Something i found that i wanted to keep and re read
I want to know that there will be consequences when I disobey and that he will consistently apply them:
This never seemed quite as important to me as it is now. I have also heard this wish from so many other submissives that I could put it in this list. We know that sometimes dominants fall in love too and that they care, but it should not mean that one of the things that are critical should be neglected because they are afraid of hurting us. A submissive becomes despondent when he or she has done something wrong and the only way to move past it sometimes, is to face and take that punishment in such a way that the dominant can only be proud of you. That punishment is the only thing that helps me move on and I know that many others feel the same way. No, it is not a way to get spanked or beaten. It is not a way to force the dominant to play with me. It is critical to my well being to know that I will be handled in the way I need to be able to move forward. I do not enjoy punishment and I do not know a whole lot of submissives who actually do, therefore I hope that dominants reading this will know that this is not topping from the bottom.
2. I want to know that he or she can control him or herself.
How can a dominant control a submissive if he or she is unable to control him or herself? Just a question that I have seen many times. I want to know that the dominant I choose is in control of his or her own life and emotions. I do not get turned on by whiny wannabe dominants. There are many others like me. Any dominant reading this who has problems controlling a temper or a habit, please work on this before you try to dominate me. It is hard enough to do everything as perfectly as I can, without having to think of all the things I need to avoid to not face that temper. A dominant that screams and shouts to get things done, is not attractive.
3. I want to know that the dominant is well versed in the techniques of play and the toys.
I want to know that I will be safe and that my dominant knows what he or she is doing. If the dominant is new and there is chemistry, I would want to know that the dominant is willing and committed to going for training with a mentor. I do not want to be with someone who will hurt me unintentionally. I want to feel safe and cared for. Please do not advertise yourself as experienced if you aren't!!!
4. I want to know that his dominant understands and knows the psyche of a submissive.
I do not want to be with someone who is looking for a slut or a tart and nothing else. I am looking for someone that knows that I want to serve and that I am not a doormat who wants to be abused. I am looking for the man who knows that I need to be controlled and I need to give my all. There is no halfway, and I need to know that all of me is not too much or that this person will not see me as needy or co-dependent. Someone who knows the heart of a submissive will not shrink back from that slap in the face occasionally or doing that humiliation scene I so desperately crave. Someone who knows the heart of a submissive will not trample on the small things I need to do. A dominant will never berate me as weak or desperate.
5. I want a responsible dominant.
If you are expecting me to stop working, then you better be able to support me. I expect a person to know that he or she can take care of me if he or she wants a 24/7 submissive. Make sure that there is enough money to feed, house and clothe me at least. If I am still working, do not take advantage of that fact to stop working yourself. I do not need a man or woman that will demand my all at home to take all the money I work hard for too. If you are a loser like this, don't even look my way. I am not interested.
Responsibility does not end with money either. A dominant is responsible for my emotional wellbeing as well and for my physical safety. Please see to it that you can do this and are willing to.
Given all of the above, I know this sounds like a long list of demands. I know this is not very submissive, but my submission does not come for free or cheaply. If I give my all, I expect to know that I will be safe, well looked after and safe. See, being a dominant is not as easy as it loo
In order to respect a submissive's need for safety, you need to respect her need to make a safe call when you meet and to give her information like a copy of your passport and your driver's license. You need to respect that she will have to know she is safe by honoring her right to use a safe word that both of you agreed upon and by honoring all her limits. In order to honor anyone's limits, you need to at least know all the areas of play (if only the definition). You need to make sure that you do not use any toy without some training and knowing what the risks are when using it, as well as what to do when things go wrong. For instance, someone who knows what he is doing would never leave a submissive that he tied up alone in a room. A few things could happen, the submissive could go into shock or her circulation could become impaired, leading to injury. Even using rope to restrain someone has risks. A submissive needs to trust that you will be able to look after her.
