Initial Dom and sub meeting recommendations:
I have talked with a number of female subs about initial meetings that they had when looking for a new or first Dom. Given the world the way it is, some of the answers I got scared me a bit for their safety.
So, these are my suggestions for a sub meeting a potential Dom in real life. I am going to assume (STRONGLY remmoned) that there was some email/online correspondence first and not a "Blind Date" scenario (although these suggestions would apply then as well)
In the BDSM life, as well as in life in general, you will have the good, the bad and the ugly sort of people. The good will by far be the majority.
When you get to the point where you are going to physically meet someone that you will be considering as a Dom, keep the following in mind:
You are still a human being and as such you deserve respect until you demonstrate that you do
not.
Even when you agree to be someone's sub, your Dom should care for and respect you, as you do
him. Yes, s/he is going to be the higher authority in the relationship but that does not mean you
are a mindless doormat with no feelings.
As for as your initial safety goes when meeting a potential Dom, my suggestion for ALL subs is this:
Have a friend that you trust(in the life if possible so they understand what is going on) arrange to receive calls from you and be ready to help you bail if needed or to call the police should that be necessary.
Have your first 2 meetings(minimum) with a prospective Dom in neutral, public locations so that you can relax and talk comfortably. You would be surprised at how well you can hold a private conversation walking the mall or "window shopping" in a department store.
Give your friend a call when you arrive at the meeting and give them an approximate end . Then call again when you leave. If you find that you will run longer than you told your friend, call them again and give them an update.
If/when you decide to meet more privately, before this, check their drivers license (Be sure that you do it, do not just have them tell you the info) and write down their name, address, DL number and their phone number if you do not already have it. The make, model and license plate number of their car is good to have too if you can see it. Call/give this information to your friend (over the phone if need be). Let them know when you will leaving to go there, about how long you will be (and call if it looks like you will be staying longer) and again when you leave. Finally, make sure and take your own car and follow them so you cannot be stranded and forced into anything or otherwise hurt. If you do not like the looks of the area s/he is taking you to, or through, turn off and leave - FAST!
Most of all, look on this as a courtship for each of you and remember that either of you can terminate it for any or no reason. If s/he terminates it, you should not take it personally, it may just be that they feel that your needs do not line up properly with theirs. You should terminate it as well if you discover that your needs and theirs do not match well. When in this type of 'negotiation', Look closely at what your NEEDS and WANTS are as opposed to your likes and 'would be nice' issues. Also, bear in mind what your limits are and do not compromise them.
One of the things that will help you to see if they are compatible is for each of you (when the other is not present) to make up a list of your fetishes (I like to call them kinks, but that is just me – and Dominance or Submission are not on the list – they are facts). Then carefully go over the list and somehow mark those that are absolute NEEDS. That is those kinks that if not engaged in on a fairly regular or consistent basis would leave you feeling unfulfilled. For most people, this list of needs can be pared down to 6 or less. Increase the number if you really need to, but remember these are NEEDS. Then, mark those that are High Likes that you like to engage in but that if needed you could get by without. All others are ones that are in consideration or fun on an occasional basis. Then when you meet, check how well your Needs match up. In my opinion, 2/3 + of the needs should match up, with the rest being on the others High Like list. If one or the other of you is not feeling satisfied from your time together the relationship is not going to last. Prevent the pain and anguish of this by putting in the extra time up front.
The foundation for ANY D/s relationship needs to be trust, respect and honesty. Some form of emotional attachment will likely grow, but I see that as more of a capstone to the foundation.
Remember, you are putting your safety and maybe even your life in their hands, so you MUST be able to trust them.
Having defined your limits, you must believe that he will RESPECT them and you.
If there is no HONESTY, there can be no real trust or respect.
Please, be safe and not sorry. Any Dom worth his or her salt will not only respect you for your caution, but should also applaud it.