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Self
Sexuality causes its own pain
Im single, live alone and have way too many pets. I havent subbed to anyone for many years. I have found that i dont enjoy playing for plays sake. For me, its about power exchange. To lose myself in a Dominant requires a level of trust that wont happen for me with a session or three.
Sometimes i can be found here often, sometimes i can go missing for months from these type of pages. Regularly i just pretend im not submissive to save myself any further disappointment.
My previous experience and training has led me to believe that submission is a lifestyle choice. When i sub, its not just for session time. My submission is part of who i am with you. I can come across as strong and independent... and while that is true, its not really the truth of where i would prefer to be.
My vulnerability creates walls, my lack of trust brings forth cynicism, my desire leaves hope.
Im intelligent, tertiary trained in communication and some psychology. I can hold a conversation, at least in some part, on a huge variety of subjects. I happily ask questions when i dont understand.
Who are You?
Intelligent, with an ability to converse.
Experienced, with an interest in the psychological aspects of Ds.
A Man. Im hetero.
A Man who is naturally Dominant. A man who understands why he does what he does to a girl because he knows what he is trying to achieve.
With luck, ill get to meet you.
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Special thanks to the first dom ive met up with in years,
just so he could reprimand me for my profile. 
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I'm not submissive anymore.
I'm an old fat woman who has lived alone for many years. Decades. Men have come, and gone. All of them have abandoned me.
I dont do this shit no more.
I AM! |
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a lovely man. kind, gentle, peaceful.
nothing i've ever experienced before.
vanilla has its benefits.
of course, it was not enough.
never could be. |
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It looks like im finally ready.
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Pain without direction
becomes
a "lost journey"
for the
heart
of slave. |
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sexual
warmth
breathing
memories
wetness
swollen
desires
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Im getting tired now
Tired of the men
Tired of the lack of reality
Tired of the nothing
I think im ready to go back to sleep.
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You left me
and all it takes is one phone call
years later
my mind is consumed with You again
Master of my submission
always |
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... and it never changes...
....by the time im feeling safe....its too late. |
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word of the day : Sapiophile |
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and out come the clowns.... as if a bell has been rung for their attendance.
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Last night, for the first time in a very long time i had a conversation that triggered some memories. Memories of a Domination so fierce a girl could only beg to submit. It left me with a desire i have not felt for some time. A need to lay bare all, so that my mind could be accessed, manipulated, twisted and controlled. A yearning to offer up my body for the Dominants' need to see my pain, for my need to be given pain, accept pain, work through it and be overwhelmed by it. A desperate quest to be controlled beyond reason, my mind so completely owned that i would have no knowledge of where safe, sane and consensual began or ended.
Last night i slept in that half wake, half sleep state. Imagining.... dreaming of control. |
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Im gunshy, forgive me. I no longer remember submission. Ive left the profile as it is, simply to acknowledge what i once knew. |
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I just want to feel,.......
And after that, i just want to feel nothing. |
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What a waste of time.
Where, in my profile, does it allude to me being an online slut for the pleasure of online doms?
Real Life interactions ONLY ppl.
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and nothing......
no where, no one, no time, no space.
..... the void. |
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subuse, use, suse, pointless submission.
Ive lost my mind.... submission without mind is of no use to me.
I waited kneeling, naked at the open door again. The mind isnt there yet. Move to the spot indicated. Implements used to test me, see where my body is. The mind isnt there yet. Pain, tears, welts, bruises, scratches. A moment without breath, perhaps. One grateful moment when the mind is with Him. Then it's gone. Removed.
The body's not there, the mind is refused. How much will I take... Call Uncle? lol ... who! Red? .... Not polite enough, not strong enough, not serious enough. Not Enough!
Little talents lost, forgotten. Self destruction assured.
What's left behind.....
Pointless submission... yes Sir, kneel, spread legs, crawl, suck, bend. Become the whore, hide in the sexuality. Be commanded, desire to be commanded, want to be used, subused. Beg for more. |
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BRUTAL
TOTALITY
BREATHE DEEP
RELEASE
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With gratitude to the author, not me.
feel the lick of the tail
teasing you gently
tantilising your outer thigh
each lick inviting
tempting you to rest on your stomach
your butt lifted
teasing the tail to pleasure
each lick ... such pleasurable joy
leaving its mark
a careful flick
the crouch clips let go
the next lick lifts the fabric
exposing your skin
each cheek feels the taste
aches for more
stroke after stroke
the pleasure is endured
he takes her by the hand
easing her to her feet
guiding her to the mirror
to admire the handiwork
the redness
the lines of tenticles
she will bare for days to come
each one warming her heart ......
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