SSCmommy

Rang in the new year and woke up the next morning with the flu. Happy New Year.

I"m not looking to get back "into" anything... I'm looking to meet someone. I'm no longer the submissive I used to be. Bottom is a more accurate descriptor but these silly sites don't allow you that option. I'm looking to meet someone who can understand and respect that that is where I'm at in my life right now. I have a toddler living at home and teenager living out of state and small business I'm trying to get going AND I'm trying to slowly change my lifestyle to a healthier diet, go to the gym 3-5 times a week, and loose nearly 100 lbs. I suffer from back pain, headaches, foot pain, and arthritis. I want to meet someone who understands that all of that can get stressful and sometimes I just need a little break from it all. I want to meet someone who can handle being the dominant personality in the relationship but who won't get all bent out of shape when I assert myself from time to time or simply say no. Someone who gets that sex and sexual activities are not top priorities for me, who can respect that while understanding that it doesn't mean I never want sex, I just don't think about it a lot. Someone who will help me with the labor end of the business simply because he wants to spend time with me when I have things that need doing before I can take any down time rather than expect me to drop everything or put off things just because he wants to spend time with me when I have shit to do. Someone who will respect my authority with my children, especially my toddler.... You get the idea.

New year is coming and everyone's making new resolutions that probably won't last 2 weeks. I recently joined a gym and am working to loose weight. Have already dropped 1 pants size and almost into the next one down too! Very pleased about it. Not a resolution, just something that needed doing. Business is wicked slow so I'm taking the opportunity to get creative. What the heck right? The worst thing that can happen is that no one buys the new stuff.. it's not like they're spending their money on the "old" stuff anyway so I'm not really loosing anything there. Made a few batches of jams last night and some candied mint leaves for some customers. It's nice when the special order stuff sells. Weather has been so bad I haven't been able to get much done out in the gardens as far as planting miniature gardens for the spring sales. Need to get the winter room done next week if at all possible. Wasn't expecting quite so much freezing weather just yet. Running out of firewood too for the fire pit. Lots of ideas and plans and not enough time or funding for them all. It's hard raising a toddler alone and then when all your "me" time is spent alone too... sometimes it feels isolating to be a mother. Romantically speaking.

After much goings on with life and these silly dating sites. I've about given up on meeting someone for now. Perhaps it is my time to work on me and business instead of personal relationships. Oh well, who knows. But what I do know is that I'm sick of people who just don't respond anymore.... if you loose interest step up and be a man and say so..... If someone apologizes for not calling you when you are so obviously ready to talk on the phone and they have a whole ton of shit going on in their lives and just aren't in the mood.. accept the aplogogy rather than write them off. Sometimes shit happens and the rest of time we're usually trying not to step in it.

Apparently I spoke too soon. Or perhaps I'm jumping to conclusions now. But after days of no contact following days of very little contact after conversing everyday and texting multiple times a day... I am feeling that interest has dropped off or perhaps I really was just some potential random. It's hard not to take it personal when you get blown off when asking to meet in person.

 So no one else should expect that I am going to grant any "requests" of a Dom/sub nature until after we've met and only provided if we spark.

 I know my family and friends keep telling me I'm too serious and need to relax and have some fun but it's hard to when this kind of crap keeps happening. It drives a woman so full of hope to cynicism. It seems that the only thing men want (who are under the age of 60) is sex or sexually related behavior and NOT an actual REAL relationship where people get to know each other first.

I know it's been a long time since I've dated but geeze louise this is ridiculous gentlemen! I know there MUST be someone out there who can respect me as a person, respect my life and not want to take it away from me, who will care for me as I am and not try to change me. 

I guess I'm just frustrated and aggravated. I'm not desperate to get laid but I would very much like to find a friend who could become a lover and eventually be my partner and step father figure to my son. It's like very few people actually READ the profile or they just don't take me seriously on what I say in it.....

Someone has really engaged me in conversation and made me feel that I am special and desired for WHO I am and not just some random plaything.

After a roller coaster couple of days with Tropical Storm Debby knocking at my door and drowning my plants, I was surprised to find, in a single afternoon all within about two hours of each other, 3 messages from 3 separate people who were all very nice and respectful and happy people. I say this was a surprise because so far I haven't had much luck with this site. More often than not it's extremely frustrating to say the least and put it as politely as possible. Thank you gentlemen!

Like many journal entries I see here, I'm frustrated with the quality of the profiles I'm finding on CM. How unfortunate for those real people searching in their own ways for that real relationship that they desire which fits them best. I find it offensive that many to most don't even bother to READ profiles before sending messages soliciting sex or making other demands. Just because she's submissive doesn't mean she's a slave guys. Learn your lingo and get it correct. I'm a sensual submissive, not a 24/7 slave! There IS a distinction!