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It feels good to have sweat dripping off of me again. |
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I'm in Boston since Friday, and on my first night going off campus a giant tree limb comes down and puts a nice big, noticeable dent in my passenger side door a quarter of a mile from the campus. |
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Home from urgent care, I was starting to have trouble breathing and rushed over. |
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Well my fever finally broke at 102.8, and I still feel like shit. |
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Well, it's time, I've decided on a new sn/scene name, from now on I'll be going as Legionnaire or Legionnaire06. However I will be keeping this profile up until I have finished moving to Boston. |
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Anybody going to red, white, and boom tonight? |
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For any who read this I'll be relocating to Boston in August. |
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Anybody else watching this storm? I think it just stopped hailing where I am. |
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Life is what you make of it, and I intend on having one hell of a life. Training for the Race for the Cure for Diabetes in Westerville, June 11th. I'll be doing the 30 mile race in honor of my grandfather a WW2 veteran who had diabetes. |
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Sick with a cold, I HATE being sick. |
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Well, big changes are not happening and so far this summer has sucked, I'm not a good candidate for LASIK, and I was not even not accepted by the university I want to go to. They claimed I never sent a bunch of things in and are refunding my money, and told me I can reapply for next fall. Damn I need a beating to help me deal with the stress of all of this shit. |
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Lots of changes happening this summer, hoping to be relocating to Boston, going to start at a university, and this Wednesday have an appointment to have my eyes evaluated for LASIK eye surgery. |
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Feels soo good biking again, I managed to go somewhere between 15-20 miles yesterday. |
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Trying to find something to do tonight, any ideas? |
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Dammit, I'm out of epsom salt. |
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I really need to update my profile lol. |
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I've decided on what my first tat will be and am now working on having it drawn! I'm so psyched!!! |
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Apparently I'm not a true submissive, because I refuse to tribute. That is an interesting point of view. |
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I HATE when people when send me messages, asking for my bank info, and declaring that one sight of them in their webcam will snare me, and I'll be her little piggy forever! Guess what??? I'm not INTO financial domination, get it?!? |
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Well, its official I need a new stationary bike, and a new cell phone. |
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New pics up, the new primary is me smoking a coheiba down in the DR where it is legal to have one. Interesting fact: the Dominican Republic imports soil from Cuba, as well as tobacco leaves to be aged(?), so you can be smoking a Dominican cigar and it will actually be a Cuban. |
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I'm going nuts sitting here with nothing to do. Somebody give me something to do!!! |
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I'll be home on Tuesday, and honestly I really want to stay here longer, which I know is typical of a vacation however, when you're sharing a villa with my parents you would understand, esp. being in the DR right before elections. |
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I don't know what it is about this place, but something down here is making me horny 24/7! I haven't even opened up my bottle of mamajuana yet lol! |
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Went surfing this morning and wiped out too many times to count, but boy was it fun!!! lol |
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I'm in the Dominican Republic about to fall asleep listening to the waves crashing onto the shore. |
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Temp is back to normal and I'm feeling much better, thank you to everyone who sent messages wishing me well, they gave me strength. |
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Fever came back this evening now up to 100.5. |
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I'm stuck in bed sick with a cold, I hate being sick. What I wouldn't give for a bowl of tomato basil soup from Grinders or some coricidon d, this cvs meds just aren't helping at all. One box of tissues down, two to go. I now have a fever of 100.2. |
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Worked out for almost 3 hours today, I'm soo sore I can barely lift my arms, and I still have 8 hours of patrol time tonight. |
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Well, this year has well and truly sucked in many ways, with fewer bright spots than normal. The holiday that is suppost to bring family together is driving mine apart. Everyday the barrage of emails from beautiful ladies wanting money grows higher. Fewer and fewer do I come accross profiles not making some mention of money. Tribute to a professional Dominatrix is different from what I'm talking about. Just because you have a gag gift riding crop from Spencers doesn't make you a professional Dominatrix. I feel soo tired and drained like everuday theres less happiness in the world. When I look outside I see the snow that used to bring me soo much happiness and a tear comes to my eye wishing things would be different, wishing that there would be less greed in the world. Stupid wish I know theres nothing I could ever do. I'm currently looking into going into the peace corps so we'll see how that goes. |
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Anybody needing any help decorating or baking or driveways shoveled/salted? I don't have salt but if you do and want somebody to salt your driveway for free no strings attached let me know. |
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I'm trying to do a small study if anybody would like to tell me what you're observations are it would be appreciated. I have the hypothesis that verbal control ie. wearing a gag for long amounts of time would help one to talk less or be more cautious of their words. |
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Just found out my cousins getting married in the Dominican Republic! I'm soo psyched, I've never been there before! |
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I feel soo good from the flogging I received last Friday!!!! |
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Very bored, trying to study I have a final tonight and another next week. Anybody want to help out by cracking the whip whenever I start daydreaming of doing something actually fun??? |
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Pink eye sucks! I was actually looking forward to spending over 15 1/2 hours on a bike today at work! |
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As a submissive I'm always wanting to better myself, everyday I try to relax and think about who I am, and try to come up with one thing that I don't like about myself and try to change it. Going into the lifestyle this was my perception of what a submissive is, somebody who betters themself through service to another. Somebody whom, they have given an extroadinary amount of trust to. I don't always accomplish my goal, but then again to err is human, and we are all human. Few things amuse me more than some of these profiles claiming that I need this person in my life to find my balance, or that I'll never be happy until I've given this person control of my bank accounts. If you're wanting my bank account then you'd be pretty disappointed if you did, I'm a college student and a part time worker, I don't make much and what I do makes goes to paying for my education. Anyways back to what I was saying, few things amuse me more than these profiles, to me they sound like late night tv commercials that promise you can lose 6in by wearing a special belt for 15 minutes a day. I've found the best way for myself to lose weight is by moving! I'm not trying to alienate or insult anybody on this site, so if you want to send an angry email thats fine I'll read it and I will respond, because thats who I am. |
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Worked over 16 hours on a bike yesterday, and I can barely sit today. |
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I have the most annoying techno song imaginable stuck in my head!!! |
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If you feel the need to message me and tell me whats wrong with me, thank you, but unless you know me personally, you have no place to be addressing me in such a manner. Just because you are Dominant does not mean I'm going to lie down in a puddle for you(maybe if you're wearing a hot pair of leather boots and I like you). |
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Punching bag fight
My anger and frustration rises, my body feels on fire, my hands and feet feel no pain as I strike my target again and again. I push through my anger clearing my mind, I know that anger is my worst enemy in a fight. The red closes around my vision threating to become a filter I must see through. I push my emotions down inside of my caging the beast within me as I become what I am, a warrior. I change my attacks frequently my elbow smashing into the leather, as I turn and bring my knee up into the gut of the bag. Everything else is secondary I am there for one reason, to fight and to conquer for Queen, Goddess, or SO. Suddenly, with a speed and strength that surprises me I jump into the air and jump kick the bag hard enough to knock it over. I stand above my vanquished foe, my breathing heavy, a light sweat accross my brown, my hands shake slightly as I look down and see the red of my own blood accross the nuckles. I feel no pain, no sense of achievement. I wonder what I should feel, but nothing comes to me. Quietly, I pick the bag back up setting it up for the next time we shall match my fists against its leather. I press my head against it, breathing softly, walk away five feet from the bag and slowly kneel. I've fought the first battle and won in the physical world, now I must fight my inner demons, needless to say, they are much strong than the leather punching bag I just defeated. As I kneel, I reflect upon my life, my endeavours, the good, and the bad. |
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Apparently Outland is reopening this evening and I can't find the new address! |
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I'm in FL for another couple of days and have found myself abandonned by my host. |
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Big 22 today and I'm burned redder than a boiled lobster. |
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Kind of pissed, I got hit by a semi last Tuesday night on my way home from work. Apparently the driver was too busy talking to his mom on his blue tooth to check his blind spot before swinging into the lane I was in. |
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Wow, I honestly thought I'd managed to delete this thing three times now and yet its still here. |
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Please don't think that I'm perfect, because, believe it or not, I'm not perfect. Just as my poor grammar that you are most likely noticing by now should show you. Yes, I did graduate high school, I've just always been horrible at English. Chances are if you've talked to me and I made some mistake and didn't immediately apologize about it, it's probably because I didn't even know I'd made a mistake! I'm sorry, but to be honest, there are so many different sets of protocols that everybody seems to expect that I know, that I'm sick of it. I am royally sick of everything that has to do with the lifestyle with the exception of leather. Now if this sounds like a rant, yes it pretty much is, so feel free to stop if you'd like. I'm not a doormat that is going to go out and secretly learn somebodies expectations, protocols, etiquette, and etc, and then message you employing them in a way that I hope to ensnare you with. I just want to be happy, to serve another who will appreciate me whether it be with a kiss of leather upon my hide or a loving caress. When I started in this lifestyle I was having fun, I played with others and got to experience some really awesome things, and then, suddenly I'm being told its not ok to approach a Domme at a play party and ask if She might be interested in playing with me later. Then there was the pressure to be trained, well, that went sure went well, (after being an emotional wreck after it finally ended because I'd made a mistake and didn't want to have to tell my parents what I was doing (yes I was literally not allowed to lie and say I was at a friends house to my own parents!)). By the way I really liked how alot of the people who'd promised to help me along, on my way to entering the lifestyle suddenly disappeared after my release. Whether it was by order or whatever. By the way since nobody has ever responded to any of my messages asking if they'd like their books back I guess I now have the beginnings of a small library. Almost (notice I say almost, not all) everybody in this lifestyle who has asked me to trust them have betrayed me, and stabbed a knife in my back piercing my heart, and crushing that small dream of a family that accepts me for who I am. It is with this last sentence ringing through your mind that I leave you to your thoughts, feel free to send a message if you like, I might or might not respond, there are those few people I've met whom I still trust and care about, but they are few. in one week I'll be deleting this profile, followed by leaving every bdsm yahoo group I'm a member of, and then I'll be walking alone upon the path that life takes me, hopefully away from this dark period of my life, to a place where I will be happy and feel accepted for who I am.
Sincerely,
Casey |
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Brrrr. Work was cold today thankfully I can now snuggle under the warm covers with my heating pad. |
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Sometimes when you need to gain ground, you need to slow down.
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumber'd here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream.
Gentles, do not reprehend:
if you pardon, we will mend:
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends. |
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Today has been one of the best days I've had in a very long time. |
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Been having trouble sleeping last acouple of days hope I'm able to get to sleep soon. |
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Change can be a curious thing. Its something you never notice until after its started. We find the way we move changing, the way we react changing. You can't stop change from coming, its something thats there, but its not. Its our decisions that cause things to change. Of course people try to control change. They do things like isolate themselves from everything, but, alas change still occurs for our foot steps remain. History has tried to teach us to not to fear change but thats impossible, no matter how much we hold onto something and lock it up, it will still change. |
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awww no Buckeyes lost!!!! |
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Wow its been awhile and alot of things have changed. For the time being I'm only looking for friends and possible play partners(only after meeting and getting to know one another). I have a new job which was going really well til last night when somebody stole my cell phone from my locker. I'm now using a cell phone that was old enough that nobody was sure if it could even be reactivated. I can't wait for the new club Catacombs to open up! If anybody might be interested in getting a group together to go I would be more than willing to be the DD. |
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For those who don't know as of August I'm now 21 and I just recently had a tonsils and adenoids removed and have been somewhat doped up and completely out of it. |
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Just a few more days till I turn 21!!!! |
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I just recently discovered Charlie the Unicorn on youtube and as sad it is I cannot stop laughing. |
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Went to urgent care last Saturday and found out my immune system has been drastically lowered due to stress. This has allowed several bacterias and viruses to start affecting me. Thank God for urgent care centers! If they were not around I would have had to have gone to the local ER and wait several hours at double the price. I'm now going to be trying to take more time to try to relax and get my body back to normal. |
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May need to go to ER later today my tonsils are swelling up more everyday and to top things off the soonest I can get a consultation from an ENT doctor is the 30th. |
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Going to have my tonsils taken out within the next week. Have been feeling drained and have been having trouble eating. |
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Having class 6 days a week is burning me out. I have one full day off and thats Sunday and I spend almost the entire day sleeping. I'll be going to the NAMI Walk this weekend and would not say no to anyone who would like to sponser/register to walk. Just send me a message and I'll make sure to give out the info. |
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Nothing like having something happen right before bed that gets my adrenaline pumped up. |
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I really need some mental downtime. I've been soo stressed I'd try to pull my hair out but its too short to grab ahold of. |
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God help me I hate drama. |
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My stomach feels likes its twisted into knots... I feel like such an outsider looking in through the window and wishing I could come in. Someone earlier this evening told me that they wished that I had had more positive experiences in the lifestyle. So do I, so do I. |
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I'll be taking a break from the lifestyle community for alittle while. I've just been feeling drained physically and mentally to the point where I almost broke down at the last munch I attended. |
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Ten essays due in two days. |
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Errrrrrrrr this snow is driving me nuts!!! We've been level 3 since I woke up! |
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Things are starting to go my way again and I'm starting to feel happier than I have been for awhile. Though I'm a bit peezed at myself for forgetting to put a hard cover between the target and the tree I attached it to. I now have to pretty much replace all 30 arrows that I just finished making several months ago. This peeves me because I spend between 3-4 months to make 30 arrows. |
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Life is about being able to get back up after falling. Death is about making room for those who come after you so they may carve their own path through life after you have reached your destination. |
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Since I entered into the lifestyle I've changed alot more than I thought I ever would and while I don't feel entirely uncomfortable in who I've become I feel like I've lost something along the way. Something that made me who I was. My friends see me now and ask me whats been going on, why I no longer get a sparkle in my eye about anything not even archery or martial arts. |
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I see my road behind me, the road beneath my feet, and the road before me. Yet I feel soo powerless to control it. |
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Not having a good day I'm hoping something happens to start turning things around. |
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Soo many people wanting money and for some reason even though I'm a poor college student I still get 6-7 messages asking if I'd like to tribute money to so and so. |
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This morning around 6am I was in a major accident that totaled my car and amazed several people that I was in one piece. I felt like I actually saw my life flash through my eyes and I don't know how to feel about anything at the moment. |
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HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!!!!!! |
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I've been working the last several days hard enough that my feet are actually bleeding which isn't good. |
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I've had new pictures taken this weekend they'll be up the second this site approves them. |
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Well I believe I now know for certain that I'm a 2nd generation submissive. My dad gave up the lifestyle for my mom. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. |
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This weekend I'll be going to Winter Wickedness anyone else going? |
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I know that being in a D/s relationship is not all about playing but where does the line end when needs need met? I don't quite understand how the two balance in a d/s relationship. |
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Whats the point of having seeking submissive men in your profile and then complaining because you're only wanting female submissives and you're getting almost all messages from men? |
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Wow I haven't found myself snarling and wanting to hurt a specific someone as much as I do right now in a very long time. |
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Can't wait till Winter Wickedness there are so many classes that I want to take. I'm bummed that I won't be able to go to all of them. Out of curiousity for those whom read this does anyone have any favorite poetry they'd like to share? |
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Can't wait for Winter Wickedness coming up! |
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mmmmmmmm silk boxers they're so comfy! |
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So how was everyones Christmas? Did everyone get what they wanted? |
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Well Merry Christmas and red bottoms!!!! I don't why but I keep on having this feeling that something really bad is going to happen. |
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errrr... Christmas Eve and I have to work a double shift. Tonight is soo not going to be fun! |
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Been having some trouble updating my journal so hopefully this works. I've earned and accepted a training collar and through my Mistress am working to better myself in anyway that I can. The situation at home has been slowly starting to get better I'm no longer actively searching for a new place to live though if some place comes to my attention and everything falls into place then awesome.
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumber'd here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
if you pardon, we will mend:
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends. |
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Apartment hunting this weekend with a friend I can't wait! |
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Well I'm not homeless yet. My mom seems to be going through denial which is semi scary. I'm now looking into trying to find an apartment or find someone who needs a room mate who would be ok with me being open about being in the lifestyle. |
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Well my mom found my toy bag that I keep everything in and I may now be homeless when I get home from work. I hope my dad will be able to talk some sense into her but from the way shes talking I either give up the one true thing that I've found that I care more about than almost anything else or I get out and never come back. |
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Wow my college professor likes to teach using hand puppets! It doesn't get much better than that. |
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Starting to feel like I'm going through sub drop again. Feeling really lonely and unwanted and ignored like I've let someone down and theres nothing I can do to make up for it but also have to feel their pain. |
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If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumber'd here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
if you pardon, we will mend:
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends. |
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Hmmm well it was a flop opened up the sun roof and then couldn't get it to shut. I really need a car at the moment. |
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Yay may have found a new car. My transmission dropped in my car on wednesday. |
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For those who didn't come to COPE wow was it fun! I'd highly suggest it to anyone to come to next year. |
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For those who use a valet when they go out, it is considered a massive insult to tip only $1 unless you feel that the service was truly that horrid. As a valet driver I will say that we do remember those that tip well and the ones that don't and we do tend to act accordingly. Ie. if you stiff or only tip $1 (esp. if you're notorious about it) you'll notice the difference in service! Sorry for ranting but I just got home from working a shift where I parked 36 cars and only made $11 in tips and I managed to retrieve all of the cars within 3 minutes of them coming out of the restaurant. |
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Very excited for COPE this weekend. |
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Wow my car got broken into last night and my cd player, tip money, cds, dvds, handcuffs, my age play boy scout uniforms( yes I really am an Eagle Scout), and several other things were taken, ironically I had 2 empty porno cases(the dvds were taken by someone else) were stolen, and my car was retrashed. All in all the total of everything stolen adds up to around $500 but what hurts the most was that the handcuffs that were stolen was my first toy I'd ever own'd and was one of the things that first got me interested in bdsm and it hurts because I feel like a part of me was taken. On a lighter note though I will be getting auctionned in October I'm offering a hand or foot/ full upper body massage. If theres anyone interested in more info about the fetish ball where I'll be auctionned please ask I'd be happy to give you more info and tell you where tickets can be purchased. |
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I don't know why but for some reason I have a very strong desire to learn and try worshipping a lady wearing a nice tasteful pair of boots. I don't know where this desire has come from I awoke this morning and my first thought was "I wonder what it would be like to do that" |
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Whats wrong with thinking of life like its a game of chess??? Is chess not like life where you control it and make turns and decisions and sacrifices for that which we desire? |
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Setting up my telescope to see the lunar eclipse tonight around 2:53am. |
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Can't seem to go into a meditation to save my life at the moment. |
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Last Friday my ferret died she was about 13 years old and today my rabbit died she was 15 years old. |
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I really need some new hobbies laundry and dishes don't take soo much time and can't do anything else without waking anyone else up. |
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I went to my first party and I LOVED every minute of it!!!!! |
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I'm going to my first party tomorrow I'm really excited about it. |
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I have alot of energy this evening I don't know and I don't know what to do with all of it. Already did laundry, dishes, vacuumed, swept, and a few other things as well. |
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Well I'm now 20 years old and I'm really really bored. |
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In life we all make choices. Some are good. Some are bad. But the question we as human beings must ask ourselves is thus. Should our motive be taken into account more than the outcome? When the outcome from an inherent selfish act is good we believe that the person had their best intentions from the start or realized them along the way. However when something is done with the best intentions humanly possible and the outcome is horrible the person is routinely looked down upon. As we walk through life we should remember that the journey is what will be remembered most when we reach our destinations. We'll remember the good times and the bad times. We'll remember the things we had to go through to reach our destination. We all make choices and we consider many things. We consider what we'll be thought of as, will people judge us, what is it that is driving us to make these choices. The answer is its who WE are and theres not much anyone can do about who we are. There are trials as we walk (for one should never run through life or they'll miss what matters) that will change someone. Whether its to make a good choice or a bad choice its still up to us to make them. People say they make bad decisions because they're angry. Personally I disagree. I believe they made the bad decision because they didn't want to or could not make themselves see through their own anger. I thank those who take the time to read this and to reflect upon it.
Good night and may all see through clear eyes as we travel down this road.
-Subboy06 |
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Can't seem to find anyone to celebrate my birthday next Monday with. |
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Got a new cell phone and get to turn 20 in 10 days somebody will need to give me a birthday spanking. joke. Really excited I'm going to my first party on the 18th and then COPE in September. |
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