QuirkyAnne

Female Submissive, 22, Sunnyvale, California

Female Submissive, 27, Seattle, Washington

Male Dominant, 40, Ontario

I'm seriously considering just giving up. I've been burned, again. It doesn't matter if you're vanilla or rocky road, the dating game truly is a game and hardly anyone ever wins one you get past your mid 20s. This last go-round pretty much validated every insecurity I have about my elligibility in the meat market that is the Springfield singles scene.

Dear NewYorkMan, In response to your message to which you cowardly sent as the first contact to me ever, then blocked me so that I would be unable to directly respond, all I can say is: Really? Fatassand references to my lard? That's the BEST you could come up with? Jesus that the shit I heard in junior high. As an adult you should have come up with something better. Perhaps suggesting that I am so unbearably obese that I should slit my wrists now to avoid dying alone and unmoved because no man could ever want someone like me? Take a deep breath, and do some studying to really hurt someone, though, at 48, if you haven't mastered this by now you probably never will.

I was reminded today of why I don't waste time with men under the age of 26. I decided to give one a chance and a mature conversation about a sexual relationship to satisfy each others needs quickly degenerated to staccato bursts of: "I'd luv to tear u up!" "text me a face pic NOW" "I luv oral, can't wait to get my lips on ur sweet ass pussy!" *sigh* Fucking toddler...

Talked with N about what kind of scene he's interested in doing and was relieved that it's VERY general and tame.? The sort of thing that I'll actually feel pretty comfortable doing.? Once we hashed out the particulars and what I will and won't do I told him about C, and gave him her email and told him that she was expecting to hear from him since she's got way more experience than I do and, unlike myself, she actually IS a Domme.? He says he's going to wait until after we go through our arrangements because he wants to make damn sure that exploring this side of his sexuality really IS something he wants to do. I can't blame him at all and once he really went into detail about his concerns and fears, I feel MUCH better about this whole thing.? The only weird thing is, I always kinda looked at him as a sweet little guy who inspired the maternal side in me, now I feel like an overprotective momma badger.

An old friend and co-worker contacted me via text this morning, asking me to Domme for him.? I thought about it and asked him what exactly he was looking for.? It was all very standard stuff and I told him so but he's terrified at finding a stranger to "initiate" him (his words, NOT mine).? So I figured, "What the hell."? I can switch for a whole hour to see if he likes it, then if he does, I can point him to an experienced Domme who actually enjoys doing this stuff.? I dug around and found my old knee high hooker boots and borrowed a buddies flogger and Damsel corset.? I figure that very light play will be enough to whet his appetite and it's not like I can screw it up or anything. Establish safewords, stern voice, painful footwear, hair pulling, mild spanking, light flogging, etc.? How can I screw that up? Jesus, the things we do for friends.

I am disturbed by the fact that, while I really do want a long term relationship, kids, family, and all the other warm fuzzy stuff that goes along with it, I've pretty much accepted that I'm probably not going to get it.? Part of me is really broken up that this mindset of acceptance has developed, and another part of me is relieved that, while it's not the answer I hoped for, at least it's a resolution and the waiting game is almost over.

Just finished watching, "The Story of O."? While I've always loved French cinematography of the 70s and 80s for is dreamlike qualities, I've got to take a pass on this one.? I realize that the book it was based on helped define a genre (no, I haven't read it and don't plan to), and the film made the general themes more accessible, but I find no redeeming qualities in these characters. I found them childish, stupid, selfish, pompous, and dangerous. Yes, I know, it's a FANTASY made in the 70s when sex was still revolutionary but I just can't suspend my disbelief to enjoy the flick.? I live in the 21st century where I would have ripped a man like Sir Stephens' nuts off for expecting me to have unprotected sex at the drop of the hat with total strangers.? BTW, the sex romp with Ivan scene?? I've always enjoyed the dream-like quality that using an ultra contrast filter can lend to a scene in a film but...? Jesus CHRIST!? It looked like they were fucking in a fog bank!

Got an odd email from a Dom in KC saying that he could see that I was, "quite aggressive with a burger."? Asked him to clarify what he meant but he hasn't responded even though I know he's read my reply.? All I can figure is that maybe it was a dis on my being overweight? *shrugs*

Dragon*Con is over and I'm at the airport waiting for the next four hours for my flight to arrive, then an hour layover in Memphis and then I'll be home in Springfield around 9. I had a really good time even though there was a weird feeling the whole run. I think it's mostly just that my life has been so crazy for the last couple of months between scum of the earth roommates, starting a new job, and dealing with the little unpleasantries of life that crop up from time to time. I'm looming forward to life settling down from now on.

At the gate, waiting for my flight to start boarding. The Air-Pub was serving so I was able to shotgun a rum and coke to make it more bearable. I'm so glad that the flight is only two hours.

I'd forgotten how much brazillian waxing sucks if you haven't done it for three years. Fortunately I'm now hairless, smooth, and ready for vacation.

I'd heard of the "Twilight Moms," and giggled at the ridiculous thought of 40 something women obsessing over barely legal boys in an unbelievable, overdramatic, nauseating story about a selfish unlikeable brat and her insipid love affair. Yesterday I met one. I used to think that my greatest fear of growing older was getting the senile dementia that affected my grandmother in the last years of her life.? Now I rank, turning into something like this woman as pretty high on the list.

When I was seven, I could solve the rubix cube in a half hour. Now, having recieved one for my 29th birthday and wasting three hours trying to figure it out, I have learned that the most effective means of getting all the colors to match means tearing the whole damn thing apart and putting it back together like a Puz3D product.

OMG! I found an esthetician who does full Brazillian saxony for $60! My appt is wednesday at 9 am. Yay for smooth nether bits!!!

It's been forever since I last posted.? Am finally moved in and settling in Springfield.? Enjoying being around my friends on a daily basis and the new job is wonderful.? I can definitely see myself staying there for several years.

My knee has been hurting a lot more lately and since the pain coincided with some of my favorite clothes mysteriously shrinking, I decided to see how much I weigh in at nowadys. When the scale grunted at my stepping on them, I knew I was in trouble... ...When the needle finally came to rest I knew I was screwed, and not in an enjoyable manner. So, I'm back to doing the healthy thing.? Unfortunately the first couple of weeks of proper eating habits, severely restricting the caffeine intake, and exercise bring with it the change in blood sugar and I'm careening like a pinball through the bumper maze of: raging bitch, cranky near faint, semi-normal, and sleep deprived zombie.? These next 14 days CANNOT go by fast enough.

Was contacted by an absolutely amazing Dom tonight.? *sigh*? Physically, was everything a woman could want.? Fit, incredibly muscular, deeply tanned, beautiful eyes and an incredible smile, not to mention that BDSM and sexual interests seemed to fit me perfectly! Unfortunately, all the physical beauty and stunning personality in the world couldn't override the GIANT FREAKING SWASTIKA? and assorted other white power type tattoos he had all over that phenomenal physique. Do I really have to put, "Sorry, no nazis please," on my profile?

Applied for a totally different job than the one I thought I was going to transfer to.? Of course, an application does not automatically equal a job in hand but from what three people have now told me, these customer service call center jobs hire pretty much anyone who hasn't murdered/raped/assaulted someone (and I guess they could have but as long as they don't have CONVICTIONS they're golden).? Anyone who can show up on time and sober and make it through 8 weeks of training are the people that they know will be good employees. The only down side is that, if I did get hired, I would have to crash out on a friends couch for about three weeks before the official move in date for the apartment, and it will also suck for the garage sale date we agreed on, AND it would force the cleaning out and organization and paring down of all my STUFF to be condensed into a two week time period.? Though maybe the frenzy of getting rid of STUFF would be a good thing with less time, giving me less of an opportunity to think about what I'm getting rid of and wanting to keep.

I will never understand the obsession that some men have with female ejaculation.? I've heard the arguments, read some of the research and have determined that, like the g-spot, it's something that some women will swear by, and others say doesn't exist.? For my own personal body, I fall into the latter category on both those subjects.? Doesn't exist for me. So when I inform a man that, "No, I'm not a 'squirter,'" please take me at my word and do not attempt to convince me that I, "just need to right man to get [me] to do it." Trust me.? I've been with my body for 28 years and know its abilities and limitations, especially when it comes to my sexuality, far better than you ever will.? Do not presume to tell me that it is going to pull a 180 and do something that it never has before simply by being in the presence of your magnificent cock. It would be the same thing as me saying to a gay man, "trust me honey, spend one night with me and I can turn you straight!!"

I swore that I would never again be a bridesmaid.? The travel, the ass kissing of the wench in white, the hideous dress specifically chosen by the wench in white to make all the chicks look awful thus elevating her own beauty...? *groans* And now I'm on the verge of being suckered into it again.? I told her that I couldn't afford to do the whole bridesmaid thing because I'm broke (I'm not, but I was hoping that she'd take a hint) and she countered with the fact that she's paying for all of the dresses and hotel rooms since everyone is going to have to fly to the wedding. I think my last hope is to tell her that it's two weeks before the vacation I take every year and that I absolutely have to work every day straight for a month to be able to afford it and simply can't take 5 days off work for her wedding and then another week off soon after and keep my job.

I'm seriously considering printing and editing a large majority of the emails I get on this site, as well as others.? With a little work, I could probably make some beer money off of them if I made the proper spelling and grammatical errors and sent them off for consideration in the "Letters to Penthouse" columns.??

A really good friend of mine won over $1000 on a scratcher style lottery ticket yesterday.? I was really happy about it since she moved out of her ex-bf's house and into her own place when she found out that he was cheating on her.? She told me to meet her at TJ Maxx at 3 for a shopping spree.? I knew that we were going there to shop for new bedding and some decorations for her apartment and we found quite a bit for her there.? Then we went to the jewelry counter and started looking at pearl jewelry which I thought was odd since she doesn't like pearls.? Then she told me that I needed to get at least 5 pieces in payment for helping her move out.? So I now have 4 new pairs of earrings and the most unique spaced pearl necklace I've ever seen.? This goes to show that sometimes, good things really do happen to people who deserve them and good deeds actually DON'T get punished. :-)

Okay lady.? When I tell you FOUR TIMES, once on my website, twice in the same email, and another time on the phone that the deposit you are paying me for my business services are NON REFUNDABLE, I'm not joking. I might even be willing to refund a persons deposit at full price up to a month in advance, depending on whether or not other requests for the same date came in and I gave them up in favor of your event which I'd already booked.? You booked me two months ago, and cancelled three weeks before the event.? I'm really sorry that your mother decided she's not paying for your wedding anymore and you have to cancel it, but I'm running a BUSINESS, not a charity.? The petulant whining you resorted to after I refused your deposit the first time was bad enough but then threatening to take me to small claims court? BWA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! Just try it.? Please.? The judge will laugh harder than I did and you'll be out even more money from the court costs that you WILL have to pay.

Nothing, absolutely NOTHING, is more amusing in this world than a "Dom" who has been politely refused by a potential sub, then goes to his trusty "Caps Lock" key and unleashes the fury.? Mmmm...? Yes...? The maturity and self confidence of this "Master" has truly made me cream with passion. *snorts and reaches for the TV Guide to see when "Golden Girls" will have a late night showing*

I have just been introduced to the most horrifying show on television.? "Little Miss Perfect."? It's like, legal porn for pedophiles or something. I understand that being involved in some kind of talent and performance based activities can really help your child in developing their comfort level with being in front of people and boost their confidence and I'm all for that... ...But do you have to put make-up and fake teeth on your five year old that she looks like a 19 year old sex worker, albeit a very high priced one? *shudder* I'm going to find a happy place now.

The roommates and I went to Springfield today and found an apartment we can all agree upon and that will allow my dog.? Now I have to start the agonizing process of sorting through all of my bedroom, workshop, and storage unit to get rid of a metric shitload of stuff I don't need. *sigh* Being lashed with a barbed wire flogger would be more appealing than the task that is before me.

Looks as though I'll be moving soon.? Not too far, just to Springfield so I'll still be close enough to my family that I can come back and help out from time to time.? Found a great apartment so I need to get a roommate.? The other option is that a couple of friends of mine want to move there as well and think that getting an apartment together would be good.? I've seen the floor plans and it looks like it would work well for everyone, though there will have to be some serious discussion about car rides (they don't own cars and can't drive anyway) as well as her issues about other women with him.? If she could get over all of that, it might work out, but I'm not sure.

Got the bulbs planted around the trees in the front yard and am looking forward to blooming flowers out there for the first time in about ten years.? We have a lovely piece of property but I think it will be greatly improved by some color through the summer and fall.

Ordinarily, I respond to c-mails politely no matter what the content is.? Today I was in a bad mood after spending the better part of an hour on my knees from planting bulbs in the garden and opted not to. Perhaps it was overreacting, but when someone sends me a poorly capitalized c-mail with just three words of, "hi pig slut," it seemed to me that "Greetings, flaming asshole," was most apropos.

I was going upstairs today and my knee gave out on me for the first time in 6 months.? I went down and while I avoided serious injury, it still resulted in a black eye.? Went to the doctor and she weighed me in *sigh* and then gave me pain meds, told me to wear my brace for a couple of days, start doing my PT exercises again and to get back to my size 12 weight or I could look forward to surgery within the next ten years. So I went shopping after work for the healthy food, stocked back up on the nutritional supplements that made me feel so good when I was actually in shape, did laundry to unearth my workout clothes, picked up another gym card so I can actually get IN, and dug out the diabetic cookbook that my dad abandoned once he got his blood sugars under control. I had to quit unhealthy living cold turkey once before and I was successful, I can do it again.? I'm just not going to be a very fun person to be around for the next 7 days or so as I detox my system from all the caffeine, sugar and other dietary unpleasantness that goes into it.? And I'm absolutely dreading the agony of getting back on an elliptical and building my muscle tone back up for the first couple of weeks. On the plus side, I'm an amazingly lucky person in that, once I detox and work out regularly, it only takes me about a month to get my metabolism up and my body working it good order to getting back in shape and I've always been blessed to lose weight quickly.

A young woman I work with is getting married.? I asked her tonight how the plans are going and she filled me in on how crazy everything has gotten and how she had no idea that her "dream wedding" would cost so much.? I'm not going to list everything she did, since it makes my stomach churn to recall them all, but some of the items she mentioned ran like this: Dress $1,500 Photographer $1,000 Catering $3,000 Hall Rental $750 Invitations $500 That's just a few things (there were half a dozen other pricey items as well as the honeymoon), and she told me that, in addition to the $5,000 they already had for their wedding, and the $3,000 given to them by their family members, they've had to take out a $7,000 loan to cover the whole thing.? So the price tag for this gala is around $15,000. I tried to be supportive but after hearing all this all I could think was, "In a world where the majority of marriages that fail cite 'money troubles' as one of the biggest contributors to the divorce, why on earth would you go INTO debt for the sake of some fairy tale celebration in honor of a marriage that you have no idea is even going to make it past the first year?" It's not that I'm unromantic, I like flowers, and candlelight dinners as much as the next woman, but I'm a realist.? Ive seen a perfectly nice wedding done that (if you don't count the wedding rings) cost a grand total of $2,000.? It was attended by the couples immediate family and close friends, there was about 30 people there total, everyone had an absolutely delightful time and it was great.? This makes much more sense to me. Have a small wedding to start your life out with and five years down the road, when you know for a fact that your marriage is even going to SUCCEED, and you're more financially secure, then renew your vows and use THAT as the opportunity to have the big, blowout, fairy-tale white wedding. They could have used the $3,000 that their family gave them to pay for a nice, small wedding and used the $5,000 they already had as a down payment on a HOME or perhaps the new car that the bride desperately needs. In the end, I can only speak for myself but I can't help but be concerned for a young couple, that are getting themselves into some pretty serious debt just by getting married.? One a side note:? WHY must so many brides insist upon $5,000 platinum wedding ring sets?? Am I the only woman who thinks that the traditional yellow or white gold band is much more comforting and romantic?

Had a wonderful evening on Saturday.? Got to spend time with a guy I've been out with a couple of times and got to know him a little better.? It never fails to be that every time I meet a man I really like he always lives in another city, but at least it's within an hour of me and we both have weekends off so at least we can see each other without too much schedule juggling and I'm looking forward to seeing him again.

I'm not a "collar person."? I found that out years ago when I first got collared, and a few weeks ago during a photo shoot with a friend of mine he had me wear a collar for several shots when I finally told him, "This has to come off.? It's not who I am, it doesn't feel right, and any photos of me wearing it will never be used since they won't represent me."? I did some further thinking about it today and I think I know why.? I understand that a collar is supposed to be snug or "comfortingly tight" and is a constant reminder of ones place as either a full time slave or for a submissive to get more into the headspace he/she needs during playtime or a scene.? That all makes perfect sense but not for me.? I was never a big fan of chokers when they rose to popularity during the early 90s, and I couldn't stand turtlenecks at any time.? But I think for me, rather than a chafing bit of leather or metal around my neck, it's more that I've always been a visual person. I can't SEE a collar, but I could always see the single cuff my old Dom liked me to wear.? Being able to see it at all times and the memories associated with what we did when I was wearing a full set of cuffs was a thousand times more sensual and comforting than when I briefly tried wearing a collar.

I chatted today with a man who enjoys sissification.? He contacted me thinking that I might switch for him and since he made his request politely I responded in the same fashion along with some info about where he might find a woman in our area who could satisfy his needs. He sent me some photos of himself in various different costumes, one of which looked like it was ripped from the celluloid of a Disney film and I couldn't help but admire the craftsmanship. While I have trouble understanding this fetish, mostly because seeing men in frilly costumes makes me giggle, I've got to say that it's one that makes me smile every time.? It's always struck me as a little off the wall, but I can't help but respect a man that is comfortable with himself to pursue it.? I may not understand it or have any intrest in it, but simply for the ballsy men that engage in it (how's that for irony) I think it has to be one of my fave fetishes out there!

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT TO MEN WHO DON'T LIKE FAT CHICKS Okay.? We get it, you're a magnificent specimen of virility and physical fitness.? You've worked hard to make your body into the chiseled glory that makes women swoon and cream their knickers and therefore feel that you deserve the "grade A prime pussy" that you are attracted to. Fine!? You're completely entitled to be attracted to whatever you want to be.? But for fucks sake if you're going to put on your profile, "No larger women please," would you kindly pull your head from your ass and realize that we live in a society that tells women nearly from birth that if they are larger than a size 8 that they are "fat?"? If you're going to say something like that, then DO YOURSELF A FAVOR and familiarize yourself with a couple of dress sizes that your consider the cut off for being a fat chick, or at the very LEAST pick a BMI number!? We can work with that and screen ourselves out for you! And furthermore, don't put something like that on your profile saying that you don't find "larger women" attractive and then contact ME, telling me how hot I am!? Are you blind?! Do you SEE the belly I've got on me?? Do you see my plump arms?? My photo is very revealing for just this purpose so that men can see that I am not any of the following: Thin Skinny Athletic In Shape Fit Toned Tanned Yes, I'm slowly but surely getting back in shape but even when/if I hit my fitness goals I am ALWAYS going to be a bigger chick.? It's the way nature made me.? I'm not meant to be anything smaller than a size 10/12 at the most.? So wake up and figure out WHAT YOU REALLY WANT! Don't make statements like that because it makes you look either: a:? a liar who misprepresents himself b:? wishy washy c:? desperate (probably because too many women are avoiding a man who appears to be a misogynist and you're now grasping at straws) d:? an asshole Thank you and have a nice day.

A close friend had to check herself into the hospital last night so I went to Springfield to see her and find out all the details of what happened.? She should be out in a few days and hopefully will make a full recovery.? After I was finished at the hospital, I was finally able to meet someone from CM that I've chatted with a few times and was interested in and had an absolutely incredible evening that I'm not going to be forgetting for a very long time!

Got into a discussion with a co-worker today about the "Sleeping Beauty Trilogy" written by Anne Rice. The co-worker is a huge Rice fan, the type that thinks the woman walks on water, and she just couldn't believe that I wasn't fond of her work, and the Beauty trilogy especially.? I told her that I personally wasn't into that sort of BDSM and objectification and that certain things in those novels are what I consider flat out abuse that could cause serious bodily harm. She then told me, "Well she wouldn't have written it if it weren't all feasible!" Ummm...? I'm not a doctor by any stretch of the imagination, but I think if you are anally impaled on a giant stone statue with a phallus the size of a soda can and left tied there overnight, and this is a regular occurence you're probably going to have some pretty serious rectal issues as time goes on.

Forced myself to clear off the worktable and dig out the corsetry supplies and pattern I'm going to be modifying.? Need to take my NECCHI in to be serviced so that I'll have my buttonhole workhorse back in service.? Still haven't found fabrics that I REALLY want to make my new corsets from so I'll hit the store tomorrow on my lunch break. Anyway got the pattern pieces cut out and started modifying it according to the body line off the Iron Maiden corset and then completely gave up when I tailored it to a muslin and fitted it on.? I'd, once again, forgotten about how messed up my torso is and so I'm going to have to break out the heavy duty marine canvas to mock it up.? That will be a project for Saturday.

Got a strange cmail last night.? A dom said he noticed in my pic that it looked like I had french nails and wanted to know if I wore them all the time.? I told him yes, that because of my job, I don't really have a choice to not wear them at all.? And then he said that was good because he really liked to have his ass fingered by a woman with acrylic nails.? To each their own, but, considering the fact that most manicurists automatically make the edges of acrylics as sharp as little razors (I make them round mine off) I would think that would be a VERY bad idea.

They've both been dead now for almost three years.? The house is still empty and the locks were changed when things turned ugly with the family but the second story window over the carport is still jacked and I was still able to climb up to it and let myself in. I went downstairs, the house was freezing and sound echoes through the empty rooms.? The kitchen still has marks on the linoleum where the table, chairs, and room divider were for years.? I opened the kitchen closet and it still smells of his workboots and coat that he always wore to the barn every morning and night to feed the livestock. I went into the living room where their chairs used to be and they would sit side by side watching the cattle in the fields and the birds and squirrels at the feeders in the trees.? I just started crying and I couldn't stop because of all the memories that are in that house of good times and how everything has gotten fucked up now that they're gone and can't play parents to the kids anymore. It was a weird way to end Christmas but strangely comforting to just mourn by myself without anyone around feeling like they had to comfort me.? I let myself out by the front door and don't really care if anyone wonders why the deadbolt isn't turned.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but... Don't you have to AGREE to BE a slave before you can FAIL as one? I'm not exactly an advocate of violence but there are a large number of "men" a.k.a. Horny Net Geeks on this site and others that really need a swift kick in the groin.

Watched, "He's Just Not That Into You" tonight.? Vanilla, kinky, gay, straight: it doesn't matter, this flick is depressing.? Just because it has a happy ending doesn't mean that the majority of dating and relationship caveats discussed in it aren't entirely true and real life very rarely has happy endings of the sort Hollywood presents as everyday occurences.

Finally found a solution to my portable bar dilemma.? There's a great website with downloadable carpentry plans for home bars,? and one of them is a portable model.? I talked to Divine from work who does carpentry in his spare time and he thinks he might even have all of the materials it will take to build it though I'm going to need to see if he can modify the plans to my specifications and if he knows a place where I can get cheap countertop material for my work station area and if we can cut a couple holes in it to recess a cooler for an ice bin and a spot for a dry sink. If he's able to quote me a good price I should have it in time to set up for my cash bar party in Springfield come January.

I read a guys profile today and when describing what he'd ideally like in woman it ran along the lines of, "someone who is naturally submissive, with an inherent desire to serve." That got me to thinking about something though.? Now, I'm not submissive naturally, that label only describes how I behave behind closed doors during sex.? At all other times, I'm independent and expect to be treated as an equal, but that "inherent desire to serve," gave me pause. When I'm in a relationship, as are most people I suspect, don't we all inherently wish to serve our partners needs?? We all want to be the person that will satisfy the one we care for emotionally, physically, and sexually and we try to the best of our ability to do so. I'm probably getting caught up in over thinking it, and maybe what so many Doms and Dommes mean when they make statements like that is that they're looking for a person whose desire to satisfy their dominant partners needs and wants comes before their own.? Unfortunately, when I try to wrap my head around that concept it gives me a headache because while I understand how that works for some people, I know it never could for me. I really wish I could be the uber submissive stereotype sometimes.? I think I would be a lot happier if I could fit into a set mold with clearly defined labels.

Ok, this is a question, feel free to answer it or leave it rheorical.? When a person contacts you wanting to "talk and see if there is anything there," and yet their profile and all their interests, many of which they love are in your "hard limits," is it unreasonable to be a little concerned that while the two of you may be the absolute bestest of bosom buddies, there would be no sexual compatibility due to a lack of mutual interests? ?

So I bought a set of clover nipple clamps.? They seemed like a good idea at the time... I think next time I decide to try out a new toy, I'll stick "with my instincts and wait until I'm fully aroused to play with it rather than thinking, "OMG I'VE GOTTA TRY THIS RIGHT NAOW!!!!11!ONELEVENTY!!!11!

I was chatting with a friend online tonight and he made a reference to "Back in the USSR."? And suddenly I realized that, I don't know where my CD's have disappeared to with that song on them.? This thought was followed by the thought, "I can buy it off iTunes."? And then immediately, Tommy Lee Jones from "Men in Black" popped into my head and I realized that, because of new technology, I too, "am going to have to buy the White Album again."

Just got back from the play party and I'm really happy I went.? There were about a dozen people there and all were very friendly and welcoming.? Finally got to see some real life interaction that was at the lighter end of the scale between a Dom and sub and because of that, I believe I might be open to a couple of things that I didn't think I would be comfortable with.? Got some real life advice and wasn't rejected because of asking nor because I had "too many limits."? In all, I plan on attending a few more events at the least and learning more about what the lifestyle offers and what I might be open to.

I've noticed that a couple of my journal entries have disappeared.? Since I didn't delete them myself I can only assume that someone reported them for some reason or another, though, to my knowledge there was absolutely nothing unseemly about them nor was there mention of anything illegal.? Does this happen often?

Got stood up tonight.? On the plus side, he at least had the courtesy to text and tell me, but then again he did so an hour before we were supposed to meet, and I'd already applied make-up and spent 15 minutes shaving very carefully. So, I went to dinner anyway and clamped down on the knee jerk, "Men Suck" feelings and am home settling in for the night.? Checked email to find a few messages, one of which was just a very nice compliment which made me feel all warm and fuzzy.

Was invited by a member of the local BDSM group to the play party this Saturday.? I'm tempted to go since I wasn't able to attend the munch because of my job schedule.? On the one hand, I feel almost as though I would be intruding since absolutely NOBODY knows me in this group and at this point, I'm just trying to figure out who I am and what I might be interested in.? On the other, I feel like I might as well go.? It's taken me years to get to the point where I'm actively trying to sort my sexuality out so why delay any further?? It was made clear that I wouldn't be expected to participate and I was welcome to watch or just hang out.? Maybe I should just wait until next months munch that I can attend so I can meet everyone first then go to the next party?

I never quite "got" the appeal of gags.? On the one hand I saw how the humiliation factor they provide could be arousing but I always thought I would panic at the sensation of something in my mouth at a time when you're panting heavily and need as much air as possible. Then I met the ex who introduced me to sex that had a D/s flavor to it and for the first time I actually started to crave sex because the act itself was enjoyable, not just the passing happiness that I gave my partner an orgasm and the post cuddling. Anyway, during a night of spanking, biting and hair pulling he was struck by inspiration.? My hair falls past my hips and that night I was wearing it in pigtail braids.? He grabbed both of them, looped them around my head, positioning them in my mouth and used the ends almost like reins, therefore, effectively forming a gag with my own hair and still stimulating me from the pull on it. It felt a little corny at first but after about ten second I really got into how hot it was.? The only down side is that my teeth did some damage to the hair and I had to really deep condition for a few days.? Still, whenever I think back on that I get this warm fuzzy feeling and I start grinning like a dope at how just a little imagination and what you've got naturally can make an excellent toy!

I've heard so many people complain about Nigerian scammers on this site and so I made a search for female slaves in Nigeria to see what would come up.? All I can say is, "Wow." I had no idea there were so many young attractive women in Nigeria, the lions share of whom look like extras from Baywatch, are eager to re-locate to America or other developed nation, and who have extensive training from the "BDSM association of Nigeria."? I especially enjoyed the "attractive young black woman" who was about as pale as my ass at the height of winter.? Perhaps she was an albino? The only thing that frightened me more than the notion that there are people stupid enough to think that men would fall for this scam is the thought that there are men who do.

Spent a couple hours tonight reading entries in the Switch message boards.? I've never really gone there much, spending most time on the Master, Sub, and General boards trying to answer my questions from other peoples posts.? Well, after that little excursion I think I've regressed back to a state of utter confusion. The line of thought that went through my head when I finally finished was, "Okay... So what am I now?? Sub, Switch, Vanilla who's slightly kinky, Sub who can domme but only enjoys it because her partner does and yet it doesn't do anything for me erotically-merely provides me with warm fuzzies that I can make a person happy???" Grrr... This on top of being messaged by no less than three men in the past two hours asking me why I'm not interested in a 24/7 lifestyle.? One of which ignored me when I explained, "I don't have the personality suited to it," another who assured me that he was "THE Master" who could change my mind, and another who chided me for (paraphrasing here) a whiny little sissy bitch who doesn't have the guts to truly submit. The last asshole is more than welcome to visit me sometime so that I can SUBMIT my size 8 steel toe to his nuts. *looks up at the last line* Wait... Does that mean I'm a Domme? AAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!

Christmas music is playing everywhere you go nowadays.? On the radio in the car, at the gas station, restaurants, Wal-Mart, the nail salon, you name it:? it's THERE.? So opening the bar I hooked up my iPod to the speakers and started blasting one of my favorite Christmas playlists, which consists of my most loved songs off of? 'A Very Scary Solstice' and 'An Even Scarier Solstice,' both of which are hilarious parodies that were performed by members of the H.P. Lovecraft Society. Well, when you first hear it in passing, you'd never know the difference and would think that it was just pretty choral Christmas music.? Unfortunately, the uber-christian hostess was writing out the floor charts for servers as the Cthulu version of "It Came Upon A Midnight Clear" was playing.? Her head shot up as the line, "But Heaven's empty, your God has fled, before the Great Old One's might," and her jaw damn near hit the bar. So... I've now got a 17 year old fundamentalist Baptist co-worker who thinks I'm a Satanist.? Seriously... The past few days have proven that I'm going to have one VERY strange closing of 2008.

Just got back from meeting an online person in real life.? Went well, seemed fairly normal and we discussed some of what we were looking for. ? He doesn't smoke and actually seemed to know how to dress himself and, at first glance, I'm reasonably certain he's not an axe murderer (98% sure anyway). We're supposed to meet up again next Wednesday to talk a little more and see where we want things to go.

Was chatting with a guy online today and he asked me for a photo of myself in regular clothes.? I actually had a fairly recent one so I sent it to him through photosharing.? After receiving it he shot back, "Are those HYDRAULIC jeans that you're wearing?" Me:? Yes. Him:? OMG... I LURV A WOMAN IN HYDRAULICS! Me:? Well, I'm always happy to please. Him:? Do you mind if I take a few minutes to whack it to your jeans? Me:? ......? Uh...? Do you want me to just go take a few shots of my jeans on a hanger and send you THOSE?! Him:? OMG!? Would you?? That would be so great!!!!1 Me:? ::QuirkyAnne has signed out::

Went to Jo Anne's today because Butterick patterns were on sale and I've been needing a new corset.? Found a bunch of great designs I can play with but no corset patterns that appealed to me.? I wound up buying a standard button up vest pattern and I think I'll tinker around with it to make a bodice that will lace front and up the sides and tailor it to my body where I could wear it with comfortably with a skirt or some cute panties or something on the off chance that I wind up going to Frolicon after all.? It's a slim chance but I found out from one of my buddies back in CoMo that she's already paid for her hotel room and she said that if I wanted to go, I could stay in her room free of charge so long as I got out when she needed to do a session with a client.? I really want to do it, I just don't know how I'll be able to afford the airfare on such short notice.

So I went and bought new batteries for the camera and need to find my tripod.? Having searched through every photo folder and image of me that has been taken in the past couple of years, I realize that I have absolutely NO photos of me when in normal clothes at all and my renaissance costumes don't really do a good job at communicating what my body looks like. Granted, I've received a couple of emails from men who wanted to come and play "seize the wench" but in general, most people want to know what a person looks like all over. So I guess I'll break out the lingerie, toss on some makeup and see if I can get some decent photos that I can keep my face out of.? The LAST thing I need is my boss/customers/professors to search their area and find out about this area of my personal life!

It doesn't matter what site you're on.? Whether it's something cute and sappy like eharmony.com or collarme.com, people who lack the cognitive capacity to READ a profile and take it for what it's worth abound. Some ground rules, for those who are intersted: 1.? I'm am STRAIGHT.? Much as a gay man did not CHOOSE to be gay, I did not choose to be straight.? It is something I cannot help.? You would never ask a gay man to "just try it" with a WOMAN to see if he's really straight.? STOP ASKING ME TO 'JUST TRY IT' AS WELL. 2.? I am a bedroom submissive only.? Stop asking me to be your slave. 3.? I'm a heavy woman.? I'm not morbidly obese and I will never look like Angelina Jolie.? I'm comfortable with that and some men are as well.? When I ask you if you mind chubby chicks, please be honest with me and tell me the truth.? I assure you, I will not be offended if you say, "Sorry, no."? Some men are not attracted to heavier women, there is nothing wrong with that, it's simply how you're wired.? Much the same way that I'm not attracted to men with facial hair, I can't help it neither can you.? Stop messaging me and when I ask you this rather important question suddenly disappear.? Give me a straight answer.? I will respect you MUCH more. 4.? I'm clearly listed as submissive.? Please stop asking me to tie you down and be mean to you.? Though, perhaps this might work after all...? Keep bugging me for stuff I'm not into, and I will happily beat the shit out of you, and NOT in a pleasurable way. 5.? When I tell you what my hard limits are, please do not make statements about "underlying issues" I might have.? Guess what?? A person doesn't have to have underlying issues to have an aversion to anal play, bloodletting, permanent body modification, scarring, etc.? Perhaps we simply think it's GROSS because, to us, it IS.? If you want to talk about any "issues" I might have, kindly present me with a copy of your psychology degree first... ...Oh you don't have one?? Then bite me.? And no, that's not an invitation for play. Just because I'm submissive, doesn't mean you have the right to dismiss my wishes, desire, and limits.? You do not have the right to treat me like a piece of meat an IQ of 12.? Doing so will result in my ignoring you like the thoughtless jerk you obviously are, who does not deserve my time, trust, or adoration.

I haven't signed into this site in nearly a year.? Lots of reasons, school, job life, and I thought I'd found a happy medium for indulging my submissive side with the man who helped make me more comfortable with it.? That relationship has ended, for all the right reasons and I think I'm rather happy for it.? It wasn't a serious relationship (that ended over a year ago) and he wasn't even treating me as a friend should.? So free from thinking that he was the answer to what I need, I'm back to finding things out for myself.? I've chatted with a few people, gained insights already and am happily lurking on the message boards once more.? Maybe this time I'll even post once in awhile. I can honestly say that, at least for the moment, I'm comfortable with who and what I am and I'm very content.

I find it amusing how many men have contacted me, requested my yahoo name, gone out of their way to contact me through that method and then get upset when they learn that I'm not going to give them a photo of myself, or have cam sex with them, and then angrily accuse me of being a man in the hopes that I will then provide them with a photo of myself to "defend my honor" as it were. What part of, "I'M A LURKER" that is clearly stated on my profile is so hard to understand?? I'm here purely to read other peoples views and opinions on subjects I have an interest in.? I'm not here to meet anyone, hook-up with anyone, or engage in online sexual activity.

Male Dominant, 65

Male Dominant, 54

Male Dominant, 44, Chico, California

Female Submissive, 36, wilkes barre, Pennsylvania

Male Submissive, 50, Olympia, Washington

Dominant Couple, 38, Bronx, New York

Female Dominant, 42, near Detroit, Michigan

Male Dominant, 33, Southern Cali, California

Dominant Couple, 44, Southern, Utah

Female Dominant, 54, Southern Ocean Co, New Jersey

Male Dominant, 41

Male Dominant, 50, Long Island, New York