princesspixie

Today was interesting for me, i guess the site has been full of so many fakes, scammers and opportunist that any hope in this site is deemed as fake. i realizes this when someone called me a fake and it hurts me so much. When i was just thinking maybe i could find my true self here. I pray happiness for this person, seeking what you need is often a rough road to go.

i am happy to have hope. without it there's is nothing i look forward to work to it.

I also realized i must have done the same as this person did to me to many other real people looking for hope too.

I am sorry if i have done that to you. I pray happiness for you.

today i feel there is hope, i am happy inside. i am not sure how this will be but i am happy. thank you.

the pain of rejection is so hard

please, i tell my sub side, please don't be broken by this

we are strong

our will to serve and please is uniquely ours

hope may not seem possible

but life without a dream is not a life at all.

I realized that as walk further, there are a lot of things to know and learn, which scares me to bits. i am forced to learned quick but then at the same time i can't react fast enough. i am not sure if this is fear or if this is mistake.

i feels good but when forced upon, it makes me shiver with fear.

i question myself at this phase, should i go on with it? or should i keep onto my pace of learning. but will definitely find understanding as i move on?

why is it so hard to make decisions here in this part of my life? would be different to be physically in front of the dom than it is online?

I find my journey thus far has been like a burst of energy, high at the beginning then at the end of the road or what may looked like it, which i think is actually a junction, the energy starts to run out then one loses momentum.

at this moment one thinks whether to continue to run or just step to the side (which would make one never want to run for the search again).

at this journey, i have met and seen Doms/Dommes/Switch/subs/slaves whom have been very kind to contact me and in return to also answer question when i am in doubt.

i am still in doubt of many things. though i have glimmer of hope to i feel the balance in life should be. how i see is possible for me to feel at peace at being who i am and also with the responsible of life.

It is at this junction the balance tips to one side so easy.

Should i take a step further, my submission begins, a fulfillment to the need of serving and pleasing, life has balance... both in this life and in the requirements of my vanilla life.

if i step back, nothing would happen, i would always wonder and be at unfulfilled.

if i stepped wrongly, my submission was a sham, which would break not only this side of me but also the 'me' in my vanilla life.

so much to think....

and so the walk goes on.....