Dear Journal, 

I don't think that when I started out in this lifestyle I really took in account what it meant to be a true submissive or slave. Now that I know after years of training for this lifestyle, I think I will never be ready. I really like the community where I don't have to hide who I am, But who I am is not what I want to be. I will always have friends here but, I can't keep this lifestyle up. I have to choose who I want to be and really this does not make me happy, so it's not too much of a sacrifice. 

I have to be honest to my heart. The memories I have will never leave me, the people I met will still talk to me and see me in the video chat and chat rooms but I don't need this in my life to be who want to be. I want my degree in English and Psychology, This won't help me get there. It won't get me the job I want or the man I wish to marry. It won't make sex easier, I won't learn to be a mother through this site. 

I learn that outside of here. I learn to be true to my self in my every day life. The Masters I have come to know, the submissive slave sisters I have met and played with don't see this as me abandoning you. I can't be what you want it breaks my heart, but if in life I sacrifice truly what i desire to have then all I am doing is giving up my dreams and in all honesty I can't do that. That's not me, I fight for what I want, what I need. I don't want this, Truly I never did. 

If by saying what i feel has let you down in any way I am sorry sincerely. I must do what's best for me and this is not the thing that is good for me right now. And if it ever is I'll let you know I don't think my mind will change.