sublilithSM

WHAT'S IN A NAME? 

I’ve been asked on a few occasions about my profile name “lilith” (which is not my real name), and why I chose it, given that I am submissive. There are several reasons, so I’ve decided to write a brief note for those interested. 

Lilith is a creature of mythology. According to legend, she was the first wife of Adam created from the same earth as Adam. However, she refused to be subservient to him, mated with the Angel of Death (Samael) and left the Garden of Eden. She then became a succubus: a demon who takes the form of an intoxicatingly beautiful, sensual woman in order to seduce men and absorb their life force (repeated intercourse with a succubus was said to result in deterioration in health or even death). 

So, I can see why some people are somewhat confused about the choice of “lilith” as a profile name for a submissive! However, it actually works perfectly for me on a number of levels. 

As a submissive, I am of equal value to my Master

Unlike Eve, Lilith was made from the same earth as Adam. They were made to be equals.

Being submissive is not about being of less value than my Master. We are equal, yet opposite – two parts of a whole. When I speak of equality, I mean value and worth. I am saying that submissives are not inferior to Dominants. Yes, we are subservient and yes, we submit. But we are not weak, and we are not inferior. Our value is independent of our Dominants; it is not derived from them.

I choose to submit

Lilith refused to be subservient to Adam. It was forced upon her and was not something that she chose for herself. So, she left.

Submission is a choice. It is a part of who I am, and it is not something that I can run from (no matter how much I sometimes wish I could – my life would certainly be easier if I didn’t feel the way I do). But it is still my choice. I choose my Master, I choose servitude, and I choose to embrace my submission and be true to who I am.

I have a slave-heart, so my pleasure is derived from my Master’s

Lilith is a demon who can only survive by giving pleasure to men. She seduces them so that she can feed on their energy and life force as she gives them pleasure.

I am a submissive with a slave-heart. The more that I learn about myself through my journey, the more I realise what this means for me. It means that I need to give and serve and please my Master in order to feel fulfilled myself. I only enjoy play if it pleases my Master. I am happiest when I am serving Him. In short, I feed on the life force and energy that He has from what He takes from me (which I give willingly).

For my Master, I am an intoxicatingly beautiful creature

Lilith takes the form of a beautiful woman designed to intoxicate and seduce the man she targets.

When a slave-hearted woman meets a Master-hearted man there is instant recognition. Sometimes (rarely) there is a spark and a connection that runs deeply and is impossible to ignore. Within that sort of connection there is a beauty to the submissive that is like a drug for the Dominant. It is her submission and her service and devotion to Him that makes her so beautiful and spectacular to Him.

I need a deeply Dominant man

Lilith is a powerful demon, and she can destroy weak men who are unable to control themselves or her. As a succubus, she can kill the men who dare to take her.

There is obviously a bit of artistic licence with this analogy!! For me, this part of the legend just speaks to the fact that I need a very deeply Dominant man. I don’t think that I am easy to own, easy to love or easy to control. I am obedient to my Master, but I know that truly deep internalised enslavement is a feat that, for me, will be difficult to achieve. I am the kind of submissive who requires her Master to be in complete control, with absolute confidence and integrity, who will remain strong and who has the ability to take hold of me completely: heart, body, mind and soul.

... Or maybe I just thought the name sounded cool…

The "p" word and me

"He is happy whose circumstances suit his temper; but he is more excellent who can suit his temper to any circumstances." ~ David Hume

I am not a naturally patient person. It is probably my biggest flaw. My mind works quickly, I have a natural ability to absorb a lot of information very quickly, I think deeply, I analyse all the time, and I quite often feel frustrated when the rest of me (and very often the rest of the world) simply cannot keep pace with my racing mind. I also have a job that involves tight deadlines, working efficiently and quickly, and not wasting any time sitting around doing nothing. All of my time is accounted for, and there are high expectations of me in terms of performance and production of quality work as quickly and as cost-effectively as possible. I have been trained to work in this way, and it feeds into my natural inclination to move quickly, to complete tasks and achieve goals efficiently, and to do as much as possible in the time that I have available.

This is not a useful trait for a submissive. In fact, I would say that the single most difficult part of my journey is learning patience.

I imagine that many submissives struggle with patience and, like me, find it hard when they are not in active service or being used or put to task. It takes a great deal of strength not to sink into feeling useless, worthless and like a toy that nobody wants to play with. So, I thought it may be helpful to write about my own personal battle with the dreaded "p" word. This is an ongoing struggle for me, and I am not even close to success in internalising and fully embracing and accepting patience as an integral part of my submission and service. But, I am trying (... I'm sure Master would say that I am very trying!). I know I will get there, but (infuriatingly) just like everything else in this lifestyle, it takes time, focus, and incredible determination.

The "p" word and me

Focussing on being patient is excruciatingly hard for me. I would find it infinitely easier to deal with having my boundaries pushed, and trying to complete tasks that challenge me. I thrive when I have tangible goals to achieve - it feeds into my task-oriented mindset and my internal achievement drive. Patience, on the other hand, is just horrible and hard and feels like a punishment no matter how much I tell myself that I know Master is not punishing me.

I fully understand that it is precisely because it is so difficult for me that Master has chosen to push me hardest in this respect. Despite being about omission rather than action, it is nevertheless a task, but it is one that I do not enjoy working on at all, partly because it is never going to end, and partly because it runs totally contrary to my nature. This makes it the hardest part of my journey, and is therefore (of course) Master's biggest focus.

I struggle to remain calm and focussed when I am not being used or put to task by Master. I struggle to feel that I am of value and that I am wanted and desirable unless Master places me in active service. (This is something I have written about previously in more detail). I know that when Master chooses not to use me or put me to task this does not mean that He is rejecting me or that He no longer finds me useful or valuable. However, I have to work hard not to lose sight of that when I am with Master (during the short, precious periods that I am able to visit) and He chooses not to make much use of me. I have powerful emotions that automatically kick in, many of which are connected with issues of self-esteem, and it is hard to remain focussed in the face of such powerful feelings.

I also struggle with the fact that Master is holding back from all of the play that I want to explore. I see so many people around me within my local community and my Master's local community exploring and playing with lots of different types of fetishes and kinks, and I sometimes feel embarrassed when I cannot join in conversations about things because I have no experience of them yet. I have been working very hard recently on trying to come to terms with the slow pace at which Master is progressing my exploration of BDSM play. I have been trying to focus on entrenching an understanding that this is not a punishment or rejection. This is not about Master not wanting to play with me, or not wanting to use me, or not wanting to explore fun fetishes and kinks with me. This is not about me not being good enough to deserve it, or not being desirable enough for Him. This is simply about learning patience, and there are several reasons why this is an integral part of my training.

The "p" word and its role in my training is about Master being in control, about learning my true worth, and (most importantly) about Master taking responsibility for my emotional well-being....

It reinforces the message that I am not in control of my journey

I want to experience all of the exciting new things that fill my fantasies, and I desperately want to experience everything now. I have lived my whole life with an aching need, which I am finally starting to understand, and now that it is all so close it is torturous to have to wait even longer. I want to explore all of the things that make my heart race and send my mind into an ecstatic spin when I think about them. I want some of the fun that comes with this lifestyle, rather than always having to focus so much on the hard, emotional aspects of my journey. But, no matter how much I plead* with Master to open up the box of delights that is so tantalisingly out of reach, it always falls on deaf ears. Master does what He wants, when He wants. He is in control, and my (sometimes overwhelming) desires and wants and needs are not mine to fulfil any more. They belong to Master, as does the rest of me, and it is for Him to decide when and how and if those desires, wants and needs are met.

*Disclaimer: I do not literally plead - that would be unacceptable behaviour. I am merely employing a little artistic licence here, to try to paint a picture of the emotions that I feel. These emotions never materialise as actual pleading, begging or brattish behaviour. But, Master is aware of the desperation that is going on inside me, as I am required to inform Him of all of my thoughts and feelings. My journal entries often portray the longing that I feel, and they show how much I struggle with true internalised and genuine patience. Master also regularly tells me to stop obsessing and fixating on things. When my mind becomes fixated it takes hold like the bite of a crocodile, and I lose my focus entirely. 

It teaches me the truth about my value and worth

I long to serve, to feel useful, to be used, to feel wanted, and to feel desirable to Master. As already explained, due to a number of issues that I have, I struggle to feel those things unless Master puts me to task and/or uses me. I know that I am still wanted and desired and valuable and treasured even when all i am doing is sitting at Master's feet. But, it is a challenge for me to feel that, and it is something that I really need to focus on at the moment. By making me wait and exercise patience as part of my training, Master reinforces the message that He loves me, treasures me, cares for me and wants me all the time. He wants me for who I am, not just what I can do for Him or what He can do with me.

It protects me from potentially damaging emotional harm

One of Master's favourite and well-used phrases is "all in good time". He believes that it is important to take things slowly, to guide me on my emotional journey, and never to do something for which I am not yet ready. Master is extremely experienced, everything He does has a purpose, and He has explained to me that it is important for Him to protect and care for my emotional well-being, as much as it is His duty to care for my physical health. Master says that the types of play that are likely to appeal to me most involve edge play and some quite extreme psychological elements. He needs to be sure that I am strong enough for these things, and that I will not be damaged by them, before He even begins taking steps in that direction with me.

In closing...

I do understand the purposes behind making me wait, forcing me to learn patience, and breaking habits long since learned and ingrained in my personality. I detest it, but I understand it. It all just takes time. And a good friend recently told me that I need to focus on enjoying the ride and not obsessing so much about the destination... I think that is very sage advice.

"A habit cannot be tossed out the window; it must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time." ~ Mark Twain

Being in service vs. wanting to feel of service

Master tells me that I am a very deep thinker.  He tells me that this attribute has the potential to be both a great strength and a great weakness for me.  I analyse everything around me, I read between the lines, and I think about the hidden and deeper meanings in things.  When harnessed properly, this enables me to take great strides forward in my training.  I am able to develop a deep and profound understanding of my inner self, and the lessons that I learn become ingrained on my soul.  On the other hand, when left unfocussed, especially when combined with negative thoughts and feelings (in particular low self-esteem), my over-analytical mind can take me down the wrong paths to very dark and scary places.

Master has taught me how to focus my mind, and He uses this together with my natural inclination to think deeply as an important tool in my training.  He guides me to focus on the lessons that I need to learn at the time I need to learn them.  This is done with such subtlety that many people would not even see that His hand is always placed gently over mine on the rudder, so that He can firmly help me to guide my ship in the right direction.  It is with this guidance that I am able to find my way out of the huge ocean of swirling thoughts through calmer waters and eventually into port.  I often disembark from these trips through my mind with such lucidity that I am astounded it took me so long to see something that is now so blindlingly obvious.  I have recently experienced this in relation to a lesson that I feel is intrinsically important to building the strong foundations I need in order to make it through this long and emotionally arduous journey.

One of my biggest challenges recently has revolved around acceptance.  I need to learn to accept the reality of the path I am walking, accepting myself and feeling proud to be in training to become Master’s collared submissive.  I have already written about why this is a struggle for me.  Part of my struggle has been caused by not being able to understand how I add anything to Master’s life.  I have struggled to see why He could possibly want me, what use I am to Him, how I can say that I’m in service to Him when I cannot be there 24/7 and where my place is within His life and within the family alongside my wonderful and dedicated two slave sisters.  Master told me months ago that, although I cannot be in service to Him in person all the time, I am always in service to Him within my heart.  It has taken me a long time to understand what He meant by that.

My moment of lucidity came when I recognised that I have been focussed on entirely the wrong thing.  I have been trying to find the answer to these questions by looking inward, instead of outward.  I have been thinking about whether or not I feel useful, worthwhile, and valuable to Master.  I have been worrying about the things that I cannot do for Master, or (when I am visiting Him) the fact that nothing I can do for Him while I’m there is any different to what He already has from His slaves.  I have been looking for what it is that is special and particular to me.  That is how I have been trying to see my value to Master.  But I had a moment of sheer lucidity when I realised the huge error in the way that I have been thinking.  Being in service is not about whether or not I feel of service.  What I want is irrelevant.  The fact that I may enjoy carrying out a particular task for Master is not important.  All that matters is that Master has what He needs.  My sisters and I work together to serve our Master, and we do that in whatever way He needs.  That is the only thing that is important.

Master has told me that He wants me, that I enhance His life and that I am loved and cherished.  I know and feel that in my heart, and I am no longer afraid to accept Master’s love, or to believe what He has told me.  My focus as His submissive needs to be entirely on being available to Him whenever He needs me, and serving Him in whatever way He desires.  The only reassurance that I should ever need is to see that He is happy and that all of His needs are looked after, regardless of which one of us He uses for each of those needs and desires.  Understanding this has helped me to accept that becoming Master’s collared submissive is what He wants and needs from me, and that I am no less valuable to Him as a collared submissive than I would be as a slave.

Having finally learned that lesson has opened my eyes up to so many things that I was unable to see before.  By focussing in the right direction – looking outward, instead of inward – I can see how much I do serve Master, and I have realised what being in service really means (particularly as a submissive who is not able to be with Master every day).  It is not just about domestic and sexual service (although, I am in service in both of those ways when I am with Master):  being in service is about doing whatever Master wants whenever He wants it, and remaining focussed on Master’s needs at all times.  There is so much more to this than looking after physical needs.  There is also emotional and intellectual service (although I don’t think those concepts are actually used within the lifestyle!).  Master uses me as a sounding board, He enjoys having interesting conversations or political debate with me, and He asks for my input on things where I have particular knowledge or experience.  Master has asked me to sort out annoying problems or issues for Him, I have taught Him how to use an iPhone (although many said it couldn’t be done!!), and I have taken beautiful photographs of His girls for Him.  But my service goes far beyond carrying out tasks for Master.  I am in service to Him when I meet others in the lifestyle, when I talk to people about my journey, and when I write articles like this one.  Why?  Because my behaviour reflects on my Master, so everything that I do within the lifestyle is in service to His reputation.  I am even in service in my vanilla life.  Master needs me to be happy and strong and fulfilled in order to be useful to Him, so everything that I do in my vanilla life is ultimately in service to my Master.  My job provides me with financial stability, my exercise and diet keeps me healthy, caring for my pets gives me immense joy, and spending time having fun with friends or enjoying my hobbies keeps me happy.  All of the decisions that I take in every moment of my life have an impact on me, and I belong to my Master.  So, everything that I do in looking after myself is in service to Master: by taking care of myself, I am taking care of one of Master’s most treasured possessions.

In short, I am in service to Master all of the time, and I can see that with so much clarity now that it has settled immense serenity over me and I feel a high that is almost impossible to explain.  People often talk about subspace in connection with play, but I think that there is a sort of emotional subspace that I sometimes achieve when I embrace my submission with everything that I am.  It is a feeling of incredible calm and contentment – I think I have described it before as feeling like I’ve been injected with a warm elixir, which runs through my heart and mind and courses through my veins to fill me up completely.

Learning how to truly embrace my submission and internally submit to Master in my service has been the key to unlocking the serenity that I now feel.  It was an entirely futile endeavour to search endlessly for my place, my worth, and my value by worrying about what I could do for Master that was special and unique to me, or how much I could be in physical service to Master in the way that my slave sisters are able to be every day of their lives.  The answer lay, as always, in my submission.  By embracing my submissiveness and focussing all of my energy on Master’s wants and needs, which is the only thing that matters, I have finally been able to see and understand that I am valuable to Master.  My true value to Master lies in who I am: THAT is why He wants me and loves me.  I do not need to feel that I am useful and of service in order to know that I am in service to my Master with every single beat of my heart.

To have a slave heart:  a personal struggle

I know that I have a slave heart.  My Master saw it in me before I even knew that I was submissive, or what this meant for me, or anything else about the lifestyle.  My Master knew it merely by looking into my eyes.  He had watched me from a distance – watching me interact with others in a swinging chatroom – and He has told me that He knew immediately that I was a deeply submissive woman.  My Master did not approach me; He waited until I approached Him.  He has told me me that He wanted me from the moment He saw me, as He could see that I was very special.  I still cannot fully understand this, but that is part of my training: to learn to accept the truth about myself, my worth, and to see myself through my Master’s eyes.

As I have progressed on my journey, I have started to understand what my Master meant when He told me that I have a slave heart.  Submissive is who I am; it is an inherent part of my very being.  To serve and obey my Master with all that I am, to give myself to Him completely, and to surrender all control to Him is a deep, aching need within me.  This is far more profound and deep than simply being a sexual need; it permeates every aspect of my life.  Now that I have finally discovered my true inner self, it is not something that I am able to ignore, run away from or switch off.  However, feeling the way that I do within the reality of my life makes my journey painful at almost every turn.

My Master has taught me that being a slave is about choosing to live your life in complete and total spiritual surrender to another.  For a slave, to have someone with power and complete control over them is both a turn on and a comfort.  It fills a void and makes the slave feel complete.  My Master has taught me that to be recognised as a slave within the “Old Guard” is an honour and a form of accomplishment.  I know this to be true, because I am fortunate to have two slave sisters who love and support me.  My slave sisters supported me when Master put a training collar around my neck and I signed a contract to commit to Him for a year's training.  My sisters continue to support me in every step of my journey.  My alpha slave sister felt so strongly about me that when it was time for me to sign my contract and receive my training collar, she created a ceremony for me (which is not usually done).  Master told me several months afterwards that before my sisters fetched me to present me to Master, He had asked them if they were sure about me, and both willing to stand behind me and support me.  They had to do this in the knowledge that if I fail, so do they; if I mess up, they share my punishment with me; and if I struggle on my journey, they need to support me and help to give me strength.  My slave sisters are strong, dedicated to their lives as slaves, and I have nothing but respect, love and admiration for them.

I understand a lot about the life of a slave because I have my Master and my sisters to teach me.  But more than that, I understand the way that my sisters feel and I have a deep bond with them, which is based on something that is innate in all of us: a slave heart.  Knowing and feeling this makes my journey extremely arduous, because I am not in slave training and I cannot ever be in slave training with my Master.  Years ago my Master wrote an article on another BDSM website in which He says: “If you truly are a slave soul, then you must follow it.  If you don’t you shall know NO peace until you do.  There will forever be a singular void within your spirit you'll neither understand nor vanquish.  This I know, ‘slave soul’. I am your Yin. You are my Yang. We are two parts of a whole, a never-ending balance of opposing needs, locked together forming a singular and powerful universe and spiritual bond.”

Yesterday I read that article and it reduced me to tears.  I know in my heart that nothing less than absolute devotion and commitment to another will ever completely fill up the void inside me.  I love my Master and am already deeply committed to Him, but I cannot serve Him as a slave.  This does not mean that I switch my submission on and off – I never stop being in service to Him within my heart.  But I live over 3 hours away, and I am not able to move closer.  I cannot be in service to my Master every day.  I cannot give up as much control to my Master as I want.  I have sometimes tried to give up more control than is realistic, but Master will not allow that.  He yanks my chain, pulls me back to reality and makes me focus on the path I am walking, and on what I can have with Him.  Master also regularly asks me if I want to leave Him to find a Master to whom I could become a slave – He asks me why I am not looking for that if it is in my heart.  He has asked me this from day one, and I am sure He will continue to ask me this.

My Master saw a slave heart in me when He first laid eyes on me, and He has always understood how hard it would make this journey for me.  I did not understand that at first, but I understand it now.  My Master tells me that He has a duty of care to me, and He must think about what is right for me and what I need in order to feel content, fulfilled and happy in my life.  I know that He has concerns about how hard it is for me to be walking a path that is limited to becoming a collared submissive.  But He also knows how I feel about Him and my BDSM family.

I only feel truly at peace when I am with my Master.  While I am there, I live as my slave sisters do.  I am in the same protocols as my slave sisters, I serve Master in the same way, and I am expected to behave to the same standards of etiquette.  It is at these times that I feel truly free inside, and I feel that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.  Sometimes my visits are extremely emotional and confusing.  The last time I visited, I spent the first 3 days in a complete emotional mess, and I needed a lot of support from my Master and sisters to pull me through.  In many ways this is a sign to me that my Master is the right Master for me, because when I am with Him, I completely let go.  I let out all of the pain inside me and I am able to find peace in His embrace.  When I look at my Master I see a fearless man, dedicated to His craft, who is driven, confident, genuine, benevolent, strict and disciplined.  When I look at Him, I see a Master who I love and want to serve with every part of my being.

I have a singular and absolute focus and devotion to my Master.  I only feel truly at peace when I am able to submit to Him completely, and when I am able to serve Him in every way.  I have a very deep bond and connection with my Master.  Surrendering to Him and serving Him feels to me like immersing myself in an ocean of calm.  I feel weightless, unburdened, safe, warm, protected and loved in the most profound way.  I read an article about the concept of the slave heart recently (author unknown).  In that article the author says: “No man, not even a Master himself, has a more keen sense of what a Master ought to be than a woman who has a ‘slave heart’.”  And later in the article the author says: “When a ‘Master hearted’ man and a ‘slave hearted’ woman get together there is an instant recognition.  They immediately feel comfortable with each other, strangely so, as if ‘at home’.”  I felt this with my Master – the bond was instantaneous and I have never felt anything like it in my life.  I know that my Master is everything that a Master ought to be, and I know how lucky I am to have found Him and to be able to serve Him at all.

I know that I am strong, and that my submission makes me stronger.  I know that it takes great strength and courage to accept my submissiveness and choose to walk this path.  And I hope that I will find the strength, within the loving embrace of my Master, and supported on the backs of my slave sisters, to remain on this path and find a way to live that works for us all.

I have recently discovered that I am a deeply submissive woman. ?Eight months ago I met my Master, and have since been on an incredible journey of self-discovery.? I have been immersed in the misunderstood, underground world of BDSM lifestylers.? I realised very quickly that this is a world in which I firmly belong.? However, one of the things that I have struggled with the most on my journey so far is witnessing the persecution and prejudice directed against us.? So, I am writing this journal entry to try to explain the reality of the relationship and dynamic between Master and slave or submissive (as I understand it), in the hope that in some small way I may help to shed some light in the shadows that are cast by closed-mindedness and ignorance.

Before I begin, it is worth acknowledging that there is no universally accepted dictionary of BDSM terminology, even amongst those within the scene.? The use of labels can be extremely divisive and controversial.? I have no desire to stir up any controversy, and this is not a piece of writing on definitions.? However, I obviously do have my own understanding of terms such as ?Master?, ?submissive? and ?slave?, and given that those terms are the focus of this journal entry, I feel it is necessary to briefly explain what I mean when I use them.? I accept that not everyone will agree with me, and I intend to write separately in greater depth on terminology at another time.? However, for the purposes of this journal entry, I hope you will forgive me for only briefly explaining my use of those three terms.

I believe that being Dominant or submissive is something that a person is, not just something that they do.? A submissive person is submissive by nature ? it is a part of who he or she is.? It is a personality trait, which is not defined by a relationship or a role during play.? I do also use the term submissive to refer to the role that a person has within a relationship or dynamic, and in this piece of writing I am using the term in both senses.

A slave, on the other hand, is?defined by a relationship.? All slaves are submissive, but not all submissives are slaves.? I do believe in the concept of having a ?slave heart?, but that is too complex to explain here and is not relevant for present purposes.? In this journal entry when I talk about ?slaves? I am referring to a woman in a long-term power dynamic relationship with a Master, who has chosen to give up the majority of her rights and is controlled by and in service to her Master 24/7.? By making the reference gender-specific, I am not suggesting that men cannot also be slaves or that slaves cannot also serve Mistresses.? However, I am writing about my own BDSM family here, and my Master only has female slaves.

Similarly, my use of the term ?Master? is also relationship-bound (and, for the avoidance of doubt, the term ?Master? is also gender-bound in my mind).? However, I believe that a Master remains a Master whether He is served by slaves or submissives or both.? A Master is a strong, Dominant man (using the term ?Dominant? here in the same way as I explained the term ?submissive?) who is in a long-term power dynamic relationship with one or more slaves and/or submissives, where their submission persists at all times.? The level of control, the rights surrendered and the degree of service will vary (particularly as between slaves and submissives), but whatever the degree of control, it is enduring and not only exercised during play.

I recognise that the terms ?Master? and ?slave? are particularly controversial within the lifestyle, and I have no intention to offend or upset anyone.? I respect the fact that many people reading this will disagree with my understanding and use of the terms.? However, I hope that those people will similarly respect my right to use the terms in a way that works for me.? I also hope that explaining what I mean by the various terms will make the remainder of this blog more comprehensible to everyone reading it.? Definitions out of the way, I shall now return to topic.

My Master lives with two 24/7 BDSM slaves.? I am one of His submissives, so I do not live with Him, but I visit at least every other month.? We consider ourselves to be a BDSM family (also known as a ?stable?); Master?s slaves and submissives are my sisters in submission, and we all serve our Master together in a loving and caring environment.? However, this is not intended to be a blog on the distinction between a slave and a submissive (on which I intend to write separately).? Instead, I want to focus here on the emotional aspects of the relationship, the nature of the power dynamic, and the reasons why our submission to our Master enhances our lives and makes us feel complete.

For me, and for a lot of slaves/submissives that I know, our submission is an extremely important part of who we are.? It is not a choice ? we do not choose to be submissive; we simply are submissive by our nature.? We do, however, make a choice to do something about it.? We choose to accept our nature and serve our Master.? In accepting ourselves for who we are, and embracing our submissiveness, we become empowered and fulfilled.? Many people see submission as weakness, but to my mind it is quite the opposite.? We have the strength of character to recognise and accept ourselves, and to willingly submit to our Master.? It is not easy, and it takes a great deal of courage, strength, and commitment to dedicate ourselves to this lifestyle ? even more so for slaves than for submissives.

I think that a lot of people looking at us from the outside focus on the more well-known types of play that tend to be associated with BDSM ? spanking, bondage, sensory deprivation, etc.? However, the relationship between a Master and His slaves/submissives is not primarily about the physical aspects, and being submissive does not necessarily make a person a masochist.? In fact, knowing that a person is submissive or Dominant tells you absolutely nothing about what they enjoy sexually or during play.? In order to really understand the relationship between a Master and His slaves/submissives, it is necessary to look beyond the play and focus on the emotional and psychological aspects of the relationship, and what it truly means to be submissive and in service to a Master.

The central feature of the relationship is control and power.? Some people refer to it as a ?power exchange?; i prefer the term ?power dynamic?, as there is not really an exchange of power; there is simply the submission by one person to the control and Dominance of another.? This means far more than just doing what someone tells you to do.? As a slave or submissive in service to a Master, it is necessary to find the strength to internally submit, and that is truly hard to achieve.? Our training is focussed on four key areas: behaviour, self-image, thought processes and emotions.? We are not trained intensively with sexual or physical methods (such as those portrayed in porn).? Our Master trains us with patience, love and a genuine focus at all times on what is best for us in our development, in order to help us to become truly happy, well-rounded and successful in all aspects of our lives.

True inner submission is difficult to achieve, because it involves fully letting go of control ? not only in terms of what we do or don?t do, but also in terms of our beliefs, concerns and worries.? However, achieving absolute inner submission is incredibly liberating.? It requires focus, effort and dedication.? I am not able to continuously fully submit yet, but I have had moments when I have been particularly focussed and something clicks inside me and I am able to let go.? When this happens, the result is euphoric: I can simply let go of whatever I am worried or concerned about, knowing that it is for my Master to address and is not my concern.? This gives me peace and contentment, and I feel a calm wash over me and a warmth flood my veins.

There are, of course, things for which I must always retain responsibility, in particular my own determination and dedication to my training.? However, having a Master provides protection and emotional stability.? It enables me to let go and surrender myself, and I have never before experienced anything as truly liberating as this.? Through my training and my journey I am learning to love and fully embrace the person that I am, and to not to be afraid.? I am learning to accept that my Master loves me, wants me, desires me and will always be there for me.? I am learning never to doubt my Master?s love for me, and never to doubt myself.? To maintain absolute faith in my ability and myself is an incredibly hard thing to truly achieve.? However, I know that, for me, true freedom will only come from submitting absolutely to my Master ? mind, body, heart and soul.? I am striving to reach a point where I have absolute faith in myself, and where I know not to worry that I am a failure because it is not my place to do so.

I am submissive by nature ? I do not want to be in control.? I love to feel owned, cared for as a treasured possession, nurtured, loved, protected, and developed by a Master who is strong, loving, and able to guide me on my path.? By accepting who I am and embracing my submission I am empowered.? I feel strong, capable, and I feel the loving arms of my Master around me in every moment of every day.? This is not something that is easy to explain to those who are not submissive. ?My submission gives me genuine peace and contentment.? By surrendering in every respect to my Master, I feel calm, cared for, loved, safe and filled with warmth.? It is the most powerful feeling I have ever experienced.

The rewards of this lifestyle are deliciously rich and intoxicatingly powerful.? However, this is not an easy life.? The journey is incredibly emotional and involves a huge amount of dedication and determination.? It is not easy to adjust to what it means in reality to do as you?re told at all times, and to truly give yourself to another to be used as they see fit.? True submission means a complete focus on the wants and needs of your Master; what you want and need is irrelevant.? You are there to serve your Master?s every need.? People who do not understand the relationship tend to see it only in terms of sexual service, and many people can see the appeal of being Dominated sexually.? However, this type of relationship is not about kinky sex.? It is far, far deeper than that.

To give up control to a Master requires trust, strength and commitment.? For a slave, the commitment is absolute ? a slave gives up control of her entire life to her Master.? The requirements of a Master will vary, but may include control over what clothes are worn (if any), when she may use the bathroom, whether or not she may sit on furniture, her diet, her exercise regime, how she wears her hair and makeup, what time she goes to bed (and where she sleeps), the timing of tasks, and anything else He wishes to control.? A slave owns absolutely nothing ? a slave gives up the right to own possessions and is only permitted to use things as her Master sees fit.? Her service is also absolute: a slave will prepare all of her Master?s meals, serving Him at all times as He wishes to be served (my sisters and I are required to serve everything to our Master on our knees, arms extended and head bowed), cleaning His house, maintaining and cleaning His car, running errands, massaging His feet, kneeling to be used as a footstool by Him, and any other tasks or chores that He requires whenever He requires them.? To my mind, the term ?slave? is not something that should be used lightly ? BDSM slavery is a way of life, a life choice, and is something to be respected for the deeply serious commitment that it involves.

In exchange for our submission and service, our Master cares for and protects us.? One of the most important tasks for all slaves/submissives is to take care of ourselves, as we belong to our Master and we must not damage His possessions.? We are also required to communicate all of our thoughts, feelings, desires, fears, hopes and dreams to our Master.? What He chooses to do with that information is entirely in His control.? Information is power, and by opely and transparently communicating our thoughts and feelings to our Master every day we are regularly handing Him more power over us.? With that power, He is better able to take decisions about the tasks and chores that are appropriate for us, He is better able to care for us and guide us on the right path.

Master ensures that all of our needs are taken care of at all times.? However, our wants and desires are entirely His to allow or not.? It is also not for us to determine the distinction between our wants and our needs: our Master decides what we need (which He always ensures we have) and which things are mere wants or desires (which He may or may not choose to grant to us).? His decisions are final.? Our primary purpose in life is our Master?s pleasure, so our own desires are irrelevant.? We choose to submit to Him and serve Him in any way that He desires. Our happiness and pleasure is derived from our service to Him.? However, we must never demand or expect praise ? it is important to remember that everything we do is for His happiness, and unless He reprimands us, we must accept that we are serving Him well and we must have the strength and courage not to ask for reassurance.? If there is something that our Master thinks we need, He will provide it to us.

As I have already said, this is not an easy way of life.? Even as a submissive (and therefore not in service 24/7), the journey is arduous, challenging and emotionally exhausting.? However, I already find this lifestyle to be so much more fulfilling that I ever knew was possible.? I feel whole and complete as a result of accepting my submissiveness and choosing to serve my Master.? I have found true inner freedom.? I have embraced and accepted myself, relinquished control to my Master, and I am a stronger and more empowered woman for having done so.