subgurl87

My full profile is available in the first journal entry.

For the next several months, I will be having surgery (on March 2, 2012) and then recovering my health.

As a result, I have decided that the next several months would be best spent by finding an online mentor or two.  I would like to find someone who would be willing to message and chat with me.  I have no idea what I doing really, so I would greatly appreciate an experienced mentor.  I want to get my head on right, before I try to find a Dominant to whom I can offer my submission.  I want to learn everything you think I should know about the lifestyle.  I know that I need to learn about how to be safe in this lifestyle.  I had never spoken with a stranger online before this week.  I also know very little about D/s, bdsm, etc.  I am very eager to learn about anything you can teach me.

After we have gotten to know each other, and if you live close to me, I would be willing to meet in person.  I would be willing (and eager) to go to local events with you.  Out of the friends with whom I currently converse, I have one Dominant.  He has told me that it might not be a good idea to go to a local event or club by myself.  He suggested that I go to an event or club under the protection of a Dominant Mentor or Training Dominant.  I would be very eager to do this.

Having said all of this, if my Dominant Mentor/Training Dominant and I were to "click" together, then I would be very willing to become this man's submissive.

I hope that everything I've said makes sense.  I'm very open to ideas and suggestions.

Today was a pretty good day until just a little while ago, but now I'm hurting pretty bad tonight.  My left arm went into spasm almost an hour ago.  I took the suggested double dose of Baclofen (muscle relaxant), and the spasticity is still spreading... It's been a while since this last happened.  Last time, I waited almost 2 hours before I took the medicine to knock me unconscious.  I think I'm gonna go ahead and take it now though.  Good night Everyone.  I hope tomorrow will be a better day.

Here's a little about me and who I'm looking for:

My chest/bust measures: 43 inches

My band/rib measures: 30 inches

My waist measures: 30 inches

My hips measure: 38 inches

Bra size: US: 34J; UK: 34M

I am looking for a Dominant male, who is around 25-35 years old, lives in Indiana or is willing to travel here often enough for me to get to know him, before I (with the input of a savvy friend or two) decide if I can trust him enough to relocate to be with him.  I would prefer a man who is not overweight, as I have had bad experiences with overweight men.  I hate that this has happened, but I unfortunately tend to associate overweight men with bad experiences.  You can thank my bastard of an ex-husband for that.

I am submissive by nature, but I am still a damn strong person. I would like to be able to give up control to someone else. I am disabled, and I am unable to have children. I am looking for a strong, compassionate, supportive, understanding man with a dominant personality. I need someone who is intelligent and capable of intelligent conversation. I need someone who is able and willing to communicate with me. I need someone who is capable of being logical and rational as well as passionate and intense. 

When I do something right, something a Dominant approves of, and he calls me a "Good Girl," I just melt.  I love when a Dominant puts his hand in my hair, pets my hair, brushes my hair, or firmly puts his hand in my hair at the base of my head.  I've never received much attention, compliments, or affection in my life, as a result I tend to bask in it and blush quite easily.

I
I need someone who believes in honesty and fairness. I need someone who doesn't mind if I get lost in a book, topic, or research. I need someone who is not afraid of and can handle being with an intelligent woman, who was strong enough to lose 150 pounds and go to Marine Corps Boot Camp (even though it did result in my current disability, due to a reaction with the vaccines). I need someone who can understand that sometimes I am too ill to get out of bed, but also that I am not a weak person. I need someone who understands that I will have good days and bad days, and that just because I can do something one day, it does not mean that I can do it the next day. I need someone who understands that I have to make choices each day, which impact my ability to get through the day.

I need someone who understands that I don't need to wear high heels or makeup in order to be beautiful and sexy. I need someone who will see me, because I am not invisible. I need someone who can help me expand my horizons and test my limits. I need someone who can catch me when I fall. I need someone who can accept my past, present, and future. I need someone who can enjoy my eclectic interests and sense of humor. I would love to travel, have new experiences, and meet new people. I am willing to try just about anything at least once. I believe that what you see is what you get. I do not particularly care for playacting. I will always be myself, because I do not believe in "tricking" people into liking me. You either like me or you don't.

I figure that the more you are able to read about me here, the more likely I am to find someone who is strong enough to be with me and deal with my messed up life and the more likely I am to find someone with whom I can be happy. :-)