Really?? 

All is well but this state is overly boring... I need to plan a trip back to NJ/NYC... I miss the nightlife!

Met up with friends tonight at the casino. We had an awesome time! I have not talked much about him but my adopted son 'L' has finished 30 days of inpatient rehab and transferred to the half-way. It is exhausting have a child live with you, one live 5 hours away and one live 30 hours away... I just want my family back. Realizing that most likely will never happen now that they have grown but I at least want them all to be healthy, mentally and physically.

............well that lasted long...LOL

Over it. I suppose that talking about real life situations in this journal leaves me open to some idiots to say some really stupid things.. oh well. Life is going well, it could be better but it is ok! I have a job, my bills are paid, my daughter is returning to college in April. I am not comfortable with the distance my son has put between us but i trust that he also is well and striving to be the best young man that he can be. If he could only forgive my Father for things said months ago, i am certain he would return home. He is however, a very strong headed 18 year old and will find out for himself in time that things are not easy out there. I continue saving money and will begin looking for our new home sometime in the spring. I have not decided where that will be yet.. near the beach or more towards Dover... time will tell. For those who have been reading my journal since the first post almost two years ago... my adopted son is doing well. He will continue his recovery in patient and then move to an assisted halfway home. Ughhh.. single parenting life. I have been alone for so long now i should be used to this.. but i am not. I dont think i ever will be. I hate being alone in life, oh well.  Have a great day everyone!

Seriously? OK Note to all of you pathetic assholes out there... Go fuck your wives and rape your own daughters you sick fucks. You disgusting pigs, honestly I do not know how anyone can even chat with you online! WTF has this world come to? I am so sick of this shit, MY DAUGHTER WOULD BITE OFF YOUR TESTICLE AND FEED IT TO YOUR FIRST BORN...GO FUCK YOURSELF.. oh and by the way.. you have been reported to the authorities.. careful you fuck with Mr Daddy, never know who someone is... or who someone knows. 

I so bored. If anyone is in or around the Rehoboth Beach/Lewes area and would like to do something.. dinner, movie.. a coffee.. a drink.. pleaseeee let me know!! 

It's the last Holiday to get through alone. I wish it were over. The kids all have plans, my parents have plans.. everyone has plans except me... just like every other Holiday. I just want to go back to work, at least at work I get to socialize with people... Happy New Year everyone... enjoy

Some of us do not enjoy the Holidays. Those of us who do not have a significant other to make memories with, to share things with.. to laugh with.. to cry for.. bleed for etc. I am one of those people. My kids are grown and I find myself alone, miserable and barely able to leave my house during this time. I am having a hard time fitting into society, It angers me greatly to watch 'couples'.. I dont get it, I just dont understand at all. I actually attempted to call 'Master' even though it has been several years since I have heard from Him in any way shape or form... sighs. Why after 4 years do I still torture myself? 

I hope E/everyone is having a very Merry Christmas. *warm smiles*

I honestly just do not understand people today. Perhaps it is true what everyone says about 'Most' being married and just wanting a fuck buddy. It does not seem that people are truly within a M/s relationship today, it makes me sad. I have never felt so alone actually. I met a couple while having a beer on the boardwalk the other night. They claimed to be a Master/slave relationship, however when 'Sir' went to the restroom, His 'sub' began complaining to me about how she just wanted to go home, that she was tired and blah blah... this upset me greatly. i smiled at her and said, well.. Sir seems to be enjoying Himself. i then waited for Him to return from the restroom and politely asked if i maybe excused. i can not get it out of my mind... how dare a woman complain that she is 'tired' ... i wonder, does He allow her to be tired while with Him? Does He allow her to have feelings other than His own at all? i just dont get it.. it's confusing to me to hear a woman who claims she has served this Man for years and is wearing a steel collar round her neck complain at all, about anything! she should be joyous, thankful.. grateful that He finds her worthy enough to even spend time with.. ughhhhhh!!!!! Alright my vent session is over.

Still working like a dog. Still being Mom.. still day-dreaming about a life i once lived, still alone.

Wow, ok so it's been a while since i posted here. Nothing new to tell honestly. i am working as much as i can and saving up money to get my own place (finally). So, i find myself asking the thin air alot of nights.... whats a girl gotta do in Delaware to find a man to serve? Laughs

Jersey bound for a few days. Going to see my son!!

Spent the day yesterday in Dover. Took my girl and the pup to a park I had found up there. We enjoyed the sunshine and the playtime with pooch... It feels absolutely amazing to have them both here to share life with, to laugh with, to grow ... Now if only my son would relocate to me... maybe one day.. smiles. I am absolutely enjoying my new daily routine and schedule.. both jobs are working out very well for me!

I am down 22lbs! I feel wonderful! The pup is looking so well also, and my daughter (who now lives with me) is doing very well. smiles. This state is a bit strange to us. It has been difficult adjusting to the new 'conservative' lifestyle down here in Delaware but, it is nice. Peaceful, relaxing. I do so miss the city though, the nightlife! There is NO nightlife here.. at all.. none. Our nightlife went from bars and dungeons and clubs to going to the gym cause its the only thing to do here after 10pm. lol Oh, and people in Delaware sleep! I will sleep when I am dead, I stay active.. I am now working two jobs, walking the pup everyday and hitting the gym almost every night after work.. cant wait til summer so that is 'busier' ...

I have been spending my time out of work either at the gym or at the dog park. I now have lost a total of 18 lbs and I feel much better physically. My emotional state however, is not so good. I miss my kids. I just want to hug someone, cuddle with someone.. I hate being alone with no one even to talk to...

Found the Dog Park!! He had so much fun running off leash chasing his ball and playing. It made me smile today... a whole lot. Just talked to my kids up in NJ... they are both sick, poor babies. I wish I were near to them to make grilled cheese sandwiches and ckin dumpling soup.. I miss being Mom.

Work went well today. Went to the gym for a couple of hours after work, then took my pittie to the park... talked to the kids. Tomorrow, I am taking my pittie to an unleash park.. cant wait!! So glad to have him with me... he gives unconditional love every moment of everyday...

Sad, lonely.. depressed. I miss my kids so much. I go to work, come home, take our dog to the park, come home, talk to them and cry myself to sleep... I miss my kids.

Went to the casino last night, no luck. I have a day off from work today!! Going to look at a couple of houses, haircut, new dog tags, then meeting up with a new friend later for drinks while listening to some live music.. it's going to be an awesome day!!

Just another memory to write about. Sometimes I think this is torture remembering my past life. A life when I was owned and loved, cherished and cared for. A life I so crave to have again, I miss my collar.

We had gone to the club, Master and I and as usual it was a packed Saturday evening in NJ. He allowed me to wear jeans and a tshirt that night. Master had packed an extra bag to take along with us this evening, I was clueless as to what was inside. Master was greeted at the door and He showed our club membership cards before snapping the leash closed affixed to the oring on my collar. A slight tug and we were inside amongst our D/s friends. Master excused us a moment as He pushed me against a wall quickly and within a blink He had His favorite knife out cutting through my clothes, ripping them to shreds and letting them fall to the floor where I stood. He placed my leash in His right hand which was the sign for me to be on all fours, I quickly melting onto my hands and knees and bent using my teeth to gather and throw away the pieces of clothing into the trash can across the room. His hand holding my leash fell to His side which was the sign to crawl behind Him as He moved, I did so proudly, each time Master stopped to greet another of His Brother's I bent with grace to gently kiss the tops of each of Their feet in silent greeting. I could hear comments being made about what a good girl she is and You have her so well trained!... it all just made me beam with pride and glow with love for this Man.. my Master. He sat at one of the thrones and switched hands on my leash.. this was a sign telling me to kneel before Him. I knelt there setting my naked arse upon my heels, my shoulders back uplifting my breasts as palms laid down softly on my thighs. My eyes downcast always. A scene was going on in the room, a girl was crying and really disrespecting the Dom she was with.. I heard a loud slap and she let out a whimper. I could hear her scuffling maybe on her knees and begging, pleading with Him no no, please don't.. I will be good I promise and then Master reached down His strong fingers circling my neck gripping it tightly and His other hand grasps the top of my hair as He jerked my head up almost violently.. telling me to look at the 'submissive' I watched as this girl continued to rebel, she was struggling and her Dom was becoming extremely disappointed in her. The scene brought tears to my eyes and this surprised me, I didn't really understand why but I felt so sad. Master leaned over and whispered into my ear... you see precious, this is what makes you My slave and not My submissive. Master then kissed my cheek where the tear was slowly running then asked me if I was ready for my Flogging... I bent, kissing His feet and looking up at him with adoring loving eyes replied, 'yes, please Master'

I am so glad this weekend is over! There were so many activities going on in town that it kept us swamped at work! I feel exhausted. I am having a lot of trouble sleeping the past few nights.. I am not sure why but I can not fall into a deep sleep. I toss and turn for hours, get up have a drink, lay back down.. and then when I finally do fall to sleep it is only for an hour or so. It is draining me. I am so happy to have my dog back with me, I missed him so much. It may sound weird but since I really don't have any companionship or even a friend to talk to I talk to my pittie. We go places together, walks on the beach, to the parks. It is the most 'out' I have done in a very long while. Life is kind of boring, going to work, coming home.. day after day after day... I hope one day that will change!!

Today was a shit day!! Work sucked, it was so friggin busy and everyone was nasty as hell. I got home from work to say good bye to my beautiful daughter before she left for home. Her vacation is over unfortunately... BUT... she has decided to move here.. with me! November 1st she will be back permanently... thank god.

Having a blast with my daughter!! We went to Irish Eyes in Lewes tonight, had some drinks.. got a bit swizzled!! Where are all the single men at???

When my daughter turned 18 I took her and 10 of her closest friends to the strip club to celebrate... My son has now turned 18 and will be in Delaware for a week visiting me only.. I can not find any strip clubs here. I found one in Ocean City Maryland but you have to be 21 to enter... where are all the strippers at????? Can someone help please?

Took Dad to the Casino last night for his Birthday... no luck :(

I am off work today and just loafing around at home since I don't know anyone here to go do anything with..lol. I will have company on the weekend though.. MY KIDS!!!! I cant wait to see them!!

Going back to bed ... wish I had somewhere to go.. someone to go with.. sighs.. some day .. smiles

Yet another poser... why are so many of the people on this site cowards? If you are married, just say so, I do not judge however a married man is not for me. If you are a gay woman, don't push yourself off as a man... I am very openly bisexual and love women the same as men. I just don't understand why people feel this need to 'pretend' that they are someone they are not.. stop trying to fool yourselves!

Anyone go to Club Fitness in Rehoboth? Would like an exercise partner...

So, maybe this site will actually be worth something. I am smiling today. Suddenly feel an urge to join the gym and start preparing myself for something so breathtaking and beautiful...

Had a wonderful 3 days with some really great people from Jersey. So glad and thankful they all had a safe trip down.. kickstands up!! OK, back to reality... work, work... more work. My kids will be visiting me from September 28th until October 5th. We will be attending H2O international on the 28 and 29th. I really need to start meeting people in Delaware. When I don't have company it gets really very lonely... too lonely. I fall into this trap of working as much as I can and not enjoying life because I have no one to share life with and it is just too depressing to me...Joining Club Fitness this week, going to force myself to do some things for ME.. not used to doing so..it is awkward... but I must do my best to keep improving because I know in my heart and soul that one day.. I will no longer have 'choices'... smiles. Have a great day everyone.

Taking a break from the festivities.. have to work today.. ughhh. I wish there was a permanent town called Bikeweek town.. 24/7 year round... I would live there!! Going back after work.. cant wait!!

HAVING A BLAST AT OC BIKEWEEK!!!! THE OZZY GUY IS REALLY QUITE AWESOME!!!! WAAAHOOOOO... LOVING THIS!... ANYONE CLOSE TO THE COCONUT MALLORY?

OK... things are looking brighter!! I am officially a Delaware resident now. smiles. My car is in the shop.. thank goodness AND ITS OCEAN CITY BIKE WEEK... helllll yeahhhh... Lets get the next two days of work over with already!!!

Very busy day tomorrow... first stop to MVC.. I will 'officially' be from Delaware! at least on my drivers license..lol. Then a short trip to look at a few houses in Pot Nets.. Then I will be spending a few hours testing my luck at the casino... I have never won a dime but at least I keep trying!!

Anyone going to Bike week next week?

Yet another disappointment in life. My son has decided to remain in NJ and will seek employment up there rather than attend college down here. I can not force him to be where he does not want to be... I am alone... and sad

If you can not devote as much time and effort to me, as I do to you how can I learn to trust you?..... NEXT

I have kept myself busy working... a lot. The summer is almost over and the beaches will be empty soon which means.. my work hours will be cut in half. My daughter is driving my son home this coming Friday. His classes begin next Monday. It will be great to have her here although I really wish she would stay. I guess I am having a hard time adjusting to the kids not needing me as much now that they are adults. I feel lonely, and sad.. I work a lot and just hope to one day find someone special to spend time with. Life is always changing, and I am getting tired of evolving into emptiness. OK, that is my self pity party... time moves on.. and so do I!

Realizing that my youngest is turning 18 this Saturday... wow now this changes many things.. smiles.

Such a lovely I spent in NJ visiting with my children. *warm smiles*. My summer travels are now over and I will be working as much as possible...

It was early after noon. she had already completed all of her chores for the day and had an hour before she was to call in to Him. He had already fed her breakfast and took advantage of her vaginal opening before work but it was not enough for her... it just was not enough. she slipped on a short mini and a loose tank, no panties, no bra as He kept her and grinning drove to His office. she arrived 10 minutes before her call in time so she waited in the parking garage, knowing He would be coming out of the elevator any moment as He left for lunch. Just as she glances down at the clock of her car dash, she sees Him. He looks so magical to her, tall, strong. Dressed in a navy blue suit, white collared shirt and a polka dot tie.. she watches Him as He checks His watch and then she calls His phone as she does everyday at exactly 2:15pm. She quietly gets out of her own vehicle and makes her way to His before He does and using her spare key opens the door and climbs into the backseat seductively, opening her legs wide enough for Him to see His heated pussy. He answers His phone as He reaches the back of His car... 'hello precious'.

Greetings Master, how is Your day?

Long, are all of your chores done angel?

Yes, Master every single one of them is done and my report is on Your desk waiting for You.

Very good angel, I will be home by 7ish.

she hesitates as she sees Him moving towards the drivers door and then,

Master, Your whore wants to pleasure You for lunch today. Please don't be angry with her, this pussy just wont stop aching for its Master's cock.

Just then He had opened the car door and as He was bending to get in, He saw her there, sprawled out.. hot and sexy in His back seat... He looked at her with a grin and joined her.

"Oh but Master please, I didn't mean to offend You. It was an honest innocent mistake and I am so sorry Master please, I will pay better attention in the future Master." she was shaking and quite a bit terrified as He gripped her arm and glared at her intensely. He leaned close to her ear as He lifted her to stand from the table and through gritted teeth He snarled, "you will learn not to test Me". He pressed her through the restaurant and out the door with no regard as to the attention He was receiving from the innocent patrons watching as they dined. she felt her cheeks blazing as her embarrassment sprung over her, barely able to keep up with His stride out the door. her insides trembling as she feels suddenly ill asking herself why on earth she would ever refuse to eat what He had ordered for her. she was full but it did not matter.. she was told to finish and she didn't..."Master please I beg of You please don't" as He bends her over the trunk of His car, lifting her dress and daring her to move. she begins to sniffle and to cry however it only infuriates Him further, snapping her panties off her bottom with one quick movement and forcing them into her mouth to quiet her whimpering. "You will learn, you WILL learn!" It is all she hears before the loud snap of His belt in the night air and she can not help but wonder who is watching from the windows of cars driving by. she presses her moist forehead to the cool metal trunk of His car telling herself.. I will learn!

A new day has dawn. I begin work tonight! I am very happy about that. All my house chores are complete, talked to my wonderful children up in Jersey, and grocery shopping is done for another week... The sun is shining so, I will be poolside by noon! yay! BTW: I am absolutely entertained by the names some of you have chosen to represent yourselves on this site... comical yet also pathetic... Which is why I prefer over collarme ... ah well.. happy perving everyone!!

I have been offered a job. It is not glorious, it does not pay well, but it is a year round position, I am thankful.

Still searching for work.. it is getting depressing. Many offers from restaurants until they ask if I hold a valid ABC card. I didn't need an ABC card to serve alcohol in NJ, this state is a little different from what I am used to. August 13th I will attend class and get an ABC card..

Tomorrow is the job fair at the Ferry. I am hopeful.

Went to play BINGO tonight, it was a lot of fun AND I won the ten bucks back that it cost to play!

Planning on going back to NJ next weekend, something unexpected came up and my son and I have some unfinished business to take care of... before he begins college on August 26th!

Can not wait to see my daughter again! smiles.

Stopping by to say hi! It's been a few days, hope that you A/all are well. Nothing new in my life, just staying cool.

Question, why don't you A/all post what city you are in? I could never understand this. It would make things a bit easier searching for friends who are LOCAL...lol

To all you inquiring about my last journal entry... NO I was NOT abused as a child.. It's not about an incest situation... good grief what is wrong with society today?

I am 43 and do enjoy 'role play'. Not just D/d , I enjoy puppy play, pony play.. teacher/student play.. officer/prisoner play.. the list goes on and on...

You are sitting in your chair, the big overstuffed one in front of the tv. I am laying belly down on the floor also watching television. my head propped up as my chin rests on my hands. my knees are parted slightly and bent so my feet are up in the air playfully hitting into each other. I am unaware that you are not watching tv at all but rather staring at me. watching as my thighs rock gently exposing the bottom round of my ass covered by the white cotton panties. I am giggling at the show playing on tv and completely innocent to your perverted stare. I feel you come sit next to me, hearing you also laugh at the television and then I feel your large hand slowly trace up my left thigh ever so slowly. you are waiting for my reaction however, I pretend to not notice so you lift your hand higher, gently letting your palm rest against my left bum cheek over the cotton panties. I shift slightly and blink my eyes however, I do not acknowledge you, as I stare harder at the tv. Your hand slips under my panties and you begin to rub my behind softly. Something on tv makes me laugh and as I do, your long thick finger probes between my smooth little lips... I turn and look at you startled, questioning and you smile tenderly down at me "watch tv baby" and I respond, ' yes Daddy'

Working both jobs, not sure how long I will be able to continue doing so but I must do my best to.

My son is leaving for NJ again tomorrow, he will be gone until August 20th. Hopefully it will allow me the time I need to get financially settled before his classes begin on August 26th. My daughter is doing well, at least I don't need to worry about her.

Beaches in Delaware are FREE... thank goodness!

warped was amazing!!! Spent the day with my kids, it was truly just a perfect day! my son and I are back in Delaware, lots is going on.. good stuff for a change. I am now working 2 jobs.. one on overnights the other in the afternoons. my son is finally registered for classes and begins his first year of college August 26th! my daughter is doing fantastic up there in NJ.. smiles and yes even my adopted son is finally doing something positive with himself... This weekend my best girlfriend and her family will be in Ocean City for a week, so I will be spending a lot of time with them!...

smiling, now to pay these stupid bills.. uggghhh... I never thought I would be so excited to pay bills... lol.

Warped Tour... enough said.

The mosquito. I have now counted 22 bites on me... 3 of which are directly on my face.. ugghhhh I really do not like flying insects.

Everything happens for a reason, of this I am certain. So, in all of the struggles my children and I have been made to endure it is no surprise to me that today, I am finding comfort.

I have been blessed most recently. A 'calm' has found me and after many numerous open conversations... this 'Calm' will claim me, if it so chooses. That utter most beautiful moment when a girl can not longer be 'free', that moment when her submission becomes unable to remain repressed, hidden, locked away for safety. It is ironic how a once owned slave can build such high walls around her life for the safety of herself and for the safety of her family yet a moment flashes by and she suddenly understands that until she is 'kept' she truly is not safe at all.

To all the 'respectful' messages I am receiving, thank you for your interest.

To all the 'disrespectful' messages I am receiving, thank you for the entertainment.

To any messages from Him, via voice, email, online, wherever, simply with awe ... thank you.

While I am so deeply thankful to have work, I am greatly irritated that I at first had off today and tomorrow and then yesterday, I was scheduled to work today and tomorrow. I DID have plans! big plans in fact and I am rather really annoyed that they now have been foiled. Oh well, at least I have work...

Started another new job... when will this madness ever end? I am back to waitressing (for now). It provides us with cash daily and also gives me a sense of 'serving' smiles. Went to boardwalk at Rehoboth last night, I do so love the ocean, the sound of it, the smell of it... it's my safe place. my son is still visiting with his sister in NJ, they will be going to the warped tour next weekend (without me :() I miss attending the festivals with them greatly.. and miss Starland even more! Saturday, I will be going to the street rod / mod car festival at Harrington.. it should be a fantastic day out with my Father.... my attitude is changing slightly, my days are more positive and my nights are not so lonely ;)... been talking to someone I feel is very special and tomorrow.. W/we yes W/we will be together... I will keep you posted on that! Back to poolside before work today!

While sleeping in the almost sunny day amongst the sounds of the ocean, the birds and a few children playing in the far distance I experienced a dream. I do not often recall my dreams so because I do recall this one, I have decided to journal it. I woke to His voice telling me to wake up it is time to go fishing, hurry up sunshine it will rain later today and I wish to catch the tide. sleepily I stretch and as my eyes slowly flutter open I smile seeing Him there, standing bedside... offering me His hand as He lifts my shell to sit upright. I smile and whisper, good morning Master and He reaches down to plant a small kiss apon my lips, good morning precious. Not fully awake yet, I press my lips softly to Master's cock through His boxers and inhale deeply as my small hands clasp behind my back. Using my teeth I gently tug at the boxers downward until His hardening cock is laying against the length of my nose.. my warm lips begin kissing Him at the base, and my tongue trails up the side from bottom to tip. Just as my tongue reaches the thick tip of Master's cock His strong hand grips my hair, jerking my half sleeping head back instantly and He thrusts His shaft deep into my throat. I attempt to gasp however He is fully face fucking me before I can. Both hands grasping my hair as He holds my head firmly using my mouth and feeding me breakfast... I love waking up to breakfast in bed! to ensure I am fully awake Master gives my cheek a quick slap..as He thrusts more deeply, my eyes begin to water as He reaches down and pinches one of my hard pink nipples and He quickly slaps my cheek again before He holds my head down fully feeding me His seed.. He pulls His cock out of my mouth and I open my mouth showing Him the milky white protein lodged there on my tongue, holding my mouth open for His inspection until He snaps His fingers... I swallow and quickly thank Him, giving Him praise and rejoicing I fall to my knees and begin to kiss His feet respectfully... thank You Master for feeding me this morning, thank You Master for keeping me.

I spent the day poolside yesterday and then a couple of hours at Harrington Casino. I had dinner comp so why not? I didn't have any money waste gambling but it was still nice to get out for a while. I feel tired today, the weather is not the best however if it doesn't rain I will probably go back to the pool to lounge because it is free...lol. Back to work tomorrow, as I slowly climb out of the hole I fell into. My wishes this week simply are... that I remain healthy enough to continue working every day and that my children in New Jersey remain safe...

I often wonder why I was given life. I honestly have tried to do everything right, from the time I was born actually. I am an only child due to complications with my Mother's pregnancy so yes, I was a bit sheltered growing up. It was obvious to EVERYONE that my Father was a good man. He worked everyday, paid our bills and took care of His family. My Mother was fortunate enough to stay home with me and we had a beautiful life. It was so easy back then, Father expected things to get done He wished for around the house. Gardening, cleaning, meals preps, the usual things that a Man should not have to worry about. Needless to say, our home was always clean, our yard was always bountiful of flowers and every aspect of my childhood was extremely organized, neat, and secure. I spent 18 years with a Man, giving him the same respect and love that I was raised to give and show. I was a good loyal wife and even a better dedicated, devoted slave. I have done my best to raise my children correctly and to instill the same morals into them that my parents did for me. They both are young adults now, attending College and becoming the wonderful adults I know they will become. Is my job over now? I still find myself wandering through life alone, I am happy yet so sad at the same time... What am I supposed to do now that the kids are grown? These questions weigh very heavily on my mind.

Took my son to visit a friend of his from Jersey who is spending some time in rehab trying to get herself together. I really do hope she will make it, I adore the girl. We came home, ate dinner and then went to the beach to watch the sunset, only it was cloudy out so we didn't get to see it. Still loved walking on the beach.. back to work tomorrow!

Enjoying some sunshine this morning! I do like my job, I am sore but it is only temporary. My first payday is Friday, it will take me a few weeks to get caught up on my long overdue bills.. ughhh. My son will be going to NJ to stay with friends and his sister for a week or so, he leaves the 14th. I am hoping that in July, I will be reunited with my darling beautiful daughter, I miss her so much! Until then, work work work, as much as possible.. and enjoying the beaches, the pool and the boardwalks.... OH, this weekend is the car show at Ocean City convention center.. Fat Joe is performing afterwards... it should be a fun weekend!

Spent the day poolside. It was so relaxing to soak up some sun and cool off at the same time. Smiles. My son and I went to the car show in Milton, came home to BBQ some ribbs and then spent the evening and most of the night at Rehoboth boardwalk. For the first time in my life, I actually had really good luck tonight and actually found money! It was laying right there before us on the boardwalk soooo... finders keepers losers weepers they say! Ha ha.. we enjoyed dinner at the Summer House. Got a call from my daughter up state in NJ, I will be going to visit her next weekend, she misses her Mommy. Not as much as I miss her. Have a great night A/all.

Work is going well. I think I will like it here. smiles. 2 days of classroom orientation was a killer but its over! tomorrow I start on MY shift yayyy!!! All is well with the kids however, I really wish my son would snap out of his funk and start getting out and meeting kids his age. Once he begins classes that will begin I suppose. Went to see Fast n Furious 6! What an awesome movie, if you go see it, make sure to stay through the credits. It will blow your mind! OK, off to the beach... night A/all.

Not finding a house or an apartment that my son and I both like soooooo... we went fishing. LOL. Caught a few blue, couple short, and a blow fish... ah well.. fish nuggets from the blue fish for dinner. I cant wait to start work! I will be relaxing by the pool most of the day tomorrow, I hope. smiles

So, Delaware is pretty nice! We have been going to Rehoboth and Ocean City at night, walking around the boardwalks, looking around the shops etc etc. I especially like Cape Henlopen State Park though. Oh I start work on Tuesday, at Perdue. I am very thankful to have been given this opportunity and can not wait to start working. Tomorrow, we are looking at a house to rent, and a few apartments. I am hopeful to find something suitable for my son and I, and His drums too! Have a great weekend everyone!

Staying in Delaware with my folks. Not so bad. My son and I each have our own bedrooms. It is comfortable for now. I landed a job interview on Monday at Perdue Farms. Please pray for me, I desperately need this job!

Back in NJ. Not sure what the future will bring my way but, I am back in NJ with both of my kids so life is good... 

what a difference a few hours make. i am so depressed, apparently the owners of the place i work feel it is not working out, they have told me not to come in tomorrow and i am scheduled off on Wednesday so i am to report to my manager early Thursday morning. I dont know what i am going to do. i moved my son thousands of miles away from all he ever knew and now i am not even going to have a job.. it just sucks. Sucks more that my parents are selling our old house, we dont even have a 'home' to go home too. i have nothing, no posessions , a car that is beginning to break cause its getting old and my son to worry about. i am trying to remain positive for him, he starts school soon... but where are we going to live? ughhhh... i feel sick, just ill... my anxiety is overbearing... anyways, goodnight.

All things are golden! My son received his acceptance letter to school and we have an appointment on the 20th to go meet with the Financial Aid department as well as taking a tour of the campus! He is very excited to begin his adult journey. I continue to work as much as they will allow me to and hold hope that we will soon be in our own apartment! I never would have thought that I would be living in Florida, yet here I am and we are making it work... My daughter, back in NJ is doing very well. She is achieving excellence at both her job and her education. She will be sitting for the Medical School entrance exam in the fall and hopes to attend UMDNJ...good luck baby!

It's a beautiful sunny day! I am so glad to be working a double today, really need the money badly...lol. Work is going well, I can not say enough how thankful I am to have this job. We are going to be looking at apartments the next two weeks! I am so excited about getting my own place. Hopefully, very soon, I will finally get to wet a line. Have a great day all! Oh yes, I added a picture of me since I can not seem to do so from my ipad, I am doing so now before my son wakes up and figures out that I am using his laptop...heeheehee

It's moving week!! All our furniture is gone. lol sleeping on air mattresses, cable boxes returned, yard cleaned up, said our final good byes to everyone we needed to...

Florida here we come!

Court last night went well.  I am so glad it is over. Paying off the fine monthly will be challenging but I will do it! No record.. thank goodness!

We are left with living room furniture, two towels a gallon of milk and our beds, and a tv..lol all these things will be removed by this time next week.. now the intense cleaning/painting begins.. I am going to miss waking up to all of my boys. They all call me Dukez or Marma, so I think Marma Dukez will be my next tattoo when I get settled in my new home state. The sound equipment is packed, we said goodbye to the band last night. Clean clean clean.. paint paint paint... 8 days left in NJ!

Gawd I do not want to go into work.. I gave them my resignation, cant I just quit now? So tired and I really just don't want to go there any longer.

Today being my birthday, the kids are taking me to dinner! It will be the last time I get to sit down with all 3 of them at the same time so I am sure it will end emotionally. I have been spending a lot of time with 'L'. He knows it will not be long before he is sent away, and because he is turning 18 he will not be in juve this time. I am sad to think that I will not be able to go to visitations to see him while he does his time, but I am also thankful that I will not be here to see and witness it either. He has asked if he can come live with us in Florida when he gets out in a couple of years, I am not sure that will be a good idea.

My daughter is excited to be taking over the 'big house' here in NJ. I have been spending time with her teaching her everything from garage door openers to house alarms, to contractors phone numbers, boy she certainly did grow up so fast. I will miss her most of all I know, but I also know that her Momma taught her well.

My son 'T' and I are excited to just get out of NJ now. Most everything we are taking is packed and ready to go. He looks forward to seeing his cousins down there, getting a job and starting College in the fall.

Me? I am doing ok! I am focused and have enjoyed the conversations I have been blessed to be having with a few of you Floridians! Thank you A/all for such a warm welcome to Y/your state! I will see you A/ll soon!

17 days left in NJ. I have been spending a lot of time with my daughter. She is so brave and strong, no fear whatsoever about taking over the house here. I envy her courage! Packing, cleaning, giving most everything away, spending time with friends, tieing up loose ends. Everything is going as planned, rather smoothly even. I can not wait to begin my new journey in this life and I know it will provide more opportunities and a better lifestyle for my son.

I am so so tired. My work week has finally ended! I have been pulling 14 and 16 hour shifts for the past 4 days and I am done. laughs.

Of course it had to snow here in NJ, a foot of snow fell a few days ago! We took lots of pictures just in case it is the last time we ever get to see it.

The next two weeks will be crazy as we prepare for our trip.. I will try my best to keep in touch with those I am close to... thank you A/all for your encouragement and kindness.

The moving plans are going smoothly. I have either given away or thrown away most everything.. left with just our suitcases, my sons drums, and our important papers. A few loose ends to tie up here and we are off!

i am very much looking foward to getting out of this cold wet weather in New Jersey. We have been packing, cleaning the house out... Garbage day will be comical with the amount of garbage we will have! My daughter and her boyfriend have decided to take over our house in NJ, they will be moving in as soon as my son and I leave.

coffee.. work.. then we are starting the garage. If you are calling my phone either house or cell and i dont answer it's because we are busy! Leave a message and i will return your call as quickly as i can... thank you

Planned out our route today. My son and I will be stopping in Deleware for a brief visit with my folks and then taking the Chesapeake Bridge Tunnel down to VA before getting onto 95...

Things are moving smoothly, finished paperwork today! Tomorrow, we will start in the drum studio, packing up his kit etc.

Packing... 34 days left in Jersey

I have landed a job... finally!!

My son and I are leaving March 29th to move into our new home in Sunny Florida!! Thanks to all of Y/you who have been there for me throughout the past 42 years in Jersey... be safe always, please!

my youngest got his drivers liense today. Unfortunately, we do not have money to purchase a car for him so for now, i am carless..lol.

Just spent 24 hours in bed sleeping/vomitting. Ugghhh.

i love how the people i choose to talk to can not even send a 'Happy Valentine's Day' wish my way. hmmmm.. interesting isnt it?

Ahh such a lovely day today despite the dreary weather outside. Spent the day sleeping mostly.. in my home, in my bed.. alone in a nice quiet house since L has moved out.. permanently! Just me and my biological kids now.. yipeee!!

Finally... home.. i see my bed.. be well.

SNOW... i will most likely be snowed in at work until Sunday.....

my last day off of work. Seems i have managed to piss L off ... again. sighs. i am not sure why pissing off a 17 year old bothers me so much... most likely because i know in a few years he will be present at the same places i will be.. and then he will just know Mom's secrets and it will be awkward and i am not sure how i will handle that moment. submissive mother..dominant son...wierd.

Another work week is finally over... now to catch up on all of my house chores.

Meeting up with 'Him' didnt happen... ugghhh... as much as i love my kids, sometimes i just wish they would grow up and leave me alone.

Work is fine, kids are fine. Everything is going ok...

So, there is this Dom *smiles*

W/we have been speaking for a couple of years now,

Have met a couple of times R/T

...... and we are meeting again tomorrow!!!!

Ahhhh the butterflies in my stomach!

Just got up, rushing through house chores and then going to work... it's a triple day.. 1pm til 6am tomorrow...

8 hours on my feet and barely anything to show for it... sighs. It is what it is and it is NOT getting any better.

When you work 70 hours per week and still can not pay everything you need to.. what do you do? Single parent life struggles, every single day... I am getting tired.

Not feeling like being 'social' the past couple of weeks. Too many issues at home. All is well as I have been working 6 days per week, 4 of those doubles... Just can't seem to make enough money to survive.

i decided to go grocery shopping in another town today. Not sure why but i just did. It was a normal trip and being today is my day off, i was not dressed very well, just sweat pants and an oversized tshirt. i was pushing my cart in the produce isle and not paying much attention when suddenly my cart stopped. i instantly begin apologizing to the man in front of me, i hit his heels with my cart and i know i must have been blushing crimson. There was an oddness, a silence that shrilled me, it also excited me and my stare could not lift above this mans chin. He proceeds to respond simply by saying , 'I should spank you for not paying attention' , honestly, i think i came in my pants, i began to shake and shudder and fumble for words yet somehow managed to whimper out a 'yes, Sir', He guided me by my elbow leaving the cart in the isle to the bathroom, my feet scuffing in my slippers, heart racing... i was in shock but soon my shock would disappear as we entered the bathroom, he put my hands on the cold porcelain sink telling me not to move, kicked my feet apart before slowly pulling my sweat pants down, he left my panties bunched around my knees and with one hand gripping into my hair, he spanked me soundly for what seemed to last a lifetime yet i am sure it was only 20 swats. Now, it has been YEARS since my delicate meaty white ass has been spanked and it friggin hurt! Tears were silently trailing down my face and he pulled my head up by my hair to look at me, telling me that my tears are lovely. i couldnt speak through my gasps of breaths, so i simply snuffed out... thank you Sir and then... he was gone.

*true story*

Quick update.... all is well!!

Excited as hell because i am off the next two days! Finally, I will get some sleep.. yayyy!!

Anxiety level is so high this morning, my son, who is no longer legally my son... he is in a court room today without me, and we suspect he will not be coming home this time.

Both of my kids have quit smoking.. officially. It has been days now and I am so very proud of them! I think I might actually do it myself...after this pack..lol.

Waiting to hear from L , I really hope he will be ok. It's killing me not being in that court room with him but since I removed myself from 'legal' custody, they wouldnt let me into the court anyway being he is a minor. Ughhhh... it just sucks.

Lesson learned, do not adopt your kids friends no matter how bad their situation is. I thought I was doing the right thing to help a kid who had noone.

B is enjoying her new job and her classes resume on Monday!

T is still looking for work, he gets his license in a few weeks!

Pub 199 burned down last night, so sad. We have a lot of great memories there!

Wish L would call already... I hate not knowing he is alright.

I am off work today! Time to scrub my house and do some painting (I think the garage will begin), grocery shopping and I must get the oil changed in two of our cars... It is not easy being alone in this world, glad the kids are all old enough to help out a little.

Planning a trip soon, It has been too long since I have wet a line and a day on the water to me is like a day in the spa to a princess.. *smiles*

Just home from a very long bad night at work. Some people are just so rude. To end a horrible day, the kids are all gone.. the house is silent and empty. sighs, great just another reason to feel alone. I am really missing my adopted son, a lot. I miss he being here, to talk to...I miss having someone to talk to the most, but more.. I just miss not being alone.

Having a lazy day before work, laundry, bathroom, floors, changed sheets on the beds, cooked up some veal for T to enjoy for dinner tonight and now, just reading a bit and relaxing....Someone asked me why I do not address my children by their names in my journal, do I really need to explain why? So, I have decided starting now, to use B for my daughter, T  for my son and L for my adopted son... does that make you more comfortable?? lol

Finally a day off! spent the day running errands, accomplished all that was needing to be done and even was surprised by my adopted son, who not only picked me up but took me to dinner! I had not seen him for a few days so it was nice.

Financial aid applications for both kids completed.

Tomorrow, laundry, cleaning the garage and then back to work!

worked all day today. finally going to sleep.

The disappointment on their faces this Christmas might just kill me.

Never thought it would be this difficult. I hate the Holidays, they are not easy on us poor single Mom's. Ughhh... I just want to crawl under a rock and hide for the next few weeks until all the hype is over... Christmas sucks.

We are adjusting well at home.

The Holidays are always a down time for me and I expect this Holiday to be especially hard since our family is down by 1.

Off to work!

Extreme Sad day for musicians and fans alike... NJ has announced that the 2013 Bamboozle festival has been cancelled.

1 and done. Visited my friend Jack... first time in a long time.

My 'adopted' son has moved back with his family. I will be terminating the temporary custody order. My heart feels squeezed however, I know it is for the best. I will always love him and be here if he should need me.

My Daughter is happy. Busy studying for her finals. Excited to be starting a new job.

My Son is quite upset over his brother being gone, he seems depressed and I will need to keep an eye on him over the next few weeks.

I am just numb from the events that have taken place. I work, come home and that is about all I do these days. I guess I have lost interest in going outside of my home. It is not easy when you dont have anyone to do anything with. Grocery shopping has even become a huge task and I havent done so in a long while. I can not even find anyone to talk to so mostly, I either sleep or clean my house... fact is, I am miserable.

 solanum on 12/13/12 at 10:06 PM:
 
 OK welcome to being blocked
 
 ***** on 12/13/12 at 10:01 PM:
 
 baby :))))))
 
 solanum on 12/13/12 at 1:33 PM:
 
 Please stop calling me baby... it is really annoying
 
 ***** on 12/12/12 at 9:52 PM:
 
 Hmmm what's going on baby. ? Any luck? 

Does anyone else see the problem here? My God what is wrong with some people?? Am I 8 years old or something???? Damn this really pissed me off.. what a jerk.

He came home! We talked, I listened and agreed... things will be ok. Not forgiven, and he will never forget but, we will work on this together. It amazes me how unforgiving he is but then I remember what he had to live with and where he has been and I understand. Us parents and adults can certainly learn lessons from our kids... this was a hard lesson learned by me, I am still in fact learning it.

Thank you , All of you for your generous advise and kind words. I woke to a simple text message on my phone, simply 'hi'. I responded simply with 'hi' back and am still waiting for his next attempt.

At least I know he is ok.

Thank you all so much

A private family matter but, I just need to vent, hear different opinions, get advice etc. I messed up, big time a week ago. I know not to mention something to my son, not to even beat around the bush about this one subject yet as he completely insisted I speak my mind I threw it in his face. It is an extreme difficult issue for he and I. It bothers me to the point of having anxiety attacks over it, high blood pressure etc. I didnt mean to hurt him I really didnt. He is now torturing me by this silent treatment. It has been 7 days and he STILL will not respond to me, nor has he even been home during this time... I dont know what to say or do to get back on good terms with him and its killing me a little bit more each and every day. I have apologized several hundred times it feels like... Mind you, he is the strength of my home and I depend on him to assist me with a lot. I feel lost, honestly. He is the one his brother and sister turn to for answers and help, strength, guidance, protections whatever it is we all need and now because of MY mouth... we have what seems to be dismissed from his life... This sucks

Home, watching Gangland all day as I clean. Grocery shopping, some chores around the house, relaxing... It has been too long since I was able to actually spend a day at home, it feels nice.. smiles.

All work, have not had a day off in a very long time. Wish the kids would get hired somewhere...They have applied to at least two dozen places in the last two weeks and not even a phone call... I do not agree with all of the world doing applications online now. What ever happened to walking in, filling out an application and being interviewed in the same day? .... This is very discouraging

BTW for the very select few of you who know us ... stop by! Could use some company since we have extreme limited contact with society since the storm...lol. I am usually home between 4pm and 8pm... 

Having network problems at home. The internet connection only connects for twenty minute intervals.... my cable company says it is being worked on however, it will take time. Our phones are still not working... T Mobile is still having problems I guess. I will be able to respond to my friends as I gain internet access however, at this point it has been a little more trouble than it is worth for me to sit here for hours trying to get a response out. Staying very busy helping red cross...and trying to work as much and often as possible... Happy Holidays everyone!

Spending the next few days home cleaning. Holidays are torture on me. Wishing you all joy and happiness.

It has been a long hard journey to recovery from Sandy. I have been volunteering with the Red Cross helping those in more need than we are. We supply communities at the shoreline with warm meals, huggs, smiles and shoulders to cry on. Many blessings to everyone in Sandy's path.

After spending 11 days with no power at home, it feels odd to return home to electric! My heart cries for the people just south of me who have lost everything. To the National Gaurd ... thank you all for being here. Your strength and courage and warm smiles DOES help and we are grateful to you all! To the stranger who assisted me during evacuations... thank you. To my loving family.. we will get through this! Thank you all for your wishes and prayers, blessings and spells... Jersey strong

Didnt get up until after noon today *smiles*. It felt good to sleep, ran around all day with my son collecting storm supplies, cleaned up the yard by putting everything in the shed. Spent the afternoon quietly alone as he left for a friends house for the weekend and now, I am getting ready for 9 hours of work... Have a great night everyone!

On the road today, all day. Exciting part is... both kids will be with me! It is not often the three of us get to do anything together any longer, so today... I am thankful. Have a great day everyone.

i am finding that most of whom i choose to speak to is in some sort of a rush. Not a rush to build a lasting, sacred bond but a rush for a rt meeting and sex. D/s is not sexual to me so please, stop wasting O/our time. Seriously, i understand that people have needs but, are those needs truly satisfied just by a 'sexual encounter'? If you can answer yes to that question, then you are NOT for me. i will not be a whore for just anyone, nor will i allow you use of my body the first time W/we meet...

Earn my trust, my respect, my submissive heart and soul and THEN.. my body will be yours!

2 kids in College + 2 jobs = 1 Exhausted single Mother.

Do not waste my time, time is precious.

Anyone attending the Fetish Halloween Cruise out of Manhatten next weekend?

why is most everyone so damned high strung on this site? What happened to being in a 'relationshp' mono y mono with mutual love, respect admiration? I have met a few of you and realize that I must truly be lost in a fantasy or a dream. If your spouse is not providing the right type of sexual activities and you truly are that miserable within your marraige you should get out of it. Too many people are too ashamed to admit their 'wrongs'. This includes falling into a marraige that hinders instead of compliments. It is extremely difficult as a single to even enjoy conversing with others because all it seems people want is KINKY SEX....

Convinced I will forever be alone, thankful I once experienced a beautiful loving relationship with a Man I worshipped and truly would have done anything and everything for without question, without hesitation, without arguement... and He did the same for me.

There is nothing more frieghtening then feeling the morning sun warming your flesh and then not knowing what to do next.

maybe one day I will once again 'know'