Steelslilbit

"I am your Goddess, hurt for me."  Good gods I love the way he writes. It's as though he crawled up into my head and rests there.

Tired, so tired.  Physically and mentally just worn the hell down.  Working nights is rough on you, and feels like it takes more sleep to be rested.  I don't have a lot of time to message.  I'm barely here long enough to see who left me messages, often times not long enough to answer.  I'm no longer actively looking on this site, but please, feel free to message me with tribute numbers if you want my attention.  It seems to me lately that for all the whining about Pro Dommes I see on submissive's profiles, they are more than happy to treat any Domme like one.  I am not one, but if you want to treat me like one, I'm going to charge like one.  And my time is expensive.

I know there's a million fish in the sea, I just don't think I should have to play "catch and release" with all of them to find what I'm looking for.  At least this time around it's pretty much a schedule problem that's the hold up.  Friends it is then.  

There are not anywhere near enough pain sluts not looking for more than regular sessions in and around the D/FTW area on this site.  ~sigh~

If I haven't messaged you back, I swear I will this weekend.  I'm just too tired to do it right now!  Unless I deleted your message because I'm not going to answer, so if you sent a one liner that I read and didn't respond to then, you probably aren't getting one.  If you'd like to strike up a conversation with me, try something original and longer than a dozen words.

Zen.  I just have to maintain my zen.  People are asshole liars, they are irredeemable losers.  They are selfish, self serving, self loving.  Even when you are willing to give them all of what they want and more.  They are willing to play you, to fake you, to use you to meet their own ends.  Top type or bottom type it doesn't matter.  My going out to look ends already.  The asinine imbeciles have ruined all the fun for me.  

BUT!  To the clubs for play time I go!  Screw trying to find someone who fits into my life on any terms.  I just want someone I can beat and send home!  Who needs a relationship when I can just have casual meet and beats???  Honestly, what the hell was I thinking?  I'm a hot married 30 year old, what purpose does it serve to bog myself down with a high maintenance sub/slave?  Look for me soon.  ^.^

So for once on this site I am not actually setting out to be a horrific bitch, but a bunch of you are going to think that I am one anyway and there isn't any way to change that.  Your sense of entitlement is high, and I don't care to pander to your low brow thinking.  If you want my attention, seek to grasp it.  One liner messages are going to be pretty much ignored.  You by no means have to write me a novel to get me to respond to you, but if I am consistently sending you more text than you are sending me I will stop responding.  There are people who know me that keep in touch with me here that I take time in responding to, there are other matters that also take time to respond to here.  I do not have the time to sit attached to my computer writing a string of instant responses to your one liners.  And no, I'm not interested in text messaging you any more than I am in talking to you on CM.  My phone number is for the people who actually caught my attention on here.  And so you aren't taking up even more space in my mail box than you currently are, blockings will begin shortly.

Kind of catching up on messages, the shorter ones first.  Don't take it personally, but if I don't respond to longer messages right away it's because I don't have the time to sit and give the message the time it deserves.

Not here for a while.  It's not the holidays, I just don't have time to write out messages to the people I've been talking to here.  I might pop on now and again just to see what news is lurking in my inbox or to see who's been peeking at my profile, but for the time being no one is getting responses.  This year was awful and next year is already looking like it might not be any better.  I hate the holidays.  

Surfing around before bed again.  Seems a shame that I should see all these profiles and only message a tiny percent even with an offer of friendship.  Worse that only a few of even those will respond back.  Alas, seems it was just not meant to be.  Still talking to a couple of possible subs, only male interest so far.  I definitely don't mind first taking a guy in as a sub (or I wouldn't be talking to them), but still looking for that elusive bi female who doesn't want to live in.  I'd be perfect for myself if I wasn't already taken. ;)

Also... People calling each other fake when they won't even cam themselves to prove it really is their picture on the profile seems ridiculous.  I won't send out my info willy nilly but if it's someone I am definitely interested in building a relationship with, I want to prove as much as be proven.  Not to mention that it seems stupid to call people you are role playing with "fake".  I thought that was the whole point.  The line between fantasy and reality, I think you are blurring it.

Power surges fried my laptop charger, and the holidays have taken their toll on my bank account.  I'm off CM in the mean time.

So bored, tired of looking at profiles.  Talking to a couple of guys that seem genuinely interested in what I have to offer but only time will tell.  Of course I was hoping that a bi/bi curious perfect chick would fall into my lap and make my lifetime, but I wasn't going to hold my breath.  I'd hate to asphyxiate before anything could happen.  I think I'm going to start auto blocking Dominants who feel the need to message me like they could own me.  I'm bored with that too, and running out of ways to say "fuck off", politely or otherwise.  I'm always interested in meeting friends, of any side of the kneel, but those that I message in offer of friendship all but 1% never message back.  I am grateful to those that do.  Sometimes that small boost in my faith of humanity is sorely needed.

So I finally got around to doing some changes to my profile.  Updated the info and added some things.  Got around to looking for a possible submissive addition to the house and now we'll see where that goes.  Got a couple of possible bites from in the area but playing it chill for now.  I'm in no rush, and I don't want a submissive who is.  There has been an interesting upswing in the number of people viewing my profile since the update earlier.  Only saddens me that it's all straight Dominant males. :/  So not who I was wanting to attract to the pool.  Oh well.  It is what it is.  And those who are interested in what I'm offering will message.  Those who aren't can carry on.

So I was just informed by way of CMmail that my profile is reduntant and I sound like a 17 or 18 year old bitch...by way of a repetative long winded email from a master (please note, the lower case 'm').  First off, just to be clear, I read your mail, laughed, and deleted it.  You will never get a private response from me.  Second off, my profile is the way it is because I bore easily of the assholes who don't understand what "friends only" mean even if I were to put it in six languages on my profile, and I do believe I explicitly state that I don't give a fuck if you are offended.  Third, holy gods it did force you to write a semi-creative mail to me now didn't it?  So I got exactly what I wanted, and you will never get what you wanted in return, a response waiting in your mailbox.  ~kisses~

Oops, I really have been off the site for a while.  Having done nothing more than change my info lately really, kind of makes me wonder why I'm on so many people's admirer lists.  But alas!  Fear not!  I shall add something now, and perhaps make a regular thing of it eventually.  May be.  Probably not. I'm horrible at remembering to do things like this.  I'm not a heavy blogger either so oh well.

I'm in Texas now, and enjoying it.  Had to suck up my pride and return to work in retail.  That leaves a bitter after taste if nothing else.  Still looking for other work, even thinking about going back to dancing.  I still don't think I have the body for it anymore, but honestly what could it hurt to try out.  Other than further killing my body image, eh.  I'm still enjoying the no snow here.  Have yet to see if no snow will actually make it all winter long as I've been told but either way it's not like I can control it.  If anyone has a weather machine in their garage, double brownie points if you keep snow off the Fort Worth area.

Not much else to report.  Still looking for housing outside of staying with friends.  If anyone knows of cheap residence above I-30 (Haltom City to Euless and North as far as Lewisville), by all means leave it in my inbox.  

Oh, and Happy Holidays

In case my lazy ass doesn't make it back for another Journal entry before then.  ^.^

From  this point on, anyone who makes any advance on me will be blocked immediately.  How many ways can I say "I'm not looking"  "I'm engaged" "I'M NOT FUCKING INTERESTED"??????

I haven't been here lately, at least not in any kind of productive fashion.  I get a couple messages a week, but nothing that pops right out at me and grabs my attention.  Mostly just a lot of little messages that get flagged by the spambot filter.  ~shrugs~  And I just don't have the time or energy to put into coming up with some great eye catching response to those.  If I don't message you back, don't take it personally.  I've got my hands full with my real life right now and my internet life has taken a complete back seat.  I'm engaged, I have a very young son, and I'm trying to get custody of my 4 yr old baby girl.  Unless you come up with something that completely grabs my attention, chances are for now you'll notice I read your message but I'm not going to respond.

And blowing up my mail box with a bunch of small "how are you?" messages will get you blocked too.

I wish you all the best of luck in finding whatever it is you are looking for on this site.  And I'll continue to check for new messages.  But I highly doubt I'll even be searching for more friends here for some time to come.

Lil Bit