45:00 PM
Drama  - taken from my Fetlife page written today 9/28/15:

I have been in the lifestyle almost 3 years and have seen just about everything in the form of drama.
Leaders fighting with Leaders
Members fighting with Members
even Groups fighting / or trying to compete with other Groups.
Whats the point? The same people who say they don't cause drama are the same people who are either putting up posts or commenting on them with drama.
I'm not going to pinpoint anybody's comments nor do I care if I get comments on this. Actually I would prefer no comments. We know when somebody makes a comment on Fet who they are speaking about without putting a person's name in it. There are only so many people who were at so and so's and the drama that unfolded there but then they are going to add their 2 cents in on Fet. Even if they don't mention that person's name we know who they are referring to. Is that right or wrong?

If you want to comment on posts do so without being hurtful. If you have an issue with somebody, do it discreetly and if it's a safety concern please bring it to the leaders.

We are all human, We all have made mistakes in our lives in one way shape or form. If you don't like somebody fine. don't talk to them or be like me, follow the rules "What would Ginger do" just kidding but seriously. I try to be cordial with everyone even if I don't like them. I don't have to, it's my right. but I don't have to flaunt it and let everybody know i don't like somebody. Let everybody make their own judgement.

I don't let people choose or dictate my friends. Nor will i try to sway people either.

I try to keep my comments in my post about the subject not about the people involved. I also have contacted people directly about their posts asking questions and getting answers without going public and keeping confidentiality.
Hear that CONFIDENTIALITY. Be DISCREET, I have gone to people directly if I think there is an issue. I may let things cool down first before going to them. When emotions are high, most people don't think rationally. That also causes the drama. I try to write what i am feeling out on paper and re-read it several times prior to posting. But I always try to make sure my comments are about the topic and not any one person.

As I said I'm not looking for comments on here. not my intention. Can't everybody just be cordial and play nicely.





9/13/2015 2:36:12 PM
None of my writings are in any particular date order as my original profile was deleted.  

9/10/2015 1:53:06 PM

So for those who have been following my facebook page, i have not been feeling up to par for several months. I started blood pressure pills a few months back and the Doc's keep changing them because nothing seems to be working for me. Again today i went to the Dr. and he put me on a new one while keeping me on my regular ones.

I don't like the way i feel on them, dizzy disorientated drowsy are just a few of the side affects. i will only take them at night once i am settled in for the evening. however he wants me to start taking them in the morning and at night.

i dont feel submissive anymore. i wont scene because i dont know how i will react on them. i wont drink or drive because of how i feel on them. i have thought about stepping away from the life style on numerous occasions due to this and i keep going round and round...

im hoping this feeling will pass. Sorry to all if i don't show up to parties after signing up.. and with Sanndman working out of town, i wont risk driving if i don't feel like my usual self.

Some days are good and some days are bad. today is definately a bad day.
but again probably cause i started a new pill today and it will take a few weeks for my body to get use to it. hopefully this will work as trial and error really is starting to suck big time.


9/10/2015 1:52:21 PM

walking away

Journal Entry 

I thought I could handle Poly, but some days I am not so sure. Some days are harder then others. Some days i think about walking away. Is it something I want to do. Part of me says yes. There are issues like any relationship but when there are more parties involved then the issues only magnify.

Some days I don't even know where i fit into this life style. I have not felt it for a long time. I have thought about walking away. I have not scened with Master in over 6 months, part of it was due to his illness, but part of it is due to my handicap. He says we will work around it, but that has not happened. I don't feel submissive on most days any more. Well I take that back, I don't feel like i am in a M/s relationship on most days any more.

Does that make me a bad submissive. I don't know. I have told Master on more then one occasion that i am thinking about walking away from Poly all together so this should be nothing new if he even sees this. Me speaking out right, means I am leaning more to ending the M/s poly dynamic and finding somebody who is Monogamous and wants that type of relationship.

Jealousy does not become me and I hate the feelings that i have been feeling over the last few weeks. I would rather be open then have the green eyed monster overtake me.

I'm done for now.

lots of love and hugs

fiore.

 


9/10/2015 1:51:42 PM

We were at a party over the weekend. The comments about my Master playing hard and not knowing how to hit soft hit home. If you dont like the way he plays keep your comments to yourself. Don't play with him. Prenegotiated scenes and safe words are there for a reason. You don't know if scenes were prenegotiated in the past and that person likes the way he plays. Again keep your comments to yourself. I don't go around saying this person hits like a girl or I won't play with so and so cause they hit to soft or to hard or dont put me into sub space.

I can guarentee Master checks on his sub throughout a scene. It is the subs job to tell the top if she is green red or in the yellow. If she wants it harder or softer. If she wants to hit sub space or cry. So if you dont like the way a person tops or you think its too hard that is fine. Don't play/scene with him but keep your opinions to yourself as some subs like it hard and can only go into a deep subspace by going hard!


9/10/2015 1:50:22 PM

scared.

Note 

There are days like today I feel scared and insecure of everything including us. Should I stay and fight for what I believe in. Should I turn, run and hide. Giving up hope is the easy way out but why should I open up and allow myself to be hurt. Wanting more then you are willing to give. What if you change your mind and set me free. What if there is no promise of tomorrow. What if what keeps me is no longer the reason to stay. It is so much easier to run away and not let my feelings show. You know what I need and want but what happens when I dont feel that. What happens if you let me down. I dont know if I can go through those types of feelings again. How do I trust that things will be ok and work out. How do I allow myself to love again with all my heart wth everything I am and everything I got. I cant break again as if I do I will fall too pieces.

I need you to be strong for the both of us. To take control. To let me know its ok to be scared. To let me know your not going anywhere to hold me tight while I cry the pain away. To tell me you love me and you wont let anyone or anything hurt me. To reassure me nobody or nothing will ever come between us. That I am now and will always be your number 1 priority and that will never change.


9/10/2015 1:49:48 PM

3 weeks

Note

When you first said 3 weeks, I thought 3 weeks is not very long. 3 weeks till you go on vacation. We would have plenty of time but those 3 weeks moved rather quickly and you were gone. Now only a few days have past and time seems to be standing still.

I long to hear your voice. I want to feel your touch. Your fingers entwined in my hair. Your whisper of mine in my ear. I want your arms wrapped around me. To cuddle all night long. To be the first person I see when I wake up in the morning and the last person when I close my eyes to fall asleep at night. I want to know who owns me through out each and every day. To hear the words that touch me and make me want to stay.

I thought 3 weeks would go by fast and not give a 2nd thought. But these 3 weeks are killing me as it seems time is standing still. A week has not yet passed and I am missing you so much. For once I wish these 3 weeks would rush by and never miss a glance. I count the weeks and days till you come home wishing it was now. But 3 weeks never seemed to be a long time until the day you were gone.


9/10/2015 1:49:02 PM

Depression

Journal Entry 

First I am writing from my cell phone, so please excuse errors...

About 20 years ago I lost a close friend due to suicide. Not only was he a friend but my daughters Godfather. At that time I swore I would do whatever it takes to not let that happen to a friend or loved one again.

So what happens when it hits close to home and people don't understand how i could put myself into harms way to save somebody. Well that is the risk I am willing to take. I would risk my own life if it meant I saved a life.

What can you do? I won't leave a person who is suicidal even if it is ordered to me to get out. I am your friend till the end. Nothing you say or do is going to hurt me enough to leave you alone. I know in my heart you don't mean anything you say to me.

Im here for you no matter what. Unconditionally! I love you as a friend! I am here for you! Late night talks! Just to listen! To hold you while you cry! If you need help all you need to do is ask. Again i am here for you!
I will help you figure out a way to get passed the stress, help you figure out a way to cope, help you figure out a way to manage.

In the past few months I know of 3 close friends of mine who suffer from depression currantly. I am there for each of them. Day or night. Depression isn't something that somebody chooses to be. It's a disease. Just like cancer. Nobody wakes up and says im going to be depressed today.

Some people have minor depression where others it is major. Instead of sitting back and watching or talking behind peoples backs. Ask them what can you do to make their life a little less stressful. It may only be an ear that listens.

What would you do to save one persons life?


9/10/2015 1:48:09 PM

I would like to thank Kajira for asking me to become a leader and I thought this post would be most appropriate as this is how I truly feel.

First and foremost we are a TEAM. We all have to work at this together to make this group as successful as possible.

I believe as a leader the first thing I promise to each and every one of our members is to keep their confidentiality. Anything that is brought to me in private will stay in private. I will not discuss group business out in the open. I will ask permission when deemed necessary to bring the issue to other leaders as I would not want to break anybody's confidentiality.

2nd and this is as important to me as the one above. The safety of each and everyone of you is just as important to me as confidentiality. I don't want to see anyone get hurt physically, mentally or emotionally unless consent is involved.

As a leader I will try my best to have patience, not be judge-mental, open mindedness (not only to suggestions, but everything in general).

I will accept constructive criticism (good or bad) and I will give it in return as I believe this will help me grow as a leader.

This post is not only written for you, but for me as a reminder of what a leader stands for and how I want to be.

ADDING TO THIS ON 6/16/14

There is No I in TEAM. a team player will listen to other leaders and will consider all options. not everything should be one sided. A leader should hold their composure at all times and not accuse or blame others. They should not yell, rant or scream at others, as we are all human beings. A team player should want to work together as a team to make a group better even if it means making sacrifices. A team player should not make decisions for the whole group without contacting all of the other members of the leadership team as maybe the rest of the team would like to see things done differently.


9/10/2015 1:45:54 PM

On My Mind

Journal Entry 

a tug of the hair
hand around the throat
a whisper in the ear
"Mine" is all i hear

the graze of your hand
the touch of your lips
knowing who owns me
is the peace within

the monster in you
comes to life
provoking me always with
a glimmer in your eyes

cuffs on the wrists
chained to a bed
a blindfold, a gag
what lays ahead

whips, floggers and paddles
pleases you so
the subbie in me
knows whats in tow

a white ass for pleasing
waiting to be warmed
holding thy's breath
for whats in store

a flick of the wrist
a slap on the ass
harder and faster
the tears come at last

one last whip
the cane comes across
Master whispers good girl
as he cuddles her close

cuddling snuggling
chills come and go
a smile on your face
knows i pleased you so


9/10/2015 1:45:07 PM

12 Days of submission

Journal Entry 

12 slaves a gagging
11 Doms a flogging
10 kittys mewing
9 ropes a tangling
8 littles playing
7 wooden paddles
6 hitachi's humming
5 golden collars
4 anal hooks
3 zipper lines
2 pairs of cuffs
And a sub in a whole hog tie.


9/10/2015 1:43:50 PM

Engagement

Note 

i took this off of my friends page on facebook.. it was funny so i wanted to post it:

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me….It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was always bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day her ‘little’ sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, ‘I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.’

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo… And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, ‘We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.’

The moral of the story: Always keep your condoms in your car!


9/10/2015 1:41:13 PM

I CRIED FOR YOU

Journal Entry

my heart breaks, tears run down my face
the feelings, the happiness, the joy, no more
sadness overcomes me
but hoping you are happy
was all that i could ever wish for

not knowing what the future beholds
not knowing if one day out paths might cross again
dreams shattered
the thought of you in somebody else's arms just tears me apart

i cried for you


9/10/2015 1:40:53 PM

GOODBYE!

Journal Entry 

do i stay
should i go
who am i to say
when my heart hurts so

the pain
the tears
all the years
of never letting go

will i ever love again
will i ever be free to be me again
i try to move on
i try to spend each day not thinking of you

you are with her as free as a bird
i am caged like a lion wanting to break out

at night i look at the stars in the sky
wondering what went wrong
where do we go from here

my heart skips a beat
my head says no
you are a danger to my well being

how do i break away
just to let go

the years gone by
too many to count
not to give love another try

but in the end it's just my final goodbye


9/10/2015 1:40:20 PM

WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE

Journal Entry 

i walked into your life
i was a scared little girl
afraid to let go of the past
you came to me like a train out of no where

my heart skips a beat
i can not breath
knowing you wanted me so

as always i run
i try to hide
afraid to find out whats inside

i hurt you so
that i do know

you walked back in my life
without a gleam in your eye
where do we go from here

i asked you to trust me
to please forgive me
to let me see for sure

you guard your heart
with all your might
not letting me back in

the days turn into nights
weeks turn into months
will we ever be again

i know i have hurt you
will you ever let go
to give love a try

i know what i want
not knowing how to get it
is the bind i am now in

we had a few tryst
we had some laughs
wanting to learn as we grow

both inexperienced
both afraid
not knowing where our paths will go

maybe one day
our hearts will mend
and we will be together again


9/10/2015 1:38:54 PM

A SWEET EXPERIENCE

Erotica 

I sit at work thinking about how tedious my day is going to be. Another boring day at the office. As the day drags on
I wonder if it will get any better. I listen to the clock on the wall tick tock tick tockthe hands of time
barely moving. All of a sudden i hear the buzz of my cell phone, wondering if it is him. Should i look at it.
I pick up my cell phone and dial in the passcode click on Yahoo Messanger to see who it is. Yes it is my Sir.
My heart skips a beat. He's checking on me. That makes me smile. But today instead of checking on me he sending
me a message. A very sexual message. He is telling me what he is going to do to me. Telling me how he's going to
pull on my tits making my nipples hard, how he is going to rub my clit, how he is under my desk tasting me eating me
taking me right here and now. He tells me how he is going to smack my ass hard as he fucks me. As I read what he writes
to me my breathing becomes shallow. My heart is racing. i feel a tightening in my chest that goest to my stomach and
groin.

My pussy juices start flowing as I read it. I can feel my nipples rise on my breast getting nice and hard and my pussy
starts to contract as I read his writing. By this point I am so sexually arroused and I am unable to do anything about it,
as I am at work. I grind into my chair trying to find some sort of release but it doesnt help. I don't know if
anybody around me can see in a difference in my appearance. My face is flush and now i can't even concentrate on my work
as I am desparately wishing that i could get myself off at this point. Still over three hours of work left. This is going
to be a very long afternoon.

As the day goes on my Sir R. writes me again stating he has a task for me. I wonder what this task will be as so far
he has not asked anything hard of me. "Sir may I ask what my task shall be?" I can almost here the gentle laughter as he
knows that what he is going to ask me, will embarrass me. "Lil one" he says, "I want you to get a package of anal plugs
and gun oil." I gasp as i hear his request. I dare say no as I may be punished. "Yes Sir." I say. "I will get that for you,
but how do I know what I need." He tells me that the person at the store will assist me and to make sure I ask to see the
items, to feel them, to make sure it is what i need. Sir tells me that it will be very flexible and the Gun Oil works
sensational.

The rest of the day goes on with a blur as I am unable to concentrate. Five O'clock can't come soon enough. I am
unsure why I feel like this but I can't wait to go to the store and check out the anal plugs. My pussy is so wet,
drenching my undies and pants, my nipples tight. I pack up my desk shortly before five o'clock so when that time comes
I can punch and leave. Putting the stores address into my cell phone, I navigate there, not being able to get there
fast enough. I driver faster then I normally do, swerving in and out of traffic.

I pull into the driveway and there is a guy outside the door smoking a cigarette right outside the door. Hoping that
he is not the only employee as this would be very embarrassing. I gather my composure before getting out of the car,
knowing I can do this. I get out of the car and slowly walk towrds the guy. As I approach him, he puts out his cigerette
and holds the door open for me. "Thank you Sir." I say. He follows me inside and of course he asked "Is there something
I can help You find." God should I tell him it will be so embarrassing but knowing I have to get them. I don't make eye
contact. "Yes Sir, I need to see the anal plugs." He walks me over to the section of the room showing me all the
different kinds they have. I went there looking for a certain kind but could not find them on the display so of course
now I have to go to the counter and ask him if he has the ones I originally came to see. I pull up the internet on my
phone and ask "Do you happen to have these." He looks at my phone and says "No." So I ask "Can you please check the
surrounding stores." "Yes" he says.

As he is making the phone calls I walk around the store seeing all sorts of items. Dildo's, vibrators, leg spreaders
hand cuffs, videos, longerie, strap on's, everything to do with sex. I have never been in a sex shop before as this
is a first for me. I am overwelmed with everything that is in there.

They do have my second choice in stock so I go and grab them while he makes the phone calls. Of course three guys come
into the store while I am waiting, not together, but separately. As I am holding the anal plugs. My pussy is wet and I know
I need to release. While he is making the phone calls. I let each guy go ahead of me. As the last guy leaves the store
the gentleman behind the counter tells me, "Nobody has them in stock." He asks, "Will that be all. I say "No." "I need Gun
Oil also." Of course I didnt know what kind I needed as there are different kinds. He puts them on the counter and I
Yahoo Messanger my Sir asking which one I need to get. He tells me. My Sir then asks, "Are the anal plugs flexible?"

Unsure if they are or not I have to ask the gentleman behind the counter if he can take them out of the package so I can
see them. He gives me an exquisitive look but goes in back. Wonders if I said something wrong, why would he leave. He
comes back with hand sanitizer and asks for my hands. I reach over the counter and he squirts the cool gel into my hands.
I massage it in as he pulls out the small anal plug and hands it to me. Yes its very flexible bends and moves. I chat
my Sir and let him know it is flexible. I end up getting them.

The whole car ride home all I can think about is trying to get the small one into my anal. Of course now I am getting
turned on even more. I rub my crotch as I drive down the highway. The guy in the store told me to use antibacterial
soap to clean them so another stop at the store.

I pull into the parking lot and thinks this will be quick, but then decides I need food to keep me well nurished.
I walk up and down the isles puting items in my basket but not even really paying attention to what I am grabbing.
Upon getting to the checkout line there is a long line. Thinking to myself why can't stores open up more checkout lanes.

Another $100.00 later and I am loading the groceries into the car. I cant wait to get home to check out my new toys.
I am only 10 minutes from the house now. I can wait the extra few minutes. I drive rather quickly to the house thinking
I will run in, let the dogs out and go out to the car and grab my toys and groceries. But a surprise was waiting for me
when I unlocked the door as my roommate came back from her trip early. Thinking to myself damm I will never get off at
this rate. My heart is pounding, my pussy aches with need, my cunt is dripping white creamy milky precum, my nipples are
hard and I am hot and flustered.

So as I sit in the kitchen talking to my roommate wondering if she will ever go to bed. I am just getting more and more
sexually flustered. She tells me she is going to take a shower so that is the perfect chance to go back out to the car
and grab my toys.

I bring them into the house and place them in my small 4 wall bedroom. nothing in there but a bed and a nightstand.
I put the toys to the side and go back out into the kitchen. Maybe I will get lucky and she will go to bed early.

All of a sudden my email is going off. It is Sir asking me if I made it home and if I got everything. Smiling into
the phone I type yes everything is good. He says "Thats good and is what you got what I described." "Yes Sir it is."
"Good girl" he says.

"Are you alone?" he asks. "No Sir my roommate is home and she is still awake." He types "Can you still play with yourself?"
"Yes Sir I can. I can go in the bedroom, shut the door and turn on the radio but i have to be very quiet. You see I am
a screamer, a moaner, I am loud when it comes to sex." He types back "That is a good thing." He tells me he is going to
call me so be ready in 5 minutes. Whats he going to ask me to do as we never talked on the phone before. Yes we text
but never spoken. Wonders what he sounds like. I start to get nervous, blushing, heart racing, getting all tingly. I
turn on the radio and hopefully it is loud enough for my room mate not to hear. The phone rings it's Sir. Should I
answer it. I better as I dont want him being disappointed in me. I answer the phone barely a whisper "Hello Sir." I hear
on the other end of the line in a deep voice almost sounds like a growl. "Hello Lil one, how are you tonight." Listening to
that voice my heart races, my stomach tightens, butterflies instantly in my stomach. Oh i so love his voice. it sends
chills through me.

Country music playing in the background listening to mostly male singers while we talk. Sir asks me what I am wearing.
undies and a t-shirt I respond. He growls "take them off" and then he gets louder "TAKE THEM OFF NOW!" I know it's not a
request but an order. I set down the phone quickly remove shirt, bra, and panties. I pick up the phone "Sir I have done as
you asked I am sitting here on my bed completely naked. I here a snicker "good girl. Lil one I now want you to rub yourself
as if your were getting a massage. You are not allowed to play with yourself just rub yourself." As my finger slowly move
over my chest down my stomach over my thighs and back up again I feel a very need in my groins. Over and over I rub myself.
slowly, seductively. I hear Sir's voice in the phone again say "I want you to pinch your nipples really hard. I want
you to pull them." I am already getting somewhat off on my massages as my breathing has changed my hips are squirming on
the bed, I am moaning but I do as Sir ask me to. I moan even louder as I play with my nipples pulling them kneeding them
pinching them making them nice and hard moaning hard. "Sir may I please play with myself I am getting really wet and I
want to cum." "NO" he says "You may not CUM."

I am so hot now it's not even funny. I want more I want to cum but I am not allowed to. Sir tells me "I want you to rub
your cunt but do not finger yourself do not insert a finger only rub the outter lips of your cunt. Do you understand
what i am telling you?" "Yes Sir I understand." I whisper. "SAY IT. SAY IT OUT LOUD" he growls. "YES SIR I UNDERSTAND;
i rub around my pussy with my right hand as my left hand stills massage my chest. I hear Sir say take long strokes but
do not enter your cunt." I do as he says my hips are now rising off the bed, my eyes are closed, my breathing is very
irregular. Not sure what I am wanting I am begging for more... more what? "Please Sir may I cum." "NO" he says "No you may
not cum. Continue rubbing but do not enter your finger into your cunt. I want you to tell me how wet you are." "Sir I am
very wet my pussy is leaking I want more." "Yes dear I know you do. I want you to run your fingers through your juices but
do not enter them. I want you to rub your fingers around your anal area but do not enter it. I want you nice and wet."
he says in a deeper voice.

I am feeling things I have never felt before, my body is tingling almost a numb sensation. My breathing is irregular,
trying to breath, thinking I am holding my breath, my pussy is aching with need, my vaginia is pulsating, my ass is feeling
things it has never felt before. He says i"I want you to stick just the tip of your finger into your beautiful ass for me.
nothing more no further can you do that?"

"Yes Sir I can." I say. Moaning as I enter it circling around and around just the tip. My other hand massaging my breast
massaging my cunt not allowed to touch my clit or insert a finger. My head is now swimming I am thrashing on the bed
wanting more wanting to cum I ask again "Sir please may I cum." "No you may not. I want you to stick your finger further
into your ass dont move it in or out but twirl it." "Yes Sir" I do as he says. The sensation of my swirling my finger in my
ass is almost putting me over the edge. My breathing god am I breathing is so irregular. I am moaning loud now. My pussy
juices leaking out of me. Looks like a guy came inside of me but that is my pussy juices. My moaning is loud now i can't
hold my cum much longer i cry out begging for release.

"Please Sir may I cum Please PLEASE Sir Please let me cum Please Sir i cant hold it in any more please let me cum." Begging
pleading, wanting god if he says no I won't be able to hold it. I am going to come even if he says no. Please don't say No.
"Yes i will let you release but you have to do as i say." "Yes Sir I will do as you say." "It will be hard and dont
release until i tell you to" He tells me to release. As I release, I am moaning and crying out into the phone. I hear "that's
my good girl. Now I want you to pinch your clit Pinch it hard and don't release it until I tell you to."

Not sure what he means I pinch it, pinch it hard. I squirt my cunt juices out all over the bed all over me multiple
orgasams over and over cumming so hard, screaming, my stomach never felt this tight before, my legs never stiffened so hard
before' my toes turn white as I clench them into a ball. Cumming and cumming and cumming OH FUCK! YES! FUCK YES! THIS FEELS
SO FUCKING GOOD! OH FUCK SIR! OH GOD! YES GOD! CUMMING! Until there is nothing left in me. Cumming hard. My juices squirting
all over me all over the bed. Soaking everything around me. I must have came over five times. Just squirting over and over.

I never came like this before. I am panting, I am spent, I feel wonderful. I smile into the phone "Thank You Sir. Thank You
for letting me Cum!"


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