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Female Submissive, 37
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Transgender Submissive, 40, London
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Male Submissive, 29, Ottawa, Ontario
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About SufferForMaster
i am a masochist slave, transgendered (pre-op) from female to male.? i have needed pain for as long as i can remember, and could not, until recently, reach sexual climax without it.? Now i am also able to orgasm to thoughts of serving my Master.? i am owned, without limits, by my Master, J, a sadist known on this board as intersexDom.? He has taught me, through carefully planned instruction, and arduous training, the true meaning of devoted, selfless service.? i offer Him my suffering, my vulnerability, my need, and He exploits them, rewarding me by giving me the opportunity to see and be who i truly am.? i am immensely grateful to Him for my training, and for allowing me to serve Him.
i seek those who are like-minded, for chat, friendship, sharing and, for very special individuals after a long period of trust-building, the possibility of personal interaction.? Please understand, my Lord will read all communication, and advise me on response.? He does sometimes allow me, with His specific permission, to interact with others.? Also be aware, my slavery is not a game or a fantasy.? It is a constant, guiding force in my life.? i begged Him to take me without limits, and my obeisance to Him is not bound by the conventions or norms espoused by any club, group, chatroom, website or book claiming to regulate some kind of "lifestyle".? If you have felt this way, i will be happy to share with you. |
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i'm not a sadist, so i have no first-hand knowledge of what it's
like to be a sadist. i'm a masochist, and i know that pain is a need
for me. If i don't get pain when i need it, the result is unpleasant. i
do know that, for a sadist, inflicting pain can also be a need.
i knew before i saw my Master today that His need was acute. He
needed to hurt someone, and i was the one who would meet that need. i
do have some fear when His need is that strong. i know He will not
cause me harm, but i worry that it will be hard to take enough pain to
satisfy Him. Today i did not find that too difficult. It felt so good
to give Him what He needed.
At such times, taking pain for Him is therapeutic. He was so much
more relaxed afterwards. He told me that the experience was healing for
Him.
Sadists and masochists often play for the fun of it. But sometimes,
it is not play. Some of us need to receive or inflict pain as much as
we need to eat or breathe. i am grateful to be owned by one for whom i
can satisfy that need, and who satisfies my need. It is healing for
both of us.
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He tortured me. He used some new positions, a new implement, and the nastiest of the usual implements. It wouldn't have taken much force to cause real pain with them, but He used plenty of force anyway. i screamed at the first stroke. He told me, just before He started, that He was going to torture me, so i knew it would be hard. i wanted to take it, and give Him my suffering. i wanted to take as much pain as He cared to give me. i was soon struggling to stay in position, then, just to keep returning to the position He'd specified. Though i tried not to, i found myself begging Him to stop. i felt like i couldn't take any more. He didn't stop. He kept on torturing me, while i continued to scream and to beg Him to stop. i found that i could take more; i had to. There was no pleasure in this for me. It was beyond the point i often reach with Him, where it is more than i want, but i can focus on His pleasure. i couldn't focus on anything but wanting it to stop, but it was quite clear that He wasn't considering my wishes in that. He went on for a good bit longer. He is my Master, my Owner. It is His choice.
i don't know why He chose to be so harsh today. It was not punishment; He was pleased with my service. He feasted on my suffering. Focusing on my anguish helped Him to cum. Once it was over, i was glad that He used me for His pleasure.
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i knew i was in for a lot of pain today. Usually that would please me. Most people won't give me more pain than i want, in fact most people stop short of what i want from a heavy pain session. Master is different. Since i'm His property, He can give me as much pain as He likes.
There are only two implements i have ever begged Master to stop using on me. He used both of them today. He taunted me with one--laid it on my back, held it out in front of me. It occurred to me to beg Him not to use it. There were plenty of other things He could use to make me suffer. But i want to give Him what He wants, and He did seem to want to use it. It pleases Him to hear me beg, but i hate to even ask Him to stop something He's enjoying.? So i suffered, and i screamed and whimpered and told Him how it hurt until it seemed like too much. i begged Him to stop. Maybe it's silly of me to beg, when i know it won't stop Him from doing what He wants. But it's still a way to communicate that i don't feel i can take any more.? When i beg, He knows i've reached that panicky point where i just have to do something to try to get it to stop. He knows i'm not begging just because He likes me to.
When He picked up the other implement, and told me what position to take, i dreaded it. i told Him, as i was getting into position, that i did not want that. He did it anyway.
At a previous session, after i begged Him not to use an implement i hate, He said He would not, if i pleased Him sufficiently with my tongue. i did everything i could to please Him, and He did not use that implement again. Until today. When i begged Him not to use either of the two implements that are hard for me to take, He said He might not, If i kept my tongue busy.? i kept my tongue moving constantly, doing everything i could think of that He likes.? He later said my tongue was "frantic". Maybe if i could keep His attention on my tongue, He would forget about that torture i really didn't want. It seemed to be working for a while, but then, though i begged Him not to, He used it again.
Sometimes my service is unpleasantly painful. But He gets what He wants, and that's what matters.
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my Master seems to be getting more sadistic. Either that, or i'm getting less masochistic, but no one has seriously suggested that. He wanted my suffering tonight, so He used His favorite new implement, which is most definitely NOT on my favorites list. i knew He was in this mood, and i was determined? to give Him all the suffering He wanted. He was vicious, unrelenting. i kept hoping He would have enough of it soon, and move on to something else. Finally, i could hardly even think clearly, and i found myself begging Him to stop. He kept on for so long while i begged, but finally He did stop. After establishing beyond doubt that i definitely did not want more of that, He told me He would not use it again tonight, on the condition that i use my tongue to pleasure Him as well as i have done before.? If i was not as good, i would feel it again. i was so grateful to turn my attention to that task!
That was probably the worst pain i have felt yet. It seems that i've been saying that a lot lately, hence my assertion that He's getting more sadistic.
He did something else He rarely does, that i have wished He would do more often.? He gave me His piss, directly from the source, right in my mouth. i never used to think i would like that, but i love it. Only with Him, though. He really enjoyed it, also. He did it several times. i was impressed with the volume, and had a hard time keeping up, but i feel honored to be allowed that.
He was pleased with the efforts of my tongue, and did not use the dreaded implement again tonight. He did use several others, and i did not lack for pain. i was quite relieved to be spared the worst one, but mostly i was happy that He was pleased.
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What is a sadist who enjoys suffering, not just pain, to do with a masochist that enjoys most anything he can do to hurt him? If the sadist is my Master, he gets creative. He finds the tenderest areas of my body to hurt. He experiments with different implements and asks which hurts more, which i like better. i am His slave, so i tell Him, though i know that means he will give me more of what i don't like.
Today He tried something different, and i do not like it. He used it on my ass and my chest, and i do not like it anywhere. It is a very sharp pain. Sting doesn't seem adequate; perhaps sting squared is a better description. And it continued to hurt for a long time afterwards. i am expecting the marks to last a while. At one point i was standing in the middle of the room, not restrained, nothing to even hold on to. i was dancing around from the pain, and it was so hard to stay in place. The pain seemed to be too much, and i wanted to move away from it.
He loved it. And i love to see the pleasure in His eyes.
The first time we met in person (we met online originally), He looked at me and asked if i wanted to suffer for Him. i had never had such a desire before, nor even conceived of it, but looking into His eyes, and hearing Him ask that, i knew immediately that the answer was yes. Since then i've taken several types of pain i really didn't like, and i continue to offer myself for more. To be able to give Him that pleasure, is easily worth the pain.
i know i will be getting more of what i got today. i will hate it. And i will love suffering for Him.
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This morning, Master told me He wanted a long, slow blow job. i like to give Him what He wants. Afterwards, Master said that was the longest blow job He'd ever had. i'm not allowed to say exactly how long it was, but then, i wasn't watching the clock, so i don't even know exactly how long it was. However, it was well over an hour. i told Him i would be happy to do it for as long as He liked, and i meant it. Later, i noticed i had rug burn on my knees. i had a few other marks, too, as Master likes to hurt me while i suck His cock. i got good early on at not biting down when the whip hit me, but it took a while to be able to go on for as long as i did today. When i finished, i felt great; He was pleased.
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"Please...please don't" Doesn't Stop Master
Not that i expected it would. i don't have a safeword, or limits with my Master, so what He does to me is entirely up to Him. It had been almost two weeks since our last session, and His sadistic needs were high. He warned me my suffering might be substantial today. i am happy to suffer for Him, and he pushes me further than anyone else does, as is only right since i am His property.
Today He seemed driven. He wanted my pain. He hit me harder and longer than usual with floggers, a quirt, a long wooden strip, and possibly more; i wasn't always able to see what He was using. There have been other times when He has given me more pain than i want, and i have been tempted to beg Him to stop. But this is for Him, not me, and i don't want to interrupt His pleasure. Today, He seemed to be hitting me everywhere, and he carved His initial on my front. i am not a fan of sharp pointy things.
At one point, He used a wicked plastic flogger that stings something awful. So he decided to use it on my most tender areas. It was while He was beating my groin, and i was screaming and unable to hold still, and He just kept doing it, that a pathetic little "please" escaped my mouth. i am allowed to beg, but i usually don't. i don't think i have ever begged him to stop before. He asked "please what?" And i nearly incoherently said something like "please don't" or "no more". He didn't stop, of course, but he did enjoy my begging.
There was lots more pain after that. Some of it i enjoyed. The rest, i suffered for Him. It is good to be able to give Him that. After He left, i lay on the floor for a moment, spent. It is also exhausting to give Him that. |
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