Sublime39

So, its my first Journal entry.  As I start I wonder what I will say.  I guess since this is the start, why not start at the beginning.

I am a total newbie to this whole experience.  But, I have been very interested in it for a long time.  I recently met someone who told me about CM so I decided to check it out.  After spending hours reading through the message boards, I believe that I would consider myself to be a top, that would like to learn to be a Dom. 

I think I am level headed and calm even in chaotic situations.  I do not get mad easily.  I tend to let things go rather fast.  And I realize that people do or say things because of the situation they are in, not because they are angry at me directly.  I understand how to separate the two.  I think rules and regulations provide a sense of peace and purpose in my personal life.

Just getting into this experience and reading through others thoughts, I do wonder if my desire to top or Dom for that matter is what I need or if that is simply me not wanting to submit.  Right now, that is my biggest question that I have to answer.  Why do you want to do the things you want to do?  Is it because you honestly deep down have a desire for it.  Or, because the other side of the coin scares the hell out of you.