SubservientWish

It should be obvious that in order for healthy power based relationship to exist, communication is absolutely essential.  It is obvious, and yet examples of real honest communication are rarely found the BDSM realm.  It is an unfortunate reality that most of us with extreme tastes discovered our deviant sexuality from the porn industry.  It is not my intention to pass judgement, however it is important to note that what is displayed on film is only a small glimpse at what a true Dominant/submission relationship should be in entirety.  Pornography, even when involving experienced models and "real" pain, is a production of fantasy that rarely translates into the reality of kink.  While some couples may be happy to display their sexual relations for the entertainment of others, few people are interested in viewing the complex interactions that drew them to that moment of intimacy.  

 

True communication is raw; it is messy and often uncomfortable.   Honesty is essential,  which means that there will be things said that do not fit the stereotypical ideal of obedience or domination.  No slave, no matter how, eager and well trained, is infallible.   It is the responsibility of the dominant party to gather whatever information necessary ensure the safety of their submissive just as it is a submissive's duty to respond honestly and without shame.  This is the beginning of that symbiotic connection; the recognition of self and one's own strengths and weaknesses and the courage to share that with the person who will be building such an intimate connection.

 

This level of selfless honesty leaves no room for posturing or image projection.  Obviously roles are an essential part of power exchange, but it is not impossible to maintain this unique connection while seeing each other as unmasked human beings.  Rather then threatening the bond, such courageous openness is the cornerstone on which the rest of the relationship will depend.  Worshiping a facade has little more value than bowing to a golden calf, and overpowering a weak mind only proves cowardice.  It is our willingness to acknowledge and accept both our own and our partners flaws that gives the relationship meaning.  

 

This takes time and a willingness to make mistakes and learn from them.  It is foolish to believe that something so powerful and so rewarding can be accomplished overnight.  Impatience often results only in dissatisfaction.    When fantasy refuses to become reality we question the existence of happiness at all, completely ignoring the fact that we have done nothing more than desperately grope around in the dark hoping to find the intangible utopia lurking in our imagination.  To find happiness we must go on a journey of exploration, aware that we may trip and fall several times before we real our destination, but determined to power through until we find the satisfaction we crave.