I am currently owned so sorry if you feel you'v wasted any time. I am here as a friend and nothing more. I have been in the life over 10 years and will readilly help anyone who might need an ear, or eye, as it were. I've a lot to offer in a consultant capacity.
I am not a match-maker so I will not search for you I can only help those that feel they may need a helping hand.
I do also have another name on here due to glitches in not being able to cancel accts. ThePinkPrincess
Blessed Be,
Princess
6/6/2009 4:18:18 PM
It surrounds me, it is heavy and cold, like the snow only not as brilliant, though none the less beautiful. It is where all is still and serene. It lays around my body, which by comparison, is warm, not as soft and certainly not as exquisitely ebony. It is where all dreams, however trivial they may seem, find their fruition. The things that we cannot have, ever elusive to our greedy fingers hide there, as both comfort and tormentor alike. They take on a will seemingly borrowed from the very recesses we attempt feebly to hide from our conscious mind, hide from others, hide from the light that seems so hard, so brash against the soft embrace of the darkness.
It is where I feel safe, and oddly where peril lurks just waiting to grip me, pulling this way and against until I am left writhing in the agony of the things I shall never have.
I imagine death is just like the sweet kisses of sleep as the images around me, the inky shadows, even darker than the night, crawl endlessly across the ceiling toward my face. Slipping with their icy talons along my eyelashes, dragging them down to cover the jaded chocolate circles that have seen too much pain. The only sound, my heart beating, my breath softly whistling in and out, so fragile, what if either sound should stop? What then? Eternal dreaming, over and over again all of the mistakes that I have made over the years that seem to ebb and flow with the tides of the moon. The endless waves of day and night pushing me down, drowning me in all of the mundane things I must do, all of the endless tedious ins and outs of life.
The little things that used to matter so much to me have now transcended into the endless tedium that has become my life, much like breathing I do not have to think about it, I am automatic now, walking through without much thought for myself any longer. Breathing softly walking around with eyes that have lost their desire to seek out the unique any longer. With a heart that has become so hardened by years of continued pressure it should sparkle through the shroud of my life's blood like a diamond.
Never Think (by Robert Pattinson) :
Just never think less in your heart less in our home it's all I own
You'll learn to hate me Just never call me baby Oh Lord Call me by my name and save your soul save your soul before you're too far gone before nothing can be done
And Shall I win Shall I win I aint got no fight in me left for this whole damn world so hold off you choose to hold on
its the one thing that I've known Once I put my coat on and I know it's all wrong she's standing outside holding me saying Oh Please I'm in love I'm in love
Girl save your soul go on save your soul before you've gone too far before nothing can be done
Without me you got it all so hold on Without me you got it all so hold on Without me you got it all so hold on.........
5/31/2009 5:23:25 PM
Ah one cannot win in my case. I am doing the one thing I should not do. I am re-reading a novel that inspires within me all things romantic. This is unfortunate for me because I know no one like this. Well I suppose it is a specific type of romantic and who says there cannot be such a thing in this lifestyle anyhow right?
I've seen MUCH more specific desires than I have on here, hell some of these people may as well wait until science can produce a lifelike robot for their ridiculous set of parameters. Such and such tall weighs within x and y has chestnut or blond or red hair, her eyes this or that color on and on it goes. She must love x and y have no family to speak of live like this or that I tell you what.. They're gonna be alone a long dam time that is of every certainty.
So.. Here I am destroying every ounce of hope I have lol because no one can live up to a fictitious character how lame is that? I'll get over it soon enough.. A few episodes of Ice road truckers should cure it hahaha
5/16/2009 6:56:58 AM
I've always enjoyed reading mail. People take the time to write me and I write back. Lately I've found a whole bunch of folks who are cheating on their spouses. I don't get that.
It is as if this life is being used as an excuse to behave badly! It isn't just the married men, it's the ones that are not even close to being a match. I tell them that we won't be compatible, and thank them and then wish them luck, but it usually ends up in some snarky battle of words.
There is absolutely no reason for this. There is no excuse for being a royal prat when someone says they're not interested. What should I do instead? String them along all the while knowing they wont have a snowball's chance in hell?
That is just not my style. What to these clowns do? Run around writing nasty e-mail to every woman that is not interested? Are ya kidding me?
The latest was some 26 year old, I like men to be older han I am not younger, I've found more often than not they're a little more mature than the 20 somethings and I am 9/10 times right on the money. I have no interest in training a Dom to be my Dom. Nor do I wish to raise a childish Dom to his mature self. Bugger off is what I say.
If they cannot take refusal politely get the hell off the web.
4/7/2009 6:51:23 PM
Ok I think it is really really funny when someone tries to act like a Dominant and then loses their cool resorting to immature name calling. It shows they are not actually a Dominant but a little boy wanting to play at being a man. I have a particular way of being able to tell if someone is actually a Dom or if they're one of the wannabees that really is lying about what he is, what he wants and such. All I do is correct them it only takes once for the real tools to lose it and immediately show their true colors. I only use it if I have a feeling they are not being straight with me. It works each and every single time to hash out which ones are real and which are just jerks using the name Dom to boost their poor self esteem. Some loser just did that tonight and I all ready knew he was not for me by the way he spoke about how he comes before my son and all which is a real joke. He actually facilitated me being able to tell when he posed a trick question trying to trip me up . I said Ok I fail take care lol and he got all upset..Boo Hoo... I then corrected him and he went off on this 13 yr odl tirade OMG I almost wet my pants I laughed so hard it was priceless. You know why is it men think calling names works? Its so funny it makes them look like a total wannabe. If you cannot control yourself you can never control another..Ever..
Very funny stuff.
4/3/2009 8:36:45 AM
It seems reasonable to me that people write. Even if they have absolutely nothing in common with each other. What I do not understand is when someone writes to the same person over and over again, as if they have never spoken to them, when they have, and they do not bother to take the time to say anything original .
The same tired line used on each and every female? That is what it tells me, and I do not think I am alone in saying ..What is WRONG with men? Why send the same exact lines to each and every woman out here? Are ya really that lazy? If so how can you guys cal yourselves Dominant without a creative thought in your head?
I'm not sorry that I think this way. I am different than any other woman, and sally jo is different than I am, and betty is different than sally jo etc so forth and so on. So why is it none of us deserves their own individual carefully constructed mail?
If I am not special enough to come up with your own words just for me why would I ever treat you as if you were anything but just another guy looking to get in get off get out?
9/21/2008 5:01:40 PM
Let me preface this entry with these provisions:
It has taken a great deal of time for me to be able to ask of any man what I have asked of someone today. I do not know what pushed me to do it, whether there is a ghost standing behind me pushing me forward for my own good, friends who have told me to move on, some nicer than others, or... One girl's decision that she needs to have someone in her life in this way.
I will say that not everyone I have encountered over the past 13 years has shared my love of this lifestyle nor the love I felt for that One man that.. Regardless of what we felt, had been taken from me not once, but twice.. The last time for the rest of my life.. Not everyone has taken the loss I have felt as serously as they should, or, cared as deeply as I do for him even in death. I have been told I needed to move on and I am doing that slowly, carefully, thoughtfully, and terrified.
This must be said...This is MY journey, it is no one elses, and while I have very beloved friends they cannot walk this path with me, they can hold my hand through the hard times. They can offer advice, tell me what I am doing wrong, or right. However, when it comes down to it, there is no one walking this path with me other than the one person I asked to start it with me. I love my friends deeply, no one I know loves their friends like I do, and I often times joke that I should stop always asking..What can I do to help? It gets me overloaded but I love every second and wouldnt change it for anyone or anything. I will never stop asking as a friend, as a sister, as a mentor, as a submissive... I will never leave them to swing in the wind alone. I love them with all of my heart.
Thirteen...
It has been that long since I asked my former to take me into his pre-consideration. It resulted in consideration, triaining, and years of love,mentoring and friendship that seemed as though they would never come to an end, but they did and abruptly so. He had carefully taken me from someone that was literally one of the DUMBEST sumissives walking. to where I am now, nowhere near joking, it is a wonder I am alive.. Yes, really. I played recklessly and unsafely with total strangers. I broke every single rule that has ever existed because I thought I could handle myself. So, battered, bruised, stitched, splintered, and shamed, very lacking in self esteem and self confidence, and about as sorry as she could be I asked to be taken in and he did.
Thirteen years later I am a smart, successful submissive with a sharp wit and a keen eye for the trolls and frauds. I take no shit, and I give no one undue reverence. Some like to say I am far too strong to be a "real" submissive, and they would be the ones that are lacking in their own sense of self. They fear what they do not have the skill or knowledge to control, not to mention not a shot in hell as I suffer no fools. I have learned BOTH sides of the perverbial flogger, make absolutely no mistake about that. I am quite capable of running to the other side, but here is the reason I am not.. I am a submissive in my soul, in my heart, and in my mind. I serve well and very completely I never hesitated to do anything but my very best for whom I was serving collared or not.
Thirteen years it has taken me to get to where I am and the mountain of people in my present and past, some of which helpd me a great deal some of which only tried my patience and were sidestepped and kicked mercilessly and without regret to the curb so that I may walk on. Trust me I will walk alone head high, rather than explain an inept Dominant to ANYONE..Ever. If you've not the skill and knowledge it takes to control me you have no business approaching me. This is not conceit it is simple fact, and do not ever break the code for I will never show you mercy, trust me I have made far more friends than enemies in the past years and they adore me. I am above reproach and have sustained the standards that were taught to me.
Thirteen years ago my Dominant, my Master, My One, made me from NOTHING to what I am. He taught me to choose and to learn from my mistakes. I have NOT always listened, I chose badly more than once and he warned that I would flip them to begging within a few months. Nothing was more true than his words to me. This, is why I am so very strict and my standards are so high. I am putting my complete being into someones hands not just my cunt or ass for them, not my breasts. When I make these choices i give each and every one a single opportunity sometimes more to prove their mettle. Mind you the gauntlet was not cast by me it was cast by him and remains cast as to date no one has captured me completely.
Thirteen years later I asked for the pre-consideration of a Dominant. The ONLY I have asked for. The others just kind of fell into place, or not, as the cases may have been. I have taken that very frightening first steps toward what I hope to be not the same, that will never exist again, but a similar bond. I heard Iron gates close behind me when he snapped the collar around m trembling throat, the entire world fell away from me, I was dizzy and even his face faded into the blackness of the California mountain night. All I heard was his voice, soft, he never yelled, talking to me telling me what it meant, it locked those gates litterall rang in my ears and I physically shuddered and nearly fell off the picnic table top we were sitting upon but... He caught me, and as m head rolled slightly his grip on my arms tightened and he held me closely to him never, did his voice change or cease..Until I was back with him and nodding, m voice had been lost. Which made him laugh.
Thirteen years ago, my life changed forever.
Thirteen years later I embark on a new yet similar path.
Thirteen years is a long time...
I ..ask only, for patience, from all, mostly Mr. M, but my friends as I take my first steps into this unknown journey, they are wobbly steps, I am passing between tears and shaking as I type this out. It is not a simple thing I ask..Not in any way.... To have patience... But I ask none the less from all because no, I am not certain where this will go, but this is my first start after a long time coming to an end... I, the strong one, the "tough Cookie" the advice giver, the answer mogul, the mentor, the experienced, the taught... I am terrified of giving everything again and it hurts, it frightens, excites, saddens, endears, and gives me..Some..Days..Hope...Thirteen years later....
9/21/2008 2:37:40 PM
Goodness it has been a very loooooong weekend. Attended the Kinky Kollege event with friends had a marvelous time and met some incredible people. Some I had known what seems to be a hundred years ago and some are new.
I am very glad I went and I am very glad to have introduced my sister subbie and her friend to the public side to the lifestyle. I think it was an enjoyable time had by all.
9/11/2008 6:22:19 PM
Ahh here I am again to journal.I happen to be in the hospital so I have enough time to sit and type without being interrupted 50 times.
So Recently I received an e-mail from some loser that dropped the cussing nasty mail off and deleted their profile. I have a pretty good idea who it is and they need to get over themselves. I just laughed and showed my friend who laughed about what a cowardly thing that is to do. Again I find myself shaking my head at the calibur of a person that would do something so very chicken sht and so very lame. I hope that someone gives them an intervention for the clearly serious issues they have.
I need to put kind of a hold on the charity thing that Purple and I are doing as I will need surgery in October and I am still sitting in the hospital after 4 days. I was also approached via mail by a married man. Not this is not all together unique but as my friends and I say and as I told him if you will cheat with me you wil cheat on me. I do not get involved with married men. I was married once and I cannot imagine my ex having cheated on me... He wouldnt do that, howver there is a great number of men who use this lifetyle for expressly that reaon. Not saying the person who contacted me is doing that but it does happen frequently.
I hate being in the hospital and I hate being sick, then again, who likes it? LOL
Take care all, with exception of the person that dropped that e-mial for them... I wish upon them a perfect life and everything they have ever wanted. I also wish that during their last minutes on earth they experience all of the pain that they wished to inflict either emotionally or physically on others. I hope they feel every single horrid thing they have done to others.
8/23/2008 6:23:46 PM
I have changed my prof ...Tired of the boys I am only looking for a man. I have no interest in boys that cannot keep all the women they're e-mailing straight. I've no interest in people that take no initiative or that wish to just coast and never write back. Then contact me as if they never talked to me.
No interest in married boys, inexperienced boys, or boys that cannot remmber my name. Boys that have no social skill and common sense, common decency, as well as curtesy... Those things are not so common.
Where are the men? I seem to have spoken to the boys already so where are these alleged men out here?
8/18/2008 6:45:52 PM
Give to Hope Heaven!!!
Ok People The time has come to clean out your stores of things you no longer use that are in god condition:
Purple passion and I are doing a drive to DeKalb IL to bring things to a friend of ours in the community who was homeless and who now has a small apartment.. But there are so many more who are still at the shelter from 1 year old to 50 and beyond. The trip will be in approximately 5 to 6 weeks or so.. In September (after Kinky Kollege)
If you are interested in giving to those that do not have it as good as you do let me know or let Purple Passion know. We have the list of necessities for our friend, and I am going to contact Hope Heaven to see what they are in need of. Contact me here for further details or if you want to help bring things out there. Whatever you can do in the way of clothing or toys or small furniture, books and such will be appreciated.
8/11/2008 5:16:29 PM
So...I spoke to a few people... here is how it panned out:
I dont think my friend from here {the malenot the female} is still going to KK, thats ok we will miss him but I don't think he had theheart to tell me. Its ok. The guy that attempted to profess how great I am and whatever who had a meet with someone 16 years younger and.... A week long in his private home [should ICOUNT the rules he broke? ] Actually thought I was stupid enough to 1) Believe he cares anything for me, 2) Cares about the safety of subs and 3) WOULDNT NOTICE HE CALLED ME THE WRONG NAME.....TWICE...FYI tool...My name is NOT April..
He even tried to lie to get out of it saying he was just on the phone with whomever whos sister's name is April..Yeah see thats great if you didnt call me April BEFORE he talked to them on the phone. Stupid jerk. Ugh I would never in a million years ever recommend him to any sub EVER..Hes a game player that tries to use the emotional "I cant take this anymore" crap, I didn't fall for that either..
Ladies DO NOT BE SWAYED!!! Its all an act. He is in this for the sex and sex only..Fool that he is.
Ok so I e-mailed someone totally unexpected and was plesantly surprised but...Now that I got all excited cuz he has so much in common with me he disappeared with a poof... My search will never end I swear...
8/4/2008 6:56:33 PM
Did you ever wonder what makes someone stop and really read your pofile? I know why I will stop and read versus dismiss and go on about my way thus not leaving an e-mail.... I wonder if anyone is curious...
7/24/2008 6:45:12 PM
Passion is my Knightess in Shining Shopping Cart!!!!! I wubs her!!! ~*~ Cackle Cackle~*~
7/23/2008 5:51:45 PM
YAY for Today!! Well actually a couple days ago.. Met this hot chic online and she and I have formed this instant bond of friendship!! It is sooo refreshing so amazing, shes so awesome... Since one of my bestest friends had moved I had been so friend lonely It hurts I miss her so much. I was blessed to meet this new friend I had been aching for someone to confide in to bond with a true sister in the life...
My Friend is a Domme and one of the very best friends this hottie hottie new friend is a sub and we have already laughed and laughed!!! WOOT!!
7/22/2008 7:08:56 PM
This could be my lucky year... In a turn of events, and much to my own surprise, I have engaged in conversations with someone who has piqued my interest. He knows what kind of sub I am he holds the same ideals as I do, and he does not wish to play games.
I have been, for the most part alone since my former Dom passed away. Don't get me wrong my friend the Mistress is there for me always.. She has been the reason I can hope she makes sure I am ok.. But I have not been able to find someone that is my match... I started to think that I had what I was destined to have but I was not enough to keep him... He had married vanilla many years ago... I was released prior to that..I tore my heart up...
I try, I try so hard, some think that I am too much a "B" to ever be a sub, that I have such exacting standards I'll never ever find anyone... I am to some difficult to get along with... I don't suffer fools I don't act stupid and I am not blind. I do not take to lying even small lies, I do not hide and I expect 100% openness nothing less than the full disclosure is acceptable to me.
So I wrote a man here, and I commented on his journal, I never thought anything would come of it and certainly i thought he had lost interest when I had not heard from him in weeks.. However nothing could be futher from the truth and soon we will be meeting for the first time for dinner and conversation. He wants to drive a long way to meet me...
I don't have a poor self image, I love myself, not necessarily how I look because I've dieted so long and nothing works. My Thyroid is imbalanced... My Doctor keeps playing with my dose and when it gets too low not only do I get very ill I gain pounds that I cannot seem to lose. He knows that I am not thin and doesnt want a thin girl. I cannot wait to meet him...
7/16/2008 6:38:16 PM
I splurged today I bbought new perfume. I normally don't buy perfume for myself I wait and add it to my X-Mas list but today I thought to myself..You deserve something nice... I spent $42 [less than my regular perfume] and got "Goddess" by BabyPhat...I am so happy....THe little things make me happy.. I also went to "Payless" and got 3 new pairs of shoes and 5 pairs of socks for $75 [ For those that are unaware.. Thats a really awesome deal]
It is a good day...
7/13/2008 6:29:33 PM
I was bored and wandering through the profiles as I usually do and a couple of things grabbed me.
First I met via e-mail a really sweet sub sister on here and we added each other to our friends list..I'm so glad we touched base. It has been a while since I spoke to another sub. Welcome welcome welcome to my life :) You know who you are!! [ and she is STUNNING too WOW!!]
I was also reminded that I saw someone who I very briefly spoke with on here.. Who openl admitted that his profile was all lies to counter some salacious gossippers? I didn't think that was a reason to make a false profile but what ever... Sad sad sad sad pathetic games people play. If ever you thought adults were supposed to behave like adults there is the answer for that lol. Ok ...So that was my day so far....
7/13/2008 9:41:38 AM
I havent said much lately, it has been for the most part relatively quiet and that can be a very good thing. Generally my full profile scares away anyone that isn't worth his own weight in salt and that is exactly what it is designed to do.
I have, in years past, been innundated with men that have the dreaded "Peter Pan Syndrome", men who have huge creepy crawly issues, and men who just lie period. As I say regularly, I do not suffer fools. Don't get me wrong I am invited to read profiles all the time, however when I do take the time to read them, there is usually very very little to engage my interest.
Often times men do not list what they want specifically, which doesn't help me in the least. The ones that wat me to read have often been one to 2 sentences, maybe a paragraph, that simply say they are looking for "a sub or a slave" ~ Can I say that the 2 are very distinctly different... If you don't know what you want... How can you get what you want? Never did understand that.
I read one that talks on and on about himself and not what he was looking for, everything circled back around to how awesome he is.. Scary stuff and not for the faint of heart LOL. There has got to be some happy medium.. I mean XXX are my BDSM interests.. If you're interested in that too and even more let's talk? I have been in the lifestyle XX amount of years, and have many things to share with th right person... Are you them? My issues are XXX [ mind you without going into a complete pschological breakdown of all the issues and meds you're on or SHOULD be on lol]
I just don't understand why people who are looking for something cannot be straight about what they are looking for? I try my best to state what I want... I forewarn men I am strong, that is not an invitation to try and break me. That has been tried multiple times with no success over the last 13 years. Is it REALLY asking too much for a communicative, honest man who isn't shallow? Here's a hint gents and not so gents... I may be a bit fat right now but many of you will be a Tool for the rest of your lives.. I can get thinner.. You'll always be a shallow jerk...
Ok so with that said I wish that I could see a well written profile for someone that catches my interests not looking for something I am never gonna be, or some stupid DVD star ideal.. Random Fact of the Day: Angelina Jolie graduated High School at the age of 16. [Uncle Johns Bathroom Rader for Kids Only]
6/29/2008 7:36:15 AM
The Parade of Fools:
I cannot believe some of the things I read on here, or some of the things people tll me when I talk to them.. It is the subjects of these conversations that I take exeption to. I had the things that vex me, but these things just out and out tick me all the way off.
If you write someone and they respond, write them back even if it's a refusal. If you are so completely inept and cannot seem to remember you have written the same person the exact same lame one line e-mail every month for 4 months? Leave now while you still can. You cannot pay attention so you need to get out now.
The same exact tool writes me the same exact line each and every month, and I have responded politely 3 other times, with no reply. The time for nicities is over now and the tool was told exactly what he can do... Bugger off. I swear some of these people need a good smack upside the head. If you cant even respond or remember wth you write people or who ou contact repeatedly you need to rethink your position. If you cannot keep track of yourself you CLEARLY cannot keep track of anyone else... UGH drives me nuts! The tool responded to his first e-mail with vulgarity and was 1) turned in to CM for vulgarity and 2) Blocked because he's too stupid to write me, as far as I am concerned he will be alone forever. His sophomoric behavior will be laughed at by subs for years to come LOL Nice job tool!!
6/27/2008 5:31:03 PM
Things that vex me.. That is today's topic and it is brought to you by: Stupid.. You just can't fix Stupid..
Ok so I have reservations that I get when e-mailing. It is the feeling that you get when someone is completely without the proclivity for this lifestyle I can tell within usually 4 e-mails if someone is worth chatting with, although sometimes I ignore my gut instinct and traverse the great divide to the Y. I KNOW clearly I should know better than to ignore my gut.... So On with the things that Vex me...
1) Discourtiousness ~ There is a time and a place where patience runs thin, however before that time, regardless of one's station in this lifestyle, being curteous is one of the mainstays in conversation. When one is asked a question, a clear and well chosen answer is the curteous thing to reply with. An answer that directly responds to the question. When someone takes the time to write, you write back it's a simple thing to do really. When someone shows concern for your well being be it emotional, mental or spiritual, physical or mystical, it is polite to respond to them and acknowledge not ignore the sentiment. However if one ignores someone then this does not apply to them they are clearly not interested in being at the grown up table.
2) Deception ~ To knowingly hide things from another person. To avoid things that they need or wish to know. To say you are one thing and in actuality are the polar opposite... This is done so much on here. It is unforgiveable. To say you are open, non judgemental, emotionally available, knowledgeable, experienced or otherwise endowned, and not be.. That is a crime of the lowest form.
3) To assume ~ There are so many assumptions that are made and they are usually wrong. To assume someone is automatically lying is wrong and no way to live life. to assume you can disrespect a sub because they are a sub is just as wrong and you will be put into your properplace. If anythign a Dominant is to hold to a higher standard than others. If one cannot control themselves, they have no hope of controlling another. I recently had someone accuse me of lying about my age just because I had recently graduated college.. That is about as stupid as one can get. The person went on to ask for forgiveness which they did not even check to see if I forgave them or not, I never said either way, which shows they do not care that they are offensive they just spit things out and pray no one notices they are inept.
4) Childishness ~ I cannot abide this from a Dom. Everone has silly time it is what keeps us all going, however if one is a petulent child there is just no room here for them. Grow up or be gone. The time for foot stomping temper tantrums has long since passed with grammar school. I have a child I do not need a grown child as well. I refuse to raise a Dom, I want one already grown with all of the trappings that comes with. I have met more than my share of boys who are not ready for the grown up world I live in they are not men they are simply boys who have never grown up and I am uninterested in Peter Pan syndrome in my life.
5) Pushiness ~ It is one thing to push a sub on their limits that is expected, however to push another person who needs to be comfortable with someone before taking another step, when things are so new, is inexcusable. There will never be a beginning if one is pushed so quickly to end things because of an overly eager Dominant. There is a time for everything and quality is worth waiting for. If you want fast subs the drive thru is that way and good luck to you.
6/24/2008 7:35:49 PM
Do you tell your friends you love them? I do... I tell them all of the time. I learned last year, that you never know when your friends, or your family will be taken from you. This month was a reminder of what I miss, my friend, my former Dominant... I miss him...
I try to find the same feeling, somone that shares what I was taught..Someone who doesn't want to beat the tar out of me. Someone who can command without being cruel or mean, or having to shout, threaten and all that jazz. The search is growing steadilly more difficult.
I keep trying to remind myself that not everyone wants a barbie but with my past experiences I have learned that no one wants a fat girl... I wish I had control over this. My thyroid is so out of whack, I eat very little in the way of fat and calories... Nothing seems to work... I exercise every day...
I wish it was aout what was inside and not outside, but in general people want someone that looks good over someone who truly loves to serve...
6/20/2008 3:53:19 PM
It was then, that he allowed me from his touch, yet never from his sight to get him something to drink... He handed me a tip for the person tending bar at the club knowing I would chatter to fellow submissives that were alone this night a gentle warning of "I'll be waiting". Nothing more did he have to say as I moved away grinning and to the bar I went, pigtails bouncing as I walked.
I would not be gone long at all of course, I hated keeping him waiting for m. I hugged a few ladies I knew and moved back to him quickly bringing his drink, holding it on my palm and by the side of the cup at a specific height until he took it from me. He was engaged in conversation and did not even look at me simply took his cup and patted me on the head.
His hand would slide to the back of m neck as he pulled me to him and played with my pigtail and my ear while he spoke to the other man. He taunted me b gathering my tails into one hand and yanking gently my head back as his conversation continued. He loved to tease me and act like he was not paying attention, however nothing could be further from that. He took in everyting as his hand moved over my hair and then again to my neck stopping to feel my pulse.
His attention would then be drawn from his partner in conversation and those riveting eyes would lock on me. I could feel the heat of a flush rise into my cheeks as he said.. You need to settle down kiddo..... He called me kiddo, which was ironic since I was older than he was, although only by a year... But I took in the advice and slowed my excited breathing which would then slow my racing pulse. He then went back to his cnversation as his hand gently pushed my shoulder with the slightest pressure and I went to my knees snuggling against his huge calf... More later.....
6/15/2008 11:32:50 AM
I am often asked a few questions, it occurrs regularly enough that I wish to post here the answers all kind of rolled into a single post:
The gentle caress of fingers beneath my slightly tilted chin, as I stare downward trembling softly inside with the excitement I felt to be sitting at his knee... I felt then the warmth run through me from his fingers through my now flushing cheeks.. Down my spine which became even more erect with the sensation of his touch. It was gentle yet held within his larger than life hands the command I feel sliding over my cream flesh leavng in it's wake the pverstimulated goosebumps...Like lightening through my veins....
With the slightest of pressures against my chin I know to rise and to turn slowly that he may view my milky skin and run his strong hands over it posessively yet daring those there to touch what is his to behold. I gasp but do not move save for the slow undulation beneath his hands as they flow along my flesh. It is then He rose and gave the slight nod to move. I wait and take my place at his right side one step to his rear until he gentl took hold of my long blonde locks and gave a gentle tug forward. Quickened steps took me before him and with those strong fingers in the small of my back I am ushered forward that he may show his pet off to his liking, the gentlest of smacks to a greedy backside...
More later....
6/15/2008 9:10:55 AM
Happy Fathers Day to the Fathers out there!!!! And the "Daddys" too lol
6/14/2008 12:40:42 PM
I am home from my trip to Springfield, it was met with a limited amount of disappointment, as my expectations were not too high. People were rather unfriendly and limited in their social capacity.. However the presentations with the exception of one were brilliant and I learned a lot.
My frustration regarding people on the internet however is growing. Not that it wasnt always there it was. I have learned to have little expectation in people because if you expect too much you will always be let down. Similarly I do not make promises like other people do as they usually get broken. So I resist ever doing that.
Sometimes people ask me to be in my journal, some think I write certain things well. Some people ask NOT to be in my journal, because they don't want to see their own stuff put to words probably who knows why I never name anyone and if they're the only ones that know it so what..
Ya know..I am straight with people. I do not move at the pace f some people on here, I am straight about how I look, the parameters in my life, and I am straight with how I feel. If I am angry Im angry and I say so if I am disappointed, again, I say so... When it is met with some insensitive bullcrap because someone wants to be childish it gets to be too much. I have no time or energy to waste on someone that doesn't know how to act like a decent person. Someone whos words are hollow and who sends messages that are only meant to be sarcastic and mean...
Just because people are online doesn't give anyone the right to be a jerk.. You know if you are too uptight you really ought to seek refuge in something that will relax ya, and leave the plesant nice people alone... Alright my small rant is over for now whew I feel better.
6/8/2008 3:12:54 PM
Well I am off to Springfield in the morning for training. I am not sure what to expect I have never had to train for work out of town so this is all new. A lot of what you're supposed to do is so foreign to me... Receipts for dinner they pay for everything for you Im not used to that... It feels like stealing or something. It's odd to me.
I havent heard abot Kinky Kollege I was hoping a friend wanted to split the room cost with me maybe someone will let me know... THey only have room for 1,200 and I wanted to get set up with someone early. I hpe to hear from someone soon on that. Maybe my best friend and Domme Friend will come up.
6/4/2008 7:08:53 PM
Looking to go to Kinky Kollege for some edumakashun Perhaps Friends of mine want to share a room? [warning Im not putting out lol so if thats your idea shoo nawty people this is a financial thing lol]
Hit me up friends after you looked at the website... Let me know who is gonna go? Either share room or we can meet up there.
6/3/2008 6:40:36 PM
Well now let's hope my problems have been solved.. Many changes were needed.
I was talking to someone on here and he seems to have either had a problem or disappeared. He got into a little hot water with me with some things he said and I'd asked him to take some time to consider what he exatly wanted. Apparently tho he decided to either back off or he got hacked too because his name is gone. That makes me sad but what can you do?
I think I need a hot bath right now...Ugh...
6/2/2008 3:20:02 PM
FYI out here there is a certain "someone" screwing around in the accounts on CM. I came on today to see all of my mail gone and all of my stuff changed. I have an idea of who it is and that party will be dealt with accordingly well maybe a little more so I am sure plenty of people will want to know what he is up to.
This is the THIRD time my account has been hacked into and it is about getting old as hell. SO drastic times call for drastic measures I sure hope it was worth it...
