Evanescence has a song called "Bring me to Life" (Theme song from Daredevil). I am not complete, I know it, I feel it. I don't think I ever will be. I'm not giving up without a fight.
I would like to find a Domme, Poly Family, or switch to train me for Her/Their pleasure. I don't mind Topping, but I'm more at peace when I can give up control. As a Top I would try to train the way I would want to be trained. I do LOVE both sides of bondage, to the point of considering myself a "bondage slut". The idea of Owning a maid or pony is very erotic, but mostly fantasy. The idea of being Owned is beyond fantasy, it is a part of my core being. There is no greater pleasure for me then knowing I have made Her/Them proud or momentarily content.
I've learned and experienced for the last 10 years now. I've been in a personal dungeon. I've been mummified and waxed (not at the same time). I spent a brief moment as a human puppy. I've been commanded to read BDSM literature - fiction and text book. I was lucky to meet local people as well as travel out of state (and country) to meet potential Owners. I haven't found a connection that works.
I'm 5'10", with hazel eyes and weigh 140 lbs. I don't smoke, do drugs, drink alcoholic beverages or coffee. I do play video games more then I should - I would give them up if commanded to. I am open minded, tho I struggle when I can't find the logic in something. I crave knowledge and enjoy exploring the world around me and the world that is me.
I'm at my peak when given a mountain to climb. I have trouble turning off the lights to see the stars.
I'm back to not being able to sleep, again. ? I've spent a lot of this "extra" time reading.? Profiles, journals, forums, past e-mails...? I see others who have (or still are) experiencing things similar to what I've gone through.? I see others who are experiencing the things I want to.? I see others learning lessons the hard way and sharing so that hopefully a few of us might not have to.? Tonight I saved two quotes from a good t.v. show and they seamed eerily perfect for how I've felt this past little while:
Scars remind us where we've been, they don't have to dictate where we're going. - Criminal Minds. What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.? - Ralph Waldo Emerson
