psykoslut


psykocloud32 Female Submissive, 47	psykocloud Female Submissive, 48	psyko Male Switch, 25, Subang

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	About psykoslut i had a very bad experience even as an educated and, what i thought was, well-informed abut a friend. having said that, i am not a quick fish to fry. so don't try and rush me into anything. i am single. i love it. i like being alone most of the time. i make a lot of art and i have a child. i am not into just petty sport fucking. thanks, but no thanks. i do not smoke. i do not drink. i would love a friend and a cuddle partner... for the moment, i am just in a place where i need safety, not spontaneity. i hope you will be willing to give me the chance to take things at my own pace.

been a rough few years. lots of relationship issues. vanilla and kinky do not mix. i really don't care what anyone says. struggling to find my place in the world, i guess. difficult breakup. difficult changes. weight gain. self-esteem issues. sexless relationship. hard knocks, i guess. working everyday to get back to a stable and calm place in life. would love to find some friends along the way. i miss the touch of another. maybe that's hokey. i just miss feeling secure and having a dom who cares about me. if i ever even had that...? been so LoNG since i really clicked with someone.

i am feeling great lately. i love life and have been with the same man for two years. i cannot BELIEVE it has been that long. we've been enjoying one another *so* much. we've explored a lot and established trust- and now we're seeking out some fun and spice to go with our sexual side.

i am mainly interested in fun and kinky people. male or female, though i think a nice couple would work as long as we clicked and it didn't get complicated.

basically- we just don't want to become involved with socially inept folks or extremists. we enjoy the lighter side of bdsm. sorry to disappoint, but there is no use in wasting anyone's time. intensity can be established through various encounters, however.

if you're interested, send us a message.

xo!
k.

i found him. my baby is everything. we share everything. it's the most beautiful thing i've ever known and believe me- i have had my share of guys to "try out" this body and mind and heart on. --all fell drastically short-- until i met him on april 18th, 2006. we're now actively seeking someone to join us for friendship. someone we can share our "secret selves" with. i hope she is out there.

april 27th- and no sign of anyone to really be with any more... i've become more and more physically attractive, but less and less confident in finding someone to trust and give myself to completely. this makes me sad and feel that despite my usually charged sexuality and sass- it's shallow waters out there. i recently had a lesbian friend develop a crush/obsession with me that ruined our friendship. sadly, i had to tell her to leave me alone completely- but it got to be too much. i felt obligated to explain myself to her time and time again... so it just couldn't have worked. i wish i ahd someone to touch me. i miss touch. i miss soft words and having my hair pulled from behind while my lover drives his cock into me. i miss the torture of not-knowing... when or what- or how. i miss these things that i've never fully known tot he levels of true submission... and a slave's heart becomes like rice paper if not kept healthy soon it crumbles. i feel this happening to me. 31 years old- and after five years... not one man who could step up to the plate and really open himself to me enough that i felt i could be vulnerable as well. tonight i sleep alone. and i am not above admitting how very much i hate it. :/

it has been some time since i have been on here to update... though if you're ever in the area, [multiply/tribe/myspace/livejournal] i am "paperballet" on all of those. i update a lot more there as far as what's going on in my world. if you want to hear about how i am in my go-gos tee shirt and cut offs, be my guest... haha. not really. i fancy a much more cerebral blog experience, though i don't kid myslf that it's actually read. i more do it for myself than anything. i've lost another 13 pounds. the weight loss is going much slower. though, that's not as important to me right now as just training my mind to believe in better and better things. i deserve to be happy, simply because i am alive. i was thinking about that... when people say: "you deserve to be happy" as if it's not our natural right as people to be content. like we have to go out of our way to earn happiness and success. that's ridiculous. everyone should have happiness. it makes me sad that most people are not, however. though, you know, i think that's probably their own doing as much as it's societal. i have been sexless since my last update. boyfriendless. domless. but each day i am better than i was the day prior... which makes me nervous about having a lover at all. if i am so content alone, why do i want someone else? i suppose i wnat that lamp on in the living room with a movie in and some wine and just, the feeling of warmth. shared comfort. someone to speak to about adult things. kissing, ass-fucking is good. those things. i miss them a lot. but really, i cannot complain. i'm a very fortunate woman.

i fucked on the first date last night. maybe i should have had a foursome instead of going home with the DJ? jesus. i thought we were going out tonight, but he never called. alas- this is life. i have really atrocious judgment when it comes to men apparently. i feel really deflated right now. sigh. he seemed so nice.

well, almost one month to the day, i ended it with M. it's for the best. we met tonight to try and talk it over, but nothing is there. no sense wasting either of our evening's remainder just staring blankly at the table in the all-night diner. sigh. maybe bdsm is not for me. maybe it's DATING i hate. i just dislike all the little bullshit lies and games and everything people do. and even at the very end - just playing it all out like it means nothing and meant nothing to him. whatta fucking waste of time. i did have a great holiday. i will know in a month or so if i get my hearing approval which means some money in the bank. i am seriously thinking of relocating to another state, maybe even across the country. my life is tender and young - and i am still so spirited and youthful for my age. [31] - i just REALLY want a daddy who can feel that's a gift, not something to train out of me. to be honest, i like me pretty much as i am. *that's* what i have to offer. what about You? xo

M. has proven to be a worthy dominant suitor... as i hope i have pleased him as a worthy potential slavegirl. His eyes burn with passion when he hits me and tonight i experienced what i can only imagine was a really hard blow when i saw white lights beind my eye. He asks me who owns me and i tell him "You do." i am not sure what owning another person means... i have never been owned. part of me wants to show him my 'other' journal but i am afraid. i reveal so much - it seems the last vestige of my true nature i can completely unfold without regard to anyone or anything's feelings. i like M. so much because he is a "natural" Dominant. His spark is bone marrow deep. you can just tell these things. He hits because i need it - and so does he. He fucks and uses and degrades me because he knows what i desire even when i cannot talk. that symbiosis between a Dom and sub is REALLY rare, i think. what's better is we're friends. i like the guy, honestly. we're both geeks. we're both smart. we're both incredibly kinky... and i think that's a swell match. time will tell. so i guess if you're interested: http://www.livejournal.com/users/paperballet

i wish i could make an alternate profile for the domination of women, because boy, i sure am a big ol gay-ass when it comes to this stuff. i mean, i LOVE my menfolk... i love the cock. i worship it from tongue to tail, stem to stern... but when ti comes to a nice female submissive, i whip out some kind of mental cock. i want to hurt, knead, push, grind and slap every inch of soft, supple skin i can find. i want her to call me Mommy and beg for mercy while i fist her. pull her hair. slap her face and then slap her breasts. but all of this doesn't make me GAY, because i still want to then go and cuddle with my daddy and suck his big throbbing cock. i love my little girls. but i love daddy too. xo

well, i met someone from here and frankly, we're having a really nice time. i hope it lasts longer than a week! lol... geez, it is so late and i cannot sleep. M. let me cum tonight though - which was generous of him. [thank you] here's a bit of advice: not just for BDSMers, but for all of the world; how about not being such smartasses? how about loving people because of their differences, not just despite them? how about when you have something to say to me - you don't write me immediately talking bad about other people? look, i know as well as anyone that it can be sucky to look for [and not find] that special person out there... but that's not a reason to degrade the one's who didn't float your boat. chances are, if a Dom or a sub talks shit about a past lover, they will talk shit about you. that's my thinking. i just wanna enjoy the rest of my days and have fun! no more drama!!! LOL . ya know? PS: i run just about everyday now and i've been lifting weights and i am vegan... so i have this super healthy outlook on life. it really is true: EAT YOUR VEGGIES! it's amazing what a healthy lifestyle can do for a girl. personally, i think women who take excellent care of themselves, physically and mentally - as well as emotionally- fit the BEST sub roles. because a woman like that [like me, LMAO] will in fact, let you know her limits. she'll let you know what is good pain and bad pain. she won't allow you to truly hurt her inner self, though she can give up her fears to you. i know there is a lot of "bbw" bullshit discrimination out there- and it breaks my heart. if these men would take ONE LOOK at their own out of shape asses and do something about it, maybe then they could be more discerning. but why does a bbw woman have to feel insecure about her body? why on EARTH would she have to explain to someone "by the way, i am a bbw" when she's talking to him?! you know, i am all for honesty- but if a guy has some warning on his profile that he doesn't want a bbw, then i think women of size should just assume that they will be cherished for their soul and heart. you doms should be ashamed sometimes for how you treat these ladies. i'm sorry, but you do NOT get to call us fuckmeat until you have damn well earned it. xo night A/all ~k

since moving to northwest arkansas i am interested in finding like-minded individuals who share my fetishes and bdsm desires. if anyone would like to hang out [i don't drink or smoke and i am vegetarian, but i love coffee! hehe] i would be happy to hang out some time. just Im me here... hope to be meeting some local people soon! xo kelly

i am not into this much these days. some say i'll change, i'll go back to being submissive again - but i have really no patience any more. you know what they say - a few bad apples spoil the whole bunch. well....... welcome to online BDSM. you guys should be ashamed.

i wish decent men would be decent men.

gloriously ironic moments happen in life!! my ex-boyfriend's FATHER messaged me... oh lordy lordy. it must be a totally surreal life! what can you do? i think i might fuck him - to see exactly how good father and son compare... whatta fantasy. <33333

BOUNTYHUNTER suggested i change my journal background as it was hard to read.. honestly, i never se the actual background color - so i am sorry fi that has been difficult. not that anyone reads this really... but yeah. lately my interest in abuse and rape scenes has escalated to new heights. i really want to find that unique couple or dominant to make me understand what it means to submit happily... but i fear i am just too selfish. for one thing, i have issues with someone not letting me have my own money... i don't like that. - and what's more? it really turns me OFF when someone tries to say that the money i earn i have to give up. the way i see it, if i really enjoyed parting with my money for a dominant, i'd just hire a pro domme. anyway... i don't know what else to write. things are going well. i'll be on the road until;; march 2nd or so, so i would not expect to hear back from me until then. x0x ~kelly

feeling better tonight... hanging out with my bunny. :) [yes, it's a REAL bunny. :P]

bleh... nothing deters a Dom. maybe that should be the official slogan for mastery. who knows. i am just not ready right now to serve anyone. i want to become a better person. maybe i cannot do that on my own, i am not sure. but what i do know is that right now, bdsm is not on the short list of thinsg to do. i'll get back to it eventually... right now, though - i'd just like to have someone who was interesting.

sometimes i just want to tell all these Doms i am an obese miserable fuck -- and would they just come save me... seems more honest that way. i can't finish anything. i am a failure at being anything other than co-dependent. i suck at life and in general... i do crappy porn to get by. wow! i am awesome huh? yeah.

i cannot believe i have had a mirgaine for four days. demerol is a life-saver, though... today i cleaned some fall elaves, bagged them - did some weed-eating. laundry also... you know, the usual stuff. i have class this afternoon and i am thinking my math is seriosuly starting to bring on the headaches - no SERIOUSLY! haha! i think i am going to traverse to the thrift stores for a lil bit of [hopefully] eBay goodness to resello... and then home for some lunch and much needed masturbationg time. i am really sorry i have not been aorund much. i hope you A/all are well... peace, love, kelly

i have been getting less and less mail from here, which is nice. honestly, there are so many freaks running around with floggers these days that i'd almost considered going celibate. but alas, i'm a slut. so that was a no-go for obvious reasons, namely my huge craving for cock. now, there is one man who is rather close to me [by locale] who wrote recently... older than me, seems cool... kinda seemed worth the response. you know who you are [maybe?] and i thank you for making a message that was thought-out and honest. i will ALWAYS appreciate honesty from someone. i am just. pathetically lonely right now. i want sex, but i want it to have some modicum of MEANING behind it too. even a hardcore throat swabbing should have dinner and a movie thrown in there. or at least, someone with whom i can converse without feeling it's one-sided and the guy is just waiting to see my titties. that's about all for now. insomnia has set in so i'll probably read. take good care. ~kelly

Dominant, in my opinion, is just another word these days for 'RETARDED.' you know what's sad? men who are complete pussies. men who try and fool women into believing they are Doms when in fact, the ONLY thing they are is a turd with a whip. [and often enough, they don't even own their own toys.] i am just sick of it. sick of the messages. sick of trying. and i am REALLY tired of being played just because i am an honest and trusting person... you know what is worse than being fake? being given the opportunity to BE OTHERWISE by someone as easy-going as me, and completely wasting it because you're scared, immature or just plain intellectually inferior. if you are not a *real* Dominant, and you know who the hell you are, you have no business being on this -site- much less attempting to contact me. thanks for wasting my time. yet again. kiss. PS: what is with the ENORMOUS amount of Dominant Males who claim to have had slaves that somehow died or became ill and died - and now these Doms are 'looking again.' that's scary. either slavery is just bad for some women, or these Doms are not really taking care of them. it makes me wonder. :/

being a single mother with such a wacky parental custody set-up as i have can be SO stressful. i am looking for jobs i can work from home, and i am considering working at the porn store. [i know, hehe] but i think i have a lot to offer and i would be able to do homework [going back to college soon] while i wait on customers. :) it's open 24 hours a day and well, i'd get to find out who all the pervs are. [yay] anyway, i am seeing someone from this site [and have been for a while] and i really like him. we're mostly just play partners right now [nothing too serious, which is what i want, actually] so it is going well. i am going to be working on a portfolio of my art this week to put out there for galleries... and i had some really great news this week, too! someone who read my writing online sent me a large sum of money so i could continue to write and pay my overdue bills. [thank you.] the internet has been very good to me. and the people i have met on here are always interesting [to say the least.] sometimes i have my regrets about finding out what a powerful tool the net is - and then something like that happens and i feel restored again. i hope this day brings you guys and girls renewal, strength, self-love and hope for the future. believe in your dreams! never give up.... <3 ~kelly

i just do not think i want an out of state Dominant. it's just too hard on me. :(

i love how just because i am painstakingly choosey and patient in my responses and observant of One's word choice with me, how some will flat out call me stupid for deciding they are not for me. these jokers get to me a little, i have to admit. just because *i* find you either unattractive or grammatically challenged doesn't mean you have to be abusive. quite scary indeed. you know the old saying 'you get a lot more bees with honey than with vinegar?' try THAT. i may be a slutty trashy whore who has the sickest fantasies but that doesn't negate the fact that i am STILL a lady- and i am a classy little mami, too. i conduct myself as such and i will wish you well, even as you call me ridiculous names out of jealousy, insecurity and frustration. but rest assured: if you do that, not only will i ignore you, i will warn others about you. if you do not feel i have been fair to you, then deal with it and move on. if you cannot, obviously, you are no Dominant i would ever be interested in. even a modicum of class and good taste with intelligent word choice goes a long way. choosey slaves choose well. and those are great slaves in my opinion. and yes, i have opinions. this is after all, *my* search, *my* life and *my* journal. if we cannot choose exactly what we want and refuse to settle for less in our LOVER... we really cannot call our life our own. and i mean this; i will choose with such precision and guiltlessness when i find the One i want and need- that all of the countless others will fall to ash. your unkind words do not hurt me. i will not give you the respect of a toad if you call me names because you do not get your way. "my way or the highway?" HA! not until --after-- the collar goes on, pal. until then, you have to woo and seduce me just like any other man. your self-proclaimed title of Master does neither of us any good until you earn my trust. and even those toads... i wish you luck. you're going to need it because a truly exquisite and discerning submissive woman will see right through you. most of us are not looking for another dime store novel. we want the bestseller. and like me, we will not give up until we find it.

i have such varying interests. from serial killers to fantasy rape to forced daily living agendas. from gardening and flowers to torture and disturbing images of blood-sport. from basketball to drag queens to art to cooking. from writing to computers to sexual slavery to strip clubs. from classical music to opera to hardcore rap and testosterone driven punk bands. from being a vegetarian to secretly desiring to be punished with forced meat consumption. maybe this makes me a more interesting person. maybe i am just sick. maybe i am unsure of who i really am- and so my interests are very malleable. either way, i like those things among many others and i am not afraid of becoming someone who can incorporate all of her likes into a lasting fun relationship. sometimes i want to be shown off, forced to look like a total whore in public, or dressed like a prostitute at a gala event- and other times i want to blend in the crowd and have a good time at a concert or art showing. i can be the proverbial lady on his arm, and the slut in the bedroom. well, hell, for that matter- just walking into our house would make the slut come out. http://www.slave-kas.com she and Dr. Benway have an interesting if not totally unrealistic set-up. but she seems to have her fantasies taken care of. i'd like that shared closeness. something akin to story of o. slavery with total adoration- and totally hardcore sex and whippings. i'd like to be branded or tattooed. i'd like a lot of things. i am patient, thank goodness.

wow... M. just totally cool to meet someone on here that is like me. in SO many ways. on a personal, private [more true to my submissive side] note: i feel very insecure. not ready in a lot of ways, physically. i know what i *want* but i guess i have always felt so unsure of it. of my kinks and perversions. how does one ever ready herself for a relationship that is completely kink-needful/friendly, of mutual respect and shared interests? well, i can say there is no handbook out there for it, folks. you just tattoo "hope" on one shoulder and "truth" on the other one- and never stop walking toward the end goal. the steps a girl has to take to get her brains fucked out are easy- but to really have your head fucked with in a sensual and beautifully fucked up way... is well, too much even for my selfish ass to ask for. we agree on so many things this first night... as a lot of relationships start. but i am sometimes a pessimist with relationships. i see the end and i hear him saying 'put down that fucking ecclair Kelly!!" - and i go totally insecure and retarded. gah. why do we as women feel the need to sabatoge even really wonderful things? especially submissive women. this, i vow to try and change. i hope i have found someone who will work on that with me. coach me. train me to honor myself more... and honor our respect and trust by being always better... or at least, always striving to be better. it is time to start the journey. i can only hope the heavens look down and show me the right path and help me avoid all the pitfalls of the losers and fuck ups. not that i mind growing with a man who has not reached all of his personal goals yet. growth in both people is VERY important. a "full cup" has no more room for tea, as my old art teacher once told me. always leave a little to be learned- even from your slave, and you'll do well. listen, a man could live in a box for all i cared if he was the right one for me- just so long as he knows who he is and would like to be. ... and can help mold me into who i am supposed to be. show me the light. i'll show him the pride in a slave he will never forget. i will be his mommy and his good girl and his trusted companion. i will be a life partner who helps make tough calls with him if i have to. i can give opinions. i am into power exchange, not demeaning patriarchy that only crushes someone's natural inquisitiveness. i know i can be a good slave. a good wife or lover or whatever i am asked to do- and not in a cheesy ass "little one" way either. listen- if you call me stupid names like "little one" i will completely behead you, and not behead in a good sense. :P ugh. but i still wanna call Him my Papi. or Master Daddy Son Friend Confidante Lover and on occasion, God. or "oh.my.god." [grin] wish me luck and wisdom. ~kelly

Renn Faire was awesome... i, of course was enamoured with the Executionaer and went on the tour of the old torture chambers... VERY lovely. i am so morbid. well!! i cannot help but to have my curiosity piqued by how people were tortured back then - and now... to walk into a true Dungeon. wow. i would be mystified stiff. at any rate, my breasts are totally sun-squelched red and my cleavage was quite a hit today in my RennFaireWear. lovely day indeed! Happy Mother's Day A/all! ~kelly

i have a journal online if you are interested. http://www.livejournal.com/users/roughsex i hope to find a welcoming community in arkansas, here...

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psykoslut

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