11 March 2012 .. I came, I perved a few, I read a few posts ... I quickly became bored and am now off to wash dishes. 

I'm making this entry just to mark the date of my visit.  Interesting to note that it's been almost 3 years since my last entry ... hmm

Never in my life have I reacted to a person as I have recently.  I casually met a man at a coffee shop and we had a few words on a mutual topic.  Now, whenever I see him, I blush outrageously, lose my ability to speak or think coherently and am an utter mess in his presence.  He triggers my imagination and desires.  I want to simultaneously put him into handcuffs and be on my knees at his command.   This confusion is fabulous and yummy!    

What a great weekend I’ve had!  I finally made it to my first Telluride Film Festival and had lots of fun.  I was going to bring a new potentially steady play partner but he cancelled.  That turned out to be a good cancellation because I met 3 new potential play partners.  I had breakfast, lunch and dinner dates along with all of the films. 

Last weekend was fun with the new and now monthly play party.   Met beautiful and wonderful people.  I felt like a cross dresser in a borrowed wig!  LOL! 

I really like this quote written by Orion The Wolf:  "If you do not live your life on your terms, then it is not your life."  How true is that?!!

Hi,

Your profile popped as I logged in and I've got some questions for you.  

From your profile:

‘She must be willing to devote herself completely and without hesitation. Physically, mentally, emotionally, in every way open and a clean slate, ready to write new meaning to her inner calling. I must see the light of new discovery in her eyes, hear it in her voice, see its effects shiver through her body. I must touch the tears of joy as she realizes new flight.’

I continually see similar desires in people's profiles and I've often wondered why these desires are wanted up front rather than looked towards as something to lead one to these qualities.  Is there no joy to bringing a submissive to complete devotion and without hesitation?  Is there no joy to guiding a submissive to a clean slate?  Doesn't a submissive first explore and eliminate those barriers to submission allowing her/him to then be rewritten?   How can a light of new discovery be seen in the eyes if you were not the one to clear them?  How could you hear it in a voice if you were not the one to have earned that?  How can she truly fly if you were not the one to teach her? 

This concept of a ready-made submissive to play with seems superficial to me. 

I’m interested in what the interest is.

Solia

http://health.msn.com/kids-health/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100196272&GT1=31036

In my early days, I met a new submissive online.  After some time, we agreed to meet.  I drove the 2.5 hours to his town for a festival that I had wanted to attend and met him there.  I instructed him to have a single carnation for me.  We spent the day together and had quite a good time at the festival.  At the end of the evening, as planned and discussed beforehand, he walked me to my car.  I did not make any plans to play with him, spend the night with him or anything beyond the festival.  At my car, it was apparent to me that he was nervous and didn’t know what to do next.  So I told him that I had had a wonderful time, that I was pleased that he had done what I asked and gotten me a carnation.  Then I took both of his hands, faced him fully, looked into his eyes and kissed him, lightly ~ not lingeringly and not a peck.  He tried to kiss me deeper and I told him no-not yet.  I then got into my car, said my farewell and drove home. 

Two weeks later, I returned and we had dinner at a lovely restaurant and strolled around the adjacent park.   It was a beautiful Southern evening.  He had bought me a gift of a leather belt with long strands knotted at the end.  Definitely a dual purpose item!  I thanked him for the gift and as before, pre-planned, I went home.  It was a wonderful evening and I was beginning to really like who he was and I saw great potential in him. 

A few days later, he called to tell me about his bad day at work.  He just wanted to vent.  I let him.  Then I suggested to him to consider all of his customers as if they were me.  I asked him to think how he would serve me all day long, with all of my demands and unreasonable requests.  I asked him to be honest with ‘me’ if he could not complete a certain task the way that ‘I’ wanted it done.   I told him to call me at the end of the week and tell me how this exercise worked for him.   He called and was amazed at how well the rest of the week went for him.  He said that he had a smile on all day long and was just happy as a lark to serve every customer that came in.  Funny thing, he said, was that from the time that he thought of serving me, all of his customers were more cooperative, less demanding and more reasonable of what product he was able to give them.  He even had to venture and say ‘no’ to a few requests but he quickly followed up with a clear and concise explanation of why not and offered alternative solutions.  All the customers agreed that his alternative ideas were actually better than what they had initially envisioned. 

I reflect back on this because over the years, I’ve seen so many ‘lifestylers’ who seem to live two lives.  One of bdsm activities and the other of vanilla activities.  I’ve asked why are the two separated and I’ve been met with many versions of ‘can’t be kinky in public’ or ‘can’t wear fetish wear’ or ‘wouldn’t/can’t be accepted’ or ‘I’ll lose my job’ or ‘can’t involve others in non-consensual play’ or ‘can’t expose kids.’    These answers make me think only of the physical aspect of bdsm.   I contend that bdsm and vanilla should not and do not need to be separated.   The behavior and the values, whether top or bottom, should be carried the same throughout the day and in our daily encounters with people of all sorts of orientations.  I use ‘orientations’ here to include the broad spectrum of virgins to down right slutty whores, from agnostic to zealous, from rich to poor, the full color spectrum, and from any workplace imaginable.  I’ll use the example of a Christian (insert any belief system you’d like here ~ it’s all pertinent).  A christian doesn’t say, ‘so in my church activities I…. and in my non-church activities I……’  No, a Christian is a christian all of the time.   (I know, usually ~ stay with me ~ it’s a perfect example.)   Or perhaps another example might be the usage of a turn signal.  Do you only use the turn signal when a police car is around or do you use it always because it’s the safe and right thing to do?   Do you only have a submissive mind when in the presence of your dominant or do you always have a submissive mind?  Do you only have a dominant mind when in the presence of your submissive or do you always have a dominant mind? 

I don’t want to burden myself with two lives.  I want to be who I am no matter where I am, with whom or what I am doing.  It shouldn’t matter if I’m merely grocery shopping or preparing for a scene; my mindset will be the same.