Collarspace.com

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sandyallen

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I am Slave, heart, and soul.
I never got to decide that this is what I was going to be; it just is who I am, and what I am. I wonder if I was born submissive, is it predetermined that we become who we become. Or could it be something that developed because of life experiences and conditioning? Deep down in the most center of my soul, it has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. Even in the most trying time of my life as a child, I did not fight, I submitted, I reason with myself now, telling myself that a fight would have been lost, so I did all I knew to do for self preservation...I submitted. As a child I didn't know the name for what I was or what I was doing, it just came naturally to me to please those around me, no matter who they were. If I knew the name of what I was, maybe I could have figured out who to give it to and who not to give it to, who deserved and who didn't... But I'm convinced there were those that knew who I was, when I didn't even know, and those took advantage of it, and so in a way it hindered my development I believe, leading to years of questioning myself, pounding down my self esteem and confidence of myself and I became critical of myself due to what was said to me as a child. ....
I even spent a few years of my adult life trying to ignore the submissive inside of me, a few more years trying to find the answer as to why and how, a few more years of trying to disassemble my submissive side and a few more years allowing its presence to come out, yet only letting certain people think it was just a kink, not a way of life for me. ....
I fell in my searches as unsuspecting prey, thinking that who I was talking to about such things, were respectful, honorable people that knew much more than I, and I did have the sponge affect of learning, thirsty to know all that was to know. Wanting so badly to understand fully what it meant to be submissive, moving over the web as my personal life couldn't be allowed in on the subject.
I fell for the "Master's" who claimed to be real life or cyber life in their fulfillments, yet when I started to run across many that had the same attitude, demanded much from "the new sub on the block" I started to realize that what they were looking for was not what I was looking for. I was not searching for the erotica of the bedroom scene, or the satisfaction of the moment, my search was more, and my search was to find myself, to understand the emotions that I was having. I started reading instead of chatting, and started to finally learn what it was inside of me that gave me drive in my life. I met just a few sincere people, subs and Dominants alike, to those I owe my thanks, for they gave me the tools to pave the road ahead of me. ....

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philsub4
 
 Age: 21
 Miami, Florida