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good luck i hope you find what your looking for
found this online wanted to share :
So many of my fans and readers tell me they are new to this lifestyle. So many of them are submissive, or think they are submissive and unsure of what to look for in a Dom. It got me to thinking about the differences between a good Dom and a bad one, the kind you NEVER want to come across and should ALWAYS be on the lookout for.
A friend of mine put it beautifully ?There are people in this world that would KILL to have someone put up with their shit in the name of submission? ~M. W.
My greatest fear is that in desperation to find a Dom as wonderful as my Master is, people will rush into bad relationships and not realize their mistakes until it is far too late. We see it happen in the vanilla world far too often, but the BDSM world is so secretive that the lines tend to blur.
The words ?Safe, sane and consensual? are not merely descriptive words for BDSM, they are the essence of it. If your relationship is not ALL THREE of those things, then it is not BDSM, it is abuse. And I beg you to RUN from that relationship. Don?t think, just run. There will be plenty of time for thinking later. Right now, your safety is at stake.
So what is it that makes a Dom worthy of your submission? What sets Dominants apart from the abusive idiots who desperately try to force that title down your throat?
First and foremost, a good Dom has an extraordinary amount of self-control. Sometimes he is so patient that it is infuriating. But it is because of this self-control that he will never hit you out of anger, or at the very least, the ONE time he does, he will apologize and go to great lengths to make sure he never loses his control like that again.
A good Dom will put you FIRST. Even if you?re the one serving him, he makes sure that your needs are met. That your mental, physical and emotional health is in good shape. Those rules about taking your meds and working out? They?re not for his benefit. They?re for yours. Making sure you eat well? Another way to make sure you?re healthy. A good Dom understands the importance of Aftercare and will move mountains to make sure you get every minute of it that you need.
A good Dom knows that communication is key to this lifestyle, more so than any other. He knows that talking things out, discussing and understanding your views, your limits, your fears and your desires is the very core of how you will serve, how he will teach and how well you two will succeed in a relationship together. He may not enjoy going down memory lane of his past, but he will do it willingly and openly to help you understand him better. He?ll be open about his own fears, desires, fantasies and limits. He will encourage you to talk about anything and everything you desire. He might limit your conversations with others, but he would never ask you to hide things from him.
A good Dom does his damnedest to understand you, even if that means having to research topics on his own time, having to learn new skills, or having to go out of his way, he will do it because it means getting to know you better. The better he knows you, the better he can talk to you, the easier it will be to understand what makes you tick, why your limits are what they are, how to respond when you?re in a session. He works hard to make sure that he knows your verbal ques as well as your mannerisms. It is his job to protect you even from himself. He takes that to heart.
A good Dom will push you past your limits, but never break them. He will check in on you during a scene ?are you okay? How are you doing? What color are you at?? It might be annoying at times but it?s for your safety. He may even end a scene before you think you?re ready. ?No, if we keep going I will break skin, or bruise nerves that won?t heal properly? or ?I think you?ve had enough, little one.? You may not enjoy hearing these things but your well being is HIS responsibility and you are his most valued possession.
A good Dom will let you walk away. He will fight for you but not to the point of stopping you. He will respect your safeword, and cut you loose if you ask him to. He will let you walk out of his life forever if you want, even if it nearly kills him to do so. Because when the day is done and the scene is over, he knows that you are the one that is really in control. If the relationship is not consensual at all times, then it is not something he is interested in being a part of. You CHOOSE to submit to him, and in return, he fills a void that only the Dominant can for a submissive.
A good Dom is honest to the deepest part of his being. Honor and duty are important to him. He prides himself on always doing the honorable thing, even if it costs him. He requires the same high expectations of you that he does of himself. He will never lie to you or deceive you or trick you into doing anything. He may tease you, he may joke around with you, but he knows where the line is and he stays far away from ever crossing it.
A good Dom is humble. He recognizes his own flaws and will gladly point them out to you time and time again. ?I am not perfect, I am far from it.? is a common saying for him. ?I can?t read minds, I need you to talk to me? is his way of reminding you that he may be good at reading you, but he still needs your permission, your confirmation, your trust and honesty as well.
A good Dom never stops looking for new things to learn. He looks to learn about you, about new skills he can use (be they in the bedroom or outside of it), for new ways to help others. A good Dom understands the importance of a well read mind, and need to exercise it. He reaches out and volunteers his time, skills or money to those less fortunate than him. He asks the same of those who serve him, because he knows that the lessons the poor can teach us are more valuable than any dollar could ever hope to be worth. He understands that helping others is what fuels his need for compassion, loyalty, honesty, self control, humility, and communication with others.
I know this is a lot of information and it sounds like I may be describing the ?perfect guy? or the ?perfect Dom?. You might be thinking ?Well that person doesn?t exist, so I?ll settle for three out of four of those? this would be a grave mistake. And I mean that literally. To settle for less than what I have listed above is the difference between life and death. A bad Dom may not kill you, but you will probably wish he had. Some part of your personality, your heart, your mind, some part of you will surely die a terrible and unnecessary death if you settle for what feels good now instead of waiting for what you need.
Notice I didn?t say what you want there. What you want and what you need are often two completely different things. Yes, good Doms do exist. I have seen them, I have spoken to them, I have many friends who submit to them, I have many more friends who ARE good Doms themselves. The problem is, people are not taking the time to get to know who exactly they?re getting in bed with before they climb in. They rush, worried that if they let this one go, there will never be another out there for them. They jump into a commitment, beg for that collar and then excuse the problems away, until they are frail shadows of their former selves.
And by the time they realize their mistakes, they are too damaged to try again.
Master put is this way:
?Remember that BDSM is pretend. It is. We pretend that you?re a slave and I?m the master, and we like to live that lifestyle, but the only reason it works is because both participants choose to make it work. Out of love. Out of mutual respect. The love and respect is what?s real, the bondage is an illusion.
Case in point: If you decided you?d had enough, and you didn?t want to be with your master anymore, you could leave. And nothing he said could stop you if that?s what you wanted to do.
And you know what else?
Nobody would hold it against you if you decided to do this. Nobody would say, ?Oh, what a bad sub, leaving her Dom like that.? No. That?s not what the relationship is.?
this song says how i feel right now. http://youtu.be/TadaqZcZvCE
enjoy it great new band
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