prncesstornado

'bout time for another post, i guess.  Some people seem to find my ramblings offensive, but a surprising number email me just to let me know they agree with me! (Who'd a thunk it?)

This time i have to comment on something i saw in a Dom's profile - no, i'm not going to name Him...just have to respond to His profile. 
For some reason, this man seems to be upset that some people are not looking just to get laid.  That some subs put in their profile that they are look for long-term.  He seems to think that means it's expected that He fall in love with them on the first date.

i find it ludicrous that we, as subs/slaves, are not allowed to be clear about what we are looking for in life without being accused of being idiotic enough to expect everyone we date to fall in love and give us the white picket fence. 

Puh-LEASE!!  i was married, kept waiting on the white picket fence and danged if it never happened.  Got single and got my own $%%^&^& white picket fence.  i don't HAVE to have someone in my life...however, if it's someone that's an intellectual match for me, can be my friend, and maintain himself, i'm THERE, baby.  Hook me up.

Anyway, the point of this ramble is this...everyone has wants and needs.  Those of us that express them up front are much easier to deal with than those that respond to everything with, "Whatever YOU want is what i want."  BLECH!

i recently received the following for a Dom, "What you don't say anywhere in your profile or your journal is exactly how you intend to serve your Master."

i began typing a lengthy response to Him, but then realized that i'm limiting myself when i try to be that specific.  Because my ultimate goal it to please the one i call Sir/Master/Owner, etc., i can't answer the question of HOW i would serve.  Isn't that His choice and His place to train me in his preferences? 

Although my experience is reasonably limited, i've learned that each person is different, therefore each relationship's dynamic is different.  i adjust according to His wishes.  And, whether He admits it or not, He adjusts to my preferences.  It happens, it's all part of the give and take of a relationship. 

i'm currently watching a girlfriend go through some rough times after splitting with her husband.  i have to admit, it's like looking in a mirror at myself three years ago. 

The frantic search for a new man, the feeling of complacency when someone - ANYONE - showed an interest in me.  When i would have done anything to get back that security of 'belonging' to someone. 

Now, i realize that the frantic search shouldn't have been focused on finding a man, it should have been focused on finding me. 

As i've grown more accustomed to living on my own and more independent, i've found myself growing in ways i had never thought possible:  my self-esteem is at an all time high, as is my self-confidence.  i feel capable of dealing with anything life might throw at me and am (i have to admit) very proud of myself.

Now, amazingly enough, i find myself actually setting standards for who i want to spend time with.  i refuse to settle for serving someone who sees me as anything but a human being first, submissive second. 

Before my divorce, i had no clue WHAT my submissiveness was...i just knew there was something missing.  After realizing it and naming it, it's something i've come to treasure.  However, it's not now, nor will it ever be, all that i am. 

Hmmmmm...one would have never thought that integrity would be such a hard thing to find.  But, i suppose that's pretty much the standard of the day.  Give someone a shield like the internet and, all of a sudden, the courage to be something one's not arises. 

Luckily, there are some who are what they seem to be, and i've been very fortunate to meet them. Keeps my hopes up of finding a true man in this world of make-believe.