about a year ago, i was embroiled in a conversation with a young associate who is a dom, she told me the things she would make me do/endure if i was her sub. how she would treat me physically ? sexually. the spankings and humiliation, what i would do to please her at her request, things that i never imagined and enjoy them.
besides the fact that she is quite beautiful, i was aroused as i have not been in years as we talked extensively about the lifestyle that evening, and while nothing ever came of it and i have never seen her again, both the mental intrigue and sexual excitement lingered.
like the male of the species i decided to run out and find someone to try this to see. i found several ?professional on line dom?s? to try it with. the first one beat my backside mercilessly for an hour like i was her poor bastard stepchild. the second was similar only she introduced me to some boot licking while she filled her calendar on the phone. generally confused and discouraged of any desire to continue looking at this lifestyle. i decided that more intellectual research was in order. i went on line, read books and articles for several months, determining that this is first more than a sexual desire and it could be a way to improve my life, to actually expose or attain traits that are recessed or missing in my character.
patience, honesty, control, trust, spirituality, emotional expression, and surely other traits that at this point in my life may most likely only be restored or found by completely rebuilding the character from within.
i did not rush right out to secure a mistress, i talked to a lot of people, a couple of therapists and some family, while reading more, to be sure that this is not a whim for sexual excitement. as one of my fantasies has always been to have two or more women take me and subject me to anything they want while i service them at their pleasure.
after a lot of thought, i have determined that this is not a thrill seeking mission. while i am sexually intrigued, i understand that is neither the issue nor the goal. complete submission to a mistress will make me a better person overall.
so i now begin the quest to find the mistress i need, one who can strip me down to nothing and rebuild me in the image of a complete person secure in who he is, what he is doing and capable of making his mistress proud in all aspects of life inside and outside of our personal activities.
the risk is that i break completely and fall into an abyss rather than attain the tenants i desire to gain through my mistress and her training.
the reward is that i am rebuilt emotionally and physiologically toughened, to properly espouse the new tenants of my life and express them positively in all aspects of my life with my mistress and others i come in contact with in business and life in general. mostly to make her proud that she has given me the wherewithal and fortitude to be successful in all the things i engage in.
i will become a part of something greater than myself, i will belong to someone, and will know that should i have problems, doubts, or need help that i can turn to her for the guidance that i will continually need.
so through my mistress i will become an new work of art that has been painted on an used canvas that has been stripped and gessoed, to be blank. then with a skilled eye and hand my mistress will create the masterpiece she envisions, while the original painting is still beneath the surface and could leak through in bad light, for the most part only the artist knows that it is there, and her mixture of colors combined with the skillful brush strokes have hidden the errors and impurities of the original and now only the masterpiece exists to the world.
