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scan showed no spread , ( thats good isnt it ? ) was in chemo 9 till 4 will be every 21 days inbetween feeling like shit.... birthday has been a blah some how having chemo pumped in to your veins makes nothng else around important .... telling me im doing the right thing !!!! |
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Happy birthday to me , opening presents as i get ready for my first chemo in hospital at nine this morning . heres to fighting to get many more birthdays and pissing the doctors right off ...
scan results from yesterday will be told this morning for onceeeeeee im praying its not bad news .. |
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dont you find some sad people around , today i was told some one was saying i was faking having cancer!!! god i wish !!! 12 weeks ago i had my whole life ahead of me now im faced with hospitals tests scans ( pet .ct with contrast so on so on ) ive had radaition treatment and lost my hair ( i dont know how to be me with out hair ) i used the chat room (and trust me many have been wonderful) to cope talking its helped with out being a drama queen on things , and i used my journals trying hard to find the strength i needed to fight some thing they say i have no chance on ... lung , lymph gland and 5 tumours in the brain but a 15 yr old son makes me fight as hard as i can to stay around a little longer .... so the person who thinks i lie how sad you !!or is it that you lie and you think all do ? your invite to the leicester royal hospital on 31st
bring a birthday card to the chemo suit honey as when i prove you wrong you can also give me a card as thats were im spending my b/day ... |
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Radiation treatment isnt that bad its the next week of side effects that get you .... i have a week now of blisters to mouth , swelling of limbs ( feet , legs , tummy , face , to deal with) shortness of breath is the pits ... would i do it all again hell yes ! now week of recovering , week of tests and results , ( treatments in a three week spam treatment, recovery, testing then see what were dealing with and bring it on.... |
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One touch, there can be only one ,its a day out of my life and a day put in yours , but i promise my lips will electrify you , my voice will enchant you , my whole soul will make you shake and shiver right down ur spine, one touch, , one heart..what more can i say .....its a day put in my life ..its a day taken from yours there is only one touch from Me to You.Come into the quietness of my heart , into the empty place, where dreams are shown and illusions shattered, come into this room, put your head on my chest , feel my heart beat, ecperince its calmness, for here i truly rest, for soon a storm will come and i will need you , come share the warmth inside of me , feel it with ur lips touch it with ur fingertips |
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went to hospital yesterday after taking steroids my leg worked to great joy of the doctor she said if steroids worked so will radiation ... so they rushed me round measured me up on machine ( now have permanent dots on my body for machine lol) and give me lung brain and chest blasts will carry on all this week ... with a touch of chemo for good measure and hope is better than none ,, and any % is better than i had xx |
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results from hospital today i have a cluster of tumours in my brain ... acouple of months tops to live ... can i thank all i have had the pleasure of meeting and who in some little way or another enlightened my life ... |
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ok went to hospital after a brain scan in the morning im booked in to start radation and chemo from monday ... the first step to fighting the fight ...( i wont lose my hair on this chemo ok that made me smile )
some how my left leg has been drunk and giving up on me , so who has been feeding it white rum huh ?? |
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ok today was results of my lymph gland test ... yeah i have secondary cancer with treatment i have 15% chance to live with out months tops 12 .. so does any one really like bald headed woman ? lol with scars on there necks ( damn it woman ya falling apart) |
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OK plaster came off yesterday .. the doctor did listen when i said 10000000 times nice scar please I'm vain lol ... about an inch and half long at the bottom of my neck that's female measurements not males or you would have it right round my neck " giggles" ..
so much paper work to fill in, i have decided when i have kicked the arse of this cancer i will have to help do a support group, for paper work you get ... you cant work yet its hard getting money sorted to live on till all this paper works done .. full of morphine how the hell do i know when the last shift i worked lol |
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OK results today yet more waiting on more results lol ,,, have a tumor top right lung at back its holding on to two of my ribs they were willing to remove the tumour and part of the ribs , but we hit a crunch yesterday pet scan showed hot area in my lymph gland so now I'm having small op on Thursday to go in to my breast bone down my chest wall to take samples of gland to see if its cancer or infection .... scar on neck could be covered with collar >>>> couldn't it ????? lol |
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ouch ouch and ouch again , no sooner did they do it im told im in for a pet scan in next few days plus a breathing test on thursday " ill Ace that one as im breathing now lol "( wonders if there is one called a human scan as i feel like im going the vets lol) ok last test then my files go in front of a board of 12 specialists that will decide the actions to take ... main object to make me live ... its been good putting this on here and getting it out my head with in the words i can see the steps ive taken and it seems much lighter knowing each one brings me closer to answers i need ... |
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in hospital today for a lung bi opsy /Ct scan with iodine ( gawd i hate this ).. so tell me how from the CT scans/ and blood tests they know for sure its lung cancer ... is it my wishful thinking they have it wrong ? or is it that bad there is no mistaking it ?while im in i have to speak to the cancer nurse questions will be asked and ill know more by the time its all done ... i need to know what im kicking arse on lol |
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this message goes in not for pitty , but so others know were i am at this moment in time ... 21st March was the worse day of my life i found out i have lung cancer and its in the ribs too ... i have bi opsy in few days to see what cancer it is ... so im going to take the choice of the path to live and fight it every step of the way , thanks to them that have said they will help me in my fight by pushing me when i feel like giving up ...
one life people live it to the full ,.,,, smiles |
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OK call me totally mad , but i took up flying lessons first one was Saturday the 10th , but with low clouds it ended b4 it started ... back out this Saturday ... flogging at 5000 feet does that add a new edge on the mile high club *giggles* ... due to a nicely kind Dom from my local munch I'm having the chance to learn some thing i always wanted to do .... which goes to show munches do open doors in positive ways . i truly can't thank Him enough for this opportunity , His kindness is accepted the way it was offered .. |
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been going in to the chat rooms lately while i have time off work , met some nice people . still struggling on so aspects of the chat program like how you change your name , high light a message , put yourself away ?? I'm sure ill get there .... do find chatting In a room gives you more scope of who a name is and opens them up as a person to show who they are , saying that i must look feisty with some of my comments puts finger on mouth and tries to do the innocent look lol |
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One touch, there can be only one ,its a day out of my life and a day put in yours , but i promise my lips will electrify you , my voice will enchant you , my whole soul will make you shake and shiver right down ur spine, one touch, , one heart..what more can i say .....its a day put in my life ..its a day taken from yours there is only one touch from Me to You.
Come into the quietness of my heart , into the empty place, where dreams are shown and illusions shattered, come into this room, put your head on my chest , feel my heart beat, ecperince its calmness, for here i truly rest, for soon a storm will come and i will need you , come share the warmth inside of me , feel it with ur lips touch it with ur fingertips
come into the quiet place feel what i ache inside, the wanting the needing , hurting and loving inside all rolled into one, leaves your life spinning like a trapeze artist left with no direction to turn, except fall in a downwards motion
feel my spirit rise and although my body my, spirit and soul dies that what I have inside will endure in this room , as for peacfulness you will finally rest in deep embrace
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a worm that couldnt take the fact my profile says friends only thought to highly insult me would make him feel better , and told me besides my spelling , grammar , and me as a person were at fault i was to delete my profile and stop playing mind games and be myself .. wow he got all this by one message back of saying i wasnt interested and friends only meant that !!! an abuser is an abuser no matter what title they go by . turns the page and moves swiftly on .. |
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smiles at message from true Dominant thank You for Your words of wisdom , and understanding that with out submission i answer to no orders but i do answer to friendship and respect . thank You for being there it means alot ..... |
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scratches head in confusment ... in my profile it says friends not looking for a Master , so is it me or them that get it wrong ? its nice to chat with people to learn by other peoples lifes and comments even to teach by what i have learnt / lived .... seeking friends means that and that alone not what might come from it .. im enjoying being just me at this time ... |
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So this is were i put my thoughts , some have said there isnt much about me on here guess im a private person as a rule .work far to much and now its sunday im up early ... why ? lol my body clock just doesnt want to rest , maybe this virus i have is a hyper virus in stead of the flu. i have a great sence of humor dry witty some what cutting at times but never to the point of insult . well not unless im pushed . love hearing from people woman, men im here for friendship cant have enough friends , im good at debates and putting an input when needed ok ok i kinda input when its not needed to lol |
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