sexcorrections

Up early today, so a few reflections.... it's standard to tell people new to bdsm to do a lot of discussing, and that makes sense.  Of course, with experience comes an understanding that a person can do too much talking, too much thinking about this stuff.  Safety issues and limits need some discussion, but I've also on occasion lost what might have been interesting connections because both parties spent too much time "getting to know each other" before anything happened.  These days, for me I think it's better just to talk safety and basic trust issues, and then have an experience to see if things go well.  Everybody's different, but for me a certain amount of distance needs to be maintained, and there's some objectification involved in this kind of relation -- I don't do bdsm with intimate friends.  Maybe it's not easy to find just the right "stranger" to tie you up and/or do painful or humiliating things to you, but that's more or less what I find myself looking for.

A few pet peeves I'll mention gently: one is people who read your message but don't respond to even the most thoughtful email with something like, "thanks, but ...."  Being polite doesn't cost four dollars a second.  Another is people who respond but with only a few lazy or cryptic words.  If somebody lists himself as "dominant," I think that implies at least some capacity to express oneself, to take charge of things instead of sitting back passively and waiting for things to happen.