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Hetero Female Submissive, 38,  Toronto, Canada
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sluttraining - photo 1
sluttraining - photo 2
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I was released from service as a slut in Aug 2011. I am back hoping to find another relationship with similar dynatmics, but not identifucal. I have always been submissive, but thought that submission was part of a "typical" relationship. I spent three years being trained to be a slut. That may mean different things to different people for me it meant: 1) Learning to love pleasing cock. I especially was focused on my oral skills. I love sucking cock. If I could have one in my mouth 24/7 I would. I enjoy every aspect of it. My head held still while He just uses it, head over the bed while He forces it into my throat, allowed to just suck it at my own pace for hours. My reward for sucking well... being allowed to swallow His cum or wear it on my face. 2) Learning that my body is not for my own pleasure. Women were given three holes to pleasure cock with. One gives her pleasure as well. While I love sucking cock, I can't orgasm from it. While I accept anal use as His right, it is painful and i haven't yet been able to acheieve orgasm. Before being released this is where my attention was focused. The last hole, my cunt, or fuckhole, was kept empty for long periods of time. I lost the right to decide what went into that hole. Cock only - no fingers, no toys. Sometimes it was a week, sometimes a month. The intervals grew longer as he took more enjoyment from controling my pleasure. The longest was a full year. I realized that having a tight cunt would bring a cock more pleasure, so even after release I kept this rule. 3) Learning to always be ready for use -a good slut makes herself available for use. My cunt should always be wet and ready (even if rarely used). I should always be prepared for last minute visits, or a text telling me His cock needs to be sucked now. The words not now, or I am busy are not allowed. Before I was released I was learning that a slut is a slut for all cock, not just its owner. It only happened once, but I did give a complete stranger (a contractor performing work in my apt) a bj. I kept many of the rules/chores I had while in service. This pleases Him (He checks in to see how I am doing every few months). Occassionally He grants me permission to have an orgasm. I can't come without His permission. For three years, He controled that. Its not just about anyone's permission, so please don't try to tell me to cum for you. The control comes from the connection. That connection takes times to devlop, so anyone thinking of starting a relationship with me has to be understanding. I won't change my rules until I know its a relationship worth developing. I am not looking for online, and I am not rellocatable. If your not from the Greater Toronto area, I most likely will not reply. While this many sound non PC... I am attracted to Dominant while males. I would consider serving a couple if both were Dominant. As of yet I have not played with another women, but very curious about it. I will also point out, just in case you can't tell from the photo's. I am a BBW, meaning I am a plus sized person.










Last Online:


 Submissive Female



 5' 11"






Actively Seeking:

Dominant Female

Dominant Male

 Lives For:


 Cane / Crop Discipline

 Orgasm Control


 Breast Play

 Humiliation / Degradation


 Curious About:


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Journal Entries:
1/30/2014 6:23:52 PM
I have to wonder lately if slave/sub/submissive translate to someone lacking common sense. In the last 4 months, I've chatted with two men on this site, who insisted on what I would call unsafe behaviour. One would only meet for the first time if I came to his home so I could be "inspected" as property. Of course with the reassurance this was not about sex. I was less concerned about having sex as I was of ending up in a body bag at the city morgue. Nothing he had said made me think he was a serial killer, but it's still not a wise move to put ones self in that kind of danger. My theory on safe calls is that they only serve the purpose to tell the police where to find the body. We never did meet. The second had issues with me insisting on having safe sex. As a Dom he should be allowed to use his property as he sees fit.... Sure.... But right off the bat? Fluid bonding comes with trust and time, not with a first meeting. How many times does a first meeting turn into a one night stand? My guess a high enough rate that your doctor would start to question why your looking fir std screening every month, Maybe I am not submissive or slave after all.... Since I insist on my personal healthy and safety.

11/2/2013 5:31:22 AM

I'm finding the search fustrating.  It seems hard to find those that truly embrace the property aspect of this life style.   it takes time to build a fully trusting relationship with someone, a quick email is not enough.  I've gotten a lot of emails offering me cash to use me.  I'm not a whore, I'm not looking for money.  I need that relationship that lets you know your precious property.  Something to use and receive pleasure from something but still important enough to ensure it's not broken.  What good is a broken toy?




7/13/2013 6:40:12 AM

Back to the drawling board again!

3/23/2013 7:38:40 AM

Two weeks of text, but W. is expected to be back sometime this coming week.  I don't know for sure if we are meeting or not.  He hasn't mentioned it, even though I have hinted a couple of times.  We did have a conversation after our last meeting, about how I was trained to please cock.  He asked if I was comfortable with him, I replied yes :).  I was told out right that the next time we meet, I will be sucking His cock. No if and or buts.  My only reply was at this point, He has access to my body to use as he likes.  For two weeks all I have been able to think about is once again being able to used as a slut.  He still isn't sure He will fuck my cunt.  He truely enjoys the fact its been kept empty so long... so it may continue to be empty for a while longer.

I have two tasks for the weekend, to help me get into the proper mind set.  I'm going to purchase a For sale sign, or a for rent sign, and hang if from my tits and post a picture.  He wants me to get back in the mind set that i am property to be used as a man sees fit (Him or someone else).

Second I am to go topless at home all weekend and let my "big tits, hang freely" as he put it.  The next time we meet they will definately be on display and avaiable for slapping and abusing.  He commented that one day they may even be milked. 

Let's just say my cunt has been dripping wet ever since.

3/10/2013 12:13:45 PM


After three weeks of emails, text and late night phone chats.... it was finally time to meet. W. was back in Toronto for a few days. Thursday night we decided to meet for a coffee. It was a bit rocky making it happen. Timing changing, but eventually I was sitting at Tim Horton's accros from the complete strangers I had masturbated on the phone with.

I'm always nervous meeting someone from online the first time. Especially a Dom because by the time you are ready to meet, you have detailed all your sexual desires and details to them. You never know if they are going to be a normal person, or a douche who thinks that he can command you to strip in the middle of the coffee shop. I wasn't disappointed. We arrived at the same time. I grabbed a table while he got us coffee ( Note to any man reading this.... always buy the girl's drink.. its a nice touch... and if they don't it usually mean the first x from me). We talked for a couple of hours. If I didn't have to go to work in the morning, and He had a long drive ahead of him, I think we could have spent all night there. We decided to meet for dinner the next night.

So flash forward to Friday night. I left work early to make sure I had time to get ready. I also needed to find a top that was tucked away somewhere in a dresser drawer. I have this great top that is very tight and ties behind the neck. It pushes my boobs up so high and holds them there that I don't need a bra. The deal was, if I felt comfortable enough to wear the top, it means He had the go ahead to get a good feel of my tits. Its been a while.. and the top was a bit snug that if I moved... my tits fell out on their own. Not exactly appropriate for the game of miniuture golf we were going to play after diner.

I won't bore anyone with the details of diner, making me blush as bright red as the top I wore. Or the sexual comments during miniature golf of me always picking up the balls from the hole. I will comment on... that fact he graciously beat me in miniature golf. I don't think he was even trying actually and I was!

So after we were done, we decided it was time for coffee. (I certainly wasn't ready to call it a night at 11 pm). So we jump in his car, drive through Tim Horton's then parked next to my car back at the mall. It was nice to be able to talk in person without the fear of someone over hearing. During one of our phone conversations I had asked about His cock. (why not.. guys ask about my boobs all the time). I was told, if I wanted to know about it, when we meant I could slide my hand down his pants. So that's what I did. Well not down at first, just grabbed his crotch. Its awkward while sitting in a car :). Let's say my hand finally did make it under his jeans. I had mentioned why I didn't have the other top with me. So he decided that still meant he had the green light to have a feel. The feel, became my tits pulled out of my top and bra and on display for the security patrol that kept walking by! I was again as red as my top.

It was late, now, well after 1 am. He was leaving again in the morning for another trip so it was time to say good night. I was strongly encouraged (but not forced) to drive home with my tits still on display. That is exactly what I did. The top didn't get put back in place until I pulled into my condo parking lot.

I'm looking forward to what transpires in the 2.5 weeks till he comes back into Toronto again.

3/5/2013 4:06:37 PM

Its been a while since I have had the pleasure of being treated and used like a slut.  I did on Friday.  There I was, laying on the bed, moaning, groaning, begging to be used.  There is nothing like the feeling of your body responding to a touch, to a voice, to a command.  I did as I was told, and that alone fueled the fire within me.  As every second passed, my fuckhole was getting wetter and wetter.  It hasn't been used in so long. Legs spreading wider, feeling fingers digging into my tits, gripping them tight, pulling.  I thought they would be pulled off.  Nipples on fire as they were pinched, rolled, tugged, till I was screaming.  Hearing His voice tell me its not hard enough if I am not screaming.  Finally a touch across my cunt, pushing my hips up hard against it.  Grinding against the hand, as my clit is stroked and pinched. I need to cum so badly it hurts.  That tight feeling in your body, that build up of energy.  All I can mutter is I can't.  I can't cum yet, no matter how badly I need it.  I don't have permission to cum.  I can feel my fuckhole aching, it wants to be used, it needs to be used.  It needs to used, filled with a hard cock.  But I can't have that either.  All I have is my hand, and a stranger on the other end of phone listening to me masturbate. I can hear Him chuckling on the other end of the phone. Then finally hearing Him call me a good slut.  He wasn't sure I could hold out, but I did.  Thank you W.  Who new Edmunton could be such an interesting city.

11/13/2011 8:18:02 AM

Since so people have asked, the slut was release because Sir found another.  While she wants a sister slave she does not want a bbw.  Sir felt he could not focus on His new relationship with the slut still around.  Therefore I was released.


Please don't email asking for me detail.

11/6/2011 6:13:35 PM

Offically released 10/25/2011

9/23/2011 8:43:43 PM

Its so hard to sit here reading emails, looking at pictures when I know Sir is beating his new sub tonight.  I so want it to be me, feeling the belt across my ass, the cane across my breasts, maybe even being allowed to suck His cock for him. :(

9/6/2011 6:47:23 PM

I want to thank the people that responded to my post.  I was questioned why I thought I deserve to cum, that I should cum, but not stop until I had cum so often it hurt, and  that my breasts should be bound and turning purple before being allowed to cum.  In the end, only one person gave me permission to cum.  Thank you Stephen for taking sympathy on a slut and giving her permission to cum.


Sir agreed that I earned the right to have an orgasm, but I would have to torture my breasts and nipples while doing so.  I bound my breasts tight with my pretty blue rope, till they ached.  I lubbed up the large butt plug and slowly inserted into my tight ass.  No matter how often I use it, it always seems to big and hurts when it first goes in. I fucked my ass with it for a few minutes then pushed it deep inside and attached the nipple clamps.  I had to keep the butt plug in and the clamps on (10 minutes on 10 minutes off) for 2 hours.


For the first 20 minutes I barely touched His cunt.  For 2 yrs now, I haven’t been able to say my cunt… I doubt I ever will be able to think of it as mine.  I’m just a set of three holes to be used.  I pulled on the chain between my breasts, till I could put it between my teeth, then pulled my head back, and pushing the plug in an out of my ass till I was in tears.  I couldn’t help to think how much Sir would have enjoyed seeing His slut in pain with tears running down her cheeks.


When I put the clamps on for the third time, my hole was dripping wet and aching to be filled.  I used my fingers at first to rub and pull on my clit.  After a few minutes my legs were spread painfully wide, hips pushing up against my hand wishing I could just feel a cock in my mouth forcing itself down my throat till I gag.


After an hour my hole was aching to be filled so badly.  Nothing but Sir’s cock has been in my hole for the last two years.  Cunts are made to only be filled with cock is what Sir taught me.  A slut’s cunt is to be kept needy and tight until a man wants to use it for His pleasure.  Each time I took the clamps on or off, I could feel my hole tighten more.  I couldn’t stand it anymore, I got on my hands and knees, letting the chain fall down, took out my dildo and started to rub the head against my hole.  I almost cam instantly.  I kept picturing Sir’s cock rubbing against His cunt before he used it.  God I miss that feeling.  Being filled by a hard cock, being used like the slut I have been trained to be.  Being used by a cock is what I am good for.


I wanted to fuck my hole with the dildo so badly… but I can’t.. I know I can’t yet.. I want it so bad.  I keep telling myself it will be incredible when my hole is used again by a cock.  That will be the best reward for staying empty and tight.  It was only a month ago Sir let me feel His cock.  I’ve gone up to 3 months before. The thought of going longer scares me.  I remember how obsessive I became after 3 months.  Begging to be used like a wonton whore.


The two hours are almost up.. yes I had to write the entry with the plug inserted and the clamps on.  Thank you again for letting me feel the pleasure of an orgasm. 

8/28/2011 3:02:21 PM

A  lot has changed in the last month.  Sir has meant a new sub, one that he likes so far.  She is not poly unfortunately so this slut is finding herself slowly being released from her service.

Sir has agreed to slowly reduce the control he has.  Letting me learn to control my own orgasm again... over time.  I tried a week ago to have one without permission, that didn't work out so well.  I ended up curled in a ball on the bed crying, feeling lost and guilty for even haven tried.  When I asked for permission in my daily email on Thursday, I was instructed to write a journal entry in the hopes of finding someone who will give me permission to cum.  Sir decided this would be a  good lesson in humiliation as well having to beg strangers for pleasure.


I'm a good slave/sub and do as I am told.  I always put Sir's pleasure and happiness first.  As much as I don't want Him to give me up, I want him to be happy and if she makes Him happy that is a good thing.  I'm scared everyday of what the next day will bring.


Thanks to my "visitor" coming early; I have a week for someone to email the account.  Hopefully someone will.  I never know if anyone reads these entries or not.  For the most part I write for myself, to tell someone what wonderful thing Sir did to His slut.  Not exactly something I can talk about over Friday night dinner with mom. 


I hope someone reads this and feels pity enough to let me cum.

8/12/2011 4:09:29 PM

Wow, I didn't relize it had been so long since I have written here.  July was a busy month between work and renovations at home. I had a couple of interesting day I can't believe I didn't journal abnout.  Sir had given me 17 orgasms to use during the month.  I had to ask for each, but I had to use that many up as well.  I didn't ask for a full week, when I did.. Sir said ok, but I had to use 3 in one day.  I almost died.  I usually have one a week if I am a good girl.  To use 3 in a day... and each had to have the butt plug inserted for 1 hour, and the clamps on and off for that hour before I could cum.  I swear I spent the entire day in bed masturbating lol.  When it was done I was exhausted.  Sir texted me the next day.. saying I could repeat everything from the saturday.  Two days of masturbating WOW.  My poor clit was sore to the touch the next day.  Of course, I wanted to be fucked silly as well.  But I wasn't given permission for that.


August also brought a birthday :( another year older and not where I want to be in life.  Not that life is bad, I just really wanted to have done more by now.


Sir was great.  We couldn't be together on my birthday but we did celebarte a few days later.  I still have the bruises to show for it.  Electrical tape and boobs make an evil combination lol.  Well at least this brand of tape.  It rolls and Sir had to carefully cut it and yank it open to let the girls escape.  The sticky mess took three days and finally window cleaner to get it to go away.  Now the skin is all bruises and peeling off.  Not overly sexy by any means.  The large bruises on my ass and breast have made going to the gym intersting to say the least.  I have to remember to towel dry well in the shower and try to get my clothes on super quick lol.  I've wondered what I would say if someone commented on them.  Since I am doing aqua fit and most of the ladies are in their 60-70's I might end up causing a few heart attacks lol.  I also got a bottle of Calvin Klein purfume.  It smells very pretty and I can wear it always remembering where it came from :).  I had a little giggle to myself the other day when I first put it on.  My last dominant gave me a Calvin Klein watch (ok a knock off.. but still its the thought).  I guess I screan Calvin! lol


When I signed on, there was an interesting email.  Someone wants to make a trade with Sir for me.  Well I think that is what he meant.  The idea excites me and scares me all at the same time.  I know I would do it if told to do it.... but would Sir ever go that far?  We haev talked about it, but sometimes things are truely better left as fantasy.  Of course, over the last 2 yrs alot of things I thought I would never do have come true :)


I need to remember to write more often.  It's nice to share what happens with Sir... even if nobody but me reads these enteries.


6/24/2011 4:40:50 AM

Good morning, The day is a bit brighter today.  Well at least for me.  I don't now about outside its still semi dark.  I got to see my Sir last night.  Its only been two weeks since he beat me but its felt like an eternity.  Two hours with Him can clear the entire dark dirty view work provides lately.  If you read this.. Thank you so much Sir. Your slut truely needed it.  

No beating last night, but I was tortured just the same :).  Last night the fate of July rested in my hands, ok actually it turned out to be His hand.  I was told I while I gave Sir a bj, I was to play with His cunt, and the number of orgasms I had was what I could have during the course of July.  I tired to find a comfy spot, one where I could concentrate on His cock but still access His cunt.  But to no avail, so I dedcide that a month with no orgasm was ok as long as He enjoyed a bj.  Such an unselfish slut I am.  Of course Sir noticed, and decided since I wasn't doing it, He had too.  I can't explain why it feels different when He plays with His cunt, versus the slut.  But it does.  The first few orgasms were great, then they start to be more intense.  At one point, I remember my foot thumping against the bed... much like a dog's tail wagging in happiness.  I guess that is another one of my animal traits coming out lol.

By 10 I was begging Him to fuck His cunt.  He just laughed and reminded me that He had no intention of fucking me.  My mouth was the only hole that was going to be used.  I haven't been able to accomplish any of the task that would earn me a fucking.  I haven't given a bj to someone else, I havent found an girl for Him to fuck, and I haven't been able to deep throat His cock without gagging.

At 15 I stopped begging, and tried to concentrate on His cock, which is really hard when you cunt is aching to be filled with something hard.  I know when He is close to cumming, when He tells me not to stop what I am doing... a minute later, I have my reward of a mouthful of cum and feeling His cock twitch against my tongue.  YUM!.

We spent a while in bed talking and laughing (its good to laugh).  Enough time for drippy girl to pull herself back together.  Sometimes its great to be dismissed when He is done using me, sometimes its good to have a bit of time together. 

So now the delimia... 15+ orgasms in a month? For the last two years, my pleasure has been limited.  Maybe one a week, sometimes one every two weeks.  I have enough for almost one every weekday of the month.  Maybe I can trade some of them in for a beating. 

Its been 10 hours now, and my hole is still aching for something hard.  I masturbated already this morning hoping it would help, but nothing.  I keep picturing myself on the bed, collar on, tits bound tight (ooo check out the new pic if your curious what some electrical tape and large tits look like), a set of nipple clamps linked through the D ring on the collar and attached to aching nipples, ankles and writs bound together so I can't even move, ass beaten hard, then fucked like a piece of meat. No wonder I am still horny.

5/28/2011 4:04:42 PM

Thank to a touch of the flu I haven't wantd to masturbate the last two days.  I made a comment to Sir, that I am much like a dog.  His cunt indicates how I am feeling.  When I am healthy its dripping wet and when I am sick its dry.  He  said it makes sense since I have a lot of animal traits :)


I've been reading some erotic literature today while sitting at the pc playing with Sir's cunt.  The slut is definately better since His cunt is dripping wet and wants so badly to shove something into it.  I've been a lucky slut for the past few weeks and Sir has been using my holes regularly.  I almost cringe now when He comments on how tight His cunt will be after being empty for 90+ days.  My oral skills are imporving thank to the extra practice and also practicing on a dildo every other night.  I've been working on streching my ass out for Sir as well.  Since His cunt is empty He needs another hole to fill.  There is a possiblity of seeing Sir on Sunday, I am crossing my fingers so I can beg him to try my ass again.  My birthday is a few months down the road, but I would love Sir to use His cunt while her ass is filled with something as well.  Hmm I wonder how good of a girl I have to be to get that present.  Hmm I should add a set of tight nipple clamps as well.  I think my nipple are forgetting the wonderful pain Sir causes them.  I use the clamps myself most nights when I masturbate, but its not the same as having Sir instruct me to torture them.  I love the nights when He watches his slut abuse them on cam. 


I was treated to a very hard beating about 2 weeks ago.  It took 8 days for the welts and bruises to disappear.  I am hoping after the doctor's appointment on the 3rd Sir will use me again. The afternoon made for a great memory.  Sir tied me up.. althought not tight enough lol since I managed to wiggle around and free my writs.  He canned my ass and use the toy with no name.  I seem to always find Him the most wickedly evil toys to beat His slut with.  I can almost hear some poor women screaming bloody murder at me as Sir beats her with them.


I'm horny wet and needing to feel some pain so badly today.  Sir please use your slut, please?



5/12/2011 6:37:29 PM

:) what a perfect afternoon.  I love when Sir lets me come over after work and give him a bj.  I get a thrill even out of offering myself up for use like a good slut, so much I look foreward to that 3-3.30 time frame when I can send the naughty text message.  It reminds me of the very first time I send a naughty text message offering Him a bj... He said no as He was busy, but apparently it made Him blush, so that is a good thing.  So, today He said yes, He'd like to use His slut tonight and to let him know what time I was leaving.  I got my work done, went to the gym and then let Him know I was ready to leave anytime.  The entire drive over, I am picturing being in my most favorite spot, kneeling in front of Him naked with His cock in my mouth.  When I got there, I undressed as usual, thinking I was going to take a quick shower before starting, when I was told to sit in the tub instead.  The next thing I know, Sir is undressing and stepping into the tub, one hand holding His cock and one hand holding my head.  I few minutes later I received a very unexpected golden shower.  It was amazing for a few reasons.  I love the idea of it, being marked like His property.  It gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside :).  Second I was able to look up, He wasn't really aiming for my face, and look into His eyes while He did it.  It was amazing.  I feel like He's looking into my soul and seeing the real me.  THe me nobody else sees because I have to hide it away.  At that moment I am completely and uttelyr property that is cared for, cherished and protected from everything else in the world.  When He was done, my mouth was used roughly.  I swear there is a connection between His cunt, and having its hair pulled.  The minute I feel my hair grabbed and head pushed forward and held tight, I get wet.  I could be held there all day long :).  I was even offered a reward tonight.  If I could make Him cum with my mouth, I could have my own orgasm later in the evening .  :) Score one for the slut :) she gets an orgasm to enjoy tonight.  Thank you Sir!


I can't wait to do it again!!!   

4/30/2011 6:12:18 PM

Its abeen a few weeks since I have written anything here. There are a few reasons, first I was away taking care of family things, then Sir and I had a very deep conversation about the female sub/slave we had been seeking to fufill a fantasy.  It was a mutual decision that we would not be seeking that now.  THo I guess its always a possibity for the future. 


So last night Sir managed to do what He does best... ok He does a couple of things really really good.  He surprised me.  I was going to be in His area possibly Thrusday and Friday evening, due to a work function.  He is always much more lax at letting His slut service His cock when He knows I am there for other reasons as well.  Thrusday night didn't happen, but we had made plans for me to come over after the meeting ended Friday.  During the day Sir texted me, and changed plans, saying He would come to my place instead since He was going out with a friend to see the new Fast and the Furious movie.  Sir is a gearhead (and I say that in the best way Sir! Cars and Motorcycles make you smile, and your slut is right behind them lol).  Sir coming to my place doesn't happen often, and that is ok, I love His place, its cozy and I feel comfortable there.  I have my routine of coming in, and taking my clothes off immediately.  I am so conditioned to do so in His apt, I probably would do it even if He had company lol. 


When He got here, I was wearing His cuffs and collar (I so love them), I got to undress Him slowly.  Another big turn on for me.  It gives me the feel of doing something so special for Him.  Being my apt vs His, I completely forgot that I should be nakked too.  I started to kneel at His feet when He pointed it out... I just got my top off, when there's a knock at the door.  Never fails!  I don't get many visitors so I know its security for something.  I actually almost forgot to take the collar off before I answered the door... that would have made for interesting condo gossip lol.  By the time I get rid of security, I go into the bedroom to find Sir streched out on my bed.  OMG, I should have taken a picture.  I don't think there is a sexier thing than finding your man nakked on your bed.  It will be an image burned into my brain for a long time.


Actually, I've never had alot of men over to my place, just three in all the time I lived here.  One was my formar dominant, who in 2 years never once fucked me.  The second was a vanilla guy I dated. I don't remember if I have mentioned Him before, but I call him broke guy.  The site of Sir in my bed will erase all the bad memories of broke guy in my bed lol.


I spent the next 40 minutes or so practicing my oral skills, I so adore Sir's cock.  He's asked me before why His cock is so much better then the other guy's I've been with, or why sex with Him is so much better.  I can't explain it, it just is.  There is nothing more I would love to have in my mouth than Sir's cock.  I think sometimes my holes were made just for His cock.  Its a nice thought :).  He says all three of my holes are nice and tight, and each serve a purpose.  He loves to use them all... tho.. I cry when He fucks my ass and that turns Him on greatly.  His cunt is tight, even tighter after He keeps it empty for 90+ days, but I don't cry when He shoves His cock into it.


I totally assumed it was going to be a short 15 min visit, time enough for His slut to give him a bj and maybe the pleasure of swallowing a mouth ful of cum.  I was surprised when He ensured I had an hour of His time :).  When it was getting close for Him to leave, He surprised me again.  I'm not sure if it was because it wasn't my best oral performance and I hadn't gotten Him to cum, but He decided to use His cunt as well.  Actually, it was surprise number 3 for the night.  I got to feel Sir's cock in His cunt bare for the very first time.  Actually the first time in my life with anyone.  I don't know if it really felt different, or it was the fact I knew it, but omg it was mind blowing.  He only fucked his cunt like that for a minute or so, then pulled out saying that was enough.  AFter a bit of begging and pleading, on went a condom, and  was on my back again, with my legs open feeling His cock use His slut like she was made for.  I didn't get to cum around Him this time, but I got to feel Him cum inside me.  Maybe one day He will fuck me without the condom and then have me finish Him in my mouth so I can taste my cum on His cock as well. YUMMY fantasy :).


Sir once asked me why I was so committed to Him, I saw the reason last night. The first time, was when I came back into the bedroom to find Him on the bed.  I got on the bed, and stared to take His cock into my mouth, when I felt a hard slap on my breast and a pull on the nipple.  I forgot a very important rule.  A slut isn't greedy, she always asks to suck a cock first.  I forgot and was reminded very quickly and appropriately.  The second was when Sir was leaving.  As He dressed, we talked about the royal wedding, He told me to enjoy watching the repeat performance.  I said that was the plan and I would probably fall asleep on the couch watching it.  I barely got the words from my mouth when He turned around in the doorway, looked into my eyes, and said.. No Bed!.  I didn't need anymore reminding about not napping on the couch.  Sir is a natural dominant.  He doesn't play at being dominant, He doesn't have to beat someone into submission (tho he enjoys beating His slut immensly), He oozes confidence, and control and as a submissive I am drawn to that control like its  a life force.  I need that control as much as I need water :) maybe more actually.   


ok time to finish laundry :) and maybe go through a fantasy of two of being allowed to suck on His cock all night :).  If we could find a position I could be in for hours I could see Sir watching an F1 race or a hocky game with the sluts mouth tight around His cock lol.


Is anyone else reading this? I've love to know for sure.

4/12/2011 6:22:42 PM

So I have to restart the count :) Its day 2, Sunday Sir surprised me after 72  long and I mean LONG days.  We finally were both healthy and both not busy on the same day. I wasn't expecting it, actually I read an email from Him right before I left and had thought He had gone to see another slut the day before.  I remember reading and going.. well dam.. I am so not getting fucked now. lol. 


I have something to boast about actually.  I've been practicing my oral skills for the last month or so.  The last time I was able to see Sir, He tried to fuck my throat, and it didn't end well.  It ended with me running to the washroom so I wouldn't be sick.  After that bad experience, He had started to send me video clips of women who could throat fuck easily and told me.. that is how He expects any slut of His to take a cock.  When I got there an undressed (standing rule, sluts do not wear clothes in His's home) I kneeled at His feet and asked nicely if I could have the privelage of servicing His cock.  After a few minutes I surprised Him and took almost since entire cock into my throat.  I was so proud of myself, even more so when I heard Him moan and tell me I was doing a good job.  I love being told I am a good slut.  I want to be the best slut possible for Sir, so He's never embrassed by me.  I have a fantasy of Him one day loaning His slut out, and hearing some stranger compliment Him on my skills :).  Maybe one day.


Once my breasts were bound with the electrical tape.. or hockey tape I'm not 100% sure, it was off to the bedroom to have my punishment administered.  I am apparently not taking the appropriate amount of time in writing my daily emails and journal.  Sir has been finding alot of spelling and grammer errors lately.  So I was going to take 50 strokes of the cane to remind me that, everything I do, even writting an email, reflects on Sir.  He took pity on me tho, and warmed my ass up nicely with the flogger and paddle before starting in on the cane.  Actually this is when He surprised me, after the first 10 He told me to get on my back and spread my legs, the next thing I know, I feel His cock against my hole.  OMG, after 72 days His cock felt like a baseball bat being pushed into me.  It didn't take long for me to have my first orgasm.. actually I even forgot to ask for it.  I didn't even have to touch my clit, it was so dam incredable. 


Now I really REALLY want to win the right to have as much sex as I can for a week.  I may wear Sir out or whoever He allows to fuck His property.  He swaped between fucking His cunt, and canning His slut's ass for the next hour.  I had 4 or 5 orgasms over the afternoon.. I lost count after that lol.  After the last of the cane strokes were administered, Sir asked me what else I wanted.  "Fuck your ass Sir, please"  was all I said with a big smile.  I had planned on begging for it up the ass all morning.  I made sure I was loosed up by using the small and large butt plug right before I headed over.  I have the tightest holes for a slut, my ass is no exception.. so for Sir to get His cock in my ass it needs to be streched first.  I love hearing Him fuck me.  When He told me He was about to cum, I didn't want it to end.  Actually I was proud of myself again :) The last time Sir wasn't able to get it in at all.  So to get it in and fuck me till Him orgasmed was great.


I get pleasure when He fucks His cunt, not just phsycially but from the fact He is using me.  When He fucks His slut's ass, it's uncomfortable for me, but that actually makes it more mentally pleasureable.  I know that I am doing something just for Sir's pleasure.  I could regret saying it, but I'd give up my own orgasm's to please Sir's cock more.  Even if that meant only being fucked in the ass from now on.  And now I am a drippy wet slut again lol.  Off to masterbate :)


Thank you for a great Day Sir :)

4/3/2011 5:59:41 PM

Day 67... its been a very long 67 days.  I was hoping I'd get intrigue a few people into subscribing to my entry so Sir would fuck me.  No suck luck, but I noticed two female sub's subscribed.. maybe they are taking pitty of a slut that can't have cock in her hole.


Sir has another cold so the slut was told to stay home this week.. no bj's no beating, and defiantely no sex for her .  It makes me feel absolutely helpless when Sir has a cold. 


Last night we played online a bit.  When I say play I don't mean cyber sex.  Sir orders the slut to torture herself for His amusement.. and of course she obeys explicity.  Sometimes He watches over the cam, sometimes the slut is forced to watching Him cum without her.  Although helping as stimulation.. she doesn't get to swallow it... which is a shame.  We share the firm believe His cum is a valuable resource.. and should never be wasted.  I am waiting for the day Sir fucks me then pours the cum from the condom over my face and lips so I can still taste it.  mmmmmmm yummy.


So last night, the slut got herself worked up watching some porn clips.  Sir finds the best clips that push all her buttons.  Watching two girls swallow a double ended dildo, or a cute red head with glasses, that can deep throat a cock like I have never seen before.  Apparently that is now my goal. To swallow Sir's cock with ease... pesky gag reflex needs to go away.  I need more practice time.  In order to help when Sir is busy the slut now practices on a dildo at home. Its just not the same.. in taste, texture, turn on.  My mind knows the difference.  After begging to be allowed  to cum before going to bed, Sir decided the torture should be drawn out for hours.  Just so His slut could truely enjoy when she was finally allowed release. 


Sitting in a chair at the pc, a towel under her ass, legs spread wide elastic's tight around her breasts the slut alternated between rubbing her clit for 10 minutes at a time, and wearing the clover clamps on her nipples for 5 minutes.  At first, the 10 minutes of playing with her cunt were great, but then my body started to react to the pain in my breasts and nipples.  Soon I was begging to put the clamps back on before the 10 min interval was complete.  This of course makes Sir very happy.. He always say His training is working.  That its not that I tolerate the pain, I thrive on it, I need it to cum now. 


When the clamps go on, its like my body knows its time to be used.  The slut's cunt tightens up, and aches, likes it waiting for a cock to be shoved into it.  Actually I should be saying Sir's cunt aches, since I no long her any control of it.  After 2 hours I had made a giant wet spot on the towel.. not surprising, and was desperate to cum.  Actually I wanted the pain almost as bad, every time I had to take the clamps off I wanted to cry.  Sir took pity on me and let me cum the next time I put the clamps on, it was amazing.  Absolutely amazing.  I actually ended up on the floor, curled up in the fetal position.  It took me a good 10 minutes to catch my breath and compose myself enough to type again :). 


Something else that we talked about last night was another way for the slut to earn Sir's cock.  Work is running a weight loss challenge for the next 3 months.  There will be prizes at work, cash, sessions with a personal trainor, and some gift certificates.  Sir decided, with a bit of begging from the slut, to sweeten the deal.


If I finish in first place, the person who looses the most based on percentage of body weight, I'll get something very special.  As well, if I loose the most weight but don't finish first I will get something special.  The last one is if I reach my 3 month goal of 30 lbs lost.  So I have some ways to earn some favour with Sir's cock lol.


So some of the idea's we bantered about were... sex of course, being allowed to cum as many times as the slut wants in a week, the slut being allowed the use of a dildo for 7 days... that is big considering I only get something in my hole about once every three months.  Another one that I suggested  was to truely humilate me in public.  Sir would send me into an adult sex shop, with nipple clamps on, and make me purchase something.  He really liked that idea lol :)  I'm not sure who will be more aroused.. the slut or Sir.  I know the slut will be dripping wet.  If Sir gets hard.. well then I am sure I can take care of that with my mouth in the parking lot.  mmmmm ok I definately want to win that prize.  We also toyed with the idea of having the slut perform on cam for strangers.  Perhaps giving Sir a bj, or masterbating.. I can tell you it won't involve anything sliding into her hole... unless I also win the use of my dildo lol.


So... if anyone has an idea or suggestion of what the slut can win, Sir would love to hear it. ok, off to masterbate before bed... now that I'm dripping wet again.  My new constant state of life... god I love it so much.

3/27/2011 6:00:18 AM

I think Sir is trying to get me to break the rules.  He is making it very VERY hard not to cum lately.  Last night I was reminded that I shouldn't be waiting for Him to tell me He wants to use me.  Its a slut's job to offer her services.  Its so hard tho, I want Him to know I am available 24/7 but at the same time don't want to be seen as a pest.


Nothing would thrill me more then to wake Him up in the morning with a bj, then send Him off to sleep with another :).  OK its not logistically feasable of course, since we live about 20 minutes away from each other and He is always concerned with me driving at night, and how much I spend on gas.  But, its a wonderful thought :)


So last night, He sent me a link to this video, telling me that is how He wants His cock sucked.  OMG, the girl in the video swollowed the man's entire cock, and didn't gag in the least bit.  I have a terrible gag reflex.  Its getting better, but mostly because Sir loves to let me practice.  But as I was told last night.  I have ALOT of work to do to get to that point.   For added incentive, when I can take His entire cock and not gag, He will fuck me :).  I think I will be spending alot of time with a dildo in my mouth.... well its good its used for something since it hasn't been inside me in almost a full year now.  I think I have dildo envy lol.  I watched a video clip and all I could think about was how lucky she was.


I had to watch Him cum on camera last night vs being there to swollow like a good slut.  Tho I was allowed an orgasm before I went to bed.  I think that actually made it worse tho.  I think I came within a minute of touching my clit, showered, went to bed, and woke up even hornier this morning.  I reached down and started to play with myself and I couldn't believe how wet I was.  Lets say I have to change the sheet on the bed again today... grumbles.. I just washed them yesturday since there was a wet spot .  I'm surprised He doesn't call me drippy girl instead of slut lol.


Sir... when you read this.. you will notice, that besides yourself.. I now have 3 subscribers :)  Your slut may actually get to feel your cock sooner than the 90 day mark.  *does a happy dance*.



3/25/2011 6:40:23 PM

Day 58


Its been a while, Sir has encouraged me the last bit to journal again.  Feb and March have been the worst months in a long time.  First Sir wasn't feeling well.  A bit of a cold, and some winter blah's mixed together.  Then I get a cold.. ok it wasn't a cold but it took a week and a half to find out it was a sinus infection.  Off to the doctors for some meds.  The fustrating part of Sir and i being sick at different times is our common ground rule of not sharing germs. So when one of us is sick.. we don't get to see each other.  So... the sinus infection clears up.. Sir gets sick.  Sir gets better... I get a skin infection.... the skin infection clears up.... and I have to go away for a  short business trip.


I hope someone feels my fustration.. well other than Sir :)  Its been 6 weeks since I have been allowed to feel the pleasure of serving him.  Actually I had to feel the torture as someone else serviced His cock and received the pleasure his slut should have.  I am almost at day 60 and my cunt feels as tight as a virgin.  When I was sick it wasn't so bad.. I wasn't feeling horny like a good slut should.  Now that I am better... I want cock.. but not any cock, I want my Sir's cock.  In my mouth, in my cunt, in my ass.... I want Him to use His toy. 


Actually Sir has been terrific during the last few months.  Keeping me busy with little tasks and chores.  One day He had me put elastic's around my breasts while at work.  One each hour on the hour, till I had 8 on each one.  It was amazing.  I was wet the entire day.  There was no real pain till about the 5th one, but the thought of wondering if anyone could see was awesome.  At one point I was called into my directors office, to have a meeting, he was talking about a graph and I kept thinking, he can tell, he's staring at my breasts.  By the time I put the last ones one, I could really feel them biting into my breasts.  They wern't tight enough to cause damage, but tight enough to turn them a pretty shade of red. 


I was luckly enough to replicate it a few days later on cam while Sir masterbated.  Of course, at home I can have a surprise ending for Him.  Putting the nipple clamps on, pulling the chain up nice and tight and putting it between my teeth.  When you have giant breasts like mine (DD's) its definately takes alot of pull to raise them.  I was rewarded by watching Sir cum.... just as one of the clamps pulled right off my nipple, causing me to scream and cry.  Of course every time I watch Him cum means He's had to masterbate which means I am not doing my job as a slut.  At the very least His slut should be swallowing His cum. 


It appears that I have caught at least one persons attention with my journal.  Someone subscribbed to it.  Which made me ponder what He must think of a slut like me.  Someone who begs to be used, someone who enjoys the humiliation and control Sir has over every part of my life.  Of course the idea of someone masterbating to what I write made me wet.  It made me think of another journal Sir fist had me read on Collarme.  A man had run a contest to loan out His sub for a week.  I longed to be like her.  A complete slut to any man.  I still aspire to it. I know Sir is anxiously waiting the day I ask His permission to fuck something .... it doesn't necessarily have to be a man. 


So if people are reading this journal and feel sorry for a slut that isn't allowed to feel anything in her slut hole... and I mean nothing... not even a finger has entered me since the last time Sir fucked his toy they can help me.  Sir has agreed that if I get 5 people to subscribe to my journal I will be allowed to fuck my cunt with a dildo.  When I get 10, He will fuck my holes, and if I get 15 or someone emails with some feedback, I will be allowed to have an orgasm with something burried inside my slut hole.  I feel silly begging in a journal that nobody may read.. but my god... I need to be used like the slut I am. 

2/21/2011 6:25:24 PM

Day 32 and counting.  It was a long week.  I had what I thought was a bit of a cold on Monday, so Sir and I didn't get together to celebrate Valentines day.  He did make it special for me, sending me some happy valentines day wishs via text at lunch time.  It was a nice distraction especially since I was eating lunch alone at my desk.  On Wednesday when I told Him I had to go out of town to see my mother on the weekend, He told me to let Him know when I was coming back as He's like to use His slut.


I was sooo excited about getting to see Him, getting beat, being allowed to service His cock with my mouth and maybe..I never know being allowed to feel His cock in my slutty cunt.  By Saturday I knew Sunday wasn't going to happen.  The cold.. wasn't a cold, but a sinus infection.  Verified by a doc at the walk in clinic that totally reminded me of Ned Flanders lol.  I texted Sir when I got home Sunday afternoon :( I hate disappointing Him that that's what I did.  He had to masterbate instead of being serviced by His slut.  I offered to turn the cam on and torture my nipples while He masterbated but No was the answer.  He knew it was actually more torture for me not to be allowed to help in anyway.  He knows me so well.  How giving Him pleasure is what I live for.


I know the sinus infection wasn't my fault, and its not like I could avoid it.  It is just another string of things that happen that prevent Him from using His toy.  I have to try harder, concentrate more on why I am trying to loose weight.  If I can loose 10 lbs in 3 weeks, Sir will fuck my slutty cunt.  I was seeing this as a reward.  Sir pointed out today, the reward is that He will fuck my cunt not for my pleasure but for His. My pleasure is not important.. I take pleasure from Sir being happy.   Instead of worrying about having a cock in my hole, I will think about Sir being happy and being able to use His slut whenever how ever He wants.  That's what I want more than anything.  For Sir to have a fully usable slut/toy.  He should never have to masterbate when He has a slut with three holes.


I hate being sick, I get whiny and bitchy and cranky.  The day started off terrible, not feeling well, power outages, internet going down... so when I finally got online and saw Sir on IM, it made me smile.  It's been awhile since we have had the opportunity to chat... so it made my day.  He certainly can turn a frown upside down into a smile without trying.  I even got to see Him cum on cam. It was great... I love to see the smile on His face when He cums, at the same time it was torture to see His cum wasted.  It should have been swollowed or at least sprayed on my face.  I want to be better NOW! :) As soon as I am healthy Sir's cock is going to be in my mouth for hours :).

2/7/2011 7:10:41 PM

Day 15 and counting ..... Well yesturday may have been the super bowl.. but Sir and I found something much more entertaining to do than watch football.  I was given the privilage of having Sir's cock in my mouth.  If that wasn't enough, I was able to get His cock into my throat before he cam.  It was a great to feel His cock pulse in my throat then feeling the hot cum.  It was complete unison.. hearing Him moan in pleasure then feeling it.  Yummy.  Sir has definately make me into a cum slut.


After He was done, it was time to beat His slut.  I've been craving the pain for the last few days and asked Him to beat my ass till there were welts.  I swear I could feel the air brush against it by the time He was done.  The heat and the welts ... yummy.  It was a yummy night all around.


The welts were gone this morning, but it made for a slightly uncomfortable sleep last night.  I had to wear the nipple clamps while I was doing some house work earlier in the afternoon, so the front was sore.. the back was sore.  No matter how I moved something hurt wonderfully.


I told Sir last night I almost enjoy the beating more than the orgasms... the uphoric feeling lasts longer.  Of course, now I am horny and want my slutty holes filled so badly. Well tomorrow is day 16.   



1/29/2011 1:07:39 PM

I wanted to write this last night but couldn't get any privacy.  I was soo horny yesturday I sent Sir a teasing email before lunch telling Him how all I could think about was giving Him a bj.  I was trying to do a required training moduel online... let say I was distracted.. I failed the dam test the first time lol.  But its so fun to think about swallowing a mouthful of cum.  I texted Him telling Him that I was so horny I was wishing I could go masterbate now.  Next thing I know... I am told to go do it.. and have one orgasm as well.


Off I ran to find a ladies room that isn't frequented often.  I am not always quiet when I masterbate.. especially when I am allowed to cum.  They are so instense i swear my toes curl lol, especially since they are sparatic and controlled. So there I am, in the ladies room, pants down hand between my legs, rubbing my clit thinking about sucking Sir's cock and tasting His cum.. when someone comes in.  My brian was torn.  I wanted to stop and wait till they left... but at the same time, I needed to cum so bad I was right on the edge.  I was a quiet as I could be, moving my fingers slowly over my clit... they were taking so dam long.  Finally I couldn't stand it anymore.  It felt like I was going to explode if I didn't cum right than and there.  I remember how good it was Sunday when Sir shoved His cock into my slutty hole.. and that did it.. I came so hard.  I bite down on my lips trying not to make any noise.  I don't know how sucessful I was or not lol.  I waited they they left before I cleaned up and make myself look presentable to go back to my desk.  With a big smile on my face of course.  Sir has had me cum at work a couple of times now.  I always wonder if I smell like sex when I am done.  I highly recommended it when your having a stressful day :).


With that.. now that I am horny again.. I'm off to masterbate.




1/23/2011 4:46:01 PM

Today was day 80.  I did use the past tense :) I am such a happy floating smiley girl right now. 


It's been a rough couple of weeks and my mind has been else where.  I had to go out of town for 10 days which made sticking to my schedule completely impossible.  Sir was very understanding but it made me feel unsub like.  I wasn't myself in the least bit.  I have come to depend on those little tasks, rituals, routines to keep me centered.  Even once I was home, I was having trouble sleeping.  Which throws off everything else.  I got back into the daily exercise, and tracking my calories. Well with a few hicups.  Daily masterbation was nice to get back too.  Even when your life is upside down, it seems to remember orgasms are good things. 


On Thrusday I had asked for permission to have an orgasm.  Sir hinted at that time if I could hold off, He'd give me one on the weekend.  Well the weekend is here and I got a whole lot more than 1 (grins).  Sir always surprises me when we play.  Today was all about the number 35.  The number is special... it's the weight I managed to loose last year.  Not great.. but its something.  The other magic number was 12. 


So I was allowed to have 12 orgasms.. anything under and I would be punished, anything over and I would be punished.  It started as most play sessions do.  Me asking to be allwoed to give Him a bj.  Actually...  the play started when Sir sent me a text message asking me where I was and what I was doing.  Stating He was horny and wanted a bj from His slut.  For some reason that is always so freaking hot!.  I had to change my panties before I left the apt lol I almost instantly soaked them. 


So I started to service His cock, mmm so good.  I need all the practice I am allowed to have.  The goal is for me to be able to take a throat fucking easily.  After a few minutes, I could see Him reach for something off to the side.  I thought "mmm yes.. here come the nipple clampls".  Instead it was eletrical tape.  Sir started to bind my breasts (36DDs) with the tape.  The first 10 wraps didn't hurt much, by 15 it felt like when they were bound with rope.  By the time 25 hit, I was in pain, I think it was 30 when I started to cry. By 35 I could barely stand it.  Then he tells me... there is still the left one to do and the longer I protest.. the longer it will take.  Well.. lets say He started on the left breasts shortly after that.  Once both were bound, my head was shoved back down and he started to fuck my throat.  Can we guess how many times He shoved His cock all the way down?  Yup 35.


AFter that.. it was time to let the other toys have some fun too.  Each of the canes, the floggers. the paddle, and the quirt had their turn at my ass.  Yup 35 strokes with each one.  Then... omg.. 35 strokes of His cock in my slutty cunt.  It was amazing.  After 80 days of nothing, it was great.. and especially since the first of the 12 orgasms happened with Sir's cock inside me.  I totally forgot to ask Him how tight I left.  I swear it felt like a baseball bat :)


Unfornately my ass was even tighter.  I learned a lesson of being prepared.  I had planned on using the butt plugs before I went over.  That was when I was going over in the evening.  I didn't have a chance when I was called over early.  Anal is always easier if I start with a small plug and work up to a bigger one and then to Sir's cock.  Eventually it will learn who it belongs to and cooperate lol. 


It was an amazing afternoon :) Thank you Sir.  Its exactly what your slut needed to feel herself.  Its been almost 4 hours and I can still see the red marks on the breasts from the tape and when I sit I can feel the welts on my ass.  Perfect reminders to start the week with.


So I guess tomorrow its back to day 1. 

1/3/2011 4:36:55 PM

Its a new year.  I want to hope 2011 is better than 2010, but 2010 was a decent year.  Sir's control over me deeped and that is incredable.  I didn't loose the weight W/we want me to loose, its slower than I had hoped.  But all I can do it not give up.  Sir has agreed to relax the rule on his slut earning His cock a wee bit.  Hopefully 10 lbs over 3 weeks is more doable than 5 lbs 3 weeks in a row.  I was teased for the last two months with the hint of sex for Christmas, it wasn't meant to be.  I was allowed an orgasm on New years eve to end the year and one on New years day to start the year with a smile. 


Being allowed to cum is almost harder in a way, it makes me want sex even more.  Today makes 63 days without being allowed to have anything inside me.. right now, I'd fuck just about anything if he said I could.  Just talking about it makes it worse now a days.  Most days I have to change panties at work.. I completely soak them through.


Sir said we would celebrate that I stuck to the working out and the eating healthy.  I didn't know what to ask for.  Honestly just being allowed to serve him is a reward.  Sitting as His feet with my head in His lap after being beaten is wonderful.  I feel so Me, so free to be what I am without worrying about what people think.  I feel bad tho when I don't know what to ask for.  I have a hard time asking for anything.  I have to work on that this year.  I know how much Sir loves it when I beg to service His cock or be beaten.


I've been requested to write out my rules and routine.  Hopefully it will help me learn not to break them. 


1) do a minumum of 45 minutes of exercise a day

2) eat healthy and keep my calories to the target that has been set

3) masterbate everyday with the nipple clamps on for at least 10 minutes

4) Insert the butt plug into my ass every 3rd day while I masterbate

5) no napping or sleeping on the couch - this is the one I break all the time!

6) send an email each night outlining to Sir how my day has been and if I have completed all my chores

7) off the pc by 10 pm

8) never EVER, not use an orgasm Sir allows me to have.  My breasts were severly beaten for breaking that one.


While not a rule, some of the things Sir wants me to do is find a women to join in our play.  Someone who can humilate and degrade me in the same maner He does.  Of course, this also means watching them have sex while I am kept celebrate.


I am also to find a stranger to give a bj too.  You would think that would be easy.. it makes me nervous.  I;m not good with men, I get nervous, shy... always assume I will be rejected.  So it scares me to have to put myself out there, open myself up to rejection.


Enough for tonight!

12/18/2010 2:19:56 PM

Sir had asked me to put up a profile picture some time ago, but I wasn't sure what to put.  This past Wed. I was lucky enough to have the chance to see Sir.  I wasn't allowed to service Him, not even orally, but He did put His slut to good use.  My ass was whiped, caned, and spanked.  My pussy was even flogged with a nasty toy.  The pain was so incredable I had to beg to cum.  After a few minutes if even allowed me an orgasm.  The first in more than a week.  Of course, after that, my breasts were bound tightly and then put over the top of a chair.  I was tied down to it so I couldn't move.  THe only movement I could make was to use my hand to stroke Sir's cock as he abused my breasts.  They were slapped, pinched, pulled and then canned repeatedly.  A picture of my abused breasts seemed fitting as a profile pic.  I wish CM allowed you to caption the pictures you post.  I'd call it, learning the depth of my submission to my Sir.


I have never felt this much pain in my 10 + yrs of being a submissive.  I begged and pleaded for Him to stop that I couldn't take anymore.  Then He had me open my eyes and look into His and I was able to stop focusing on how much pain I was in and just focus on the pleasure He was receiving from hurting me.  The pain in my breasts actually made me forget the aching in my cunt.  Today is day 43 without having anything in my slutty hole.  I miss feeling His cock force its way into my body. 


He teases me and says maybe Christmas He will fuck me.  I can only dream that happens.  I may not know when it will happen, but I do know how good it will feel.  After being celibate my cunt will be even tighter than normal.  Someone commented on how strange "not her words, but I am not allowed to swear" what we are seeking is.  Why is it strange to explore what makes you hot and wet?  I am not deprived of orgasms, they are controlled so I don't over indulge.  When I can meet the goal He has set, He will let me feel His cock or a toy or someone else's cock.  Until then I thrive on the control and power He holds over me.  Everything is controlled and that lets me just take it in and feel it and enjoy.

12/11/2010 2:47:12 PM

Its been a long week.  I was so hoping this weekend Sir would use and abuse His slut, but unfornately its not going to happen.  Sir has arranged to meet someone on Sunday to fuck since His slut still hasn't earned the right.  My cunt aches thinking about someone else feeling His cock.  I can't help but wonder if she knows what torture it causes me.  I can almost hear a voice in my head telling me how good it feels, that its a shame I can't feel it.  Its been 38 days now and I swear my cunt feels as tight as a virgin.  When I am masterbating I imagine how good it would feel to shove a finger into me. I know the consequences would be sever.  The last time Sir beat my breasts the bruises lasted 5 weeks, I couldn't imagine how many cane strokes I would get for inserting something into my cunt without asking.  Sir was kind enough to allow the slut to have an orgasm Thrusday night.  Its wonderful to cum, but it only makes me want something inside me even more. 


Tuesday night was intersting.  Sir decide to abuse His slut over the cam.  Encouraging me to pull my large breasts up with a set of clover clamps.  I usually try to avoid large movements with the clamps on, they hurt so much.  The pain was increadable as I actually pulled the clamps right off.  I only wish I could have been between Sir's legs as He orgasmed.  Being allowed to swollow and clean is cock afterwards is always pleasurable.  Exploring with the cam is something I have mentioned to Sir.  I think it would be especially exciting for people to watch me service Sir's cock or Sir abusing my breasts.  Hearing their comments on my performance or their suggestions to Sir on hurting me.


:) now my cunt is aching even more.  I need the pain so much.

12/5/2010 10:49:29 AM

Sir and i discussed that writing in this CM journal may give me a way to express and share what I feel.  I am not open with friends and family regarding my situation with Sir so somedays i feel the need to share what has happened and i have had no outlet.  

It was June 4th that Sir took took complete control of His slut's pleasure.  Starting that day the slut lost the right to have anything inside her slutty cunt, not a cock, not a dildo, not even a finger unless Sir allowed it.  If the slut wanted to feel the pleausre of something inside her hole, she had to earn it.  Since June, she has been allowed only three times.  Once on her birthday, once to celebrate something good happening (both time she was even allowed to cum around Sir's cock) and the thrid was Sir's birthday.  This day was all about Sir's pleasure.  He beat her ass and breasts, bound them tightly, canned them till the slut begged for mercy with tears rolling down her face. He fucked her throat and cunt hard, then turned his slut into a full three holed slut by fucking her ass till he cam hard.  The slut felt no pleasure.  She was sent home sore from her use with a needy cunt that needed to cum so badly it hurt. 


This week the slut was finally able to earn some pleasure.  Of course, she asked to feel something inside her slutty hole, even if just allowing her to insert a finger or two during her daily masterbation.  I am required to masterbate daily but not allowed to cum unless Sir allows it (usually once every few weeks).  I was excited and happy... then His evilness appeared.  I could of course fuck myself with something.. but that something would only be a pencil.  Sir enjoys that His slut's hole is so nice and tight, so the pencil will ensure she stays that way till he wants to enjoy Himself.  He said perhaps for Christmas He will use His slut. 

One of the ways I can earn the priveage to feel cock in my hole is to find someone for Sir to fuck after He beats His slut into tears.  Watching someone else pleasure Him will teach the slut a lesson that His pleasure comes first.  This has been a difficult task.  I was able to find someone, but Sir couldn't get past how young she looked.  Age play is not something He is into.  Before meeting Sir, I never would have thought I could watch someone I was with fucking another women.. Now I want that to happen so badly.  I want Sir to know His pleasure is the most important thing in the world. 

Sir is always open to idea on new ways to abuse, torture or humilate His slut.  If someone has an idea please feel free to share.  Today I am excited, as I will get to see Sir tonight.  I've been craving pain more and more over the last two weeks.  Now that the bruises on my breasts have finally disappeared from the last beating I am expecting new ones will be applied.  I was told last night the slut would NOT be fucked tonight... even if she begs and pleads.  I keep telling myself Christmas is only 4 weeks away.



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