SeanJ384

My name is Sean Irvin, first off. I say this because I, personally, have no reason to disguise, hide, or be ashamed of who I am on this site. I understand that others may have jobs that would frown on such activities - no matter how 'outside the work place' they stayed - or possibly family who couldn't accept such lifestyles, but I am not an employment institution, nor am I judgmental. With that being said, if you can't trust me enough to tell me your name or afford me the courtesy of seeing who it is I am talking to, we probably won't have much interaction on this site (it's called social networking for a reason :-P). To go along with that, do not send me unsolicited friend requests. If you can't drop me a, "Hey, I think you're cool and that we could be friends for [these] reasons" message, you will make me think you want to friend collect, and I'm not really keen on that.

Anyway! On to the fun stuff! ;-)

I think I've always been fairly dominant, and being a Marine and a father has brought it out and helped me hone my dominant natures: the discipline, structure, confidence, accountability, leadership, decisiveness, mentorship, love, and flexibility I have learned I apply to my relationships, and strive to be that kind of man in all things. I am goofy and laid back, but I am still very driven; I have endstates in mind that I work toward every day, but I understand that life is a journey, not a destination (ugh. Borrowing that cliche hurt a bit!), and I make sure to take the time to stop and smell the roses (omg! That one too!).

I am not just dominant in the bedroom. I would almost call myself a borderline control freak. I have a cleanliness OCD (another byproduct of the Marine Corps) and a categorical obsession for organizing, sorting, and scheduling the world around me. I also love to be able to do this for my subs by bringing a sense of order, leadership, and control to what may be their chaotic lives. In many ways I am a natural leader and will often take charge in a situation as soon as I feel comfortable enough with and knowledgeable about what is going on.

Along with being non-sexually dominant I define myself as a "loving sadist", meaning that while being the administrator of pain gets me off, I have an overt concern with crossing the line from 'hurt' into 'harm'. This ever-present worry doubles itself when my play partner is not casual, but emotionally and romantically tied to me.

Unlike many doms, my affinity for order and control is not a necessity; it is not a comfort blanket that I cling to and pitch a fit over if it is ever taken away from me by a professional higher-up or by life in general. I simply relish in the delight and predictability and power that comes from having the magic wand that makes shit happen. ;-) Being so laid back allows me the flexibility to be open about my experiences in life - in and out of the bedroom. Things that, when I first entered this lifestyle formally, I never thought I would enjoy or even want to participate in I now thoroughly enjoy. Flexibility has allowed me to play enjoyably with many different subs with many different kinks and fetishes of their own and helped open me up to a lot of awesome new experiences. :-D

I enjoy the vanilla side of life and don't really understand those on this and other sites who give off this image, as if they're trying to make everyone believe they "live D/s" 24-7. That's not living; that's obsession. I have a son, a dog, a job, a class schedule, a raid schedule, friends, and family all outside of this. BDSM is simply another flavor of life to enjoy, and I particularly love the psychology of it: why people have the fetishes they do, how they developed or discovered them, why it is someone is dominant, submissive, or a switch. I consider it all psychological investigation, and I can kind of get out of hand with it...but that's because the whole process turns me on. ;-)

Along with that, I am also turned on by many other things that fall into the realms of out-of-the-norm kinks and fetishes. While I still enjoy the fairly vanilla stuff like the art of kissing, cuddling (I'm kind of awesome at after-care, if I do say so myself), and "making love" (oh god! The cliches! They burn!), I love an active play partner: one who is active in the scene or act of sex, one who is proficient at dirty talk and otherwise engaged with more than one sense at a time. I enjoy and engage in the commonplace community staples: spanking, whips, rope, leather, biting, clawing, etc...but these are details. While all that is fun and definitely gets my heart racing and spreads a smile across my face, if you ever want to get my engine into the red, it is necessary that you do two things: display confidence in your ability to service and please, and stimulate me imaginatively and aurally.

Oh my. I'm just now noticing how long this got! o.O Writing in spurts caused me to lose sight of how much I was rambling. lol Anyway, This should all be enough for you to get a general idea of who I am. If you'd like to message me with an introduction, I welcome it; I enjoy making friends, especially local ones that I can get to know offline. If you have any questions at all, feel free to ask; as I mentioned in the beginning, I am an open book.

A lot of people said they really liked the wording and subject matter of my old profile info, so I figured that even though I'm updating it in an attempt to be more concise and to give a more accurate description of my current mindset and search parameters, I would keep this as an 'archived profile' so people can still understand where I always have and always will be coming from. 

Enjoy! 

I am a very "old-school" person. I understand and respect the philosophy of gender roles, but I do not degrade women or uplift men - every human being is judged upon their own merits. 

I have become, and am, dominant because it is who I am, who I have been - not because you need me to be. I could care less what you need right out of the gate, in the end it's for me to decide - that's what this is all about, right? Do not spit your poison at me for not taking the time to hold your hand and lead you down the road to self-discovery. It is not for you to dictate to me.

 I am looking to meet women who are subs/slaves because that is who they are, not because I make tell them or force them to be that way. The Dom in me isn't going to waste his time molding you, but the Marine in me has enough chivalry to help you blossom. Both of them have the strength to follow through.

 I will not take from you what I do not deserve, and I will not put upon or give you anything other than what you do not crave. There is a proper dynamic that must be maintained in a successful relationship, no matter its purpose.

The question that lays in the reality of the situation, however, is who is truly in control? Though you may be the submissive, reliable, and obedient little girl I seek, isn't my craving desire for one like you - the desire to be fulfilled to my ultimate potential and destiny in life - what puts you in control? 

It is a never-ending game of psychological back and forth, though I do not tolerate much in the way of intentional disobedience, there is the possibility in which it is that purposeful defiance that fuels our relationship, solidifies the bond between us, and makes us both that which we are, which we so desperately seek to be along our own paths of servants and masters. 

Currently, I am not on active duty, I am a student of many disciplines (including one at ISU, haha!), and I want nothing other than to take on more. I possess a certain sense of classic honor. I know and carry out my place in this universe with a desire to ever increase it, always improve. I want to surround myself with people who are of the same mindset: intelligent, competent, humorous, and with a grip on their own moral compass.

 I could describe for days my perfect woman, mate, pet, slave. Instead, what I will do is say this: I want someone with a grip on life, but who does not take it seriously, one who has goals and ambitions, but who is not consumed by them. Basically - and above all - the key is balance. I am a Libra, through and through, and I seek someone who is, or at least can learn to be, compatible with this.

If you have made it this far, congratulations and thanks. Feel free to get in contact with me if you'd like. I don't mind a simple, "hello!" but I react with much greater appreciation to someone who can formulate a complete letter right off the bat. Ask me questions, have something to say...intrigue me.

I'll likely be leaving this site, soon - it's too full of fake profiles, spammers, and subs who are long distance.  I love finding girls I'm compatible with, but hate that they are all so damn far away and unwilling/able to relocate. 

If you'd like to chat, you can find me on FL - edit me for more info/my user name.  It's a much more developed online community with more to offer than this dating site.  Right now, my user name there is Smpr384.  I'll let you know if it changes.  I'll be back occasionally to check my mail and what not, but I won't be active on here at all.

Confession/Ramble time:

I'm not going to lie, I hate distance.  Through my vanilla life and my D/s experience, I've dealt with more than my share of Long-Distance Relationships.  I was separated from my girlfriend for five months while I went through an extended stay in boot camp due to chronic pneumonia caught during a training exercise.  It got so bad that the Corpsmen contemplated a surgical consult to have the mucus removed from my lungs.  When she became my fiancée, we were separated again by combat school for a month and MOS school for five months.  After my graduation into tactical networking, we were married...and I was promptly shipped off to Iraq five weeks later.  After my deployment, she was unable to join me on Camp Pendleton for another almost four months.  That was all followed by monthly, week-long training exercises and two three-week CAX's.  To be completely honest, it's no wonder she cheated on me; I was never around. 

My next relationship was with a young woman in the Army.  She lived in Kentucky while I was still in California.  When I went back home to Illinois, we saw each other once maybe every two months until she moved in with me a year and a half later, but that only lasted about three more months.  After her, I 'dated' a smattering of subs and vanilla girls I found on sites like this or elsewhere, but it quickly grew tiring.  I think the only reason I've kept up with an expanded search is because there's not much here in the way of prospects.  Sometimes I feel like I'm chasing unicorns.

Part of it is my fault; admittedly, I have high standards for a potential partner.  But I have high standards for myself, as well.  I constantly work to improve my mindset, my intellect, my body, and my discipline and training.  I haven't always been the best at making progress, but I never stop.  I have very clear ideas about what it is I'm looking for, and I believe that when I find a girl who fits that mold, it will be completely worth it, as she will bring me everything I seek (or strive to become what she may not already be for me), and I will do all I can to reciprocate that as her Daddy.

The problem is, that makes the journey all the more long, difficult, and arduous.  It doesn't make it easier that this town seems void of much of what I seek.  I came back to B/N following my divorce, as it's both mine and my ex's hometown.  My son was only six-weeks old, and I knew the minute she walked out the door that I would be ending my military career.  I grew up with "revolving-door" dads, and I wasn't going to let that happen to my son.  I learned enough from the Corps to be able to expand and further myself on my own; it was my responsibility to pass that on to my son and make sure he knows where he comes from and what he is capable of.  Four generations of first born males and a strong Irish heritage are too much to disregard.

Now that I'm back home as an adult with a new perspective on the world, however, I hate the town I grew up in.  It has never been the best place to be, unless of course you were a college student with a drinking problem, a State Farm employee with an overeating problem, or a conservative Christian family with stuffy traditional values.  There was never a question about giving up my job and my career for my son.  Coming back to this town to live within a reasonable distance of him and his mother in order to be in his life was always a non-issue, but the clash of the values of this community and my own desires for personal experiences the goals I have for myself makes this a very difficult town to live in.  Don't get me wrong; my son is my mission, his well-being and upbringing is my #1 focus, but it's very hard to have anything outside of that, to be a well-rounded person with a variety of activities and things to generally occupy my time.

I feel largely boxed in and short-changed by Central Illinois.  I feel like there is a university experience more suitable to my needs anywhere but here; that the type of community I would be most comfortable in cannot be found existing predominately in Bloomington; that the type of woman I seek doesn't flock to a place like this.

Truth be told...I don't know.  Haha.  I do hate this town and I know there's not but one thing here for me, and that's my son, but these people are good in their own right.  They're not monsters or bigots (for the most part), but it's just not where I want to be.  If I had more legal control of the situation, in a heartbeat I would take my son to a warmer climate like Texas or Arizona or California or somewhere more respecting of a citizen's individual liberties like Wisconsin, Colorado, Washington, or even Australia.

It might be too much, right now, to ask for both things: the ability to be in my son's life and have a hand in raising him in addition to the ability to seek the proper submissive mate for me.  Maybe that's asking for my cake and to be able to eat it, too.  I don't think it is, but the truth is that it's not happening, and it's eternally frustrating.

These are all things that have been very relevant in my life, recently.  I know it probably seems very random and scattered, but believe me, it all comes together if you know where I'm coming from and understand what I've been through.  This isn't whining or bitching by any means, but it is a brain dump of frustration.  I don't like being out of control, I don't like being pigeon-holed, and I don't like having such limited options, especially in areas of such importance to my life.

I'm tired of it seeming like all the women around here are ones with whom I am only semi-compatible and I'm tired of it seeming like all the very compatible women are so damn far away.  In short, I suppose the **TL;DR** version of this rant would be: fuck this town, and where are all the good submissive girls around here?!  Haha!

Why is it that so many woman and young girls have "I SAID NO MEN!!" screaming across their profiles, as if there were something about the penis that prevented men from reading into your lesbianism? 

Wouldn't (opposed to the idea that thousands of men are just so enthralled by your pictures that they dare to dream and just overlook your sexuality) the fact that maybe you forgot not check the box labelled 'men' in the 'seeking' category seem much more probable?  Or maybe you shouldn't mark yourself as 'bi' anymore.   

Either of these things will probably have you showing up on fewer dudes' search results and probably all but eliminate your issue of unwanted male attention. 

Dumb asses.  lol

Feels good to be back!  A week and a half off from both classes and work, and then another week or two before the semester starts up again.

Now, to tackle my reading and knock out this inbox.  If I haven't replied to you yet, don't worry, I'll get to ya.  Thanks for your patience all, and thank you to the anonymous person who bought me the jacket.  If you can make yourself known to me and prove the purchase, I might reward you, incorporating the gift, of course.  ;-)

Sean J

I apologize to everyone who's emailed me during the past few weeks.  Work, school, and finals prep have been kicking my ass.  I've got a month off after the semester ends, though, and I'll catch up on journals and emails then.

In the mean time, to the sub girls who wrote me:  thank you all.  I'll get back to you soon.

To the sub/slave fag bois:  you little shits make me laugh.  You get points for that.  ;-)  If you want to move up in my consideration, you know where that wishlist is.  Either that or you can start by sending me an embarrassing, compromising pics of you - no webcam shots! - and let me know what kind of humiliation and degradation you want from a master in order to feel like real scum.  I'll be sure to make that happen.  lol!

I have started an Amazon wishlist that I'll be expanding as time goes on.  I think it's funny how many of you (especially the worthless submissive men) are craving my attention and approval.  This might be your chance.

While gifts might get you the former, you'll never earn the latter.  But hey, that doesn't mean you shouldn't try, now does it?  ;-)

http://amzn.com/w/1AQPHS7ZGQS82 

EDIT: I apologize for the formatting here.  Italicizing and paragraphs aren't working the way they should, and it's frustrating.  Please bear with me.

I've only been back on here for a few days, but I feel it's time to post that I have a few caveats I have about dating and 'scene-ing':


1)  Height/weight proportionality:

It may make me come off like a dick, but I enjoy women who are at least relatively in shape.  I don't mind a few extra pounds; 'thick' women often turn me on.  But very overweight and obese women do not attract me at all.  I spent several years in the military and do my best to keep the lessons of diet and fitness I learned there active in my life afterward - I expect a similar respect for one's body in the girls I date and play with.

2)  Lifestyle:

I do not "live D/s".  I don't even really know what that means.  I am Dominant.  I take charge of a situation, execute a plan my way, and I do what I feel needs to be done, what I feel is right.  I am something of a natural leader, but I'm not an over-bearing asshole.  In the same way that a person who is naturally funny becomes someone who tells a lot of jokes, I take charge of a situation, and feel comfortable leading a relationship, whether that relationship be professional, personal, romantic, or sexual.

I have never understood the people who claim to "be D/s 24/7".  That doesn't make sense to me.  I am not sure what drives people to shape and morph their lives in order to live clad in leather, vinyl, and chains from head-to-toe and 'act their role' in public constantly and consistently.  I suppose, like the naturally funny person, you may be compelled to leave the 'normal society' and travel the country telling jokes professionally, someone overtly drawn to the D/s lifestyle may feel the need to cast off certain social conventions in order to feel a part of a sub- (or counter-) culture and "live D/s".

I can't do that.  Not because I don't want to necessarily, but because I've got a damn life to live.  I have a university job, obligations as a student, responsibilities as a parent, and vanilla friends and family who I am dear to and either don't want a part of or wouldn't understand what it would mean to adopt the D/s as a permanent fixture and centerpiece for my life.  Of course, there are always elements that will be present:  I expect a certain minimal level of respect and adherence from my partner at all times - especially in public - and I wouldn't expect her to try to use a public setting to get away with certain actions, just because she knows I can't bend her over my knee or cane her in a restaurant, say.  It just seems much easier, living in a vanilla society, to transform yourself into the dominant or submissive person, rather than surround it with dominant or submissive elements.

This is not to say that I look down upon or think less of "living D/s" or those that do.  It's just simply not for me.  Those that chose to wear 'the mask' on a constant basis are no better or worse than me; live and let live, I say.  But I've instead chosen to become the mask, making my ability to function in both worlds much easier and making society's acceptance of who I am and what I do much easier to attain.


3)  Male subs/slaves:

This is a bit of a complicated topic, but one that recent events (and my overloaded inbox) have made necessary to address.

To be blunt, I consider myself 'hetero-flexible'.  In the sort of way that a drunk sorority girl will make out or even experiment with females, it's not unknown for me to be attracted to men.  With that being said, my standards are much higher.  Let me explain:

Again, drawing on my Marine Corps service, I spent a large part of my young adulthood being surrounded by men like me: aggressive, forthright, arrogant, and dominant.  I suppose after so many years of time in a combat battalion, it's geared my mind in such a way that the idea of a submissive man is almost foreign to me.  As a result, I've noticed that I seem to lack a lot of personal respect for male submissives - at least as far as it concerns their submissive tendencies.  So, if you're looking to me to dominate you in any of the following areas: blackmail, degradation (verbal/emotional), financial, or physical, we might be able to talk (however, to a possibly lesser - but still present - extent, the following conditions will still apply).

If you're looking for something sexual, it's a bit trickier.  As I eluded to earlier, my standards for men are a lot higher than women, in whom I see natural beauty much more easily.  Out of shape and unattractive men should not waste their time, along with whiny emos.  I also do not like overly huge and muscular men.  Trim but fit guys will get my attention the quickest.  It's also very likely you won't do at all if you're older.  Younger males are about all that will attract me.

In addition, I do not bottom (or "bottom from the top", which is just a way fake Doms make themselves feel better about being submissive), receive, or play 'catcher' with guys.

I've been told that this is outlook and practice is prejudice, bigoted, hypocritical, and homophobic, and ya know, that may be, but it's how I 'work'.  I don't control who I'm attracted to or which sexual activities I find engaging, I just try to understand and express those attractions and desires.  Don't judge.  :-P

---

I hope this clears up any confusion about what I'm looking for here.  I know that, combined with my 'about me' section, it's all pretty long-winded.  My goal is to make it so I can just read it once and not have to repeat it with every person that comes along.

I also want it to be clear that just because I'm not sexually (or otherwise) attracted to someone, it doesn't mean that we can't chat and be friends.  I'm not solely to find a submissive partner (though it is my primary concern!), but also to meet new people: friends, partners, and mentors.