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Female Dominant, 49, Seattle, Washington
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Dominant Couple, 34, Seattle, Washington
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Male Switch, 28, SEATTLE, Washington
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About SeattleMasochist
Around a decade of experience with kink, mostly irl. Started submissive, now switchy, have more recent experience in a dominant role but wanting more balance. Probably more submissive overall, but that damn Seattle top shortage...I am childfree.
Love to bikecamp, read, watch good movies (so older ones), RIP David Lynch. If you've seen Satantango, message me. I don't read as much as I used to, trying to rekindle the hobby. I play some videos games, mostly action/ open world. Current: Jedi Fallen Order.
I benefit from Vipassana meditation when I remember to do it. I make art casually, just learned how to make homemade pizza dough, and own a typewriter with a dvorak keyboard. I met Rita May Brown in 2002 when she signed my 1st edition paperback of Rubyfruit jungle. If I could meet any artist it would be...Alan Moore, Chris Ware, or Alison Bechdel.
The Leather Daddy and the Femme and Lost Girls are my biggest kink influences.
Ultimately need someone who will actually take control...if you don't, I will, and I'm not very patient....but one who can do so while also navigating consent in power play situations. |
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Dom/sub vs Top/bottom
Two different but similar dynamics. Top/bottom describes who is the active partner, may involve no toys or power exchange at all, and generally refers to sex. Dom/sub is the mental game, who is in control, whether they are giving or receiving pleasure, attention, service, etc, and may be part of sex or out of the bedroom.
I always enjoy noticing similar behavior but different dynamics. A submissive might bring me a drink out of service, or a Dominant might do so out of caretaking/ ownership.
My kink radar is pretty good these days, and I am usually right when I guess if a person identifies more as a Dom or sub. I have inadvertently introduced a few people to their own subconscious alignment, on both ends of the spectrum, so I guess that's my service to the Seattle kink community.
I remember a first date where someone touched my hand and I immediately said “you’re into rope", and it turned out they had loved knots as a Boy Scout, used to tie up their friends, etc., but had never explored kink before. We did not hit it off, but they apparently found their calling.
I am more of a bottom but I enjoy topping also, or being the active partner even when the other person is more Dominant overall.
My kink experience has been a spectrum ranging from one-off scenes, to ongoing BDSM / power exchange in a sort of “light” leather sex (although I've never been involved in the community), infrequent ongoing play partners, casual dating, and long-term monogamous relation |
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Here are some opinions on how I do Power Exchange relationships.
The Dominant person is responsible for running the scene, whether it is organized and planned or you are stepping into the role more casually during an otherwise vanilla sexual encounter (no bondage, pain toys, etc.). Their responsibility is to make sure BOTH people have a good time, whatever that means for each person.
It's about managing the sex, really, from a top-down (pun intended) perspective, in a way that feels safe and confident. Some people can learn to do this and enjoy it, and for some people it seems to come naturally, because of their personality, genetics, or early life experiences. They take their own and the submissive's desires and combine them to create a unique experience, incorporating both people's current emotional state, energy levels, and other factors. A combination of people management skills and creativity.
The submissive is responsible for being honest and vulnerable about their desires, reactions, experiences. Without this, the Dominant has nothing to manage; the submissive's desires and reactions are the artistic medium for the Dom to work with. The submissive soul-searching becomes a creative activity also, reflecting and exploring new ideas to find new interests and desires, and being an active participant in the scene.
This dynamic requires a lot of empathy and trust on both sides, and maybe more observation skills from the Dom.
Things can go wrong when the Dominant downplays their own needs and desires, or when the submissive hides their true feelings and reactions.
I don't think gender has anything to do with Dominance/submission, except maybe how gendered socialization can affect people's inclinations.
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