CS does not automatically update your age. I am 53. Still 5'4 and 299lbs. 

I like being used.

Sometimes, sex is for me: my desires are considered and acknowledged, I’m pampered and doted upon, and my orgasm is one of the main goals.

But sometimes, sex is not for me. Sometimes, sex is me being used — warm, open, and at the whim of someone else’s pleasure. I like being used. Within the confines of a well-negotiated BDSM scene, I like when my opinions are ignored, when it doesn’t matter what I want, when my body is present for whatever my dominant decides to use it for.

It’s not that I’m not allowed to have an orgasm; it’s that my orgasm isn’t the goal. It’s not about punishment, although sometimes it can be. When I’m being used for sex, I feel like a vessel through which pleasure flows, hot and bursting. And I can dip into that pleasure, too, even if not sexually.

I love to be used for sex and pleasure because it feels like an ultimate act of service, and I love serving my dominant. Sometimes I can serve them with my actions, but here I can serve them with my whole body. I can become a toy for my dominant to use however they want. It’s a gift for them, and giving it feels like watching someone open a present I got them that they really wanted. Except in this instance, the present is me. The thing they really want or need is me. I get goosebumps just thinking about it: I am exactly what they want and need, just as I am.

Allowing myself to be used for sex is also a huge act of trust. It’s not something I let anyone do; I reserve it for those I’ve known for a while, who know me and my body, and who I already trust. But even if I know someone really well, there’s always the chance that what happens could damage me, so when I give my body to someone like that, I put a lot in their hands. I require them to know my limits and theirs. I require them to communicate during the act to make sure things never get out of hand. In practice, allowing myself to be used puts me in a very vulnerable place, and I crave that sort of vulnerability. I yearn for it because alongside it comes the chance to deepen my trust in another person and to take our relationship to the next level.

I say that I’m putting trust in my dominant that I won’t be damaged because often when my body’s being used for another person’s pleasure, it hurts. I like pain. A lot. I love the feeling of walking around the next day with bruises all over my thighs, remembering that I got them from being thoroughly fucked the way someone needed to thoroughly fuck me. I love the feeling of getting into a hot shower and having the water sting raw bite marks or swollen welts. Physical, painful reminders of sex keep me grounded. Pain helps me experience my body in a visceral way that prevents me from disassociating. It requires me to be present, and that presence is something I always crave.

But I think more than anything, I like when I can offer my body for someone else’s use because it gives me a sense of purpose during sex, and then purpose is directly related to being what my dominant wants me to be. I’m always getting better at quieting the little voice in my head that’s telling me I’m not enough or not a good submissive, but it’s still there. Especially when so much of my service isn’t directly related to sex, allowing myself to be fully present and taking pleasure during sex can make me feel a little guilty. Being used is an act of restraint, of control, and of sacrifice. It connects me to my dominant in a way that other sex doesn’t because no part of this act is something we’re doing for me; it’s all for them. And when my dominants are often so nurturing, so giving, and so willing to listen and adjust to what I want, being used makes me finally feel like I can give them something in return.

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Tip:

Do not lead with your sexual urges or fetishes. It just means you are not serious.

I took that bdsm quiz. Apparently, I am more sadistic with dominance being a close second.

Go figure.

I get that one can take this life seriously but it does not mean you lose your god given sense!! This one chick who is in to being physically abused has two kids. What do you tell your kids when you have a black eye? She was proud to exclaim that her kids got no gifts because she spent christmas money on her former owners!! That is fucked up!!!

A service submissive is a person who enjoys serving their dominant in practical ways, like cooking, cleaning, running errands, bathing and grooming the dominant etc. For some of those involved in service submission, sexual submission may not be part of the equation at all, and sexual submission may not even be desired. Service submisssive’s often see everyday acts as power symbols of their submission. Kneeling and presenting a drink to their dominant becomes a cherished token of their service.

Just an FYI,

Wearing panties, stockings, and heels does not make you a sissy. It endears you to the woman who asked you to wear them!!

I am not into one wearing these items as a form of humiliation, degradation, or punishment.

Sent to me from a cross dresser...enjoyable:

1950's, to me, evokes images of very clear cut household roles. The man was "King of His Castle" and could do no wrong. What he said was the rule. No questions asked.

Now, reverse that and this it how it would be:

If the "Queen" wants to be met at the door with a kiss as s he came home from work at 6:15 PM by a pretty girl in a dress and apron, then the woman's role is to freshen her lipstick and straighten her apron by 6:14 and be standing at the door with a smile by 6:15. Dinner was to be served by 6:30. And dessert is always homemade and served at 7:15.

If the Queen wants her newspaper and a drink...it is brought to her by a doting wife who knows her place.

If the Queen is a leg women , the "wife" would wear a skirt, stockings and heels so the Queen could see them. She didn't have to be told to put them on. They were essentially her "uniform" and she wore them daily.

While the Queen may leave the Castle and go to work, it is the wife's role to clean the house, do the laundry, buy the food and still find time to slip into a leotard and do Jack Lalane every day to keep herself attractive for the Queen.

On a Saturday night, when they would go out to dinner, the wife always knew what dress to wear...the tight, red one...because that was the Queen's favorite. And she always knew to excuse herself between courses and freshen up her lipstick in the powder room. She always had to look her best in public because she was an extension of the Queen and how she looked reflected upon her. Another reason why the leotard and Jack lalane were so important.

Bedtime happens whenever the Queen says, "Its time for bed." The wife's role is just to make sure she wears something enticing. It does not matter even if the Queen wants to touch her. She must look pretty just in case s he does.

The 1950's clearly defined everything. So it was simple. Everyone knew their place. And I know my place is in an apron freshening my lipstick for my Queen

I get requests from men and cross dressers to make them sluts, whores, and the like. It requires no imagination and very little effort. To assist someone who sees himself as very masculine in discovering and enjoying his softer/femme side.....takes time, forethought, insightfulness, and imagination. It can be very fulfilling for all involved.

11-17-2009

The first step is to understand that the Dominant does not really 'train'  
the submissive into behaviors. The submissive responds to requests by the  
dominant with compliance. If this compliance is not forthcoming then the  
submissive is not submitting. Forcible submission is illegal although you  
will run across a lot of submissive who will insist that you have to  
'overcome' their resistance if you are a 'true or real dominant'. This is  
false. There is a companion fantasy within the submissive realm that is  
aligned with 'forcible compliance' which many new or inexperienced  
submissives believe is how 'they' measure the strength of the dominant they  
are with. In truth, if a submissive fails to comply or offer simple, direct,  
voluntary and joyous compliance with your directive then they are not  
submitting. If an individual is 'non-submissive' then they cannot be with  
the dominant/submissive model (in terms of the moment of the actual request)  
- if they are outside of that model then in that moment they are expressing  
personal dominance, refusal to comply or vanilla expressions of equality.  
None of which is wrong but none of which are submissive. The way to address  
this simple issue is to explain this concept to the potential submissive and  
clearly indicate that submission occurs by their VOLUNTARY choice alone,  
that the control must come from within them to serve another human being and  
cannot and will not be non-consensually imposed by you from the outside,  
which is both immoral and illegal. Until, if or when they WISH to comply and  
CHOOSE to comply with your direction then you will continue working on the  
submissive process and the relationship with them, until that point you will  
dismiss them from any and all 'false submissive protestations or behaviors'  
and instruct them to study and think about what it is they wish to do in  
order to proceed forward, if anything. In a sense this is called a  
'dismissal from presence' although you can sustain a vanilla friendship  
while they explore these questions and issues within themselves.

http://www.mybdsm.com/pages/Koilily/dstrainsteele.html

I love superbly intelligent, witty, powerful men who are sub/slave. I like knowing that you have made a conscious choice to bend your will to mine. Your obedience does not come from being a mindless robot. Your eloquence in writing and in person is a thing of beauty.

1/29/2011 7:34:14 PMThe aspect of Ds/Ms/bdsm that I enjoy the most is how dynamic it can be. I enjoy that I can "openly" seek one who is very masculine and feminine/soft/gentle...etc. The contrast just sings to me.  It pleases me to no end when one desires to become putty in my hands. I love the power exchange!

Being a Dominant is no excuse for being generally rude. So, this is not written in a mean spirited manner. I just to need to clearly define what I seek at this moment. Writing what I do want in a sub/slave is yielding mixed results.

If the following applies to you we will not be what each other seeks:

*You only provide one type of service.( sex slave/sub money slave...etc)

*Identify as a bottom/kinkster/masochist/switch instead of sub or slave.

*Are not service oriented.

*Tgirls, cross dressers...etc who identify as bisexual. It is not the actual bisexuality that I mind as much as how the term is used to express your ambivalence. If you define your bisexuality in terms of you can be in a relationship with either sex, I prefer that.

*You send me a message of interest and your profile only informs me of your love of penis or men.

*you are only interested my training  you to serve men as opposed to my training you to serve ME.

*married or attached

At the start of my bdsm journey, I had a definite idea of what I wanted. I wanted a romantic partner who was submissive. I could not grasp the concept of having someone be in my service and not have or want a romantic connection. I tend to connect easily with folk. Thus, It took me a little bit to be able to even interact at play parties and find enjoyment from these activities. For me, play parties are about experimenting, learning, practicing, and having fun. A definite beginning and end. It works for me. In my home it does not. I have tried to have play partners but it is never for more than a one time occasion. I am just not built for completely casual interactions. I like consistency. If you want to interact with me and not be owned by me...one time situations in my home will not work. If you are interested in regular interactions...that is doable.

Through this process, though, I have been able to differentiate between slave, sub, romantic partner, and a non romantic partner. I learned to separate loving someone versus being in love with someone. Actually, I am still learning. In any event, I have found that I need a slave and a romantic partner in my life. I realize that I most likely will not find it in one person. I have no interest in having multiple slaves or a poly household. Though, I do see myself as having a slave (who lives nearby) and a romantic submissive partner. This is where I am at this point in my life. Change is inevitable.

I love these pictures of bigger women!

Zaftig: The case for curves!

Enjoy!

http://fuckyeahzaftig.tumblr.com/

This is from a cross dresser:
"I am one that definitely believes that it is best to step away from the cartoon females presented in most femdom porn and forced fem porn and step into real life and interact with some real girls.

They are pretty much nothing like their cartoon sisters in the stories or the pictures or the porn.

And if that is so...then how do we as girlie-boys get even a modicum of what we want in our lives? Most have a better chance at winning the lottery than finding a Domme who acts and thinks like those in the stories and porn - forced fem is a largely a myth...created not by women, but men...and in many cases foisted upon female Dominants a lot like the mantle of female superiority is foisted on them. Most don't want it...

In both these concepts, it's not about them...it's about us...and that runs in exact opposition to how D/s relationships are generally -supposed- to work. Certainly the submissive wants and in most cases deserves to have their needs met, but as I have said before, it should not overwhelm the core dynamic of the woman being served...and if you compare the porn to RL, you can see that the vast majority of the porn is based on a woman serving a submissive, not the other way around.

There are very few women out there, that are going to get their rocks off by taking us to a salon, or spending three hours dressing us. It gets old fast and the amount of work it takes is perceived by most of the Domme's I have met, including my Lady, as waaayyyy too much work!

What I would say is that we as girlie-boy submissives must:

1. Own our kink - don't expect someone else to be the driving force, or the "duck blind" so we don't have to actually face what we are doing, in our being girlie, feminized, sissies, or whatever.

2. Get Real - Compare the fantasy of forced fem and femdom porn to real lifestyle Dommes. The disconnect there is huge. Thereby, I believe that our expectations out of a relationship must change.

3. Look for compatibility - She at least, must be open to having a girlie-boy in her service, if not enthusiastic about it.

4. Understand what it is really about - Most D/s is about two compatible people, living a dynamic where one is in charge, and is thereby the focus, and the other is in service.

5. Inspiration, not Perspiration - We get our needs met, by inspiring out partner to want to meet them. We do that through creating a dynamic that feeds out Dominant partner and serving them faithfully in that dynamic. Putting an expectation on our Dominant partner that they will serve -us- by feminizing us is simply not going to work with 99% of the real life lifestyle Dommes out there...

6. Make it Positive - Being a girlie-boy submissive is a special thing. We provide a type of service that is -different-, it IS -fun-, and for the right Domme, we can be darn special! Make your being girlie something that is a highlight of your life! Do your best to not hide, deny, or repress it...face it and own it. Don't expect someone else to play into helping you justify and rationalize it through "being forced".

Okay...I am getting waaayyyy too preachy here and I am gonna stop. When I got into this lifestyle and starting looking at things, I saw a lot of disconnects between how things are presented, and how things really are. I just want others to see that too so more girlie boys can find happiness in the service of a good Woman!

That gift is allowing the submissive the nobility that comes with service.

For myself, I am not a religious man. But like most humans I have the need to believe in something bigger, more noble than myself.
There is a major difference in suffering pain, humiliation, servitude, etc for the “kink” and in doing it in loving sacrifice to your Goddess.

The typical vanilla woman, although she constantly talks about wanting to be adored and worshipped, will very rapidly grow tired of this treatment. It is one of the main reasons a relationship between a vanilla and a lifestyler will fail.

The Domme will graciously and eagerly accept true worship. While the submissive is certainly giving a great gift to a Domme in committed service, the Domme is in reality giving an even greater gift to the submissive by allowing him to have something in his life which is greater than himself.

Just as the penitent Christian makes sacrifices to his God and therefore feels he has achieved some greater good in his life, and hopefully some future reward, the submissive, by serving his very mortal Goddess, has achieved this same euphoric state. But unlike a religious calling, the reward of feeling that “nobility of purpose” is real and quite tangible in the here and now. His pain, his suffering, his humiliation, his chastity, whatever he is giving of himself for the pleasure of his Domme, is giving deep emotional and spiritual meaning to his life.

Of course you may say in the lifestyle that the submissive should be grateful to the Domme for having him. That is simply a given. But in reality, for the dedicated submissive it goes much deeper than a mere lifestyle definition.

All humans have asked those questions……Why am I here?.....Why was I born?.....What purpose does my existence have?......Is my existence merely blind random chance?.....Does my existence have any meaning at all?

For most, the answers lie in religion or some deep philosophical studies taken over years of intense thought and hard work, if they ever gain an answer at all.

For the serious submissive, the answers to those questions are simple, direct, visible, and felt every day.

Every time he makes his Domme smile, he KNOWS why he is here. He KNOWS his life serves a noble purpose. He KNOWS that regardless of any philosophical or religious debate over the meaning or reasons for existence, he has his answer in the here and now!

THIS is the ultimate gift of the Domme to her submissive.

To give the submissive an actual physical Goddess who rewards and punishes and guides the submissive in an ever deeper and more rewarding life in devotion and sacrificial service to her.

And the Domme has her answers to those same questions by knowing that in her use of her submissive she has given meaning to what might otherwise be a meaningless life. Therefore she is serving the greater good by allowing herself to truly be worshipped.

Few women hear such a noble calling. Few women can accept true worship. Few women can even accept the service and submission of the men in their lives even though they claim that is exactly what they want. Few women have the intellectual capacity to realize the true strength of character it takes for a man to submit in devoted service.

It takes a very special woman to be a Domme.

Just picking up a whip and donning a pair of heels doesn’t mean squat!

The true Domme gives a great gift to a submissive when she accepts him as her own.

She gives his life meaning, purpose, and nobility.

"1. She cares about him. She probably cares about her children, herself, him, family, friends, and the world, in that order.

2. She does not make him smaller. She avoids any humiliation or degradation that might carry over into the real world and decrease his confidence or self-esteem.

3. She tries not to blind-side him with anger. Actually, there is little good reason to be angry with a submissive. But anger and punishment are fair when he is disobedient. That includes careless work and passive aggressive compliance. Unexpected anger is unfair. If he tries to obey her commands and please her, and she is still angry with him sometimes, whose fault is that? 

4. She uses her power over him to encourage his happiness and growth.

 When he tries to do something right, and she does not like the results, she is not angry or annoyed with him.  She does not punish him with her emotions. She is encouraging and appreciative.

If she can be these things, she deserves every bit of his love, worship, and obedience. Feel no guilt for that."

QUOTE:
doing humble chores can be a very powerful expression of love and devotion to your mate.It is important to learn your mate’s dialect and work hard to understand what acts of service will show your love.

It is important to do these acts of service out of love and not obligation. A mate who does chores and helps out around the house out of guilt or fear will inevitably not be speaking a language of love, but a language of resentment. It’s important to perform these acts out of the kindness of your heart.

Demonstrating the acts of service can mean stepping out of the stereotypes. Acts of service require both mates to humble themselves into doing some chores and services that aren’t usually expected from their gender. However, these little sacrifices will mean the world to your mate, and will ensure a happy relationship.