The new year started off extremely rough for me.  Things left over from previous and then something major happening starting off from the get go.  i was left feeling beyond lost and down all the time and thinking things would never get better or be the same again.  Thanks to my family and a couple close friends, they did and still do what they can to show me it will get better.  When it all comes down to it though, i realized i'm thankful to still be here and One person was my Rock threw it all and still is now.  i have never looked at Him as weak but always strong and when i needed it the most, i saw a different side to Him, a much stronger Man, strong for me.  He helps me hold on when needed and He helps me hold my head up high. He made me realize more then ever, i'm still headed in the right direction. i still get those nudges and pushes in the right directions when needed and believe me, i know i can be stubborn at times. i realize now though more then ever, without my Rock, without all He has done to help and guide me, i would still be that lost person.  All i can do is thank my Rock knowing that may never be enough, but thank You always, taps my chest. <3

Well life has its ups and downs and believe me when i say, i have had enough to last a lifetime, thanks.  There is always one thing that brings me back around, my thoughts of knowing i am exactly who i am suppose to be.  Some people like me for that, some not. Over time i have realized that its all the ups and downs that have made me who i am today.  lol not to say i will ever stop needing some fine tuning.  i have certain people who i hold close to my heart, some past relationships that linger on there too, some good, some bad, but when i have picked myself back up, i have always gone on. Stronger each time because of it.  i do not see myself any better then anyone else, often just different.  lol and i'm sure there are a couple of people who would be willing to agree to that.

sana a.k.a. sammie

i was sitting here the other night, just bored and started going through some of my writings.  Different things i have written over time.  Some shocked me, some didn't.  It's amazing how one changes in some ways and in other ways, nothing has seemed to changed at all.  i came across one of my poems and realized it was one of the things i wrote about that never has changed.

"Hunger"

Have you ever hungered,

not sure what is wrong,

just feeling that need,

just feeling that want.

The hunger consuming you,

taking over your life,

knowing someday, someway,

the Beast will get fed.

But until then,

the hunger goes on,

trying your hardest,

to get the Beast to rest.

sana a.k.a. sammie

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i also came across a poem that was written for me, by someone beyond special in my life.  i hope you get as much out of as i do.

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Always

Always whisper your hopes and wishes on the wings of a dream.

Never forget to say I love you 'cause you don't know when you'll get that chance again.

Remember that no matter how bad you have it,

someone has it worse.

Always keep your head held high.

Never forget who you really are, and let your true self shine.

Remember to always look fear in the face and never say die.

Always treat others with respect even when thery aren't deserving.

Never feel disgraced for your beliefs.

Remember to stay true to yourself.

Always believe in yourself, be free, be yourself.

Always

c.w.j. for w.b.v.j. 2002