repairmanjack


repairman11 Male Switch, 50, Youngstown, Ohio	repairman Male Dominant, 48	RepairerofDrea Male Dominant, 50, Baltimore, Maryland

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	About repairmanjack Just because I contact you doesn't necessarily mean I'm interested in you. I do, however, comment on profiles and pictures I like or find have something worth mention. If someone's interested in having me as Dom/Master, after reading what I have in my profile and blog, I figure they will say so, otherwise I will not waste yours and my own time sending you an email your not going to read, much less answer. I do NOT do this because I am Dom and YOU must 'Come crawling to me!'... I do it because you know what your looking for and are adult enough to tell me if I'm it, I don't need to make petty power plays. Experienced Dom, new to South Carolina. Over 25 years experience. I prefer to take subs on a temporary basis for training. I will train both male and female, though I prefer female. Body type, age, size, ethnicity is not important. I take all, first come, first served. Its not about sex or marriage for me, so if thats your thing, happy trails. I have a safe, sane environment for up to 4 24/7 subs, but finding competent, sane, safe Doms here to provide assistance has not been easy, so I would like to keep at one to two for now. I had two college subbies here over summer, they have returned to school, so I am now available.

The single most prevelant emotion expressed on BDSM sites is....

Frustration. Hurt follows a close second, followed by anticipation. Finding a Dom/sub is hard, and it's difficult to say what you want, when you may not even know or have the words to explain. This is covered in so many post, by people who took the time to figure it out, but it's always worth saying again. Your going to have people call you a fake. Fact of life. Your going to have someone who looks perfect, fade when you say ok. Fact of life. People are going to be mean. Fact of life.

So, you want a sub, or Dom as the case may be... call it slave, Daddy... doesn't matter, you want some one to be something you need in your life. You get tons of messages, and few look promising but don't pan out. You begin to wonder if there really is someone out there for you. You KNOW you want something, but cant be specific because your not sure or don't know what to say. Then tell people what you DON'T want. I know it's not 'politically correct' to judge on looks, but the truth of the matter is that as humans, everything begins with the appeal of looks.. If you don't want some one of certain body type, age, race, gender, intelligence, or even shoe size for that matter... say so. Be blunt, factual and honest. Don't even answer those who say your bias or prejudice or whatever little pet peeve they have chosen to throw at you. They are too, whether they believe it or not.

Save your self the agony and frustration and don't answer messages that are clearly meant to antagonize, or provoke you into playing what I call 'the photo collector game'. These are people who work on you till you give em a photo, but thats not good enough, so they badger you for more and more. Don't play that game. If you don't want to post a photo, then don't let your self be goaded into sending one cuz someone says your fake, and you need to prove your not. Truth is you don't have to prove anything to anyone you don't want to. This is why the internet gods made mute/delete buttons.

While it is polite to answer people who are genuine, but don't fit the bill, some, probably many, are going to take that the wrong way and write some evil shit to you. Thats a call you have to make yourself as to whether you answer or not to those messages.

I know its frustrating wading through 1000 messages to find one decent prospect. OR sending out 1000 messages in hopes you find one person to answer back. Thats just the way it is. But you can help your search by understanding this, and not allowing yourself to be drawn into idiot games. Set your standards, don't settle for second best, and hunker down for the long haul. When you do find a prospect, communicate honestly. I know it's cliche, but being friends first, even in a D/s courtship, can make a world of positive difference.

On the other hand, if your here to be one of those people who antagonize others, I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say you have the right to be what you are too. These sites are about fulfilling needs, and if thats your need... to cry fake at every turn... message hate to people who wont automatically accept you... con people with false hope... attempt to play BDSM government...then you have that right. Self therapy takes many strange forms, and I suppose it better than you being out and about, beating on loved ones, abusing animals, or whatever alternative you may come up with.

So what makes my advice more legitimate than anyone else's? Nothing. But if it helps, I do this for a living.?

My summer sub sent me this little note and asked me to post it. She is a good and gentle soul. I read this, and I was both pleased and a bit embarrassed, but I would never edit or even criticize another persons views or ideas.? However, In my own defense: I'm NOT goofy.

10 things every subbie should know about this Dom/Master:

They should know there is no other person more true to His word and conviction in His dedication to their BDSM experience.

They should open up to the experience and let go.

They should know they will never use the safeword they pick: He may push them farther than they thought they could go, but He will never take them too far.

They should know He sees and hears within them what they do not.

They should know to be careful what they ask for: They'll get it.

They should not mistake His good manners and easy going attitude for weakness.

They should never assume His every smile is a friendly one.

They should not think His soft spoken voice and gentle touch are signs of forgiveness.

They should know i will gladly trade places with them at any time. :)

If they choose to have a social relationship with Him outside the BDSM lifestyle, they should never mistake His goofy, loving, caring, sensitive nature as a betrayal to the lifestyle.

Lastly, one for the Doms that come to play at the house with His slaves/subs: Beware the fury of this patient Man.

Mind you, opinions are as varied as the people who form them. Your mileage may vary.

Thank you for the kind note. You are missed.

Goofy indeed... jeez.

?

I have a young woman who comes to my place when she can steal time from her work or private life to be a sub and live her BDSM fantasies. Her fantasies center around humiliation and gang rape. She has been coming here regularly since I moved here, and a few times before when I lived in New Orleans. She's 28 years old, beautiful, has a professional career in Columbia, and is engaged to nice young man who is also a professional. He is, however, adverse to indulging her fantasies. So, every odd week or so, she will call and request time. Last night she called and asked if I had any plans for the night. I replied that was staying home to watch some movies and do some reading. She asked if I would mind if she joined me. It was 9pm on a Friday night, and this was unusual but I said that would be fine. She was only three blocks away. Another unusual occurrence.

She arrived, and we went into the study... I could see she was somewhat agitated. She had a request, an unusual request for her: she wanted to watch movies with me and cuddle. Just cuddle. I see my role as a Dom to accommodate any request I can, so I said that would be fine. She seemed immensely relieved that I had agreed. I never push people to explain their actions or desires. If they want to talk about it, they will. So, I made popcorn (Yeah, I know... so plain a fare for movie watching, but its a comfort food to me) and loaded the first movie, one of my favorites, French Kiss (Yes, I like chick flicks as well as other genre.... so sue me) She was surprised at my choice, and said she loved that movie also. We settled in, cuddling, eating popcorn, and watched the movie. She was perfectly content, and I had to wonder at this radical departure from her normal visits. However, I understand that nothing in human behavior is set in stone, and I find that to be a wonderful thing.

We watched two more movies, Sweet Home Alabama and Casablanca.... both favs. With out actually discussing it, she wound up staying the night, in one of the guest rooms, and left this morning after we had breakfast. She never explained why she had needed to spend Friday night in this way, and I most likely will never know. But, to my way of thinking, I was honored that she would ask me to spend that time with her.

BDSM has been good to me. It's a life far from most peoples. I have never been bored with it. But, just as she departed from her norm, I have as well. My best friend is a 19 year old girl named Heather. She is bright, intelligent, beautiful, happy, deeply religious and has NO clue about my involvement in BDSM. That we are friends at all is something of a mystery. She is waitress at Waffle House, a place I simple refuse to go to, but my brother is a big fan, and he visited when I first arrived here and wanted to have breakfast there as is his custom. My brother and I have a strained relationship. He is older by 9 years, the oldest of us five kids. He chose the path of Electrical Engineer, I chose Medicine. He loves working in the field building huge industrial facilities, and I live the quiet routine of my practice, teaching and research. We are complete opposites. He chose Waffle House, knowing I detest the place, trying to get a rise out of me. Where he has a volatile temper and quick to anger, I have none and tend to consider most confrontation unworthy of engagement. But here we were... in Waffle House... and lucky enough to get Heather as our waitress.

Heather proclaimed this was the best Waffle House with the finest food. I was already in the mood of hoping my brother would cut short his visit and go away, so in a moment completely out of character I told Heather that her declaration was not only an oxymoron, but unprovable. To her credit, she was the only one there who got what I said. Somehow we got into a rolling gun battle over food, its proper preparation, etc, etc, etc... and we disliked each other intensely before we finally left. As much as tried to disengage, Heather would re-engage with varying tactics, and my brother was just too happy to see me in this situation to even think of going. To my surprise, her arguments were well thought out, and logical. Words I would never associate with Waffle House cooking.

Of course my brother had to go back next day, and sure enough, there was Heather, smiling brightly. Only this time, we somehow got on the subject classical music. I'm sure everyone in there, my brother included, tuned that conversation out. But the morning proved pleasant, even if the food was not, and I left having promised to bring her a few CDs of music she had asked for. She was off next day, but as it was Sunday, she come to the Waffle House to be paid, and I would drop off the CDs.

We met next day, and what started as a quick hand off of CDs, became an hour of listening and talking. She has a love of sea food, books, classical music and the ocean that we share. I asked her if she would like to go to favorite restaurant of mine for some great seafood, and she declined, sighting a prior obligation... but asked for a rain check... she always wanted to go to that restaurant, but couldn't afford it... so we agreed to go on that Tuesday, her next day off.

Since then, she has been a good friend. We have never even remotely approached sex. We simply enjoy each others company. We sail, ride horses, and look at the sights together. She has had four boy friends since I have known her, and as soon as they find out her faith in god will not allow for sex, they leave. If she has any idea what some of my 'home furnishings' are for, she hasn't let on, and we have never approached that subject either.

That she young enough to be my daughter never entered into it except one time... She accompanied me to Charleston, me to attend a seminar at MUSC, her to shop and sightsee. We stayed at the Francis Marion, down town, and the three days were great. We stayed in the same suite, separate beds. As we were leaving to go to dinner the second evening, something happened. The valet had brought the car around, and we were about to get in when all sound stopped. An odd moment as though the whole world paused to take a collective breath... no traffic sounds... no talking... none of the ever present city sounds...nothing... except one valet saying to another: 'She fucking that old man, you think?' Everyone heard it... everyone knew the kid was a victim of improbably bad timing... and I blew it off. But not Heather... she went ballistic... to the point of slapping the valet., and chewing out the assistant manager on the street. It's not my place to say she could have handled that differently. I trust her to know herself, and if she feels badly for her actions, then I'm here to listen IF she wants to talk.

I like my friendship with Heather. There is no expectation, no sexual pressure, no need to prove anything to each other... it's safe. Often her boyfriends don't like our friendship, and we stop the daily phone calls and text messages, and things we do together... then they dump her, and we pick back up. Again, this is her choice, and far be it for me to judge her choices.

Is it really that inconceivable that a 48 year old man and a 19 year old woman could be just friends? Is it inconceivable that a sub may want to put aside the D/s relationship and just cuddle for one night with someone she trust? Perhaps. But not if you live an alternative lifestyle such as BDSM where anything is possible. It broadens your horizons, and makes acceptance of situations outside the vanilla 'norm' perfectly natural. At least it should.

College starts again, and my two 24/7's leave today.

For him, a new life has opened, and he's eager and excited to explore it. That it has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with pleasing his next Master/Mistress shows he took the experience to heart, and I cant help but smile at his enthusiasm. 20 years old and the lifestyle is his oyster. I'm jealous in a way. Our once a week talks over the course of the summer show a movement from wild abandon to a keen understanding of what it takes to balance service with a little rebellion, and he will make someone an awesome sub.

For her....well... it's a different story. She doesn't want to go. The security and structure have proven to be too alluring. She discovered her self in the pleasure and pain. Even as I write this, she is crying quietly. Her hand keeps going to the collar that is no longer there. Last night she broke down and begged to stay. Now, she ask to take the clothes off, and I tell her that I no longer command her. It's time to return to college, earn that degree, and interface what she has learned here with what she will be out there. It breaks my heart to see her like this. This is her last and greatest pain by my hand... and completely unintentional. Intense and sever. In six hours she will board her plane, and she is a wreck. So tiny but hardly fragile: so beautiful, yet made of sterner stuff than any Dom. She took her trip to the edge of her limits and beyond better than most, and yet... inside, she is about to break far worse than any whip or device, any humiliating word or act, any physical pressure could do. I had thought this might happen, and in our weekly talks, I had been preparing her for this. But, she fooled me. Her bright smile and expressions of happiness at returning to college blinded me to flags of this impending issue. Separation anxiety, abandonment, loss of security and comfort... these are the stuff of emotional and psychological crisis for her... and I dont have time to help her. It's not as simple as saying 'Then don't go': she is 19, and her parents don't know of her involvement in the lifestyle, and they are paying for her college. They have high expectations, and she and they have a deal.... one she shouldn't break.

This was the arraignment. One summer. three months. 24/7. Then return to school. A chance to explore and experience a lifestyle. I have come to love them both, as I have every sub I have had the pleasure to work with. In a sad, tragic way... I love her far more than I should have.... I am in love with how she appears so delicate, yet has a core of titanium and an absolute? love of the lifestyle that makes me envious. Was I that way at her age?

There was no sex between myself and them... but the act of bringing submission and, for them, the act of submitting, is a far more powerful thing than vanilla people will ever understand.

And thats why I love what I do, but hate it with equal passion... when it ends... my own personal and intense pain to say goodbye to someone I have had this incredible bond with... and this pain I have never dared try to understand.

Love begins with an image,

Lust with a sensation;

Lust is when you love what you see;

Love is when you lust for whats inside.

"'Come to the edge', he said.
They said, 'We are afraid'.
'Come to the edge', he said.
They came.
He pushed them...
And they flew." - Guillaume Apollinaire

After having looked at several profiles of subbies, I see a pattern: Too many Doms who dream it but cannot do it. This is a sad reality.
Few Doms understand the true nature of domination, and what a subbie wants, needs and has to have. There is a difference, and I'll illustrate in non-BDSM terms: You WANT a new car, you NEED food, you HAVE TO HAVE oxygen.

In psychiatry we know that these differences are often mis-read and difficult for a sub to define. 90% of the individuals who come to sites such as this with the desire to be a Dom, simply don't understand the complex nature of the Dom/Sub relationship. And, sadly, for many of them wanting is far more pleasing than having. The reality of inexperience hits home with devestaing swiftness when a sub says 'Yes, I want to be your real life subbie', and the 'Dom' is forced to retract. Often with no apology or explaination what so ever.

The desires that subbies feel are actual physiologically NEEDs. Where as in the Dom, this is not so. For the Dom it is emotion and personality conflict based, rather than physiological.

I wish i had an answer to this. I have spent many years trying to find the perfect way to match Doms and Subbies, based on motive, needs and experience. My best advise to subbies is ASK DIFFICULT QUESTIONS of any potential Dom. A little soul searching on a subs part to help define needs is always a good idea. Find someone you trust, and talk it out. I won't address Doms, as I have yet to meet a single on who could take constructive critism very well...but then, that is nature of the Dominant Personality. :)

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repairmanjack

About repairmanjack