RomanticRebel

I occasionally get messages from women telling me that they find me attractive, yet even after some time chatting they refuse to make a move. Like maybe I'm just missing signals because yeah, I'm kind of oblivious like that, but I'm also kind of looking for you to take me by the hand and kind of lead me there, you know?

So some things I feel like I should clarify. I'm not what most people would think of when they think of a submissive man. I'm not skinny or fem or cutesy. I'm tall, strong, obviously masculine and kind of quiet. I've been told I come off as intimidating, but the truth is I'm a giant teddy bear. I don't do well with sadistic types. I need a lot of comfort and love, reassurance that you care for me and want the best for me. That's so hard to find anymore it seems. Maybe it's the pornography out there influencing our little subculture, maybe it's just that I'm a rare one, I don't know. 

I guess what I'm saying is I want to have rules, I want structure and discipline when necessary, I want to serve and make my lady happy. I just don't want to be degraded outside of play, I don't want to be hurt or thought of as worthless or expendable.

I want to be loved.

I'm running on empty, and the late nights and long drives start to get to me. I'm just so tired

The short weekend begins with longing...

It doesn't matter who we are, what matters is our plan...

I'm trying, Ringo. I'm trying real hard to be the shepherd...

The Invocation:

Rising up, stronger than ever

Truth burns in my heart

Love is what holds me together

My life a work of art

Today is a gift

A new chance to treasure

Life gives only one shot

So I say live beyond measure

Love and pain and growth and change

Come only if you dare

If you want these living joys

Be not afraid to err

For one day soon we all will die

Our bodies taken from this earth

And on that day you'll ask yourself

What was my life worth?

Did I love?

Did I live?

Did I laugh?

Did I give?

Did I care for those that cared for me?

Did I do all that I could?

Am I satisfied with what I've done

As I lay in this box of wood?

I want to be loved, not just loved on

I want to be of use, not used

I want to trust, and be trusted

I want to be respected, and respectable

I want to teach, and learn

I want to grow, and help you grow

There is a dawn, my friends, and it has come for me. Like the phoenix, I am rising from the ashes, stronger than ever.

Feeling a bit of negative energy building up in me... I need to smoke and write. Maybe I'll have some new shit for you to read this weekend...

My war, you're one of them.
You say that you're my friend,
But you're one of them.

You don't wanna see me live.
You don't want me to give
'Cause you're one of them.

My war, you're one of them.
You say that you're my friend,
But you're one of them,
Them, them, them, them, them!

Yeah!


War, you're one of them.
You say that you're my friend,
But you're one of them.

I might not know what a friend is.
All I know is what you're not
'Cause you're one of them,
Them.

My war, you're one of them.
You said that you're my friend.
You're one of them, one of them,
One of them, you're one of them.

Yeah!
You're one of them.
This time, this time.
This lie.
My life, my death.

I have a prediction; it lives in my brain.
It's with me everyday; it drives me insane.
I feel it in my heart, that if I had a gun,
I feel it in my heart, I'd wanna kill some.
I feel it in my heart, the end will come.
Come on.

My war, you're one of them.
You say you're my friend,
But you're one of them.

Tell me that I'm wrong.
Try to sing me your ego song.
You're one of them.

My war, you're one of them.
You said that you're my friend,
But you're one of them,
One of them, you're one of them.



You're one of them.
You're one of them!
I can't believe you!

You're one of them,
And you're one of them,
And you're one of them,
And you're one of them!
One of them, them, them,

Them, them, them, them, them!
My war!

I find it ironically hilarious that religious organizations are advertising on the science channel.

Absolution is for the dead

This is something I feel that every dominant needs to read and think about. I did not write this, but I feel it is put more eloquently than I ever could:

http://www.freewebs.com/newsubmissives/3caringforasubmissive.htm

People have a funny way of letting their egos get in the way of their better judgement. Sometimes it's not about what's right or what's good for a group, but what's good for the person in question. 

In my profession, I drive myself to be the best I can be. This can lead to me working far too much, and forgetting those I care for. I suppose a good amount of this is ego-driven. I not only want to do well, but I want others to see me as doing well. Sometimes I need someone to pull me back and tell me that I'm doing enough, or even too much. Usually this is hard, if not impossible, to find in the workplace.

I must choose now to walk one of two paths. The one I am on can be a rocky one, filled with bumps, bruises, and pitfalls. However, I am quite convinced that it is one that can help build a better world.

The other path may be far easier, and safer. I could do it, but I feel as though I would question whether I was doing right or not.

Shedding skin can be a fairly painful experience...

I don't ever intend to be harsh or unkind. I wasn't born with a scarred and callous heart. Quite the opposite actually. Many years of hard living, cold betrayal, and abuse has made me this way.

Under this shell, I am actually quite tender, and can be hurt very easily. A misplaced bit of anger stings like a pinprick. Words can do more damage to me than arrows. Being ignored is the worst fate of all. It crushes my heart like a boulder.

I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to be afraid. I want to love and trust, to be loved and cared for. I want to laugh, without reservation. I want to be open, and feel safe being so.

I am fighting very hard to keep darkness at bay, to not let myself be consumed by cynicism and hatred for others. 

I'm considering uploading an intro video with me playing my guitar. Just need to figure out what to play. I'm torn between Hendrix's "Little Wing" and Megadeth's "Tornado of Souls".

This question was posed in a group I am part of awhile back, and I feel that my response would make a good journal entry.

How can a man be both an alpha male, and submissive?

I have been mulling over this question in my mind for several days now, and I think I am ready to give my answer. When I am on the job, I have to be the one in charge. Indeed, I seem to be so in most social settings as well, considering that I have been the main creative and management force in most bands that I've been in. Now, my brand is less the rough, mean enforcer, and more that of the mafia don, the man behind the scenes rather than the brute beating up others.

This may seem to be a bit of a paradox on the surface, but I feel that my professional and personal lives are separate entities. Submission, to me, is a matter of heart. Quite frankly, it is how I love. I want to see my Lady happy and content. I want her to know that I love her, and would go to the moon to please her. That, I feel, is how a man can be both an alpha male, and a submissive.

I do what I do because if I did not, I would not be me. Do you follow?

It is action that makes a person a person. You may think and say whatever, but it is what you do that defines you, and lends credibility to what you say you are. 

We have all, at one time or another, met those who's actions are the exact opposite of what they say. In fact, I am sure there are many who, like myself, have been naive enough to believe the words without examining the actions. However, like others, I have learned to look beyond words and match them with deeds. 

Tell me: What do you value?

I value my life, for I have nearly lost it

I value my freedom, for I have been trapped

I value the little things, for I have had nothing

I value my friends, for I have been alone

I value sacrifice, for it is worth it in the end

I value struggle, because it is worth having

I value intelligence, because I have been a fool

I value pain, because I have been numb

I value vision, for I have been blind

I value truth, for I have been deceived

I value living, because I have been dead

You demand the best, but offer nothing

You ask the most, yet give the least

You want sacrifice, without the pain

Thunder, without the rain

The world to give, without earning

You place yourself above, undeserved

Posses, control, abuse

Take, without giving

Life, without living,

You know not what you do

It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything...

It's a mighty hard row that my poor hands have hoed
My poor feet have traveled a hot dusty road
Out of your Dust Bowl and Westward we rolled
And your deserts were hot and your mountains were cold

I worked in your orchards of peaches and prunes
I slept on the ground in the light of the moon
On the edge of the city you'll see us and then
We come with the dust and we go with the wind

California, Arizona, I harvest your crops
Well its North up to Oregon to gather your hops
Dig the beets from your ground, cut the grapes from your vine
To set on your table your light sparkling wine

Green pastures of plenty from dry desert ground
From the Grand Coulee Dam where the waters run down
Every state in the Union us migrants have been
We'll work in this fight and we'll fight till we win

It's always we rambled, that river and I
All along your green valley, I will work till I die
My land I'll defend with my life if it be
Cause my pastures of plenty must always be free

Why am I so easy to get rid of?
Am I really nothing more than a strong pair of arms?
A warm and open heart?
A crutch when one is needed?

I was there the moment you needed me
Held you as you cried
Listened to you talk about the others
Took care of you when you needed me

Now, you've taken flight
And left me here alone
A sweet memory or a used condom
I can't decide which

Do you not see the human being
left broken and alone
Haunted by abandonment
Or am I just a means?

Do I really mean nothing at the end of the day?
Is all that I do, all that I say
Everything I am and will be
Expendable?

I often find myself wondering if there are those out there looking for someone like me. I am not a "sissy", nor am I a cuckold, nor someone who is into financial domination. I am a man. A submissive man, one who does not think himself weak or worthless. One who does not simply give his submission, but allows it to be earned, through knowledge and trust of my partner.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm simply a dinosaur...

‎"If there is no struggle, there is no progress. Those who profess to favor freedom, and yet depreciate agitation, want crops without plowing the ground. They want rain without thunder and lightning. They want the ocean without the awful roar of its many waters. This struggle may be a moral one; or it may be a physical one; or it may be both moral and physical, but it must be a struggle. Power concedes nothing without a demand. It never did and never will"

-Fredrick Douglass