sexisubbi


sexisgood Female Submissive, 21, Bowling Green, Missouri	sexismurftybyt Submissive Couple, 23	sexiscarlett Female Dominant, 25

More Submissive Women in California

		Back		KPM		Directory		Interests

Friends:


	bondagemale

	PoppaWayne

	BLKSHP



	About sexisubbi Love me as a muse, Respect me like an equal, Worship me like a goddess and Treat me like a whore... i know i belong in this lifestyle, even though i have tried to ignore my desires. Recently i read a quote that said, "...i am possessed by a fever for knowledge, experience and creation". (I would modify that slightly to include BDSM.) I have been in BDSM for over 15 years. I am truly a submissive in my heart and soul, but can be strong and assertive when needed. I am looking for someone who is kind and passionate, but funny and down-to-earth. He must have a great sense of humor along with a great desire to enjoy what life brings. if you don't have a picture, good hygiene, and the ability to carry on a conversation...keep looking!

Time wasted, time working, meeting people, good times, disappointments, non-committal, disrespectful...that sums up the past few months. Working long hours for people you don't respect. Karma kicks in and you are blessed with a sub who disrespects you. Fault lies with me - get what you give. Time changes all things! I can learn, have a clear direction and get rid of those things that don't serve me and my needs. Life is abundant and much better when shared with others! Ciao

I often wonder if people actually read the profiles on here. I suspect they don't. So, for the record, play to me is with floggers, blindfolds, stockings and canes - NOT SEX! If all you want is someone to give you a blow job, then keep looking.

Well, its been a few months since my last entry. I don't know about anyone else, by 2010 was not my best year. I am looking forward to make 2011 so very much better!

I reflect back to my life over the past few years and realize I have lost so much valuable time by not being true to myself. Don't get me wrong, I know I am submissive, but only to one who is deserving of my passion and attention. I thought I had met, "the one," but it was not to be. We just were not on the same page (so to speak).

So to all those who think that "my ass is fine", know this - you must be a friend first and earn my trust before play, before sex, or before anything more transpires. I started in this lifestyle over 15 years ago and have come to know my own mind, my desires and my strengths.

I find it ironic that I used to mentor new subs and slaves, providing guidance and support when they were searching for themselves in this community. But now I find I need the same support being alone and confused. Thanks to those who have been supportive when I "lost my head" and for being there when I needed a shoulder to cry on.

My best to everyone seeking their way and may you find those that see you for who you are, support you in your time of need and love you for all you bring to life.

Sexisubbi

aka Petness

Merry Christmas to one and all! I hope this holiday season finds you happy and well...

Time seems to fly more quickly as we pass the last few weeks of summer. All I seem to have is work and keeping house. I had somewhat of a relationship - it only seemed to be by phone or online.I was just so blind to so many clues about him. Enough of the blather about someone who never had respect for me. I am more engaged in life these days. I went to a party last night and had some good conversations, enjoyed some great chili and had a good time. While I might have left a bit too early, I had fun! For me, its the little changes. While I have had some bad experiences, they are few compared to the great people there are in LA.

It seems forever since I wrote a few words here in Collarme. So much has gone on the past few months - friends moving away, work changing, aging parent, broken bones, and sick dogs. I don't feel I have time for me. I am starting to plan a vacation. I need one desperately! I want to go visit my friends up north, work on the house and just relax. Maybe even take in a party or two :)

Well, looks like I will have this "most attractive" boot on for a few more weeks. I thought I would be able to loose the boot today. I was so confident, I even brought a second shoe! Oh well...guess this is supposed to teach me patience.

In San Jose for the weekend and having a blast! The folks here at the conference have been so friendly! Even though I have a broken foot I am having a blast!

Didn't have a vacation like I planned. I ended up having a medical procedure to remove a lump. It was benign but had to return daily for wound care. I finally got a clean bill of health (except for the broken foot). The sad thing is that I lost Master because of my fear and pushing him away because I "didn't want to burden him" - waiting for the next door to open!

Let the vacation begin! Tra la Tra la!

Master asked that I upload my new pictures showing off my short hair. I still have another picture that I will have to transfer. He told me to cut it as a punishment. I didn't take it well at all. I was very angry and I don't know why. I was angry and frustrated and ashamed.

Two great days in one week, Monday was "Embrace your Geekiness" day and Wednesday was "Be a Dork" day. I just can't contain myself!

Well, its back again to Florida. And, I finally have a laptop - at least for a few months. Having to commute between California and Florida is a challenge, but worth it. Ta ta...

Figured it was about time to update my journal. Its about par for the course..every three months. Today was May Day. Yippie! Of course, it means two things....summer is not far behind and I need to get on that "spring" cleaning thing.

Goodness, so much has happened since October 2008. Duh! I closed out the year with a great post-Christmas present to myself! A new car. I haven't done that in a very long time, but I needed it and deserved it! I haven't really done much to get back into the community here in LA. I find my work schedule doesn't leave me much opportunity to "socialize". But, I am looking forward to 2009 to get out more and meet people. I did go to a New Year's Party at a local dungeon. I thought the dungeon was nice with lots of places to play. The energy early in the evening was nice, but as it slowed...I decided to bolt. Of course I didn't play, but enjoyed watching some fire play and wand play. Shortly after this nice event I had a difficult time. You think that the loss of a pet won't be too devastating, but...I didn't think it would happen at the vet's office. I miss my Bailey...he was a good dog. We swiftly move into the month of February and I look forward to my road of discovery and learning. Be well my friends and travel safely!

Its 3am and I am wide awake. Work has been so much on my mind lately especially next week. Once I get through the week, things will be better. AS they say...it comes in "threes".? As for my "love life"...there isn't any. And that is ok for now. I see so many profiles on here, but there is always that "little voice" that says..."are they who they say they are?" I have seen a couple of journals that seem sincere, and thought provoking. That's good to know. For so long, all I seemed to run across were attempts at porn and men who only thought of their carnal pleasures as being "dominate". There is so much more to D/s and M/s. I don't know if I will ever have the same kind of relationship again - one look across the room...a connection...no words, but just a smile and a nod of understanding and both are connected. It takes my breath away just thinking of the intensity, anticipation and electricity that can be between two people. Truly amazing!?

As little girls, we dream of the man (or Dom) that will fulfill our desires both mentally and physically. I used to put together a wish list of characteristics I wished for in that special mate.

1. Over 6' tall

2. Strong, mentally and physically

3. Will challenge me to be a better human being and submissive

4. Someone that I don't have to support financially

5. Doesn't mind work, but doesn't have to

6. Makes a simple kiss feel like it lasts forever

7. Likes to hold hands in public and even place a big kiss on my lips while standing in line at the movies

8. Supportive of us and me

9. Loves to watch me

10. Enjoys and encourages my childlike curiosity

11. Its not about the material things (although they sometimes make it easier these days) but about being together, trusting and loving each other.

Its been weeks and no one is interested in participating in the game with us. I am discouraged. I guess I understand...Other than that, life is good. I have been working hard and even have a new project that will really stretch my skills. I wonder though if I will even be able to take the project considering Master wants me to live with him and quit working. How can someone plan their life? I guess that's the idea to always be ready for the time when one door will close and another will open. I will miss work but I am trying to figure out what I will miss. While I have loyal to the company, if need be, they would lay people off in a heartbeat. If wishes really did come true, I would wish for a hug and a kiss from my Master right now...to feel his chest expand with each breath, feel his strength as they envelop my body and his moist lips as they touch mine.

My Master has come up with a new game! All Masters and Mistresses on CollarMe can email him at "MasterinNeed" everyday starting at midnight with new activities for me to perform. He is looking for the kinkiest, naughtyiest, most perverted things You can come up with. As long as it does not cause me injury or death, i will perform the task. Afterwards, i will write about the task in my journal here on CollarMe.

Each day He will determine which task to perform. After he has chosen, the emails will be deleted. He will start the process again the following day.

Its been awhile since I have written down my thoughts. Since September, I have been spending time online, phone and cam with a Dom. Yes, all this time and only online. We haven't met yet, but I keep hoping.?

I have been thinking about our "relationship" a great deal lately. Is it usual for a Dom to not want to meet until the sub spends a certain number of days on his table? Or, that the Dom wants you to quit your job?

I wish I had someone to talk to about this...someone that knows Him as well as myself. But, alas...I don't have anyone to talk to anymore about this sort of stuff. I had a good friend that I could talk to, but he is married now and isn't even in the States. I have tried to call other friends, but I will just say...maybe they are too busy to call back. I know I have brought this on myself. I have cut myself off from people that would understand. I think because I know what they might say. "He doesn't care about you...he just wants to get his 'jollies'." But, they don't know the entire story. And they don't know how he makes me feel when we share time. I hear his voice and my heart soars. But, I don't know if he feels the same way. He doesn't share much about his feelings.

I may be reading too much into this. And maybe he just prefers to take it slow. Or, maybe he wants "all or nothing". But, I just don't understand why he doesn't want to meet.

I have been so happy with my new Master. Under his guidance, things are more simple. He helps me with my decisions, determines my wardrobe, takes me to new levels of excitment. I have also come to realize that I truly want what he has to offer and I want him in my life. And I emphasize the "want"! I am a very independent woman by day. I don't "need" to rely on someone else. But WANTING him in mine is a very big leap for me. ?

Well, I was supposed to be on vacation today, but ended up working. Not bad really, only worked half day, and got to explore The Bowers Museum; headed to the movies and then the gym. Sometimes I wish I could do that more often than once a week. I find it funny that the night I want to stay up late (and hope I have permission) that I end up falling asleep while watching TV. Go figure!?

Its a beautiful Sunday morning! Days like this need to be shared. The coffee is good, the fruit is ripe and the music lively. I love Sundays! Sundays are also a great day to think things through. So many new things have come my way lately and I am following my intincts in making decisions. I have enjoyed spending time with Him and shaping my day, making sure I do all I have been instructed to do.?

Its been awhile since i had such a desire to learn more about aspects in D/s. Now that i have spent time with someone new, my curiosity is growing about exhibitionism and voyeurism. This is such an untapped area for me. i have only begun to explore and play with exhibitionism, but with each step, i feel the exhilaration of being viewed and even better...knowing that one person is watching me from afar. i can't see him...but i know he is there.

But beyond some of the simple ways of exhibiting in public i want to find more creative ways to play like this in public.? It will be a great new adventure!?

Blue Eyes -
People with blue eyes last the longest in relationships. They are kind, pretty or handsome, very good kissers and are really hot. They always fall in love with their closest friends and never understand why. They are very funny, outgoing and don't care what people think or say. They are very satisfying and love to please. Are straight up WARRIORS((aka SPARTANS)) when necessary. If you repost this and you have blue eyes you will have the best kiss sometime in the next 5 days.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEE!!!!

Born August 29th
Born today, you can be a rather secretive individual, but you do present to the world a vigorous, aggressive and sometimes controversial side that is entirely of your own making, and consciously devised to get the greatest possible response out of those around you. You claim to like things simple and straightforward, yet, in your private life, you tend to overcomplicate the most streamlined of issues. In your work, you are something of a purist, and once you choose a career for yourself, you will follow it faithfully -- and according to the rules.

You are a dedicated and tenacious individual, but you will not sacrifice personal needs or pleasures for career success -- nor will you make your friends and family wait on you while you tend to business. You are an expert at balancing your work and your personal life.

Also born on this date are: Rebecca De Mornay, actress; Ingrid Bergman, actress; Isabel Sanford, actress; Robin Leach, TV personality; Elliott Gould, actor; Richard Attenborough, filmmaker; Charlie Parker, jazz musician; Michael Jackson, singer.

"HUBBY APPLiCATION"

1. Your Name:

2. Age:

3. Fave Color:

4. Are you a virgin?

5. Are we friends?

6. Do you have a crush on me?

7. Would you kiss me?

8. ...with tongue?

9. Would you enjoy it?

10. Would you ever ask me out?

11.Would you make a move on me in a movie theater?

12. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?

13. Do you want to tell me something that you couldn't before?

14.Would you walk on the beach with me?

15. If you heard a rumor about me, would you defend me?

16. Do you/have you talk shit about me?

17. Do you think I'm a good person?

18. Would you let me sleep with you (in the same bed)?

19.Do you think I'm hot?

20. Would you if youcould change anything about me?

21.If so what?

22.would you marry me?

23.Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?

24. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?

25. What do you rate me outta 1-10??

26. Your phone number

FUCK BUDDIES...

For a laugh...or serious upto you!

Statistically speaking, unless you are a total hermit, social retard, or ugly as a bag of spoiled ass... There's at least one person on your myspace that wants to date you or sleep with you. So..... lets play "FUCK BUDDIES"

The rules are simple... if you want to date the person who posted this, send them a message to their inbox saying "Im yours".

If you just want to sleep with them and stay friends, send them a message that says "I'd hit it".

SCARED? You pussy, just do it!

THE TWIST IS YOU HAVE TO REPOST THIS, EVEN IF YOU'RE TAKEN
& see who replies. There is at least 1 person on your myspace that wants to date you, and maybe more that want to sleep with you.

SO... re-post as "FUCK BUDDIES", as it doesn't matter if your married, in a relationship,single, gay or straight! You opened it so you HAVE to repost it!
A test of your bravery

Huggs and Very Passionate Kisses to all.

If only...

Have you ever had a time when you said something only to realize, you wish you could take it back?

Have you ever had a time when you wrote something in an email or text message, and at the point of hitting the send button, realize you wish you could take it back?

If only i had never done those things!

The question now is, what do i do? Sorry is not enough...i don't know what to do...i have pissed him off and broken my heart through my own stupidity.

humbly apologetic...

Just for fun...got this from a friend. GEMINI - The Liar (5/21-6/21) Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny. Excellent kisser. EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, Addictive. Loud. 16 years of bad luck if you do not repost. AQUARIUS - The Slut (1/20-2/18) Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to Have fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found. 7 years of bad luck if you do not repost. SCORPIO - The Gorgeous One (10/23-11/21) Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Best kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. Amazing in bed. A caring person. One of a kind.Gorgeous Smile.Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth! 15 years of bad luck if you do not repost. PISCES - The Addict (2/19-3/20) EXTREMELY adorable. Intelligent. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor. Energetic. Predict future. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationship. Talkative. Romantic. Caring. 4 days of bad luck if you do not repost. LEO - The Hott one (7/23-8/22) Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, Fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you'll ever meet! however not the kind of person you wanna mess with... u might end up crying...very beautiful 9 years of bad luck if you do not repost. CANCER - The Smart One. (6/22-7/22) Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being In long-term relationships. Extremely energetic. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out. 2 years of bad luck if you do not repost. ARIES- The Irresistible One (3/21-4/19) Nice Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good in bed... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE. 9 years of bad luck if you do not repost. SAGITTARIUS-The One that Waits (11/22-12/21) Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always Wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Beautiful. Goofy. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and only. 7 Years of bad luck if you do not repost. TAURUS- The Aggressive One (4/20-5/20) MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet! Entirely creative. Extremely random and proud of it. Freak. Spontaneous. Great at telling Stories. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to. 12 years of bad luck if you do not repost. LIBRA - The Partner for Life (9/23-10/22) Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. High appeal. Has the last word. Good to find, hard to keep. Fun to be around. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good Sense of Humor!!! Thoughtful. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. 5 years of bad luck if you do not repost. CAPRICORN - The Cute One (12/22-1/19) Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. EXTREMELY SEXY. Predict future. Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Has lots of friends. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Also not a fighter, but if they have to, they will also knock the lights out of you if it comes down to it..Cool. Loves to own Geminis' in sports. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart. 24 years of bad luck if you do not repost. VIRGO- THE LOVER FOR LIFE! (8/23-9/22) Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in the you know where..!!! Not the kind of person you wanna mess with- you might end up crying. 4 years of bad luck if you do not repost

Just Being There
Acting As A Guardian

One of the greatest gifts we can give another human being is to act as their guardian. Whether this gift is related to a specific situation or is representative of an ongoing commitment, we each benefit from the association. To protect someone is to walk with them in challenging times and see them through safely to the other side. In doing this, we grow with them. And those under our guardianship derive confidence from our support and assistance, enabling them to persevere through almost any conditions.

There are many reasons we feel inspired to serve as guardians to those we care for. Sometimes just holding the space for somebody allows them to do what is necessary to grow or heal. We may simply want to see that our friend or loved one is taken care of and equipped to prevail over difficult circumstances. We may also sense that we are in possession of knowledge our loved ones are lacking yet need in their current stage of development. Our offer to serve as a guardian may also be both unsolicited and unrelated to any one situation. Instead of helping someone we care about cope with a specific challenge, we may find ourselves providing them with a more general form of emotional sustenance that prepares and strengthens them for challenges yet to come.

Our ability to empathize with those under our guardianship is our greatest asset because our comprehension of their needs allows us to determine how we can best serve them. Even when this comprehension is limited, however, the loving intentions with which we enter into our role as guardian ensure that our care and protection help others grow as individuals while living their lives with grace.

A time to celebrate independence. For many, they just see this as a day to BBQ and light fireworks. And those can be great fun, but for me this is more. I left my old, stale, vanilla life for the life of a slave on this day. That was quite a day in my life. A new collar, a new Master and a new life. I traveled across county and left everything I knew to be in California with Him.

I look back on 11 years and thank my lucky stars that I had this opportunity. Life has provided me an opportunity to continue to learn and experience even more of BDSM and I look forward to every day as a way to learn and meet new people, enjoy new places and live this life to the fullest.

Happy 4th of July!

Live in the moment...

There is only one religion, the religion of Love.
There is only one caste, the caste of Humanity.
There is only one race, the Human Race.

~ Sathya Sai Baba

Assessment of where i am....
1) i been able to play this year with safe and loving individuals.
2) with the request to wear skirts in His presence, i find myself wearing them more often and feeling more femine and confident.
3) i am learning more about what i want in life and from BDSM as well as what i want to experience in this lifestyle.
4) With His help i have experienced more in 3 short months than i ever had in 9 years.

I find my life to be filled with new adventures, meeting new friends and a great deal more fun than i have known in a long time. These words seem trifles, and hope to express these thoughts more clearly.

To Him, i say...Thank you!

Driving home today, music blaring, top down on the convertible, i found myself lost in my thoughts about things i miss.

i miss wearing a collar and leash. There is something fulfilling about wearing them and being led through a crowd of people as they watch me walk by behind the Dom. It made me think of a party i attended a few years agao and my best friend, a mutual friend of ours and i were being led around the party together by our leashes. It was such a wonderful, exhilirating feeling - could be the exhibitionist in me!

There was? a song on a CD that made me think of something so odd...being tied up! As I was laying there tied up, the binds becoming tighter as i squirmed...and then, my clothes being cut from my body. And feeling the cold steel of the knife as it slides along my sking...shiver

Submissive on the road again. At least this time, I am not alone on this journey...sort of. This time my journey takes me to Indiannapolis, IN. Woo hoo!?

Fulfilling a request: Wore a short skirt to work (seems so very simple). My first reaction to the request was excitment. That excitment turned to fear when I remember I had a presentation to give to engineers and meter techs.? Well, I got dressed, short black print skirt, tan sweater, high heels and of course...no panties.? When I arrived to the location I became more nervous...gathered my things and walked into the building. Once I got to the training room I was greeted with hellos. As I was giving my presentation, I was worried that the skirt was too thin. Suddenly I realized...

"If what Proust says is true, that happiness is the absence of fever, then I will never know happiness. For I am possessed by a fever for knowledge, experience and creation." - Anais Nin

"One's life shrinks or expands according to one's courage!" - Anais Nin

By day, a calm, competent person, by night a romantic - Virgos are the go getters of the Zodiac. Virgos have abilities in correcting what is wrong and knowing what to do to make people feel better. In their personal ife, virgos are organized and have a strong sense of duty.?

"Some days you just have to creagte your own sunshine" - Sam Sundquist

And it came to pass that she did go, to California where the wild Doms grow. She searched and searched for one so rare, but never finding someone to care. And then one day, when she wasn't looking, a handsome Dominant came bearing nooky. She gave her heart, she gave her mind, and the handsome Dominant returned in kind. There was trust, and there was fun, and they enjoyed each other under the sun.

As I continue to meet new people, I become increasingly interested in the variety of skills and abilities the Doms posses. I am amazed at those that perform bondage. There are some of the most beautiful designs made with rope on a submissive's body.? I want to experience knife play more. It simply takes my breath away to feel the blade glide along my skin. There are so many things you can do with a blade....the cold, strong, sharp blade that is as versatile as it is beautiful.? I want to also explore, more deeply, nipple play. I have only scrapped the surface of testing the sensitivity of my nipples and how much I can tolerate. Guess this is just more for my journal. I wonder if I can get stock in nipple clamps?

I find with every new day, there are more opportunites to make a difference, a change, improve myself or bring happiness to others. Even if it is through a smile or act of kindness.???????

I go through hardships and stand tall knowing my strength will be a beacon to others...author unknown

"Well, get him OFF my tail..." Air Force One

"Do you like pain? Try wearing a corset", Pirates of the Carribbean, The Curse of the Black Pearl

"Love me as a muse,respect me like an equal, worship me like a godess... treat me like a whore"

- author unknown...but I rather fancy it!

Well, pull myself up by my bootstraps and move on. There is work, and life and I don't want to miss out on anything else.

I picked up a book the other day and was reading about "role playing". I find it interesting the variety of vignettes that people create in BDSM to explore their desires or fetishes. Personally I have always liked the pirate and kidnapped beauty scenario. But what is it that makes one slip into a role they are unfamiliar with?

Is it the romantic idea of being a pirate and have the world at your fingertips? Being "lord" over all you survey and the power to intimidate others or take what you want. And for women, why do we fall into the victim mentality so easily? In our day and age when we have to be strong and independent, are we seeking a voyage into a time that women could be seen as helpless? Relinquishing our power to another or having that power taken by a strong, forceful individual.

Of course I am painting a romantic picture of pirates. We all know how vicious and cunning most were. Their brutality is well documented. But I think we all dream, at one time or another, of being on the open sea, sailing on a huge ship, smelling the salt air and seeing the dolphins running along side your ship and knowing down below you have a wench that fears your approach, but longs for your touch.

I think I can go back to sleep now. Ta TA!

Ahhhh what a week! Much better than my weekend, that's for sure! Work seems to be chaotic - I need another 5 or 6 hours in my day to get it all done! But noooooo, I bring it hone! Its so interesting to be a sub by night and Domme by day! Glory be...if I could only weild a flogger, i would have it made!

I was skimming through a book recently and came across a phrase that made me ponder BDSM. "The Need that Doesn't Quit". That's a rather powerful phrase. I know that life overwhelms with stress from our careers, financial concerns and family matters, but in the end (no pun intended) we come back to that which makes us who we are...BDSM.

I was hoping that most of the sadness had left after GudMaster's passing, but it came back yesterday. So much has happened recently...meeting new people, opening up to others and the stress of work...that I exhausted myself mentally and physically. Not leaving me with the ability to cope with rejection. My mentor recently reminded me that I have to go back to basics. So this particular entry, while sad, is my way to remember Him and what he has left me.

We met online over 10 years ago and after a year of talking, chatting and bi-coastal visits, I drove to California to be with him. I really didn't know much about the lifestyle, and what I do know I learned from him. As with most subs, they only know what their Master likes are and do not go beyond those experiences. While I did not experience much beyond the limited world that I know...I do know that I was loved. He told me so every day.

My name too has special meaning to me, however I have chosen not to use it here. But I remember a time that as punishment, he refused to use my name...that' was extremely hard for me and made sure I did not not go against his wishes again.

Well, on December 18th my world crashed, and by December 19th....I was no longer the same person. I was awakened by a loud crash in the kitchen. At first, I thought it was something simple, but got up to help clean it up. That's when I found him on the floor. [This is the hardest part....that i have tried to reconcile myself to...] I hesitated at first...I didn't know what to do. But I grabbed the phone and ran to his side....I tried with all my might to do compressions while on the phone with 911 but they were useless. I tried over and over...but no results. All this time, I have felt I didn't do enough. I have felt that I should have done more....that if I had only done something else, he might still be here.

And so yesterday....for whatever reason...it came rushing back to me like a tidal wave. I felt as if I were drowning in emotions.

You know who your friends are when they can comfort you, support you and listen. patiently...while other people may put you on ignore.

Its time to move on....life is truly too short to waste.

And so my search continues.

Ah, the law of kharma has come and kicked me in the ass. But, I have set the record straight. Took me some time to realize what I thought I wanted was not truly what I need at this time. I corrected that situation and can move on. And then, to top it off, I learned that I may have to buy a new car. But, I have learned my lessons and am ready to move on.

I did want to remember one special event because it made me reflect on the intense nature of this lifestyle. The exchange of energy between two people can be a powerful experience. Its been a long time since I felt that intensity. Its really amazing how the body reacts, how the mind interprets the action and the memories that are left.

It was a wonderful reminder of how much I love this and it helps to reinforce why I want to continue my exploration of so many different aspects of this lifestyle.

Previously submitted 3/16/07 and due to my own fault, was erased.

I have been in BDSM for over 12 years and have never been Bound. Sure I have worn cuffs, but i don't consider that bondage.

I came across this on a website: Kinbaku: The Art of Erotic Bondage: Shibari is an art, one that affects the sub (me) in more ways than one. There is the feel of the ropes surrounding your body as an extension of His hands, there is the helplessness in being bound before someone to be used at will, there is the erotic beauty of knowing you please Him as He looks at You ready for His touch, and there is the closeness of working together to create beauty.
I have seen individuals being bound with rope of all colors, saran wrap, or silk ties. I have been facinated by Japanese bondage. Its beautiful, erotic and intense to watch.

Those words are so appealing, I want to know more. I want to experience more of the multiple wrapping, the strategically placed knots and to be able to understand their purpose. I find it beautiful, erotic, stimulating, and I suspect it leaves one feeling vulnerable and exposed. I would love to delve more into bondage. I would love to even wear something out to dinner or to work? I can only imagine the feeling of the rope against my skin, rubbing my clit, pressing against some of my more sensitive areas....I think it would be exhilirating, humiliating and stimulating.

Humiliation is another area that I have not been exposed to in any great detail. But, I know that it is an area used by Dominants to control the submissive. I do not know why it wasn't used before. I will never know.

SexyToy69 Female Switch, 20	sexandmore Switch Couple, 49, Miami, Florida	sexywitchygal4 Female Submissive, 33, somewhere in PA, Pennsylvania	SexJunkie13 Male Dominant, 33, Sacramento, California
sexandseven Male Dominant, 54	SexySadie Female Submissive, 27	sexyseadog Female Submissive, 33, boston, Massachusetts	sexyguy30 Male Switch, 30, miami, Florida
sexyforyou2 Female Dominant, 40, MACON, Georgia	sexboy111103 Male Submissive, 32, spartanburg, South Carolina	sexyblkthongbo Male Submissive, 22, Asheboro, North Carolina	sexybbwelf Female Submissive, 30, Denver, Colorado

sexisubbi

About sexisubbi