Properman

Female-led, what does it really mean?  I think most submissive men see a dominant woman as being much the same as a man is when he is dominant.  She is proud, occasionally cruel, frequently stern and angry and constantly looking to augment her status as dominant.  I do not see it that way.  The dominant part is great, but the key element is that she remains a woman, moral, loving, nurturing and confident in her position, with nothing to prove.  A dominant man worries about his status, a dominant woman understands that part of her power is in her vulnerability, in her ability to know just when to be soft and giving and when to be stern and demanding.  She kisses like any other woman, she lays on her back and watches like any other woman, yet, she is in charge and he knows it.  Her slave wants her to have authority, all of it, so he surrenders it willingly, she needn't take it, he does that.  The slave knows in an instant he can overpower her, yet, like a 3000 pound horse, he does her bidding not from fear, but from desire to please.  Sure, from time to time she might amuse herself with a whip or paddle or cane.  She might make rules that help the man get into the right "headspace", but those things do not define her, nothing does.

I am giving more and more consideration to the idea of fining an online type relationship.  Given the state of technology and phone apps, cameras, all of the things that have made the world so much smaller, the idea is more plausible today than ever before.  I see few ways of really serving in the sense of being of real value, but travel is far from impossible, and who knows what it might lead to?  If you are a dominant woman who is tired of interminable emails and messages and searching, let me know, perhaps we might have value to each other.  Again... who knows?

Cunnilingus, or as I prefer to call it.... Vaginal worship is perhaps the greatest treat a man can have.  As a dominant, I loved it, as a sub... I crave it all the more.  Still, though, its different.  As a dominant, I did it for the reaction, which was always exciting.  I never felt as though I had any obligation or sense that I was being judged on it.  Now, I do... and I like the accountability.  Hence, now there is a longer learning curve than before.   I have learned things like, "vaginal floor", "clittoral hood", timing is more important, my joy is (oddly) greater.  It's not what one might think... because of a lack of reciprocity... I never had that.  I was never much for felatio anyway... except as a way of putting a woman in "subspace".  I love the scent and smell of a woman's sex.  I love to make her moan and coo and beg... yeah, dominant women can and do beg... if you do it right.  I love when my head is pulled on... almost as if she wants it inside her.  I love when they dig into my face and scream... I love driving her beyond her limits and watching her thrash and kick.  Okay, so maybe there's still some dom in me... but it gets quashed after the act... right?  Well, thats the plan.  Besides, even the most demanding woman needs to let loose once in a while... with a man she loves and trusts.

We submissive men tend to fixate on the service we can offer directly to the women we adore and worship.  Sometimes I think too much so.  What is wrong with the things we will spend 80 percent of our domestic time doing?  I am talking here about cooking, cleaning, laundry, the things that really make a woman feel free to express herself in more important ways.  I try to spend time contemplating maintaining her home in theway she most desires.  

Learning what she likes to eat is important here, and learning to make it better than any restaurant could ever even try to.  It's not hard to take pride in making good meals.  I have signed up for the Culinary Institute of America's weekend class on salad making.  Why? because of all dishes, my salads are the most mundane.  She will benefit on a hot summer day from a cobb salad made to her delight as she sips on a glass of champagne, imagining ways to train me to be even more obedient to her.

I've spent an inordinate amount of time learning proper care of upholstery and carpet and curtain fabric.  I am afraid I lack the patience to sew, but I can know enough about fabric to keep it clean and stainfree.  

I am pretty good at dusting, but I am an expert at applying wax polish to antique furniture... and applying mineral oil touch-ups... I hope she likes antique furniture.  

Then there is the laundry.  I am only learning laundry.  It's a minefield.  I imagine my ass being reddened and bruised from erring here... so much to know, to think about.  Hot water, cold water warm water... bleach, soap, no-wash fabric, color fastness.  Dry-clean only.  Labels... reading them constantly.  Yeah... if I get punished, it'll be about laundry.  

Organizing closets so that she can relax or go shopping or just watch as I do it, such a turn on.  Doing it naked at her command... even more.  Being punished for doing it wrong... oh yeah... spank me hard GODDESS!!!!!!!  Just getting a little out of control here.

Then there's the fun stuff that seperates the men from the boys... taking care of her hair and makeup.  Damn... don't let me screw up!!!!!!!!

They used to call it "Female Superiority", I thought the notion ludicrous, and rightly so.  Nobody is "superior" by virtue of gender.  The term has since morphed into "Female Supremacy", and I like it.  I like it a lot.  The difference is the one is silly while the other, well, the other is something well worth consideration.  Female Supremacy speaks to me... it beckons to my mind.  It is not a condition so much as an attitude.  It is not something we can measure quantitatively as a matter of reality so much as a reality of mind.  In other words... women are supreme because I say they are... and there is an end to it... at least for me.  There are corrolaries and strings that rotate from this pivot, and I hope to elaborate upon them later.. but for the time being, it is something I am learning to embrace as my reality.  I will not be supreme... she will be.  I will obey because she is supreme.  She is always right, where she is wrong I will use every mechanation to not allow it to be so... including cognitive realignment.  In other words... even when she is wrong, she is right.  That is my reality and it is empowering on so many levels.  First, her discipline is always just, even where I fail to see it.  Second, her thoughts must be obeyed not only as a matter of "doing" but of "agreeing" ie. my mind must be subjugated to hers.  Her opinions must become my opinions.. and she is right to chastise, correct and punish for disharmony... that word, that glorious word... let me repeat it, HARMONY.  How many of us ever achieve that?  Harmony not by some trick of psychology or religion... but by the subjugation of one mind to enhance another and symbiotically enhancing both.  

Obedience, the word really evokes interesting thoughts to me.  Sure, lots of folks think they understand it, but do we?  Really?  Is it a matter of doing as you are told to?  Is there morethan that?  I am beginning to suspect the latter to be the case.  I mean, why is it such a turn-on for one person to so desire being obeyed while the other is equally excited at the prospect of obeying?  Is it the very nature and core of the relationship?  I believe it may well be.  Without it, you have topping and bottoming, not a FLR.  For me, harmony stands at the center of my non-sexual desire to submit.  Where there is harmony there can be order.  Where there is order there can be ever-forward growth.  If someone is in charge of everything, from the way the relationship sexes to theway it spends it resources to the way it spends its time, then it stands to reason that the marriage will succeed in every dynamic.  Instead of spending our time arguing and bickering in an endless cycle of one-upmanship, that energy is diverted to positive enhancement.  Financially, emotionally, every direction really.  Instead of spinning wheels, we move forward.  Ever forward.  If my pride or ego or sense of machismo and self-determination is the cost of that harmony, abundance and joy, is it any loss at all?  I say a resounding NO.

Where she leads... he follows, without reservation, without complaint, without thought, save to enhance her decisions, and then only at her direction.  What she thinks, he adopts.  What she desires, he fights for.  When she is wrong, he never reminds her.  He exists to reinforce her authority and strength.  He reminds her constantly that she is smart, worthy, competent, and most of all, adored.  His only questions should be in the form of trying to adopt her mindset... never to persuade, dissuade, convince, alter or interfere with her decisions.  He shoud strive to be mentally obedient, emotionally obedient, unwaveringly loyal and trusting... even when she fails.  She is, fallible, but must never be thought of that way.  

Obedience in kink is easy, in life... a challenge.  It is a goal, something to subjugate one's mind for and strive ever to be better tomorrow than today.  To lose himself in her needs, her desires, her preferences, her pleasure and worship.  She will decide the finances, the preferences of the family... absolutely and without question.  She will define the family, the relationship.  With his help.  

Does that make me a "doormat"... maybe, but a happy doormat, a successful doormat, an empowered doormat.  I'll take it.

I know, the first thing every submissive man claims to want is to be locked in chastity.  Clearly, sometimes the fantasy exceeds the reality.  There are, though, good reasons that we have that particular fantasy.  Simply put... when our masculinity is harnessed, so is our imagination (among other things).  I am reminded of a cat I once owned.  Almost daily, she would leave a dead animal at my rear door.  I found the practice to be less than desired and expressed as much to her in no uncertain terms.  Lucky for me... she continued to bring these "treats".  Eventually I realized she was sharing her kill with me... a symbolic example of her affection and desire to let me know... we were a team.  Think of it that way if and I ask you to put me in a cage... it may seem a bother to you... but it's the symbol of something far greater to me.  The intimacy of sharing the act is endearing... to say the least.  I envision laying on my back, obediently awaiting my divine feminine as she carefully (hopefully gently) arranges the cage, pins, spacer, rings, and lock so they fit well as I lay prostate, legs obediently splayed before her in total subjugation.  It is a lovely thought.