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At what age do I know better? I mean, at what age can I say that something is definitely true? At my current age, I THINK I know that men in their early twenties are not the right type of man for me. And switches just don't have the 'umph' in them to control me. I think that is true because I think I have experienced enough examples in my life time to make that a true statement.
So when I receive an email from some one who is mare than 10 years younger or 10 year older than me, am I wrong to think there would never be a 'connection' with them and decide to just delete the email or reply with a "not interested" answer? Don't you think I would know what was right for me by now?
Of course, if the e-mail itself says that the person writing it is not stereotypically 'younger' or 'older' than I have been compelled to write back. That is one reason I ask for a thoughtful e-mail. This cut and paste 'how are you' crap doesn't do it for me no matter what your age.
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In an effort to be honest...
I do not enjoy sucking dick. It isn't my most favorite thing to do. On my list, I put it as 'not in to it but will do it for his pleasure'. This said, I absolutely resent when right out of the box, on the 1st or 2nd e-mail, or worse yet, in the profile, I am expected to want to suck the guy's dick joyfully and willingly. Can't I wait till I find out that I want to 'please' you first? Then you can expect it to be a regular part of our sex routine.
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who put my name on the bathroom wall?
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OMG! OMG! OMG! I am back on the internet thanks to my hero. And it was such a simple fix.
I can look at porn again.
Anyway, I should be better about replying now. Yeah!
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My puter broke and now I can't check this site easily so be patient with me and my responses please. |
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I have offered my services on profile writing and proofreading before. I thought I might share a few tips with the many people who don't seem to get it.
If your profile says you live in West Virginia and then you claim to be close to me in Virginia, I am just going to be confused or assume you are a lair.
If you say you are married but she doesn't share your interest in the kinky, I am going to assume you are sneaking around behind her back. This can only mean one thing for me, I will not have a Dom that can be honest with me or himself and that it will never be a LTR or 24/7.
And, as my profile states, I will assume you can't read if you don't answer the questions and still write thinking I would be interested in a person who isn't intelligent enough to read before writing to me.
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Does anyone else dislike this time of the year as much as I do?
I've gotten one other person to agree with me.
It's not the weather that I dislike so much, it's the holiday music in the stores, how shoppers become ruder and stores become crowded, how every commercial on TV, radio and print is "a deal" for buying and spending your money in the stores. I don't even enjoy the decorations anymore.
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School is finished. I did ok, better in one class and not so good in the other. Just wish I could afford to continue...I'll wait.
I have the 'duck cough' again. Got it right before my b-day and still have it. I am tired all the time and the medication is to blame for that. And cuz of the meds, I don't get to enjoy a glass of wine occasionally, bummer.
Also, cuz of the sickness, I am not feeling like meeting with new people at this time. I am looking again but writing back is taking me a long time because I don't have the energy for the dating scene. Hope you can understand that.
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I think I am going to stop dating for a little while. I think I have found someone that I really like spending time with. I am still not sure about the relationship but I find it difficult to divid my time up thinking about him and trying to flirt and answer new e-mails.
Besides, school starts soon. I become a total mess when I am in school. I want lots of outside attention but I don't want any distractions. Strange, I know.
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No crash today. I just woke with a headache which I contribute to allergies since I didn't drink anything last night.
I had a lovely scene with M. again. We had negotiated no impact but he has the patients of a...I was going to say 'saint' but he ain't no saint...let's just say he had a plan. He knew if he tied me and then just wait, I would ask for a cane stoke to be let out of the ties. He won.
I was loving the head space that I was in but not enjoying the ropes between my toes and the crotch rope kept getting pulled tighter and tighter. After a little while, I suggested that M. might want to think of a new tie for my wrists. He asked when he would be able to do to me if he did. I said I would consider some cane stokes. That made one happy rope top. I accepted and counted 10 stokes on my rear, which were supposed to be 'nice' strokes. And then to make the top happy I agreed to have one stroke down the side of my leg to balance the stroke that M. gave me on the other leg the week before. I thanked him for all the strokes except that last one.
I meet some wonderful people and hope I made some new friends. And I got to see something that was very rare and I promised not to write about, right M.?
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I had a wonderful time on Friday night with a girlfriend and a new friend that she introduced me to.
I was contacted by the male Dom by e-mail to tell me where we will meet for dinner and what to bring for the club afterward. I decided to ride the metro since I was promised a ride back at the end of the evening.
The restaurant was great. I met with him for drinks before my girlfriend could join us. We enjoyed some good conversation. Soon we were joined and seated for dinner.
After a very lovely dinner we drive to the Crucible. I, of course, had fetish wear to change into. After dressing I met M and J inside. I was trying hard to get into the right head space when J said I she would lead me around by her little whippy thing in my teeth. That worked.
We looked for a place to play and ended upstairs where there was an empty cross waiting for use. I wasn't given much time, before I was taking off my bra and dress. First M wanted to show J a new device that she wanted to borrow and so I had my arms tied tightly behind my back and my hands connected to my waist. It allowed for service, carrying trays and pouring drinks, but restricted any arm movement. That over, I was turned around and tied to the cross facing it; arms to the top and legs to the bottom. Then a spandex mask was put on my head. This was new and put me in a place where I had to concentrate on not freaking out. I think I dealt with it just fine.
I was flogged with heavy thuddy things, whipped with a cruel little toy and single-tailed. I was hurt on the back and the bottom. My inner and outer thighs were beat upon. Then I was turned around and tied with my breast exposed for some nipple whipping. M had much skill but that didn't make it any easier to take it.
We took a break at that point, thank goodness. I was directed to get drinks for all and allowed to make a potty break. When I returned the rope was out and I was told I could pick a cane from M's bag for use on my later. Then M skillfully tied my arms behind my back and I was bent over a table to get whacked on the rear. I was trying to negotiate the number of hits I would have to take, which I wanted to be 1. I received 3, two across the rear and one in a long stripe down my thigh. I love that marking by the way.
J was very cruel but in such a delicious way. She would ask me how many strikes I would take with her. At one point, I was aware of many people standing around watching. They were probably enjoying that I was taking the beating thru the protests and screams.
Then I was tied to a chair with my legs spread and was allowed to orgasim. But that came with a price. I had to endure the little whippy thing from J again. I have great markings on the top of my thighs from that thing. Then M got a great idea to put nipple clamps on my nipples. This pleased J as she pulled and tugged on them while M used a battery operated Jack Hammer. I was torchered at both ends. When given permission I came again. The beating hadn't ended. I was given one more beating on the thighs and then Jack was used on me again. This was an intense one. I started quivering (hence my name) and jurked in the chair. Oh it didn't end well. There were tears. I was brought to the end, as much as I could handle.
J and M provided great after care. I put on my clothes and was gently deposited back at my home. I was happy and marked and had such a release that I didn't even know I needed. I even woke early and felt energized. I usually experience my drop right away but I felt great. I went out to do some chores and loved that I could feel the marks on my rear while sitting in the car. When I returned home then the crash came. I fell asleep and woke up several hours later.
I am happy that J is such a good friend and that I have made a new friend with M. I do want to play with both of them again but I think I will wait until the marks are gone. |
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I am in the area and I am on line.
Go me!!
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Maybe I should clarify for everyone. I am not actually in DC at this moment. I am moving there soon. I got the final offer last Thursday so I thought I would just move my location so it can be know I am heading that way.
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I have to blog. I was just told that I am going to be offered the job. OMG! The East Coast, water, sailing, men and THE LIFESTYLE!!!!! I am so excited. Don't know when I will be getting there. I have to sell the house or rent it out. Still trying to decide. My daughter isn't fighting this. I think she realizes the hell she has put me thru in the last year. But this isn't about her, it is about ME. I am moving from this hole. Go ME!!!
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So you read my profile did you? And yet, you think that I want to start chatting with you even though you live in Arkansas. No, I don't. If you don't live in OK or Witchita KS then don't bother e-mailing. Don't even send me a message that compliments my smile. I don't need it.
As for the NY entry in my journal. I am very serious about my desire to move there. I am equally as serious about having a job and the ability to finish school BEFORE I will consider moving there. So, don't just offer to chat with me and tell me your kinky desires of what you want to do to me once I am 'yours'. It won't happen unless you are offering me a job and paying for my moving expenses.
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I have decided that I want to move to NY. I have 2 great friends there that I just have to be close to and I hear that NYC has a great scene. So I am now accepting e-mails from NY. Male or Female or even couple. Your offer should include a paying job and room for me to finish my school (only 1 year to go). I don't have to move in with you but I need a reason and enough cash to move away from here.
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Have I ever told you that I have a super power? I do. I even have a name for my superhero. It is Transitional Woman and my power is to have flashback orgasms. This ability is really good for that one night stand that ain't all that but filling a physical need. It came in handing for the last year of my last marriage. It seems to be coming in handy alot lately.
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I had hopes of getting a real hogtie for my birthday. I have been craving a good bondage scene for a long time. I had asked one the only people I knew in my area that was good at bondage. We exchanged some ideas and I sent him pictures of the kind of thing I wanted. After talking with him for a couple of weeks he told me that he could do the scene with me for my birthday. When I asked why he said that his girlfriend was not comfortable with him playing with me.
This has been bothering me ever since he said that. First, his girlfriend is half my age and if you saw the 2 of them together you could see just how much in love they both are. He looks at her and smiles and he is so caring even when he is 'hurting' her. It is beautiful to watch. Second, he and I have never been 'with' each other and I have not made anything even close to a sexual move for him. Third, the weekend before he told me he wouldn't be able to tie me up he had did a bondage scene with another single submissive in the group.
So I tend not to believe that she doesn't want him to play with me, he is just using her as an excuse. I don't understand. I don't know why he wouldn't want to do this scene with me. I don't know why this is bumming me out so much but I it is. I don't want to do anything.
I do have a plan though. I am going to buy some nice rope, lot of it, for myself and I am going to find someone else to give me what I want. Finding someone will be hard but saving enough 'extra' money to be able to buy the rope will take longer. I also want to start buying chains and really nice restraints.
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Did you know that very few people are on CollarMe at 6 in the morning?
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Interesting morning that I have had today.
I am staying at a friends house after attending a party with them last night. There are 5 of us in this tiny 2 bedroom, one bathroom house. The other four are couples and sleep in the bedrooms and I get the couch.
As it usually happens after one of these parties, everyone is horny in the morning. No big surprise there. This morning started a chain reaction of sorts. Someone got up to go the bathroom which woke the other couple up and they started doing it. When I heard the climax of their fun time, I got in the mood and decided to release the pressure that was built up from the night before. Since I am not a quiet when I masturbate, nor is 'Jack' a quiet toy, this got the other couple up and they proceeded to have their morning sex. They had a looooooooonnnngg session and without even touching myself, I was able to come one more time when she had a particularly loud orgasm.
It all was a good way to start my day, for all of us, I think.
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I think I will offer people proofreading services. I read some profiles and I wonder if the author even reads what they wrote. I just read a profile that I thought was intelligent and well written but some of the spelling and grammar just made me cringe.
Maybe that is how I will answer the really bad e-mails that are sent to me...and then give them a grade...F for grammar and spelling, C for content. Please correct and resubmit.
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I have decided that I don't like sex. More specifically, I don't like vanilla sex. If I don't get a little foreplay of spanking or flogging, if you don't pull my hair and force me to my knees before telling me to suck your cock then I don't want to play with you.
I guess that is why I can say I would give up sex for regular beatings. I mean, the beatings are enough sex for me, beat me and get me wet and then watch my animal sex side come out. I am pretty sure that is what you wanted to do with me in the first place, you just have to know how to get it too come out. That is what you wanted me to be, right, your sex toy? As long as I get what I wanted, a little, no, lots of pain, then we are both happy right?
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So I went on my vacation. I went back to Alaska to visit friends and for the life celebration of a close friend that passed.
My visit was supposed to be a surprise for another friend but she ended up surprising me. She went and got hitched to her wonderful boyfriend. I am still mad that I didn't get to surprise her. But I am glad that they made sure I was able to be there for the wedding and I would have been even more mad if I had missed it.
I spent some alone time with many special friends. I am glad they were all able to fit me into their schedules. It didn't work out the way it was supposed to with all of them but I did get to see them.
Now back to OK, my job, school and my new puppy. I am actually excited to be going home.
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I have been enjoying my summer vacation which means I haven't spent much time on the computer. will be back at the end of the month.
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Yesterday, a friend of mine passed away. He was very important to me and taught me alot about this lifestyle. I would have to say that most of my opinions about being kinky were formed while under contract to him and his wife. It is like he has formed my attitude towards sex and it will be with me for a very long time.
He was more then someone I served. I thought of him as a friend. He had such deep opinions about things and the intelligence to back up his thoughts. I run on emotions and that made for an interesting combination when we got together. I never felt that he ever really treated me like he treated others in his life. He always had someone special that he would lavish his attention on and it was never me. But people still thought he and I had a deeper connection then we really did. That was hard to explain to people.
I really screwed up. He and I had hard words when I saw him last and I haven't talked to him since. When I heard the news about him being sick I should have called him right away but I figured I would get another chance to see him. I did write an e-mail to him but he didn't respond. I can be such a selfish bitch sometimes.
I am rambling...it has been very hard for me to hear this news. I can't be there to comfort my friend, his wife. I don't have the comfort of the people who knew him to cry with and understand my tears. There will probably be more rambling in the near future. I have to work through this.
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Which is more rude: Answering an e-mail with a polite 'no thank you, not interested' message or not answering at all?
If you do reply, often or at least more time then not, you get a reply that tries to convince you otherwise. So the first question applies again, do you reply with a more firm but polite 'no' or do you ignore the message completely?
Now I am not talking about really poorly written obnoxious e-mails that don't deserve the space they take up in your mailbox, but the polite inquires that compliment your profile, your photo and suggest that you might have something in common. The rude ones don't deserve a reply and I will never feel bad for not replying to them but when I do get the more thoughtful e-mails, I feel I should be polite and answer with a 'no thank you'. If you read some of the profiles and journals on here, it is suggested that it is down right rude to not answer and some would bannish the wrong-doer to the worst places of earth for doing such a thing.
So I guess the next question is, how wrong is it for someone to try to convince you that your 'no' isn't really a 'no'?
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Stay tuned for some great insite soon.
:-) (-;
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What part of "I will not relocate at this time" don't people understand? I am looking for real time friends. Someone that I could call and ask to pick me up at the airport at 2 in the morning. If you are in CA or MN or NY I don't think you will be that person. Do you really think you are?
I mean...I totally have to wonder what your game is. Here is a girl, says she is a sub or slave, lives 2000 miles away from me and she won't move to where I am. Let's write her and see if can play games with her enough to get her to change her mind. Do you believe this shit?
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You know, I get some really great e-mails. Nothing makes my day more then coming home to find an e-mail from a Domme complementing my profile, telling me that my honesty and candor is refreshing. Thank you for taking the time to write me and tell me those things. And if we were closer....
Of course, there is always the one liners that I am still getting. Telling my eyes are beautiful and typing in your telephone number or yahoo address isn't the way to get me to notice you. Nor, as my profiles states, will I write you back.
But I really do appreciate the longer e-mails. Thanks for sending them.
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Just for the record, I don't accept friend requests or chats. Just don't feel like I have time for random chats nor do I think I have time to be a 'true' friend.
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Things have been tough. I am coming out of a really deep depression. I had to talk myself way up to get to normal.
I have decided that I have to do something to make it happen. I have always said "act as if" and we are told to 'dress for success', so that is exactly what I have started to do.
I am practicing my positions and doing yoga so I can be in them for a long time. I have decided to improve my cooking skills so I am going to start cooking a full course meals at least once a week. I have been going to the gym again and am seeing my weight going down and my flab firming. Of course, school starts soon so I will continue to improve my mind in that way.
I am willing to entertain REAL suggestions of other things I can do on my own to 'be ready' for that lucky Dom that will get to experience the benefits.
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Is there anyone from Enid out there? I just want to know that I am not alone in this town.
I have accepted that I may never have sex again. At least not why I am living here in OK. School will start soon making my travelling to meet or play with anybody darn near impossible. I used up all my vacation hours travelling and moving to get here so I can't take random days off. Once school starts I will be working 10-12 hours a week to keep up with that as well as my 10 hours-a-day day job.
So if anyone out there reading this is from Enid or willing to travel to Enid, contact me. Put 'Enid' in your subject line. If I get a few replies, maybe we can plan a munch type activity and meet in a good safe place.
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Tuesdays are my favorite days. It is the day that Hogtied updates their sites. I love Hogtied and all of the other sites. Today was a particularly bad day for me. I went for a drive at lunch time and contemplated having a drink with lunch. But then I remembered that I hadn't looked up the updates on Hogtied. I had that to look forward to. It kept me smiling the rest of the afternoon. And I wasn't disappointed. SexAndSubmission was particularly good. And Barney and Jack were nice to me too.
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It happened again. Not here but on one of the other sites. I wrote him first and because I took less then 2 days to respond to his e-mail he ASSUMED that I wasn't interested and dismissed me. So I did respond this time. I informed him that his ASSUMPTION and JUDGEMENT of me is just exactly what I don't want in a friend or potential partner. He claimed to be 'easy-going' and I told him that his quick dismissal of me is the exactly the opposite of easy-going. So I told him to move on.
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Well, I solved the 'no sex' problem. At least for now. I had to drive to the daughter's house again this weekend and decided to go out to the bar with her again. Of course, I have kind of became known there. I wasn't introduced as 'mom' as many times this time.
On Sat I decided to get my hair done. I colored it. I colored it red, real red. I guess it is really attractive bacause I got many propositions that night at the bar. But I was only interested in one piece of ass. He works security at the bar and I was after that from the moment I walked in. It was great. And young men, not 20 year old men, young men are sometimes really good. He did an awesome job of keeping up with me and he even did somethings that were on the kinky side for me. He is a keeper.
And the daughter was okay with it. She was giving me this speech about becoming a joke in her town but I don't think I have that problem. I am only going to go down there once a month and I am not going to be looking for someone else to have sex with. Now to wait and see what gets said about me by this young man.
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I have been at Vance for a week now. God is this town small. I don't know how long I will last here. There are no Doms to be found in the town and I just don't see a relationship with someone who is 90 plus minutes away. That is too close to ignore and too far to give me time to do the things I have to do. Besides, I am not sure how to define the relationship that I have now. He isn't 90 minutes away from me but he doesn't expect to see 2 or 3 nights a week. I want training, I really do. And there is the sex factor. I NEED sex more often then every 6 weeks. Hell, I need it more then every 4 weeks. I have gone 10 days without it now and I am already complaining. |
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I am visiting my daughter now. It has been a huge culture shock being here. This is Oklahoma and I now live here. Just don't call me an Okie yet.
I have to admit that this is probably the worse I have ever felt about moving. I have had second thoughts about moving places before but I don't think they ever came before I actually got my household goods delivered. What I am regreting is that this may have been a detour more then a strategic move. This town is really small and if I really want to find a Master (or Mistress) to serve I think it will be very, very difficult to do from here. But I will say, I have opened my eyes a little wider and realize that being located here in the lower 48 states it will be easier to find someone then it was in Alaska.
I will admit that I love the Seattle scene. Lots of action there. And I absolutely love the water. I love ocean views and tree lined roads. And I love the friendships that I have made in that place. How wonderful to get advice from someone who has identified as a slave all her life. I am definitely going to keep ties to that area. I could see myself moving to that area after my daughter and her husband move from here. Again, it is alot easier to go places from the here then it is from AK. And this gypsy isn't setting down roots anytime soon. |
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Reunited and it feels so good.
I got to Seattle a little earlier then the plans. My friend came to pick me up and we went straight to the ball game. I had a ball park hot dog. It was good. It was also cold in the stadium. It actually snowed at one point. The game was fun to watch.
When we got home we were both pretty tired. He said that we would go straight to bed but when he went to change into his PJs (I love his PJs BTW) I offered to help him get out of the long underwear. Well, I guess undressing can be pretty sexy cuz we turned it into sex play.
The next day he had plans to work on his deck so we had to go to Home Depot and buy some wood for the deck. That was a long drive. We stopped at a grocery store so I could buy dinner for that night. I was asked to cook because he had heard me say that I don't cook (and why should I, I live alone) which he interpreted to mean I don't know how to cook so I had to prove that I could. He was pleasantly surprised that it was so good. I made Beef Strogenoff and fresh steamed broccoli.
After dinner the game was on so we had to watch that on TV. But I guess he knows how to watch and play with me cuz he thanked me for the good meal by beating me. It was wonderful. I would learn to be a gourmet cook if I was thanked like the every time. I would learn to be a f***ing neat freak and have OCD about cleaning the house if I was thanked like that each night (yes, that was for you).
This morning, he checked his marks left on my bottom and pushed on every bruise and welt. I am afraid that I will be marked for another 2 weeks. I guess I will have to change in the bathroom stoles for a while. And no getting a massage until they are gone either. Damn! But I am still smiling. |
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I am sitting in my empty apartment with my new laptop and waiting for the landlord to come and take the key so I am free of this responsiblity. My former roommate is coming over too. She still has a key and she will get the deposit back. I cleaned this place so spotless that I don't want to hear a word from her or her boyfriend. I guess the only thing I should be worried about is the few thing that I left, like soap and shampoo, the bathroom.
I was chatting with my FB in Seattle. He is taking me to a baseball game when I get there. He was all worried about my flight arriving on time because the game starts about 2 hours after I am supposed to arrive and he is worried that we wouldn't make it to the beginning of the game and that parking and traffic would be really bad at that time.
He tells me that I need to wear something warm because the stadium will be cold. I have to rethink my wardrobe for the plane ride.
Well, the internet is going to be unplugged in a second. I will not be here the next time I write.
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The good-byes are getting harder and harder. Just said good-bye to someone that will remain special to me for a long time. I may even be willing to come back to this cold place and visit just for a chance to go riding on his snow machine and then on him.
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I packed the desk top computer away today. Actually, my good friend did it for me. He was good enough to wrap up and color code all the cords.
My goal is to be done packing tomorrow evening. Then I can relax all day Thursday with no stress. Maybe I'll surf the net all day.
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Went to a play party last nite. My last one before I move. Many people expressed their sadness at my leaving. It was sweet.
Oh, and I had a scene that was so much fun for me. I know everyone was watching. It was way cool. We went home early and drank wine and talked. God that was good. I will miss my partner. I am going to miss him alot. And I know memories of him and I together will fuel many a lonely night sessions.
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I have another website where I can blog and keep up with friends but it is vanilla. I used to be on it faithfully. I couldn't go a day without checking it. I would greet friends from the site commenting first on thier latest blog and assuming that they read mine. Then there was some drama started and I just removed myself from it. I went back on, under a new name, so I could watch some of the discussion threads and get invited to some of the events that people would post.
I am telling you about this because I am starting to be obsessed with alt and collarme and it is going to consume my life again. And I don't know if that is helpful to me or not.
I am going to be moving next week and my visits here will be fewer. Maybe I can learn to be balanced in my transition.
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I finished school today. YEAH!!! I didn't do so well in one class and I will be lucky if he gives me a C. But I got an A in the other class so, YEAH!!!!
Now to start the packing and cleaning. Just a bit too tired to start doing it right this minute. I will veg for a little while and then I'll start making boxes and labeling them.
There was a sort of going away party for me last night. I was so pleased to see the people that showed up. I actually think those people will miss me. Now I have two more parties on Sat and maybe one more a week from tomorrow. I have a feeling I might be overbooked. I hope I don't get overwhelmed.
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I read the profile of someone that I have recently met. The profile was very insightful. As I was reading it though, I couldn't help but think this is not the idea he portrayed when he was talking to me. I like what the profile says better then what he told me. I hope I misunderstood what he was telling me.
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Today I received an e-mail from an individual who was upset with me for not immediately writing back to them. I was slightly amused at the accusation "your communication skills suck."
My profile states "I do not respond to one line e-mails" and yet, the first communication that I received was just that, a one line demand (maybe a request) that I contact them. I wondered why would I reply to someone who obviously didn't read my profile? Then the follow up e-mail hurled insults at me without even really knowing the truth about the situation I am in.
What I am wondering now is, does this person want a response from me and the insult was to get me to write them back or should I just count this individual as another wanna-be that claims they have control over themselves but in no way possibly could?
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