snugglepuss

i have noticed that many slaves and subs bout male and female have been looking at my profile. you are all welcome here. i just wish you would drop a line or two as well. i always welcome new friends and enjoy sharing thoughts about this lifestyle.

i have been browsing the diferant profiles a bit. it is a bit funny almosed all the men saying they are dominant also dont have pictures of themself but at the same time demand that a slave/sub should have one up. hmm. can anyone more then me see the double standard in this. a female even if she is submisive can still have a high profile job. that is the standard reason why the men dont have a pic up. i am profetional or my job is high profile. now i wounder do CM only have users with hightly schooled males? or is this simply an exuse not to have to show what they look like?

when it comes to love sex and submition i myself dont care what a person looks like as i always look to the inside. i was simply making an observation.

i have been thinking a bit lately about pets. as it is where i have been feeling myself pulled twards for some times. but as my need to be a pet grows bigger my thoungts also drift twards having one of my own. some one to care for like that. some one to cuddle and dare i even say it train. i am not dominant in anyway and i dont want a sexslave. does any of this make any sence? and firther in to the thought can a pet have a pet? or can a slave have a pet? i dont know. it is confusing and honestly a bit scary to walk this path alone. have no one to ask questions or to guide me as i find out more about myself and the one i am. to move from the idea of bdsm as a whole to then realising you need to submit and now this step of growing, shifting from a big picture in to a more specific oriantation for lack of a better word.

i meet this man in this place of hopes and dreams some time ago. he sent me a mail and i responded as i always do unless the mail i resived is fild with disrespect. he was polite and friendly. we mailed back and forth a few times then he asked if we could talk on messenger tp make things more easy. as i liked to talk with him i gave him my addie. the first day we talked there he was still friendly and i enjoyed the conversation. then the conversation turned to the one that holds my heart in his cruel yet soft hand and things turned ugly. he started to pick at him. every question i answer about him or us got a negative responce and he was so disrespectfull to my moon. and saying things like him not being a true Dom and so on. and that i was stoped for being with him. strange no??? that a grown man past the age of 50 fealt the need to push down a younger male and the way he runs his property. if my Master is happy and i am happy then he is dont the right ting no? if this does not agree with what this old school Dom (and i use the word lightly as it would be disrespectfull to the real old schoolers out there to throw this man under the same name as they) does it make me stoped for being happy with the man i love and respect? i am suprised every time i run it to that sort of person. so high and mighty he cant see firther then his own nose. how can a man living in this lifestyle be so close minded?

i just got a mail posted to me by this nick Msadventure92. where there was one single word wrighten and that word was gross. now what am i suposed to take from that? i guese she find my gross then? well i cant realy understand the need to go around wrighting to a complet stranger a mail like that. and realy it just show she has no heart.

i wounder what sending me that mail made her feel. i am a tick skinned person and can take the abuse no problem but what if she is doing this to more people? what if she was to type a thing like this to a person that was weak mentaly and it would end up this person took his or her life? some people just has no respect of others and no thoughts as to the results will be for the action they take..

anyway, a behavior like this truly makes me think she is not a good person.

it hit me today she is not comming back. she wont be walking thrue that door and smile to me. telling me i hade shown her my loyalty. this is not some cruel test to pas. she is realy gone. i so wish she would walk thrue that door, her soft smile as she gives me a hug and tells me it was all a joke. my entire body hurt. it feels like my insides will burst. twisting and turning. i want to scream and cry and scratch at my skin. i want to yell at her and at the same time pleade and begg. shoot i am angry and it hurts so bad. i dont know what to do. where do i go from here? what will life be without her. she was my best friend the only one i could be the real me with. the one that i cold tell anything to and she would listen and stroke my messed up head and all would feel it would get better.

R.I.P MissMilla. my dear friend. life has lost some of its light today. i will miss you for always. i will never forget you. the pain in your life became to heavy to carrie i guese. i wish i was there by your side. to hold your hand and stroke your hair back. i wish you would have called me. the place you hold in my heart will neveer be fild again.

oooh i am angry today. i just feel like yelling as loud as i can. a "friend" just made a ton of noice at me. oooooh i wish i hade the nerve to bit back.

tired, cranky, frustrated and fever. woohoo life realy has a wounderfull outlook today.

i have notsied a rather funny thing with many of the Doms around this sight. they all sceam and yell for real subs/slaves. and complain all are fake. then if you keep reading they want a size sero female tween the age of 18 and 25 with curves??? wtf and many of the males are over 45. the day you can show me a true submisive with the right criteria that wants a 45+ male to be dirty with you i can show you a girl that was abused as a child

some days you just can get your head up from the depretion. thought from the days that once was the things life used to be like and the fact you have nothing left from those days. the loss of the once you loved and cared for. the moving on with life when all you wish for is to go back there. to be surounded by those people and once more be one in the pack. to talk and laugh and cuddle. growing up is not a nice experiance

some days it feels like i can see things so clear. the way i wish things to be and how i wish for me to be, but then there are days like today when i just want to give up. the path is hard to find. i stumble and wabble. some days i just want to stay down. not bothering to get up and brush myself off.

right now i feel as if i am stuck. i dont know what is next. how to learn more.

the heat has been hard for me to take this last few weeks. i cant eat cat move shoot i cant even think. i so long for winter

i was sitting here thinking about my time here in CM. and it came to me that many of the dominats out there be it male or female have a very twisted way to look at things. i am a slave at heart yes this is true. but i have never stated anywhere that i am a punching bag in body or in mind. to be a slave dont have to entale one being a painslut or a sucker for humiliation. and also many see the faxt they have put the word dominant in profile it meens they can order any slave or sub around and demand things like cam and neked pics from them. or expect to be given respect just for the word dominant. in my mind a dominat or any sort of person desirves respect unless they give a reason not to. but respect is not the same as obediance. so please if you cant be polite dont bother contacting me. i dont give my submition easely. there needs to be total trust and also respect from and for the dominant part and myside.

  i am not english speeking from start so my point might not get thrue but i wanted to post it anyway.

life here in little sweden walks on. a loved friend has returned after a few years of being gone. this brings joy. life will as always do as it pleases. i some days wounder if i will ever be able to be what i desire to be. i am not a strong person and also change is hard. i have lived with weak men for to long maybe. am so tired of being the one with all the waight on her shoulders. the one that thinks and acts. the real me is not the one that takes charge and it has almosed broken me to have to do so. and the arguing. ripping in the heart and the mind. i just want to be who i was ment  to. in pease. relaxed.

after thinking long and hard i have desided to not submit to a Master or Mistress at this time. firstly i am wounded at this time still. secondly i am borderline and have found not many is able to deal with the mood swings and so on that come with it. and lastly i cant take the hurt when things go bad. i dont wish to love again. i do wish for many and good friends to talk with and share thoughts with.

i collerd my hair black so i updated the profile pic and also i added a few more. i realy hate to take pics but i wanted to show my new hair. i usaly have black hair it is sort of me. the blond was an experiment and it was ok but i do love black as my poor mind.

i saw a man today when on my way to my mothers house. he looked just like you. i was supriced at the pain. was like a blow to the tummy and i could hardly breath. i have been thinking tons today after this. i been thinking on what happend and what was spoken that last time and also small thing befor it. i finaly got it. i never was the one to blame. my behaviors only reflected what you made me. the lonelyness i lived was total. and the Master should he have no respocebilety at all for the mental wellfair of his girl? i have learned to keep my Dominant informed of my thought and emotions. i also figured out that you already was gone. it was not that day that destroyed it all. it was just an exuse for you to get ridd of me. it was all planed and i was pushed in to the brake by a knife sharp mind.

 things hade started to get better again i hade started to become myself once more. then there he was that man that looked just like you. it showed me i am not over you yet butt he day will come when i am. i give you back the blame. i take back the power i gave you to hut me. i will one day crush the love in to small shards of broken black coal. i might still love you today but i can kill that love and grow cold and dead inside just like you. you will see i will be free.

so the dream is over and the moon has gone. i will have to be carefull next time i fall in love

i have realy messed up  again. always seems to be messing up. i just wish i could fix this. He is just so angry. and i am so sad. i dont know if he will ever forgive me for my flaws. Master my love forgive your slut i cant live with you being angry with me. Punish me, beat me. make me bleed. just come talk or anything. this silenc is killing me. forgive me Master please frogive me

lunar eclipse


time to build a heart of stone

did not know the loss of a sister could cut as deep as the loss of a Master. life as this one knows is has ended and she is in deep mourning

one misses Master.