Shysubmissive82

Sir, 

As ordered i need to make a confession here.

i am so very sorry that i allowed myself to be distracted by other things  and not place YOUR instructions forefront in my mind.

You generously sent me a message with orders to obey and i read it and then i completely forgot i had been given those instructions.

i have no excuse Sir, none at all.  You have given me clear direction about how to ask for more time or to adapt a task if i am unable to perform to Your timeframe or satisfaction and i did not bring this to You, instead i allowed myself to forget that i am Your submissive first.

You have been so patient with me and generous with Your time - thank You for not giving up on me.

i know any punishment You choose to give me is well deserved - i am so very sorry Sir - i know better than this.

Sir, i have completed my task as instructed and will now report back to you my immediate feelings.

i struggle to put those feelings into words because they are all intertwined and jumbled up.  The task itself was physically difficult, but this time i kept my eyes focussed on the picture i had been told to and that made the connection so much stronger.  There was pain and embarrassment and arousal too.

i felt as if Your eyes were on me and i wanted to make You proud.  i called out your name when i came Sir.

i now feel even more claimed, i feel safe and i feel i have taken another baby step towards having complete faith and trust in You, something You know i struggle with.  

my body is not my own, it can be used in any way You see fit, it is not about my enjoyment of personal preferences, it is finding my submission through surrender to Your will and trusting where You want to lead me.

i am sorry Sir that sometimes i still fail and want to cling onto my fears, but each time You use me in this way i feel a part of my defences coming down.  i am Yours Sir - claimed property.

Sir, 

i am so deeply sorry that after being given permission to visit You i had to let You down because my work got in the way.

There is nowhere i would rather be than kneeling before You as ordered.  i had been looking forward to being in Your Presence for days.

Telling You that i could not make myself available to You, after being away overseas only recently only makes it worse.

i am deeply ashamed and saddened that Your property was not available to You today as You had ordered, especially after You had taken the time to find out what my work commitments were.

The fault is entirely mine Sir, You deserve better.

i have been told to write about how i feel to be back in NZ after being overseas.

Sir,

Thank You for the new task.  It is hard to write publically about this issue because it touches on such private things.

i cannot believe that circumstances mean that after You being away overseas for weeks, my own work situation now requires me to leave just as You return home.

i long for you Sir, i crave kneeling before You and hearing Your voice.  i ache to feel Your touch and i want to be here for Your use and Your pleasure.

i feel as if i am letting You down by not being available for You.  It is perfectly acceptable and fitting that i should have waited for You these past weeks, i am here to serve and to learn patience in that Service.  It is very different for You to be denied access to me, especially after such a long absence between us.

i am so very sorry Sir, i wish it were in my power to change this and i know You will deal with me as You wish for not attending You as You deserve.

i feel as if these words are hollow, but they are sincerely meant Sir, i am owned by You, it is not a game or a role play, it is real and i have no desire to be away from You.  i feel lost and a little scared.  i worry that i have let You down and i wrack my brain for ways to make amends for not being here in person when You return.

i am yours Sir, wherever i am.  i miss You SO very much.

Sir,

This does not get any easier.  In some ways it is harder this time and i find myself wondering what to write knowing it will be read by others.

A snatch of song lyric keeps coming to my mind

"And i feel like i'm naked in front of the crowd

Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud

And i know that you'll use them, however you want to"

i looked back over your instructions and you said i could talk about a task you have set me in the past.  i have thought of them all Sir and gone back and re-read any that were sent via email rather than told in person.  One in particular stands out to me, it is not one that was as intimate as some (blushes) or any that were public, but i think it is the most important.

Sir you gave me a weekend to think, seriously and deeply if I truly wanted to give myself to You, not for play, not just for scenes, but to serve and submit to YOU.

The answer I gave is obvious to anyone reading this of course, but the task was not as easy as it seemed.

You know my background, You know me so well, You know my life and so You knew what you were asking.  You did not permit a quick or easy 'Yes', I had to explain my reasons.

That email answer I wrote belongs to You Sir, but my feelings when writing it were so mixed.  i had wrestled with the decision because i wanted to say 'Yes' right away, but then i thought of You, Your expectations, Your standards, Your training which is exacting and challenging and i almost ran.

i did not run from You Sir, never from You.  I almost ran from myself, i was scared to make myself vulnerable to You.  I knew if i gave myself then you will want it all and i am just so shy and worried i will not be good enough.

i then thought of how your praise made me soar, the strength of your arms makes me feel powerful, your use of my body makes me feel owned.

i long to kneel at your feet Sir and offer myself to You again.   Thank you for the lessons you are teaching me about patience and obedience.

Sir, this is such a hard thing to do publically, i know nobody may be interested enough to read it, but i still feel terribly exposed writing about my feelings in the open for all to see and comment on.

i realise though this is part of my submission to You.  me writing this is YOUR will, You own me, not just when You ask me to do things i enjoy or desire, but also when You ask me to push through what i find hard or embarrassing.

i do not find my submission to You difficult Sir, i find it liberating, i find layers to myself i may have always known were there, but i did not easily know how to access.  i find the more i surrender to You, the more free i feel.  i trust You to catch me when i feel i am falling.

i feel shy and sometimes scared, i feel protected and cared for, i feel great shame when i disappoint and an overwhelming desire to do better.  i feel owned Sir.