SimplyNai


SimplyPure Female Submissive, 42	simplyedward Male Dominant, 32, Kalamazoo, Michigan	Simpleslave Female Submissive, 32

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	About SimplyNai Looking for a Dominant Man Only Between the ages of 28-56. Please no couples and NO MARRIED MEN going behind your wives back.. There are things that are the way they are in my life. My kids, my family, my friends and my core values. These I won't compromise again . I'm a 41 yr old BBW single mother , so my time is limited to week days during school hours or weekends.. Basic questions that pop up .. WHAT AM I LOOKING FOR: Im a submissive, I am looking for a long term relationship with a Dominant who will teach , guide and allow me to grow with him and not try to make me fit a mold that I cannot. This doesn't mean I can't make compromises in my life. But if you want me to give up parts of me , like family , friends , morals,or beliefs then I am not the one for you. I am also looking for a great many of the same qualities that a Dominant is looking for, honesty, loyalty, trust, someone who isn't going to play head games. WHAT EXPERIENCES HAVE I HAD?: 10 years on line picking up as much as I could. 6 years real life experience , though I've found a lot of it was bunk after meeting some pretty intense Dominants recently. WHAT TYPES OF ACTIVITIES HAVE I BEEN EXPOSED TO?: wax, ice, flogging, crops, buggy whip, cuffs, collars, anal, vaginal fisting, toys, light bondage, Public play, crosses, food play, hair pulling, face slapping, humiliation,fire play (once), swinging, gags, breast torture, Ect. I AM NOT WILLING TO RELOCATE!! I am willing to answer any other questions. This quote I changed a bit to fit my thoughts. : This lifestyle doesn't teach us secrecy Society does. Instead we should take the teachings of our life style and be honorable, accountable, reliable, and valuable in at least some way.** This is something I need to remember daily and apply to all aspects of my life. Be it a smile to someone having a bad day, A " Hey how you doing" to a neighbor , a kiss to my child cheek, stopping to pet my dog, or just walking and enjoying the gifts that are present in each day.

It's been a long time since I wrote here.. Thought it about time. Here is a quote I'd like to share applies to all area's of our lives.

This lifestyle doesn't teach us secrecy Society does. Instead we should take the teachings of our life style and be honorable, accountable, reliable, and valuable in at least some way every day.

Now this being said I want to explain a few things. I took my photo down a while back because I was tired of the nasty comments from people. Comments that undermined my self confidence .. Things I let bother me when I shouldn't have. I am a BBW , it's something I struggle with on a daily basis. What gives anyone the right to message me and put me down, call me names or debase me because I'm different. Instead of pointing out my flaws , weaknesses and differences how about offering a bit of supposrt, a freindly pat on the back or encouragement to make a change.

Thats what is wrong with this world. There is to much hate and bias of differences. I'm not saying everyone has to be best friends or always smiling. But you know what it doesn;t matter what color someones skin is, what contry they came from, what religion they are , if they are fat or skinny.. What matters is what kind of person they are. That they bring something to this world that makes them special to someone. Next time you have something negative to say about someone .. Stop and look at your own life, at your family. I'm sure if you look you will find flaws that may have caused them pain when someone said cruel things out of ignorance and to make themselfs feel more important than they were.

The world needs a lot more acceptance and tolerance. Then the real beauty of the world and people would shine bright.

Have you ever had these feelings that something was wrong? Last night I was so anxious and when I finally laid down I had some really weird dreams.. And again this morning I was the same.. I couldn't get back to sleep and was very restless. At 12:47 my ex husbands number flashed across the t.v. screen .. I knew then what was wrong..My Father in law passed away.. I say my father in law because I divorced his son not him.. He was still Pa paw to my kids and dad to me..He was a great man and wonderful to me and my kids..We will forever love and miss him .. May you rest with the angels dad..We loved you the 5 years you were in our lives and will always love and remember you , your jokes and your kindness.. May heaven bring you happiness and ease from the pain you fought so valiantly. The country lost another great Veteran who not only fought for our freedom , but fought hard against the cancer that claimed him.. We love you Dad.. Always and forever!!!

OK so I found out a very important thing today.: Burning incense anywhere near a computer is BAD BAD BAD.. I killed my graphics card in my good computer.. Glad it's not quite payed for yet .. I guess for now any idea of being submissive is going to have to take a back seat to basically being both parents to my kids. No time for play and no vehicle to make it happen.. Time to start looking for a job here in town in the whole 8-10 businesses that are here..

So this economy has me down.. Divorce is final but I'm still getting kicked in the ass by a marriage that was a joke, and ex husband who touted himself to be a Master. So Now being a single mom I'm trying my best to keep my head up , but I feel like I sink further and further everyday.. Van was repo'd for the last 2600$ that was left on it..It hurts to have had to let it go , but food and shelter is more important than the payments. My husband sank me around 20,000 in debt and now I have to see about filing for bankruptcy. That's not counting my college tuition that is coming due soon.. I seem to get one thing right in my life and everything else goes to hell.. Oh wait I'm already in hell .. So being mom and everything else to my kids means my needs are pretty much out of luck.. I've had a few offers for people to come here but it's not to be a part of my life except a quickie.. NO THANKS.. If I want unfulfilling sex , I have my toys.. Sorry I want someone in my life who is going to be part of it, someone to talk to, learn from, grow with , laugh, love and discover what the next path in life is.. Done ranting now.

Ok so I haven't totally given up ... Just a discouraging few weeks during a delicate time in my life.. The experts say that the first year after divorce is the hardest.. Yeah, They are right.. Relearning to juggle my life and be the one stop parent.. You know try to be mom and dad all in one.. Just isn't that easy when you have boys and a girl hitting those tender years of noticing the other sex, becoming interested in sports and heaven help me the stubborn mom doesn't know anything back mouthing fighting stage.. So where does that leave me.. Feeling rather confused and disoriented .. I'm trying to be the stability and structure in their lives and damn I need some stability in mine.. KUDOS to all the single parents in the world who bust their asses everyday to be there for their kids .. To all the dead beats who abandon their kids or could care less.. Karma will one day bite you in the ass when your old and alone and no one gives a damn about you..

I'm not so diligent in my writings right now.. I guess you can say I've lost hope in finding what I need at least till my kids are grown .. So yay me, another 11 years to go .. Then maybe I can find someone to share my life with. :(

My journey twists and turns without an end.. Just when I think I see the light a shadow comes to snuff it with all it's might. So the words were spoken low and inviting and then the floor drops out leaving me to come crashing down.. Always so close and yet so far. I shall never find the middle bar. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Just rambling today after a few rough days.

So another day of irritation, frustration and just plain BS from people around me.. Why is it so hard for people to understand I don't want their drama , I have enough of my own.If I don't visit , well there must be a reason so leave it at that. (( rl friends )) Why is it that this country feeds on drama, gossip and someone else's misfortune or decisions.. God forbid I do something that my family disapproves of cause Ill hear it trickle down the grape vine.. They should know by now what I do is my business and if they push to hard I'll disappear with my kids for another 5 years. People need to live their own lives and stop trying to live everyone else's.!!

So here is the thing I've learned over the past few months.. 1. Stick to my rules and listen to my gut when it screams don't do something. 2. Most men claim to be dominant only to be found as wanting sex and add in a few swats to the ass.( not saying woman don't fudge the lines either .. It goes both ways.) 3. If something doesn't feel right , don't stick around to be proven right.. 4. If a man doesn't respect your safe word he is no Master and no man.

Word of the day.. Frustration: What is frustrating in my life right now.. 1. Finances till I get back to work .. Which hinges on the kids going back to school. 2. Bored kids.!!!!! 3. Finding a Dominant that is experienced and not just looking to get laid.

I started to write and it sounded so ridiculous even to me that I deleted the entry .. SO the word of the day is silence...

Word of the day.. Hmm I couldn't choose one.. This past weekend has been filled with ups and downs both dealing with my emotions and needs and trying not to kill my ex's bitch girlfriend.. On top of running back and forth to make sure my kids are with a responsible adult 4 times a weekend ( at 74 miles round trip x 4 ) so their father can work.. Now this bitch thinks she is going to tell one of my kids to "Shut the F*** Up" I don't think so.. I don't care if my kids are 18 or 37 if I'm alive no bitch is coming into their lives and disrespecting them like that.. I wouldn't do that to her kid she sure as hell isn't going to do it to mine.. I lit into her and then went to do the same to my ex..He can't be a father much less a man to stick up for his kids.. But what did I really expect he didn't care before now why would he start now.. Inhales and exhales to regain composure. In between wanting to rip their throats out, I have been dealing with a bit of depression over my life or lack there of and kids driving me batty. I've battled depression before so this isn't something new to me..I was doing good when I was working with a local Dominant but that went south due to his r/l demands. Now my desires and needs are weighing me down , making me feel that emptiness and loneliness again.. I'm trying to keep busy and not think about it to much as Ive been told and know you cannot force things to happen .. They either will or they won't and I'll just have to find something to fill my life or go stark raving crazy. I did order a book the other day so I am eagerly awaiting it to read.. It's lifestyle related so maybe it will help me put my mind set where it needs to be. Who know.. Anyway enough babbling.. Kids are nagging for a snack..

Word of the day .. DIscouraged.. Thats what I feel each and every day. I'm trying to muddle through as best I can.. My children though I love them dearly are severely pushing and testing the limits of my patience. I know I have to keep my temper in check but I have no way to vent.. I can talk about how upset I am but really how can I vent. Walking helps to tire me out but it doesn't help to sooth the anger and hopelessness I feel at times. My kids have ADHD and I'll not debate this issue with anyone any longer as I've battled and explained for nearly 14 - 18 years. Chemically and biologically their was some abnormality between his fathers chromosomes and mine so the kids received a lot of not so good genes, most of which didn't surface till they were in school and out among other children their age. Being a single mom of three is hard enough but when they have behavioral and educational delays it's even harder to make it through the day. Seeing your friends kids who are honor roll and nearly perfect compared to yours who are struggling to even read or comprehend about tears your heart out. Add to that your own feelings of negative self worth for being the reason they have issues, your own depression over it .. Now add to this an overwhelming need that gnaws and claws at your being every second of every day.. This emptiness that so wants to be filled. It's been a very long time since I've had a session where I could just let go , though I don't know if I can really say I ever made it to subspace. I need that release that a skilled Dominant can bring. That pain filled pleasure, the letting go, the loss of cares beyond pleasing him and feeling the emptiness filled with that surge of well being . My needs won't go away , they consume me every day. People not of this life just don't understand , these feelings cannot be shut off, locked away, or forgotten. Because if you try you merely deny who you are and set yourself up for a life of misery.. I know.. I'm the epitome of it right now. I crave yet cannot find that which will sate my addiction, I starve yet find nothing to fill the hunger, I cry , yet my tears fall inside like dust in a barren land. Each day is like a million tiny death scenes replayed over and over. A nilla life just doesn't cut it. I need more ...

Wow, the time has flown by.. My oldest son turns 18 tomorrow..I still remember like it was yesterday the day he was born.. He was so tiny and perfect and mine.. Now I have to look up to him and remind him not to squeeze me so hard or to be easy on my doors..He so doesn't know his own strength. I missed out on three years of his life and it saddens me to no end , but the time we have together now is wonderful. He has always been my right hand , my best friend , but I never loose sight of the fact I am his mother first and for most and remind him now and then. Living with his father has made him forget respect and common sense sometimes, but his mom is home to set him straight. I made a lot of mistakes in his life and that of his siblings, partly due to needing to find me and quench the thirst this life has left in me.. And to flee from a life that made me miserable and them as well. It was pointed out to me recently all the things I did to put me and my kids in a not so sane position .. I cannot go back and fix those things all I can do is learn from them and use them to guide my son and his siblings as they grow. My son and I have been having some very long talks about the past, present and future.. I told my son I am far from perfect and have made mistakes but the one thing thats always, ALWAYS, remained true and strong is the love I have for my children. I want to always be here for them till they are grown and have families of their own , I want to laugh with them,cry with them, teach and guide them. I want to be their mother and their friend and know that I made a small difference in their lives. That I taught them to look beyond what people say or think and find what makes them happy and go for it.. They can do anything they want if they want it bad enough. I do not want them living in fear and sadness their whole lives like I did.. Thats not living its just barely even existing. And god hell anyone who tries to hurt them in any way shape or form because hell hath no fury like a pissed of mommy. Do or say what you want to me .. I'll get over it or tell you to piss off.. Mess with my kids and the war is on and I will come out on top.. When it comes to my kids I am not a submissive, I will teach them respect and decency and never let them walk all over people . I want them to make informed choices in their lives and not do shit because it's expected of them.. No way will I let them settle for a life that doesn't fulfill them like I did.. My life , my love , my hope will always be with my children.. As they grow and I find time to expand my role from mother back to submissive I'm finding more joy , more reason to think about my health and well being with every day that passes.. Who knows maybe one day soon I will be owned and fulfilled. Until then I have memories , dreams and active kids to keep me running.. Whimsically, Nai.

SO another day of thought and reflection. He had to leave my life to save his nilla life, which I would have expected anyone to do. It stung a bit because he was and is an amazing man who has so much knowledge and so much to offer. I'll treasure the short time we had and the extensive conversations always. I hope one day he is able to find the happiness he deserves. NOW.... Where does my path take me.. I really cannot say.. I'm going to try and keep to the promises I made to work on myself and how I view who and what I am. I need to stop second guessing myself and learn to just do what makes me happy and deal with where the chips may fall as long as I remember to keep myself safe , be sane and never let anyone push me to do something I'm not comfortable with.. I'm not going to settle for a nilla life that is not going to fulfill my needs, wants and desires. Sure it would be easy to date and have a body around to seek some comfort in , but that will never make me happy. So onward I go looking at my options and working toward a better me.. My thanks to my ex-Sir for pointing me in the right direction and making me take stock of my life. I'll cherish that as a gift always.

Well I sit here again unowned because of peoples narrow mindedness.. New lesson.. Never get involved with a couple..

This weekend has been a bit hard for me, a lot of tears and worries. You see today would have been my nephews 25 birthday and having just recently buried him it hit me hard..My mom had a birthday party for my nephews little boy and I couldn't even bring myself to go because my emotions are all over the place. Add to that financial issues with being a single mom and having every penny spent before it comes in and then life smacks me in the face with an unexpected expense. Life gotta love it.

Things are progressing well with Sir.. He came for a visit yesterday, the glimmer in his eyes and the knowing yet evil smile on his face making my world feel right once more..We spent 6 hours together starting with us talking for a few hours, then progressing to me being punished for allowing myself to slip and not keep track of what calories and fat I consumed for 5 days, then my Sir began training me to suit him and his desires and tossing away my old ideals of Domination and submission.. I finally found or was found by a Dominant interested in me as a person and a human with emotions and feelings , one who wishes to help heal the old scars and bring out the person he sees in me. I'm amazed each time we talk on the level of caring and interest he has in not only helping me heal but my kids as well..He has taught me so much already and I can't wait to learn more..

uuugghhhh, Why do mornings have to start out so crazy.. Why can't the kidlettes come in queitly say good morning and be semi normal. Maybe a hug or a kiss on the cheek.. No my Morning starts with whines, fighting and shrieks.. Time to go be the cranky mommy...

More later..

Just letting everyone know I switched names from sephisurrender3d to SimplyNai because sephi was the name my ex husband gave me. Now that the divorce is final it's time to cut the old ties and move on with my life..

Nai

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SimplyNai

About SimplyNai