SlaveMonger

A friend and I were discussing the theoretical existence of a 19 y/o "slave"

From experience, the vast majority of 19 y/o women can't reliably find their car keys, let alone know their hearts well enough to be able to commit to such discipliined life. 

He proposed 25 as a bottom limit (pun unintended) and I was about to agree until I thought about what could happen between 19 and 25 and it's not 6 years. 

I think that for a woman to know in her heart that she is a submissive or a slave, she maybe has to have been in a successful vanilla relationship first.   By successful - I mean personalities matched, intererests matched, no addictions, money problems, violence, family problems, etc. ... a life where everything was just AS IT SHOULD BE - except that she discovers the empty place. 

The most devoted and at-peace slave I ever encountered had to leave what she thought was a marriage of 7 years when she discovered, to her horror, that he wasn't stonger than she was.    Basically, she lost it one day over something and started yelling and throwing things, etc.  A few days later she realized that he hadn't backed off in order to give her some space ... to let her blow herself out, but had in fact shrunk away from her in fear.   Her exact words were "... and I realized that he wasn't strong enough to contain me and then I saw we had no future." 

I think maybe when she finds in herself the strength to make the hard decision to do what is necessary, is when she becomes strong enough to submit. 

Perhaps without that, Master is really just a parent taking care of a child.

The day she decides that she no longer wants to be a slave might be the day that he  informs her that while he's sorry to hear that she's not having fun anymore, she's where he wants her, doing what he wants her to do for reasons that serve him ... and that she's not going anywhere.   On the day that he informs her that it can go easy or it can go hard, but either way it's going where HE wants to go ... if he's strong enough to do that ... and she's capable of enduring that ...

... is the day her slavery begins.

If the commitment is not irrevocable, how can it be slavery?

I'm not an "Old School" Dominant.  I never dress in black, I don't have a whip or a flogger on my belt … come to think about it, I don't even have a whip or a flogger anymore.    

But I HAVE been doing this for a very long time. 

Surrender is what happens when you have no alternative - when the Dominant literally CAPTURES you with his mind, his ideas and his spirit.   He has to cast an emotional net over you from which you are POWERLESS to escape… not when you see his face pic and get all wet.

A submissive doesn't need to know all this, actually … the education will come with the experience.  But she can't afford to be lazy or shallow and the bulk of the 18-24 year olds on here now … are both.

Someone selected "Scientology" as a Hard Limit.   

In my mind, I see the first time the couple got together and played.  

Everything was fine, anticipation was building, she was undressed and then lovingly bound to a post ... he places a ball gag in her mouth and she breathlessly anticipates the exquisite pain to come ... 

And then Dom Perfect ruins the evening and the relationship when he reaches into his Dom bag and pulls out a copy of Dianetics. 

For those women who are serious about the commitment required to actually become a slave ... a slave in real time and in real life as opposed to a secret princess enslaved to a fantasy in her own mind ...

Understand the difference between your limits and your limitations.

Asked once again my ideas of Total Power Exchange.   My ideas remain the same: if it's an exchange and you are giving me your power, you'd be able to take it back again.   I guess I could trick you -- I could let you believe that you were giving me the power and then when the inevitable happens and you want to be free - only then find that you are indeed captive.

Power, struggle, conflict, war ... all have the same root and no one surrenders just because they want to unless you are France.   You surrender in the face of a superior and unopposable force - when surrender is the only rational thing left to do.

So, to those of you running around searching for someone to whom you will give your submission I suggest you remember an age-old expression quoted by Oscar Wilde: "When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers"

It shouldn't be a surprise to me ...   yet for some reason it still is -- that people's event horizon can be measured in minutes.

10 months is considered a "long term" relationship in the DS world because most relationships are over before they start.

The actual relationship doesn't start until the day she decides that she's not having fun anymore, that this relationship is not what she had in mind and that she wants out.  As long as she clings to the fun and romantic notions of being held captive and forced to do the things she so desparately wants to do anyway, it's hardly captivity and it's not even close to submission.

A writer years ago once wrote "You want to be my submissive? Great.  Come over to my house while I'm on a date with my girlfriend and wash my windows.  If you can manage to find satisfaction in the act, you can be my submissive."   A little harsh perhaps, but the core idea has never lost validity.

Anyone know why 10 months is a "Long Term" relationship in the BDSM world?

There is a term I read many years ago in a book by Michael Critchton that I have always remembered:  "Attentive indifference."  Being constantly aware of something at such a low level that it goes virtually unnoticed.  This is the essential state of a Dominant.  If your dominance is at the forefront of your life and a primary factor in every facet, you risk becoming the sort of "cartoon Dom" that we have all experienced -- announcing his dominance, giving orders to women prior to their first date.   In reality I find that it's usually the opposite -- I know I'm a dominant 24/7 so it's not really important that anyone else knows.   Should there be an incident that requires it, it will be there without announcement or fanfare and with just enough force to accomplish the goal and no more.   Ok, a LITTLE more, just for show ... but just a little.

It's not even something I'd wish for, to tell the truth -- far more responsibility and duty than perogatives and pleasures.  Be a World Class Dominant -- or any ordinary guy just making his way in the world?   The latter is a whole lot easier and less stressful.  It's a license to be selfish and let the chips fall where they may as opposed to being the one everyone looks to for support and reassurance.  

But then we don't GET to choose, do we? 

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There's no question that the Internet has brought the world closer together and brought information and ideas to people who might otherwise have done without ...

But it's also raised a generation of people with the attention span of a gnat -- if a page doesn't load in 3 seconds, they're attention is turned off and eleswhere.

It's also raising a generation of people who confuse the internet with reality:  People who believe something is true because they read it on the net -- people who think one person is more "real" than another because they have a profile -- people who believe they've "met" someone because they've chatted in a room or in IM.

IN the D/s world we have collars "given" via chat or phone to people we've never met and perhaps will never meet.  Gone are the days, apparently, when you collar someone AFTER you've met them -- maybe even 3 months or so after you've been living with them,  No, that would take too much time, effort and actual investment in the person.

Yes, to a certain extent, being a slave or even a Master is a state of mind, but then again, so is psychosis or even a coma.    It seems to me that being a slave to a person 2,500 miles away is a lot like having a job that you never have to go to.   Just a commitment to the job in your heart and not having to put forth any real effort.   But then, you probably don't get much of a paycheck for that kind of commitment, either.