Seaghdha


SeaGhoul Male Dominant, 46	Seaghdhagaoth Male Submissive, 49, Clifton, New Jersey	seaghost Male Dominant, 42, San Diego, California

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	About Seaghdha Update 09/15/2014 I am open to dating again and I hope to start dancing that lovely, exciting ride of discovering a new relationship. I am not in much of a hurry, as I have a full time (and then some) job to contend with. But if you are in the South Bay area, and want to have coffee, dinner and conversation.. by all means, do let me know. P.S. I reserve the right to be picky, just as you do. I want my long term partner to be of quality. Don't you? Life is unpredictable, and it spins us in directions we never thought it would. So we ride, some times screaming in thrilled fear, some times with tears in our eyes, and some times just watching in mute silence. I love life, and I live it by my own definition. I am successful, and wealthy, just not in terms that a gold digger or a corporate climber would understand. (most often broke, so don't look to my bill fold.) I have taken my life experiences, mixed them with Machiavelli, Castiglione, Musashi, and a dash of Nitobe and come up with a spiritual life well seasoned with a good measure of T. Thorn Coyle. (I have a brain, take note and be warned.) I take this version of seeing the world, and I move forward with it. Sometimes I win, sometimes I fall flat on my face.. but, because I am partly Irish (read; stubborn as a mule.) I get right back up, think about it for a bit, find something funny in the deal and laugh before stepping forward again. I am not what common definition would call average. But then, who is? Normal is only what society at large is defining it to be at the time, and that is always changing. so why bother with someone elses definitions? tags and labels are for products, not people. smiles Have I sounded enough like a tin-foil hat wearing Santa Cruzian yet? good. I love my friends, because they are loyal, true and beautifully brilliant without being intelligentsia level snobbish. They know when I am hurt, and sometimes do their best to put me to work to keep it from getting too bad, else I would spin myself in circles thinking about it.. Some times the result of that swim in my own madness results in some great poetry. Some times it results in yet another explosive burst of energy towards living and experiencing life. I want to share these times, good and bad with someone. I have written poetry to express how I have seen life and people, events and lovers. I have read and understood Plato, and those others I mentioned before, but this does not make me some highly educated know it all.. it just means I am a curious fool who is seeking to gain wisdom through experience. I am High maintenance and selfish in the right ways, but not inconsiderate. I am opinionated, though with properly presented facts, my opinions can be shifted. The most important thing you should know is that I am friends with, and love dearly each of my ex-lovers. I will not bad mouth them, and I will not allow them to be bad-mouthed at all, no exceptions. Wouldn't you want to be respected and loved the same? In regards relationships. If you have no children, are interested and local or close to Santa Cruz, by all means talk to me, we'll see what happens. Play time: I have learned something about myself recently, for better or worse; some have the ability and interest in separating their kink from their sex-life. I am not thustly attuned, but working on it. For me, sex and kink are intrinsically entwined and the same. So, play-time for me, equals sexual play as well, and is reserved for my partner(s). As I am an active individual, I have found that children are not part of my long term equation - please do not approach me if this is one of your goals. (Having gotten a vasectomy makes children a non-factor for me.)

Ego nihil addo vos, domina. Salvifico is armo, is gladius, quod votum honoro et amare vos. For we are naught but flesh and blood driven by passions and dreams..

(sigh) Although I would like to, I am finding more and more that I just can't take any of these profiles seriously. There are those few who are genuinely seeking, and of those there are a few that are seeking something real, solid and long term. (by that I mean years and decades, not months.) But as far as the rest go.. It's just web-fluff and con-games. Some of those are the stereotypical Nigerian scams, others are just attention pleas and they really are laughable in a sad way. I guess that I am just dissapointed in women, and the men who have played them so often that those women have become neurotic and forgotten how to be genuine. I am not looking for anyone to 'just have fun with', I am not looking for some girl to be my next conquest so I can artificially bolster a weak ego. I AM looking for something solid, durable and deep, with meaning... But.. evidently that is harder to find here than an honest person in congress.

So few women seem to be actually up to the challenge. Those few who are are in their later years, or have self image problems and are seeking their life-raft rather than a D/s based relationship. I must be too serious or something. I am ready to get started, dance in the romance and seduction, delve into my lovers fears and swim in the dark, pulling her out with me and reminding her that I am going to be there with her every step of the way. But the younger women I seek? Nothing but play and indecision.. Too bad for them.

Let me meet you. On a human level, in a group or just one to one, but as individuals. Let me find pleasure in the sound of your laughter, the sparkle in your eyes and the way your voice calms and excites me. Let me fret a moment about how to ask you out to dinner, and while we are there, what words to use to best effect when I tell you that I have been enjoying my time with you, but I really want more. That the sound of your voice makes me want to kiss you, that kissing you and tasting your lips, I want to taste your skin, that holding your hand I want to bind your hands behind you and slowly devour you. Let me lose my mind, from time to time, and realize than I have once again lost track of what I was doing at the office because I was thinking about last Saturday night, and what could happen the next time we meet. Let me realize, a moment later that I am in love with you. And when I call you after work, with your hands full of what ever you are doing, try not to get offended or scared or unsure when I ask if you are in love with me too. I'm only asking to be sure I am with the right woman. Let me fall in love with the woman, and the Dom will naturally fall in love with his submissive.

Sex and Coffee: Sex is like coffee, and coffee is like sex. When it is good, it is really good, dark and bitter and always hot, or creamy and steamy..and you want to savor it to the very last luscious drop, lingering and caressing the empty cup and licking your lips at the memory of it. When it is bad, oh my god is it bad., and you feel like you have to pound it down just to get it over with. And no matter how you flavor it, spruce it up or dress it up, it is still just bad through and through. Really, life is too short for bad coffee.

Say what you mean. Seriously, say it. Say what you mean. Because when you don't no one will read your mind. Say what you mean. Because when you say no, no one will misunderstand you. Say what you mean. Because I will take you at your word. Say what you mean. Because I will trust that you know yourself. Say it, because indecisiveness wastes time, and I have better things to do.

Interesting, to me at least, that I credit a woman with intelligence, and make a comment that seeking someone who doesn't have much in the way of curiosity, or use their words well, might result in rapid onset boredom. It would also mean that communications, clear, concise and honest are likely to be lacking but.. Lesson learned; Credit no one with intelligence. Let them earn it. XD

So it is time for an update here as well as my other more accessed profile on 'that other kink site'.

Time does this thing to people, it brings them together, it provides opportunities for them to grow together, or grow apart. So my recent lover/partner/kink-playmate and I spent the last (nearly) eight years learning each other and came to some disappointing conclusions; Her life isn't conducive to kink, and mine is not conducive to children. (or dogs for that matter.)

After several long discussions and agreements, we have parted ways to pursue life as we need, in order to enjoy what life provides rather than tugging in opposing directions and making less headway than we might even on our own.

Is there regret? some. It wasn't all wasted time, we still love each other as people, and we will get back to a place where we can enjoy casual time together as friends.. in time.

For now, though, it is 'transition time'. that seemingly repeated time when, in the midst of chaos, we get to discover new directions, new interests and new people. Hooray for adventure?

If I have buzzed your profile; Once: I thought you were pretty enough to check out beyond just your photo. Twice: I liked your profile, and enjoyed looking at your pictures. Thrice: I think you are every bit the definition of eye-candy, and have possibly thought about fucking you. If I have sent a message; 1. I thought well enough of your written profile that I felt it deserved some possitive remark, or that your pictures were stunning, but you are too far distant to make a relationship probable. 2. I enjoyed your profile, and may have thought a possible relationship.. But came to the conclusion that I was not what you needed.

Stillness and Storm

Call:
Sitting with closed eyes, I contemplate the balance of lust and love.

Chant:
In stillness I contain the storm,
In silence I hold the scream.

Delving into the darkness and internal entropy behind serenity's mask.

In control I hold the fury,
In chaos I hold to purpose.

With civility I speak, never betraying my violent, rapacious desires.

In stillness I contain the storm,
In silence I hold the scream.

Surrounding myself in illusions of refinement and enlightened thought.

In control I hold the fury,
In chaos I hold to purpose.

I burn internally with the unquenchable, passionate fire to possess,

to rip away the facades and give into Fenrirs' primal hunger. To shred the barriers between humanity and raw, primal beast. To leave markings upon pale, uncomplicated flesh, and ravish body and soul as though she were a sacrifice to some tribal totem spirit.

In stillness I contain the storm,
In silence I hold the scream.
In control I hold the fury,
In chaos I hold to purpose.

The silence, I know, will not contain the scream indefinitely. Can you see it in my eyes. Look deeper, deeper.. see the beast within who sees you only as meat upon which to feast. Will you turn away and deny the calling, or feed him with your shivers of fear spiced lust?

The eye of the maelstrom is savage intent,
a primal scream whispering to our blood.
Amidst thrashing bodies, we find release,
consuming innocence' trembling gift.

http://www.storyofstuff.com/

For those who are actually curious about whatthefuck is going on in the world.

Life does amazing spins. I have been going back and forth with someone for about five years, and she has thought about my direction, and decided that she desires the same sort of situation for her own life. So, now we are giving an attempt at forming the foundation for a relationship wherein we can bring a third into our lives.

This will be done with our past in mind, and for me this means that she has one chance to follow through with what she says. Because one way or the other, I am going to follow through with what I desire. Soon enough she and I will be seeking our girl/toy together.

Happy Black-Friday folks

Requiem for a Beautiful Fool. You wanted me to be your friend, You wanted me to praise you. But the unspoken plea in the end, was for the darkness to embrace you. You have masses who call you pretty, and just as many who want to possess. But you get bored of the glimmer, and lust when finally you undress. So you sought out something dark, hoping to be cut and torn to shreds. Seeking out one with no merciful heart, to use you like a whore in your bed. You courted a demon in human form, to see the humiliated blush on your face. When you finally broke down and confessed, to craving to be used and put in your place. Then when the darkness engulfed you entirely, you thought you could beg sweet release. From all of the horrors you wantonly imagined, that might bring you contented peace. But now you lay shaking in a heap, broken down empty bruised and crying. And when I softly say I love you, you know inside that I will be lying. Now you breath out your final breath, your shining soul a desolate waste. At the bleeding corners of your lips, a smile for that momentary taste. You will never remember those days, when everyone thought you were glamorous. But as you lie cold and still in your grave, the haunting grip of something dangerous.

I want you to forget that you are respectable among your friends and peers. I want you to forget that you are responsible at home and at work. I want you to forget that you are cherished and loved by myself and others. I want you to hurt, to feel the pain when it happens. If you like it, all the better. I want you to grip my cock with your ass, because I know that will hurt even more. I want to hear you beg sweetly for me to take it slow, knowing damn well that I wont., and not really wanting me to either. I want you to live in that embarasment of me fucking your ass, using it and by proxy, using you like a lowly whore, just for my pleasure. I want you to feel that, and the deeper humiliation as I make you look into another womans face whom you respect and are attracted to while I use your ass for my pleasure. I want you to revel in that sweet humiliation even more as she uses your mouth, forcing your face between her thighs, smiling sweetly as she is fucking your face just as I am fucking your ass. I want you to struggle a bit, and moan out your pain and humiliation while this happens, and I want you to forget that you MAY be cuddled and loved after we are through with you. I want you to wonder, and question how much we actually give a damn about you while we take our pleasure of you. I want you to wonder if we are going to just toss you off to the side when we are sated, only to grab you up and use you again, spank you, smack you and make you scream and beg for mercy.. knowing damn well there won't be any such thing for you. So forget about what it is you want, that's irrelivant. It's what -I- want.

I have to admit that I am mystified and confused. I was speaking to a female friend of mine last night, and she explained that women would tend to be a bit intimidated by my profile (including and particularly one on another fetish site). The pictures, poetry, writing and the way the profile its self is written are percieved as being 'out of their league.' Well isn't that just fucking special. I personally have never heard anyone say that a man or woman was too good looking, too smart, too funny, or too interesting to fuck or be playmates with. But, hey.. its a wonderfully weird world isn't it?? Granted she is having a similer problem. She has ten or more years of service and experience, is smart, tallented, pleasing to the eye, and sexy as a succubus in a Trans-Am. And inspite of that, Dom's don't seem to be catching the signs of availability. Stupid boys. And I say boys, because only a boy would allow any of that to intimidate them rather than inspiring them to be stepping up and taking her in hand, or placing a collar on her damn-quick. So, why don't I take her? My only problem with her is that she lives 300+ miles away, and let's just cut the shit, shall we? When your lover/playmate is that far away, there is no chance of a weeknight tryst, or a fun sweat-producing fuck possible on student finances. (Which is both of us FYI) I can afford a once per month trip to The SF Citadel for some public play, a class or two at a local shop.. I have most everything I need to have a damn fine time in my rental. And yet... nada. I happen to think that nomatter the odds, there must be some college age+ girls who want the same thing I do. I must be delusional or something, right? Ah well, back to class.

Increasingly, collarme is becomming like craigslist; a spammer/scammer filled joke. Finding people with shared interest is hard enough, and when you throw in spammers and scammers.. it just becomes a bolloxed mess. The response is, of course, 'go to the meetings', but the only folks I find there are older than I even want to deal with at all, give off the sticky-creep vibe, or the 'desperate to be loved' vibe. (The latter of which are heavy set girls with 0 self esteme and self image. Oh, to be sure, there are a few who are interesting and attractive.. mostly visiting from out of town, or happily paired off, and good on 'em!) This isn't a whine, nor a rant.. just an observation. I hate scammers and spammers, and had I the ability to track them down, I would chop their fucking hands off. I might have long hair, but don't mistake me for some laid back 'such is life' type.

I am surprised, at times by the audacity of some 19 and 23 year old supposed Dom/mes when they state that they have more experience than anyone else on this site. I cannot help but call bullshit on this obvious arrogance. This is not to say that they do not have SOME experience, but I highly doubt that they have sufficient life experience to handle all of the things life will throw at them. In cases where a sub asks me for referal, I would never send them to someone so disproportionately self assured. Better to send them to someone with some humility that acknowleges how much they have to learn.

Not what you want.. I want you to forget that you are respectable among your friends and peers. I want you to forget that you are responsible at home and at work. I want you to forget that you are cherished and loved by myself and others. I want you to hurt, to feel the pain when it happens. If you like it, all the better. I want you to grip my cock with your ass, because I know that will hurt even more. I want to hear you beg sweetly for me to take it slow, knowing damn well that I wont., and not really wanting me to either. I want you to live in that embarasment of me fucking your ass, using it and by proxy, using you like a lowly whore, just for my pleasure. I want you to feel that, and the deeper humiliation as I make you look into another womans face whom you respect and are attracted to while I use your ass for my pleasure. I want you to revel in that sweet humiliation even more as she uses your mouth, forcing your face between her thighs, smiling sweetly as she is fucking your face just as I am fucking your ass. I want you to struggle a bit, and moan out your pain and humiliation while this happens, and I want you to forget that you MAY be cuddled and loved after we are through with you. I want you to wonder, and question how much we actually give a damn about you while we take our pleasure of you. I want you to wonder if we are going to just toss you off to the side when we are sated, only to grab you up and use you again, spank you, smack you and make you scream and beg for mercy.. knowing damn well there won't be any such thing for you. So forget about what it is you want, that's irrelivant. It's what -I- want.

After watching BSG, and hearing a revised song, i looked it up on youtube. I am now hooked on Bear McCreary's version of 'All Along the Watchtower'. Nice use of Sitar, Electric violin and electric guitar.

What some 'dom's' wont tell you if you are new.. and what you really should know. Read as much as you are able. SM101, Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns by Miller and Devon, The Ethical Slut by Easton Liszt, Topping book, and Bottoming book..Bounderies, Where you end and I begin by Anne Katherine, and as many others as you can get your hands on. Seek out your local munch. and take the time to talk about what you have read and the questions that came to mind. Ask around for the people who have the best reputation in your area. (A good reputation is hard to gain, and easy to lose.) Ask one of them if they will mentor you in a non sexual manner. (Do not fall in love with your first Dom.) Do not accept a play date with just anyone. Research them, investigate them, watch them at your local play space. And do not make any promises to someone who says he knows what he is doing. (too many fakes can cause permenant harm, mental, emotional and physical by saying they know more than they do.) Join a site with a better reputation that has discussion groups and talks about things that have your interest. Hang with people who have your best interest in mind. People your age and older. (yeah, even that guy or lady who is years older than you can actually have your best interest at heart, and if he or she can accept it not being a sexual thing, then they are worth your time. Stick to your bounderies!! I cannot say this with enough conviction or emphasis. Know what you will do, and what you will not, and adhere to it. submissive does not mean carpet. and just letting someone else take the reigns and lead you where they wish can end up making your life very unpleasant. And be on the watch for that guy who says 'limits are not for submissives' He is full of shit and dangerous beyond description!!! Read Mistress Midori's writings. She has a lot to say to both Tops and bottoms. Don't let appearances fool you. He may have floggers hanging from his belt, simpering girls at his feet, and be clad in shiney leather.. but that doesn't mean a goddamn thing, because He may be ten times the schmuck as the fellow wearing jeans and a smile, and both of them are very willing to dump their load in you and leave you feeling empty and dispirited and deeply disappointed in the scene. Ah.. Did I mention Find a Mentor. Male or Female. If you are having trouble doing that, find me on , and I will refer you to someone in your area. I am quite willing to help as much as I may, but I cannot save the world.. some times you have to save yourself.. and it would be wrong for me to even attempt to help you when you need to stand on your own two feet. Take your time. You have an entire life to explore these things. Rushing in will only get you confused, bedazzled and hurt. Bright days to you, S.

A long postponed project is now nearing completion. I am satisfied that it will do exactly as it was meant to do, and be clearly understood by the target audience. I do know that I would have to put a good deal more into it if I meant it to be for the general public, and that I would have to expand on some (what i consider) basic concepts before the average person could take up the practice and be able to perform with at least basic level ability. But then, I think I would want something of the same from any skill set or practice which is as yet outside of my current knowledge, too. Perhaps I will begin writing more soon in order to make that happen.

Another month is passing. More work, more practice, some sparring and competitions. Some interesting meetings with possible lovers.. but neither of them what I am looking for. I guess I will keep looking. hoping to find that one darling girl, who is as depraved as she is sweet, with a form to fit. Something is calling me onward, strange as that sounds. or dorky as it sounds. *smirks*

I wrote this in an unusual way. It is using three voices. Mine as the observer, the hypothetical hers and his. It was inspired by reading many posts on a few (vanilla) singles sites.. and recognizing a pattern, and I visualized it less like a poem, and more like a stage performance. Imagine, if you will, a darkly lit stage. Upon it are three people. A man and a woman stand back to back, not touching, but so very close that they could. Behind them, and veiled, stands another.. man or woman matters not, but it is the observer, and the narrator of this presentation. With that scene in your mind, I present.. Duet of longing. (narrator)I close my eyes and I listen to the babble of voices over the electric airwaves. I want my dream, -I want my lover-, Can he be sweet? -Can she be affectionate?- (n)I listen to you all, and I hear more than your words, I hear your song. I need a friend, -I need a lifemate-, Can he be dedicated? -Can she be beautifull to my eyes?- (n)I can almost hear the instrument, though it isn't anything I could name. I have been so lonely, -I have been hurt so often-. Can he be true? -Can she be real?- (n)It starts out on a high plaintive note, and fades to a mournfull moan. I have almost everything I need, -I don't know what else to offer.- Does he dance? -Will she kiss eroticly?- (n)I would give my own life to let you all find someone for you, but I can't, and life changes how you love. I want to have children, -I want to have fun.- Will he take me places? -Will she like my friends?- (n)With every change, there is a coresponding sound, it is the sound of a heart breaking. I thought he loved me, -I thought she understood.- Will he tell me the truth? -Will she be cool enough not to snap?- (n)My eyes still closed, I hear the shattering, it sounds of glass and fury and tears unshed. I don't want to be alone anymore, -I don't want to be by myself forever-. Where is he? -How do I find her?- (n)If I could show you all one thing, it would be how to smile to each other, and not be afraid. I want someone who will hold my hand, -I want someone who will keep me in bed.- Will he really love me? -Will she really love me?- (n)Through it all I hear the beat of the heart, so frail but so strong and it sounds over the electronic airwaves. I know what I want but I can't find him, -I know the type of person I want to love but not where to find her.- Will he be near me? -Will she be too far away?- (n)Somehow we all keep looking. And all the while we are still singing inside. Full of a love waiting to spring forth, and cause us to act funny, and foolish, and even a little crazy. Close your eyes, and listen. Can you hear it? It's the sweet sad music of your heart, A duet of longing.

Screams of bliss in dark stone halls, the kiss of the whip echoes from the walls. Soothing words, whispered to your ear, salt on my lips as I kiss away tears, and drink your diamonds of pain. Scream. Scream, my darling one, from rising moon, to setting sun. my hand to punish, my hand to praise, my love in cruel and bitter ways, as I drink your diamonds of pain.

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Seaghdha

About Seaghdha