Rattanroyal


rattaned Male Submissive, 49, windsor ontario	Rattancane4u Male Dominant, 58, London	RattanPleasure Male Dominant, 62, New York

More Dominant Men in United Kingdom

		Back		KPM		Directory		Interests



	About Rattanroyal Straight Male Dominant in search of a relationship that can mature over time, giving depth and trust. Just to make things clear, I am single with no baggage. I have all the experience required to lead someone into this lifestyle but understand that each new relationship means it is a learning experience for both no matter what experience levels each may have. I do not have a picture of me showing here simply because of my job. I am quite happy to provide a picture once we have got to know each other. You will be someone who is also looking for a long term, deepening relationship. One where your submission will always be there, but allowing for the real world and its normal daily challenges. I haven't filled in the likes and dislikes thing overly much. I have sufficient experience and a range of likes that suit most occasions. It would probably be best to discover commonality in discussion. I am financially independent and have my own place. I am always happy to travel, but for clarity if this is important to you, daily meets can easily be accommodated anywhere between Bedford and Watford. If the above is of interest, by all means get in touch. Easier that way as I am sure any message I send will get lost amongst all the others. For those with a sense of humour, enjoy the jokes in my journal. This Lifestyle needs a sense of humour, as does the rest of life, without it there can be tears.

Do you fart in bed ?
If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I’ll pray for you. This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning
she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, “Honey you were right… all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.” “What do you mean?” asked his wife. “Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in…….............…..”

A young boy called Kev about 12 years old was walking down the street dragging a
flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of 'a
house of ill repute' and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it,
she saw the boy and asked what he wanted.

He said, ''I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money
to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it."

The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told
him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, 'Do any of the girls have
any diseases?' Of course the Madam said, 'No'.

The boy said, 'I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after
making love with Amber -THAT'S the girl I want.'

Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the
Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.

He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes
later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out
the door.

The Madam stopped him and asked,'Why did you pick the only girl in the place
with a disease, instead of one of the others?'

He said, 'Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home,my parents are
going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter.
After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just
happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease
that I just caught. When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter
home. On the way, he'll give her one in the car and , he'll catch the disease.
Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go to bed
and have sex, and Mum will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work,
the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the
disease, and HE'S the bloke I’m after because ''HE'S THE BASTARD WHAT RAN OVER
MY FROG!''

Walked in 2 my house Friday night, my wife was gone & a note nailed to the wall said "We have your wife, if you want to see her again alive we want £1,000,000 Do not call the police, we are very determined. Await a phone call!!!" l tell you what they weren't joking about being determined! since Saturday morning
I've had 72 missed calls!!!

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's
to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs
of me wife !"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best
toast of the night !

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the
prize for the Best toast of The night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me
life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking
buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled
leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other
night at The pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit
surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years.
"Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep"!

A Frenchman, a German and an Englishman are in the pub.
The Frenchman says, “Last night I poured Cognac all over my wife, licked it off and made love to
her for 3 hours. She rose a foot off of the bed”.
The German replies, “That’s nothing. Last night I smothered my wife with Sauerkraut, ate it all
off her, made love to her for 4 hours. She rose two feet off of the bed”.
The Englishman says with a smirk, “You lightweights, last night I got drunk, made love to my wife
for two minutes, then fell asleep. She hit the roof!”

A dum blonde was driving home and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to the repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a dum blonde and decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard and all the dents would pop out. The blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tail pipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder and still nothing happened. Her roommate, also a dum blonde, came home and said, “What are you doing? “The blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Her blonde roommate rolled her eyes and said, “Hello! You need to roll up the windows first!”

There was a man who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged 6 miles a day. One day, he took a look in the mirror and noticed that he was tan all over except his 'thing.' So, he decided to do something about it.
He went to the beach, completely undressed himself and buried in the sand, except for his 'thingie,' which he left sticking out.
Two old ladies were strolling along the beach, one using a cane. Upon seeing the 'thing' sticking up over the sand, she began to move it around with her cane, remarking to the other lady, "There's no justice in the world."
The other lady asked what she meant.
When I was 20, I was curious about it.
When I was 30, I enjoyed it.
When I was 40, I asked for it.
When I was 50, I paid for it.
When I was 60, I prayed for it.
When I was 70, I forgot about it.
Now, I am 80 and the damn things are growing wild on the beach and I'm too old to squat.

It’s a beautiful warm day and a man and his wife are at the Zoo.
She’s wearing a cute loose-fitting, pink , sleeveless dress
with straps.
As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very
large gorilla, the beast goes crazy. He jumps up on the bars,
holding on with one hand and his feet, grunting and pounding his
chest with his free hand. The gorilla is obviously excited at
the pretty lady .
The husband, noticing the excitement, proposes that his wife
tease the poor fellow. The husband suggests she pucker her lips,
wiggle her bottom, and play along. She does, and the gorilla
gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.
Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall.
She does, and the gorilla is just about to tear the bars down.
“Now try lifting your dress up your thighs.” This drives the
gorilla absolutely crazy.
Suddenly, the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the
cage door, slings her in with the gorilla and slams the door
shut.

“Now, tell HIM you have a headache !”

A blonde is overweight so her doctor put her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for two days," he tells her. "Then skip a day and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time see you, youâ€™ll have lost at least five pounds."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly four stone. "Why that's amazing," the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger you mean?" Asks the doctor.
"No," replies the blonde, "from skipping."

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette one day, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."

So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss.

She quietly sneaks out of the house and vows to return home at her normal time the next day.
In the morning, the brunette says: "That was fun, we should do it again sometime."

"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn't hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It's Irv. "So there is an afterlife! What's it like?" Sid asks. 'Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have sex, lots of sex. Then I go back sleep, but I get up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more sex. Take a nap. Huge dinner. More sex. Go to sleep, and wake up the next day." "Oh, my god," says Sid "So that's what heaven is like?" "Oh no," says Irv. "I'm not in heaven. I'm a bear in Yellowstone Park."

A hot looking blonde walks in to a CASINO and wanders up to one of the craps tables. She looks at the two table handlers and says “I want to bet $25,000 dollars. It’s all the money I have. The only request is that I play topless as I have found that this provides me the most luck at winning.”
The two men agree and watch anxiously as the woman unbuttons her blouse, removes it, and then removes her bra. She puts the money down on the table and rolls the dice. As the dice stop, she starts jumping up and down and screaming, “I WON I WON I WON!” She gathers her winnings puts the chips in her bag, pulls on her shirt and walks out.
The two men at the table look at each other, one asks the other, “So what did she roll?” The other man says, “I thought you where watching?”

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet’s, when they struck up a conversation. The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and said: “So, why are you here?”
The yellow Lab replied: “I’m a pisser. I piss on everything….the sofa, the curtains, the cat and the kids. But the final straw was last night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner’s bed.”
The black Lab said: “So what’s the vet going to do?”
“Gonna cut my nuts off,” came the reply from the yellow Lab.
“They reckon it’ll calm me down.”
The Yellow Lab then turned to the Black Lab and asked: “So, why are you here?”
The Black Lab said: “I’m a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees. I dig just for the hell of it. When I’m inside, I dig up the carpets, but I went over the line last night, when I dug a great big hole in my owners’ couch.”
“So what are they going to do to you ? ” the Yellow Lab enquired.
“Looks like I’m losing my nuts too,” the dejected Black Lab said.
The Black Lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked: “Why are you here?”
“I’m a humper,” said the Great Dane. “I’ll hump anything. I’ll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts; I want to hump everything I see.”
Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn’t help myself. I hopped on her back and started hammering away.”
The Black and the Yellow Labs exchanged a sad glance and said: “So, it’s nuts off for you too, huh?”
The Great Dane said: “No. Apparently I’m here to get my nails clipped!”

Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days.
A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Irish sausages?" The assistant asks, "Are you Irish?"
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am, but let me ask you something... If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?
Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?
The assistant says, "No, I probably wouldn't." The guy says, "Well then, just because I asked for Irish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Irish?" The assistant replied, "well, ...... because you're in Halfords.

A guy and his girlfriend are out having drinks. While they're sitting there having a good time she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it the more excited she gets and she starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one. after a while he gives in and lets her order him one.
The bartender brings the drink and puts the following on the bar - a salt shaker, a shot of Baileys and a shot of lime juice. The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.
"First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth and finally you drink the lime juice"
So the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it. He puts the salt on his tongue - SALTY BUT OK. He drinks the shot of Baileys - SMOOTH, RICH AND COOL, VERY PLEASANT - He thinks, this is OK. Finally he picks up the lime Juice and drinks it.
- in 1 second THE SHARP LIME TASTE HITS HIM
- in 2 seconds THE BAILEYS CURDLES
- in 3 seconds THE SALTY CURDELED BITTER TASTES HITS
This triggers the GAG reflex but being manly, and not wanting to dissapoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now NASTY drink. When he finally chokes it down he turns to her and says "Jesus!!! What do you call that drink???"
She smiles at him widely and says "BLOW JOB REVENGE

Rath Male Dominant, 31	Ratsodorf Male Submissive, 46, Chicago, Illinois	ratchet45 Male Switch, 45, Palmerston	ratty Male Submissive, 20, euless, Texas
rationaldom Male Dominant, 44, Chicago, Illinois	Rathicus Male Dominant, 38, Central Fl, Florida	Rattlesnake Male Dominant, 26	rational1Subma Male Submissive, 48, alberta
rateee Male Switch, 22, London	rattlertb Male Submissive, 33, Dublin	rattyy Male Submissive, 42, Swanley/London	Rathlinman Male Switch, 40, Antrim

Rattanroyal

About Rattanroyal